The Donald’s been tweeting up a storm over the probe of Trump’s Russia connections.
“Any claims about Russia and me
Are a hoax” — Donald’s latest tweet-spree.
“It’s Hill you should probe!”
Was he wearing a robe
When he threw up this Twitter debris?
Trump claims that he never drinks alcohol. But proposing to spend one billion dollars on 62 miles of wall is surely proof he’s plastered:
This ludicrous price won’t draw smiles:
One billion for sixty-two miles
Of Trump’s Mexican wall?
Yes that’s dollars! Stand tall:
Not one dime for his worthless shit piles.
Our government once was divided,
A condition Republicans chided.
They would gripe and they’d grouse:
“Ruling Senate and House
Ain’t enough. Give us power three-sided.”
Then it happened — their guy beat our dame!
Now with White House control they’re aflame
To alter our laws
By inserting new flaws
Right away — helping rich folks, their aim.
They began with “repeal and replace,”
An action they vowed they would ace;
First they’d get full control,
Then they’d easily roll
All the Dems — this they promised their base.
But the bill that was key to their game
Has been pulled to the GOP’s shame.
Who’s at fault? No, not Trump,
Nor Paul Ryan. The Grump
Claims the powerless Dems are to blame.
Self-aggrandizing lies are the norm
From the Donald; each falsehood-filled storm
Sows confusion and doubt,
Which he can’t do without.
How to shore up support? Disinform!
Texas Republican Pete Sessions doesn’t seem all that good at handling a crowd of angry constituents. At a rowdy town hall, he responded with this gem:
I know why you’re so frustrated: You don’t know how to listen.
Pete Sessions’ town hall was immersed
In constituent wrath, so he burst:
“You don’t know how to listen!”
(Flop sweat all a-glisten.)
It seems Pete has things slightly reversed.
Though the calendar tells me it’s spring,
My morale won’t allow me to sing
Because winter’s forever;
King Trump holds the lever…
And he’s razing our nation for bling.
Are the Brits pissed at Donald? Darn tootin’!
Plus he’s feudin’ with Merkel, pollutin’
All our friendships long-standing—
Our image disbanding…
But at least Donald always has Putin.
Guess who just got preliminary approval for 38 new trademarks in China — applications green-lighted with unusual speed, according to a Hong Kong intellectual property consultant.
Chinese trademarks that Donald has sought
Were approved. Seems high office has bought
Trump the branding he’s seeking–
But to cronies, alas, it means mean naught.
Yikes! Trump’s proposed budget pays for his pet wall by raiding the TSA, FEMA, and Coast Guard budgets.
Remember Trump’s thunderous call
For a Mexico-financed “great wall?”
Coast Guard funds, FEMA cash,
And the TSA stash–
Trump will slash them to build it. What gall!
Are you feeling more secure yet?
Trump was having a rather good week this past week … until he wasn’t.
So, what ruined Trump’s Congressional address high? No, NOT being wiretapped by Obama. That’s just some shit Trump made up and threw up on Twitter.
No, here’s what REALLY angered Trump: Attorney General Jeff Sessions having to recuse himself from the Russia investigation, because he lied under oath regarding his own Russian contacts. Hence, my limerick:
Trump’s dismayed, overwrought, feeling frayed;
He’d been waiting for Sessions to aid
Him with Russia, and thought
That a fixer’d been bought.
Jeff’s recusal has nixed that charade.
Trump actually said (on ‘Fox and Friends’) “I have a very thick skin.” Wow! I feel a limerick coming:
When Trump feels disparaged, he’s quick
To behave like a bullying prick.
Yet he keeps a straight face,
While making the case
That the skin on his bod’s “very thick.”
Is Trump too cowardly to attend the annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner? So it appears, and nobody’s shedding tears.
White House journalists gather each year
To dine on political cheer,
Where the President jests
And is mocked by some guests.
But Trump’s chicken! He’s bailed — won’t appear.
Today’s Washington Post headline cries out for a limerick:
Donald Trump’s streak of falsehoods now stands at 33 days
Donald Trump has been president for all or part of 33 days. He has averaged four falsehoods or misleading statements a day(!) in that time. There hasn’t been a single day of Trump’s presidency in which he has said nothing false or misleading.
As Donald spouts stats that ain’t real,
Here’s one grounded in fact Trump won’t feel
Any impulse to tout:
Daily lies from the lout
Av’rage four — Donald’s Artifice Deal.
A headline like this cries out for a limerick:
Russian lawmakers rush to the defense of Trump’s ex-national security adviser
Flynn’s out, but he still has his backers–
Russian leaders, who mock his attackers;
Fear of Russia’s to blame.
For his ouster, they claim.
If they think that helps Flynn, they are crackers!
Will Conway be punished? Don’t curse,
When I tell you that life is perverse;
Her Ivanka commercial
That’s so controversial
Is fine with her boss … who’s done worse.
Though Nordstrom’s a much-adored store,
I’ve forsworn it cuz shopping’s a chore.
But there’s tailor-made news;
Nordstrom fashion and shoes
Dropped Ivanka! Who’s up for a tour?
Trump exhibits his madness with ease,
Via speeches and tweet-tantrum sprees.
Donald’s saneness is wee
And he’s vain as can be.
It’s as plain as his gold Trump marquees.
My 4-verse limerick was inspired by this Politico article, headlined:
Trump vexed by challenges, scale of government
The new president’s allies say he has been surprised that government can’t be run like his business.
About running the gov, Trump knows nought.
It’s much harder than #FumblingTrump thought,
Though supporters were told
That this CEO, bold,
Was equipped for the job that he sought.
It seems Trump and his voters believe
That all that it takes to achieve
What he wants is to say:
“Make it so! Find a way!”
And it’s done, at a magic wand’s heave.
But instead, Trump encounters delay;
Many lawmakers stand in his way,
Also bureaucrat drudges
And treacherous judges.
So he vows that he’ll soon make them pay.
Donald stews and he bitches and rails
And keeps posting his tweet-storming wails.
Yes, our nation’s now run
By a son of a gun —
A madman who only knows sales.