Headline: “Ryan Zinke, Into the Sunset
The Secretary of the Interior departs under a cascade of ethics investigations.”
Ryan Zinke is leaving. No loss!
He is nearly as bad as his boss.
His departure is hailed.
He deserves to be jailed,
So buh-bye to that heel and his hoss.
Trump’s hush money payments to gals
Is NOT a big deal, say his pals.
Trump can use the defense
That Edwards used; hence
Donald wins. (That’s their flawed rationales.)
But the “shield-wife defense” won’t apply
To Donald Trump’s pay-offs. Here’s why:
Those who made them concede
That their goal was impede
An election loss. Donald — Buh-Bye!
I am betting Pence ain’t in the clear;
He ran the transition, I fear,
And he knew what Mike Flynn
Was up to. I’ll grin
At a Mike Pence arrest. How I’ll cheer!
Headline: “McCarthy calls on incoming Democrats to embrace bipartisanship, not ‘food fight’ or investigations”
Kev McCarthy, of Party-First rule,
Must believe ev’ry Dem is a fool.
Now that Dems run the House,
That hypocrite louse
Touts bipartisanship. What a tool!
Trump had the audacity to threaten the Democrats: He “warned he would not work with Democrats if they continue to support the special counsel investigation and are ‘going to do presidential harassment.’”
Donald’s warnings to Dems are confusing;
Also foolish, bizarre, and amusing:
“Presidential harassment”
Must stop! If the Ass meant
To scare us, he must have been boozing.
Pelosi’s a powerful lass;
I loved how she kicked Donald’s ass.
Then she stomped the insurgents
And conquered deter-gents.
That woman has skills, smarts, and brass.
Headline: “Melania Trump’s poll numbers plummet”
Melania’s permanent frown
May worsen; her ratings are down.
But she STILL is liked more
Than the man we abhor…
Who pretends his bare head bears a crown.
Some claim Donald was goaded by Chuck
Into owning the shutdown. Good luck
With excuses as lame
As THAT. Who’s to blame
For this misstep? It’s President Schmuck.
Headline: “Trump: ‘I’m proud to shut down the government’ over border wall”
Over border wall funding, Trump’s “proud
To shut down the government.” Loud
And clear was his statement,
Precluding debatement.
Piggish Donald shall reap what he’s sow’d.
Headline: “President Trump claims he’s ‘not concerned’ about impeachment, calls his campaign’s Russia ties ‘peanut stuff’”
While speaking with Reuters, Trump strains
To minimize all his campaign’s
Russia contacts, declaring
It’s “peanut stuff,” baring
His hubris and shortage of brains.
No one wants to be Trump’s Chief Of Staff.
A career booster? Don’t make me laugh!
You’d have to be high
To work for that guy.
So he’s down to the riff and the raff.
***********
With Apologies to Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Don’t cry for Trump; he’s a felon.
The fact is, he’s never truthful.
All through his wild days, his mad existence,
He kept no promise,
So keep your distance.
**************
Headline: “Accused Russian spy Maria Butina appears poised to plead guilty”
Donald Trump should be tied up in knots,
Cuz Maria Butina knows lots,
And it looks like she’ll squeal;
She has just made a deal.
Oy gevalt! Trump may actually plotz.
From a Trump tweet today: “No Smocking Gun…No Collusion.”
Donald tweets about guns that ain’t “smocking,”
Which occasions a whole lot of mocking.
Poor Trump’s in a bind,
For soon he will find
Much bad news and “clean” coal in his stocking.
Headline: “Mueller Is Telling Us: He’s Got Trump on Collusion”
Robert Mueller’s got Trump on collusion.
Is there evidence? Yes, a profusion!
Mueller’s caught him red-handed.
Trump’s never been candid;
With Russians he banded. (Conclusion)
From Pulitzer Prize-nominated journalist Victoria Brownworth: “It’s extraordinary that the GOP leadership has said not one word about the events of the last 24 hrs. A sitting US president has been named as a felon. A felon. And they are silent.”
Now that Donald has clearly been named
As a criminal, who could be blamed
For wondering when
Republican men
Will acknowledge their party’s been shamed?
John Kelly is out. I won’t miss him.
If you read me, you know that I diss him.
He was greeted with hope
That he’d clean up the dope
In the Oval. But no! So let’s hiss him.
“Tomorrow is going to be a big day. Both Manafort and Cohen’s sentencing memorandums will be released by the Mueller team.”
More sentencing memos tomorrow!
I’m glad, but will suffer great sorrow,
If they’re filled with redactions;
Need facts, not subtractions!
Else I’ll cry and need tissues to borrow.
Headline: “Trump’s Team Considers Removing Mike Pence from 2020 Ticket”
Will the Donald give Mike Pence the boot?
That’s the re-elect rumor. Each coot
Deserves only the worst.
Yes for vengeance, I thirst,
And I’m hoping this question is moot.
With apologies to Winter Wonderland’s composers:
Tariffs mount. Markets plummet.
Pundits spin. Goodbye summit.
The Donald’s a nut
Who praises his gut.
Living in a Trumpy Blunderland.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
