Posts Tagged ‘White House’

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John Boehner appears to be riled.
Dem impeachment talk’s driving him wild:
How dare Dems boost their brand
When impeachment ain’t planned
For that Oval defiler, reviled!

***

Yesterday, John Boehner called the impeachment notion a “scam” invented by Democrats to excite their base and raise money.

No doubt that will remain Boehner’s claim … right up to the moment the House starts the process to impeach.

Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)

Monday, April 21st, 2014

I just love Jeff Greenfield’s take on the “Baby Clinton Madness.” I’m referring, of course, to all the nonsensical opinionating about its effect (or non-effect) on Hillary Clinton’s presumed presidential candidacy.

Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

OMG! Chelsea Clinton’s with child!
Watch political gas-bags go wild,
As they mindlessly mine
Its effects and opine.
Yes, those pundits are rightly reviled.

John McCain’s Bad Messaging (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 18th, 2013

Dear John McCain:

For a just a moment, I thought you had a valid grievance concerning the Obama White House use of “secret” e-mail addresses. Then I found out that you use one too. Plus … I can’t seem to recall your complaining about their widespread use by the Bush/Cheney White House.

John McCain’s Bad Messaging (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Secret email accounts” fuel distrust,
Gripes McCain of Obama. Sound just?
But hypocrisy rears:
Seems McCain and his peers
In the GOP find them a must.

Hairy Proposition (Limerick)

Thursday, April 4th, 2013

My bearded husband will be pleased to hear about this new BEARD PAC. It’s been launched to support bearded candidates of any party, with the ultimate goal of getting a beard back into the Oval Office:

“It’s been 125 years since our last bearded President, Benjamin Harrison, was elected,” BEARD PAC Communications Director Andy Shapero said. “We’re hoping that with our support, bearded individuals will shrug off over a century of political irrelevance and start running for office again.”

Hairy Proposition (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’re bearded and want to be prez,
There’s a PAC that might back you, that says
Facial hair is a must
And nude chins are a bust.
I suggest they Ben Harrison rez.*

* My apologies, but I found this Second Life reference irresistible, even though I wouldn’t even know what “rez” means without the help of the Urban Dictionary.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, February 19th, 2013

Here’s a Chris Christie quote that may come back to haunt him: “I’m not much different from Andrew Cuomo. I probably agree with him on 98% of the issues.”

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Chris, if the Oval’s your goal,
Then you’re digging yourself a deep hole:
You have said that your views
Are like Cuomo’s — bad news!
To your party each Dem is a troll.

White House Diversity’s Owed (Limerick)

Thursday, January 10th, 2013

I have nothing against white guys. (Some of my best husbands are white guys.) But President Obama’s second term appointments are really starting to annoy me.

White House Diversity’s Owed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Where’s Obama’s diversity minder–
His “qualified female” staff finder?
He’s named white guys galore
To positions top-drawer.
Perhaps he should borrow Mitt’s binder.

Batty Birthers Are Gunning For … Justice Roberts??? (Limerick)

Monday, January 7th, 2013

The Birthers are making trouble once again:

The reliably unhinged crazies over at WorldNetDaily have a new axe to grind when it comes to their tiresome obsession with proving that President Obama is not legally entitled to serve in the office he’s held for four years and counting. Their latest gambit involves insisting that Chief Justice John Roberts is violating the Constitution by administering the oath of office to the president for the second time on January 21, and warning that he will be subject to “impeachment and eternal dishonor” if he does so.

Batty Birthers Are Gunning For … Justice Roberts??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The birthers are at it again:
Stop Barack’s Oval swear-in, their yen.
Oath of office — abort,
They John Roberts exhort.
Seems impeachment’s their wet dream — both men.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Sore Loser” Romney

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

Mitt “Sore Loser” Romney doesn’t use the word “bribes” in rationalizing his loss to his donors, but he sure comes mighty close:

A week after losing the election to President Obama, Mitt Romney blamed his overwhelming electoral loss on what he said were big “gifts” that the president had bestowed on loyal Democratic constituencies, including young voters, African-Americans and Hispanics.

In a conference call on Wednesday afternoon with his national finance committee, Mr. Romney said that the president had followed the “old playbook” of wooing specific interest groups — “especially the African-American community, the Hispanic community and young people,” Mr. Romney explained — with targeted gifts and initiatives.

If I understand Romney correctly, winning votes because of policies that benefit the middle class, minorities, and the poor is bad. But winning votes and tons of donor cash because of policies that will make rich people even richer is just fine and dandy. So glad we cleared that up.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Sore Loser” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney is sore-loser cross,
Blaming targeted “gifts” for his loss.
Mitt in essence describes
Good programs as bribes
To Blacks, Youths, Hispanics. What dross!

