Posts Tagged ‘Donald Trump’

The State of the Republican Race (Limerick)

Thursday, February 11th, 2016

We’ve three Js in the race: Jeb, Jim, John.
(Bush and Gilmore and Kasich ain’t gone.)
Sleepy Ben, Grumpy Trump,
Cruz, and Marco still stump,
As the GOP con game drones on.

A Not-So-Fond Farewell to Carly Fiorina (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 10th, 2016

Carly’s gone from the race. I won’t miss her.
Though of course if it’s apt, I’ll still diss her.
And I hope she’ll embrace
Someone else in this race…
Cuz I’d love to see Donald Trump kiss her.

7 Candidates In 5 Lines (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 9th, 2016

Marco Rubio’s rather robotic.
Carly lies, and Jeb Bush seems neurotic.
Then there’s Carson, a snooze,
Bully Christie, vile Cruz,
And the narcissist: Trump “the Despotic.”

Trump Trumped In Iowa (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016

I’m certain “The Donald” is mad.
He’s a “LOSER” to Cruz, and I’d add,
More embarrassing yet
Is his delegate net;
It did NOT exceed Marco’s. Poor lad!

Yes, not only did Cruz beat Trump by 3.3 percent, but Marco Rubio was only 1.2 percent behind Trump, tying him in terms of delegate yields:

Ted Cruz’s victory in the Iowa caucuses means he’ll collect eight delegates to the Republican National Convention.

Donald Trump and Marco Rubio each get seven from the opening contest in the 2016 presidential race.

Pity The Poor Pundits (Limerick)

Saturday, January 30th, 2016

I’ll say one thing for Donald Trump: He’s great at changing the rules and perplexing the political pundits.

Sheepish pundits are wiping their brow.
From “The Donald,” they’re having a cow.
They’ve been robbed of convictions;
When asked for predictions,
They groan and then beg, “Please, not now!”

Palin Goes “Rogue” With Trump (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

Sarah Palin’s and Donald’s toxicity
Are now linked. What a dose of duplicity!
She endorsed him in Ames;
Trump is great, so she claims,
But I’ll bet she’s just starved for publicity.

Frankly, They’re Lying (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

You probably know this old chestnut of a joke: “How can you tell when a politician is lying? When his (or her) lips move.”

Here’s my own slightly less cynical lie detection technique:

How do you know that a politician is lying? The word ‘frankly’ comes out of his/her mouth.

Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina seem especially fond of the word ‘frankly,’ but they’re certainly not alone in having that ‘tell.’

Pols frequently telegraph lies.
For example, I’m quick to surmise
That a whopper’s about
To be told by some lout
When he uses the ‘frankly’ disguise.

Trump Joins The Make-Believe War On Christians (Limerick)

Monday, January 18th, 2016

Trump BS of the Day:
“Trump calls for Christian unity at Liberty U.
‘Other religions, frankly, they’re banding together,’ he says. ‘We have to unify.’”

Trump panders at Liberty U,
Says what “under siege” Christians should do:
“Band together” like other
Religions. Oh brother!
Trump just loves spewing statements untrue.

Rand Paul’s Anti-Trump Stump (Limerick)

Friday, January 15th, 2016

Rand Paul Headline of the Day: “Rand Paul To Spend His ‘Every Waking Hour’ Trying To Stop Trump. Republicans will get ‘slaughtered’ if Trump wins, he says.”

Though Rand Paul remains hot on the stump,
He no longer is seeking a bump
In his race to be prez.
Instead, Rand Paul says
That his goal is to stop Donald Trump.

Could The Birthers Be Right About Cruz? (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016

How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.

Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”

Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:

“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”

“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”

The Real Reason Pataki Dropped Out? (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

As the GOP madness persists
And the front-runner raises his fists,
George Pataki drops out
Of the race, without doubt
Cuz his party no longer exists.

Goodbye Limerick For George Pataki

Tuesday, December 29th, 2015

Dear George, I can guess why you ran;
You assumed a sane, serious man
Had a chance this time ’round.
But your party seems bound
To crown someone who b’longs in the Klan.

Nothing Wry About This Limerick

Tuesday, December 29th, 2015

This question’s becoming increasingly common: “What If No One Believes the Fact Checkers?”

When a pol will incessantly lie,
While supporters routinely deny
The fact that he’s lying
And keep on defying
The truth, our poor nation’s awry.

Limerick Ode To A Smutty Candidate

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

Since when is it okay for presidential candidates to lace their speeches with vulgarisms and obscenities?

Donald Trump is far worse than a jerk.
He’s a fellow whose mind’s gone berserk
And whose speeches are laced
With language debased,
So I’m guessing his “schlong” doesn’t work.

Limerick Ode To Politifact’s Liar Of The Year

Monday, December 21st, 2015

Congratulations to Donald Trump on winning the Politifact 2015 Lie of the Year Award!

The “Lie of the Year” prize is Trump’s.
Though many pols fib, Donald jumps
To the top of the list;
His stump speech’s gist
Is take dumps on the truth to hook chumps.

Trump Isn’t The Only Bigot Seeking the Republican Nod (Limerick)

Friday, December 11th, 2015

I hope I don’t sound like a chump,
Who plays down what Trump spews on the stump.
But I fear there’s a threat
That he’ll make you forget
Others’ vileness. It isn’t just Trump.

Please remember: Just because Trump says things and espouse positions that are marginally worse than his fellow candidates, doesn’t mean his GOP opponents aren’t pretty damn heinous in their own right.

Successful Soul-Searching Is Tough Sans A Soul (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 9th, 2015

Conservatives, bummed and bereft,
Due to Donald Trump’s poll number heft,
After searching their brains
To explain his huge gains,
Found the cause: It’s Barack and the Left!

What REALLY Scares Me (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 8th, 2015

The more loathsome Trump’s statements become,
The more popular Donald’s with some.
It’s not Muslims I fear,
But the folks who hold dear
A vile man who’s both evil and dumb.

If You Can’t Beat Trump, Join Him? (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

Here’s the latest Republican strategy for dealing with the scourge of Trump:

In a seven-page confidential memo that imagines Trump as the party’s presidential nominee, the head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee urges candidates to adopt many of Trump’s tactics, issues and approaches — right down to adjusting the way they dress and how they use Twitter.

In the memo on “the Trump phenomenon,” NRSC Executive Director Ward Baker said Republicans should embrace Trump’s tough talk about China and “grab onto the best elements of [his] anti-Washington populist agenda.” Above all, they should appeal to voters as genuine and beyond the influence of special interests.

“Trump has risen because voters see him as authentic, independent, direct, firm, — and believe he can’t be bought,” Baker writes. “These are the same character traits our candidates should be advancing in 2016. That’s Trump lesson #1.”

If you can’t trump The Donald, then ape him?
That’s the viewpoint of those who’d escape him.
How those GOP trolls
Long to knock down his polls.
What a shame they (like web thieves) can’t “scrape” him.

(Info for those unfamiliar with “web scraping.”)

Trumping The Truth (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, “Media bias!”