Archive for September, 2009

Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Newt Gingrich, you’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do! Please tell me how someone who has repeatedly railed against bilingualism can launch a bilingual website. The Americano, a news site for Hispanic-Americans, is a transparent effort to lure memory-impaired Latinos over to the GOP.

A two-verse limerick in honor of the hypocritical Newt Gingrich:

Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a long-standing view from the right:
Education bilingual’s a blight.
That’s how Newt has opined.
Dearest Newt, changed your mind?
Quite the pander — your bilingual site.

Guess you’re hoping Latinos forget
Your stance that bilingual’s all wet,
That they’ll vote GOP.
But Latinos shall see
Through your bilingual lies on the Net.

Related Posts: Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks; and Ode To Fresh Faces

Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws Off Yom Kippur

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

I may be a non-practicing Jew, but I’m deeply offended by Glenn Beck’s attempt to co-opt and politicize Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish year.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Glenn Beck, Keep Your Grubby Paws Off Yom Kippur
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Beck, you are bad to the bone,
So it’s time that you start to atone.
And stop trying to steal
Jewish holy days. Heel!
Kindly leave all my people alone.

UPDATE: Don Davis says: Forget Yom Kippur, Glenn Beck Declares A National Circumcision Day.

Related Post: Bill O’Reilly’s Faux War On Christmas — Song Parody

Chris Wallace Feels Dissed

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Poor Chris Wallace has been whining to Bill O’Reilly about Fox News Sunday not getting an Obama interview. Apparently Obama’s making a huge mistake in refusing to be interviewed by such a fair fellow.

My favorite part of the video is where Wallace calls Obama’s White House, “The biggest bunch of crybabies I have dealt with in my 30 years in Washington.”

Yup, sounds “fair and balanced” to me.

This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?

Chris Wallace Feels Dissed
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chris Wallace is feeling left out—
No Obama appearance to tout.
Wallace swears on the air:
He’s not Beck. He is fair
To those “crybabies.” Why would we doubt?

Related Post: Fox Pundits At Sea

Balking At The Baucus Bill

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Wendell Potter, the former health insurance industry executive-turned-whistleblower, presents a scathing analysis of the Max Baucus health reform plan.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Balking At The Baucus Bill
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Baucus, your health plan’s so bad,
Can’t decide if you’re dim or a cad.
Cuz the garbage disposal
Befits your proposal.
You’re driving us real Dems quite mad.

Related Posts: Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg; Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Mark Sanford, The Not-So-Frugal Traveler

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford sure has expensive travel habits for such a “frugal conservative.”

The Not-So-Frugal Traveler (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Making staffers use each Post-It side,
Mark Sanford would wastefulness chide.
Then he’d charter a plane,
Throwing cash down the drain.
Sanford sure took his state for a ride.

Related Posts: Ode to Mark “Sweet Talker” Sanford; Mark Sanford’s Trail … Of Hypocrisy; and Mark Sanford — Lost? Or Losing It?

Public Figures Behaving Badly

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009

Here’s the transcript of the Joe Wilson (R-SC) Congressional Resolution that would reprimand him for his “You lie!” outburst at Obama during last week’s joint session of Congress.

And speaking of badly behaved public figures, I’ve written an Ode To Incivility on my other blog. It features the 3 W’s — Joe Wilson, Kanye West, and Serena Williams.

UPDATE: The Resolution rebuking Joe Wilson passed 240 to 179. Called a “resolution of disapproval,” it was supported by only seven Republicans and opposed by twelve Democrats.

Bathing In Bad News

Monday, September 14th, 2009

Just when you thought it was safe to take a shower, here’s a health scare that would make Alfred Hitchcock turn pale:

Bathing In Bad News (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are health reports making you glower?
Is the swine flu bug making you cower?
Then get ready to frown
At the new scare in town:
Deadly germs in the head of your shower.