Dear Red State Would-Be Secessionists: Buh-Bye! (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 14th, 2012

Shush! Please don’t tell all those Red State would-be secessionists what a great deal they have right now. And how much better off financially we Blue Staters would be, if the sore loser Red Staters successfully seceded.

… a large number of patriotic Americans, mostly from states won by Mitt Romney last week, have petitioned the White House to let them secede. They should be careful about what they wish for. It would be excellent financial news for those of us left behind if Obama were to grant a number of the rebel states their wish “to withdraw from the United States and create [their] own NEW government” (the petitions emphasize “new” by capitalizing it).

Red states receive, on average, far more from the federal government in expenditures than they pay in taxes. The balance is the opposite in blue states. The secession petitions, therefore, give the opportunity to create what would be, in a fiscal sense, a far more perfect union.

Dear Red State Would-Be Secessionists: Buh-Bye! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Greedy Red States who want to secede
Are “takers” and foolish indeed.
From the Fed they get more
Than they send — they’ll be poor
If they leave, and the Blues will be freed.

Open Limerick To Angry Republicans

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Open Limerick To Angry Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republicans rail round the clock:
“How on earth was Mitt beat by Barack?”
They have theories galore,
But they need just one more:
It’s the policies, stupid! Take stock!

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Job Creator” Romney

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012

So let me get this straight: Mitt Romney has disavowed his singular accomplishment as Massachusetts governor (universal health care). And for the most part, he’s resting his claim to the presidency on his Bain-related expertise and accomplishments. He even asserts (without any proof) to have been a big “job creator” there. And yet Romney has the audacity to declare his Bain years off-limits to examination and critique by Obama and other Democrats.

As Ezra Klein points out:

Romney’s national platform … calls for doing less for the victims of the global economy. He wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act, which would guarantee that workers would get health insurance even if they lost their jobs in, say, a private-equity led restructuring. He wants to pay for large tax cuts and more defense spending by cutting funds for Medicaid, for food stamps, for worker retraining, and for housing subsidies. He wants to cut Social Security benefits. He has no detailed plans to improve the continuing education system, or worker retraining programs, such that displaced machinists have a better chance to find a new job.

That’s why the ads in which laid-off steelworkers say Romney just doesn’t care about people like them are so effective. As head of Bain, it was Romney’s job not to care about them. But as a presidential candidate, it’s his job to show that he does care about them. So far, he hasn’t.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Job Creator” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney brags of his Bain expertise—
Says it’s earned him the White Houses’s keys.
Yet he’s sore, slams the door,
Says how dare we explore
What exactly he did for those fees.

Dear Mitt, you can’t have it both ways.
Your record’s reviewed in this phase:
When you proudly proclaim
You know biz, it’s fair game
To appraise your Bain management ways.

Please Say It Ain’t So (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 16th, 2012

Every so often I read a news item that sounds so crazy, I’m sure it must be from the Onion. For instance:

Two months from now, [George W. Bush] plans to publish a book outlining strategies for economic growth.

Please Say It Ain’t So (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An economy book by George Dub,
Whose presidency was a flub:
That’s the news of the day,
And I’m sorry to say
That this isn’t a joke — there’s the rub.

The GOP Pitch (Limerick)

Monday, April 30th, 2012

The GOP Pitch (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans made a huge mess.
Dems’ fixes they’ve tried to suppress.
Yet Republicans crow:
“The recovery’s slow.
Dump Obama. We’ve earned that address.”

Limerick Ode To the GOP

Saturday, October 8th, 2011

Wow! President Obama is a closet limerick writer! Check out this poem “rescued” from the Oval Office trash:

Limerick Ode To the GOP By Barack Obama
“Rescued” By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, thanks for your slate
Of possible pols to debate.
I’ve been worried as hell.
Now you’ve made my hopes swell,
Cuz my years here may well grow to eight.

Open Limerick To President Obama

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

Rumor has it that Obama is belatedly concerned about his base:

Open Limerick To President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, how nice that you’ve noted
Your “base” is now far less devoted.
You took us for granted—
No longer enchanted!
In our hearts and our minds you’re demoted.

Hillary Clinton — Bombshell?

Monday, May 9th, 2011

By now you’ve surely heard that the Brooklyn-based Hasidic newspaper Der Tzitung “disappeared” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and another woman from the iconic White House Situation Room photo, taken while the Osama bin Laden attack was going down:

The original photo, taken as the raid was occurring, famously shows Clinton in the center of the room, with her hand over her mouth. But the newspaper Der Tzitung, described by the Jewish Week as “ultra-Orthodox,” has a policy of never printing photos of women in its pages because it thinks they could be sexually suggestive. Thus, Clinton and counterterrorism director Audrey Tomason, who was seen standing at the back of the room, were removed from the picture.

In a non-apology apology, Der Tzitung said in part:

In accord with our religious beliefs, we do not publish photos of women, which in no way relegates them to a lower status. Publishing a newspaper is a big responsibility, and our policies are guided by a Rabbinical Board. Because of laws of modesty, we are not allowed to publish pictures of women, and we regret if this gives an impression of disparaging to women, which is certainly never our intention. We apologize if this was seen as offensive.

Some people may find the following limerick to be offensive. And to them I say, too damn bad!

Hillary Clinton — Bombshell? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What a shame that some men are so weak,
They can’t handle so much as a peek
Of a Hillary pic.
Seems they fear that their dick
Can’t withstand her alluring physique.

UPDATE: A very funny take on this same topic.

Newt’s Fishy Excuses

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

Have you ever answered a “what’s your worst fault” question from a prospective employer by mentioning a positive trait?

Newt Gingrich is apparently familiar with that technique. What else can explain the excuses he gave for having been unfaithful to two sick wives? It seems his infidelity was “partially driven by how passionately [he] felt about this country” and the fact that he “worked far too hard.”

So, you ready to hire him for the next White House opening? What about dog catcher?

Newt’s Fishy Excuses
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Newt has an oddball excuse
For something that’s close to abuse:
Abandoning wives
Who were ill just derives
From his working too hard? How obtuse!

(More Newt Gingrich humor here.)

Open Limerick To Robert Gibbs and President Obama

Tuesday, August 10th, 2010

I was both annoyed and amused by Robert Gibbs’ anti-left freak out. Apparently, we progressives don’t sufficiently appreciate President Obama — wa wa wa!

Gibbs’ subsequent apology for his “inartful” attack on the left doesn’t mitigate the need for this open limerick to Mr. Gibbs and his boss:

Open Limerick To Robert Gibbs and President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Gibbs is thin-skinned, it appears.
From the left, he wants only big cheers.
But lefties just seek
A Dem Prez who ain’t weak.
White House courage is deep in arrears.

This verse is for Robert Gibbs’ boss.
Ignoring the left is your loss.
And a loss for the nation.
Our former elation
Is gone with your liberal gloss.

Chris Wallace Feels Dissed

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Poor Chris Wallace has been whining to Bill O’Reilly about Fox News Sunday not getting an Obama interview. Apparently Obama’s making a huge mistake in refusing to be interviewed by such a fair fellow.

My favorite part of the video is where Wallace calls Obama’s White House, “The biggest bunch of crybabies I have dealt with in my 30 years in Washington.”

Yup, sounds “fair and balanced” to me.

This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?

Chris Wallace Feels Dissed
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chris Wallace is feeling left out—
No Obama appearance to tout.
Wallace swears on the air:
He’s not Beck. He is fair
To those “crybabies.” Why would we doubt?

Related Post: Fox Pundits At Sea

An Alpha-Political Farewell to Bush and Cheney

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

Back in 2004 I summed up George Bush’s first term in my Alpha Politics. So it seems only appropriate to do the same for the Bush-Cheney second term. (Most of the links point to one of my satirical posts on the topic.)

A is for Jack Abramoff who’s big in pay-to-play.

B’s for greedy bankers who have fleeced the USA.

C is for Sen. Craig who isn’t gay, except in bed.

D is for democracy which Dubya hasn’t spread.

E’s for the economy which George and Dick destroyed.

F’s for filibuster. You need merely say the “woid”.

G’s for Giuliani who is 9-1-1 obsessed.

H is for hypocrisy — the right-wing does it best.

I is for impeachment which Bush/Cheney sure deserve.

J’s for Joe The Plumber — right-wing symbol. What a nerve!

K is for Ms. Kennedy, the would-be New York Sen.

L is for Joe Lieberman, the worst of traitor men.

M’s for John McCain who zigged and zagged till he was hoarse.

N is for Ralph Nader who is still without remorse.

O is for O’Reilly — shuts up those who disagree.

P is for Gov. Palin who has “saved” the GOP.

Q is for the air quotes placed by John on mother’s “health.”

R is for recession — say goodbye to all your wealth.

S is for Gov. Spitzer. Prostitution did him in.

T is for the terrorists, now savoring their win.

U is for the USA, on life support right now.

V is for the victor. Prez Obama take a bow.

W’s for the White House left by Bush in disarray.

X is for the X’ing out of Bush regs any day.

Y’s for “Yes, we can,” Barack Obama’s sanguine creed.

And Z’s for right-wing zealots who methinks are off their feed.