Happy Birthday To Me

Sunday, September 13th, 2009

Friday, September 11th was my birthday — one of those traumatizing, ends-with-zero birthdays. So I told my husband Mark that, unless he wanted me to be a basket case on nine-eleven, he’d better plan something good.

So, did Mark rise to the occasion? He sure did, as I describe in this three-verse limerick:

Happy Birthday To Me
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My nine-one-one birthday was great!
Hubby Mark planned a fabulous date:
God of Carnage — fine play —
Four fab stars on Broadway.
Yes, I married a wonderful mate.

The play featured James Gandolfini,
Who did not play a mafia meanie.
Hope Davis starred too
And Jeff Daniels. Woo Hoo!
Marcia Harden’s the fourth. Creds ain’t teeny.

We dined on gourmet Mex cuisine:
Toloache’s the best I have seen.
And we drank and we danced
At two bars. Age advanced?
Well, perhaps … but I felt sweet sixteen.

(Cross-posted on my non-political humor blog.)

Republicans Bring “Classiness” To the Classroom

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Remember when a presidential speech to school kids was considered positive and uncontroversial? Back when Republicans were in the White House? Funny, what a difference one election can make.

President Obama wants to address schoolchildren about working hard, being responsible and playing by the rules, and all hell breaks loose:

Republicans Bring Classiness To the Classroom (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Act responsibly. Stay in your schools.”
“Study hard and please play by the rules.”
How dare the Prez preach
Such sins in his speech!
Ain’t no way to breed right-wing tools.

Related Posts: “Education President” Song; Education Humor; and Bush Isn’t An “Education President,” He Just Plays One

Help All Hat No Cattle’s Lisa With Her Medical Bills

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

The brilliant and witty Lisa Casey of All Hat No Cattle is ill and facing thirty thousand dollars in medical expenses. If you can, please help her out by donating here.

Lisa’s been an outstanding contributor to the liberal politics community since before there was such a thing as blogging. If you haven’t been reading her since November 2000, you’ve been missing a ton of informative and funny stuff.

I’m proud to say Lisa and I were joint liberal web humor pioneers. We “met” when we were both nominated for About.com “Bushie” awards in the early days of the Bush administration. She’s a good friend and a great progressive!

Please visit All Hat No Cattle and contribute whatever you can. Nobody should have to sell her house to pay her medical bills.

Thanks for listening to my shout out!

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

New Hampshire’s Senator Judd Gregg, a big “majority rules” fan back when Republicans held the majority, has suddenly become a minority rights advocate. I just can’t imagine why.

Way back when, Gregg was enthused about using filibuster-proof reconciliation rules to pass ANWR drilling legislation:

… “The point, of course, is this: If you have 51 votes for your position, you win,” Gregg told his Senate colleagues on the floor.

He added, “Reconciliation is a rule of the Senate (that) has been used before for purposes exactly like this on numerous occasions… Is there something wrong with majority rules? I don’t think so.”

Responding to the argument that it’s wrong to use reconciliation on a domestic oil drilling measure, Gregg concluded, “We are using the rules of the Senate as they are set up to be used, and that happens to be the rule of the Senate.”

Of course now that there’s a Democratic majority, Gregg has a rather different opinion and is leading the Republican fight against passing health care reform under reconciliation rules:

Sen. Judd Gregg has hundreds of procedural objections ready for a healthcare plan Democrats leaders want to speed through the Senate.

Gregg (N.H.), the senior Republican on the Budget Committee, told the Hill in a recent interview that Republicans will wage a vicious fight if Democrats try to circumvent Senate rules and use a budget maneuver to pass a trillion dollar healthcare plan with a simple majority. [...]

Gregg said that Republicans could file “hundreds” of points of order objections to the bill, each one requiring 60 votes to waive.

“We are very much engaged in taking a hard look at our rights under reconciliation,” Gregg said. “It would be very contentious.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Majority rule is just great,”
Said Gregg in the drilling debate.
“You’ve got 51 votes,
Then you win.” Check his quotes.
Yet 51 Dem votes don’t rate.

Related Posts: Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies