Posts Tagged ‘GOP Humor’

What’s Next Post-Boehner? (Limerick)

Sunday, September 27th, 2015

Will Boehner’s departure appease
The Tea Party’s wingnut-disease?
Or will it embolden
And make them feel golden–
Resolved to bring all to their knees.

John Boehner Tears (Limerick)

Friday, September 25th, 2015

Boehner Tears (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

At Boehner I frequently curse.
He’s inspired much negative verse.
But of this I am sure:
We’ll soon have to endure
A Republican Speaker who’s worse.

And He’s Out! (Limerick)

Monday, September 21st, 2015

Scott Walker’s dropped out of the race
Cuz apparently Walker can’t face
Polling way under “1.”
So he’s back to the fun
Of destroying Wisconsin apace.

Yet Another GOP Debate Limerick

Friday, September 18th, 2015

After yesterday’s 3-verser about the 2nd GOP debate, you’d think I’d be done. But apparently not:

How I loathe the “He kept us safe” line.
Jeb’s revived it. How dare he — that swine!
Silly me — I’d have sworn
9-11 was born
On Dub’s watch. Were we safe? I’d say nein.

About Last Night (3-Verse Debate Limerick)

Friday, September 18th, 2015

About Last Night (3-Verse Debate Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

As Wednesday’s debate has laid bare,
Donald Trump can spout naught but hot air;
When policy matters
Come up, he’s in tatters.
No detail — just nonsense … and hair.

All his rivals have views I’d forswear.
But at least they have taken some care
To bolster each stand
With some facts, often canned
And untrue — they know fact-checking’s rare.

Fiorina, it seems, was on fire,
And I have to admit I admire
Her talent for lies,
While she’s eyeing the prize
In the fight I’d call “Braggart v. Liar.”

Catastrophic Limerick

Thursday, September 10th, 2015

Catastrophic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In theory, we have a democracy,
Though some call it a Christian theocracy.
But whatever you deem
Our land, it would seem
That the GOP goal’s kakistocracy.*

*Kakistocracy is “government by the least qualified or most unprincipled citizens.”

Trump’s Empty Pledge (Limerick)

Friday, September 4th, 2015

Does The Donald risk losing his edge
With his RNC loyalty pledge?
No he’ll dredge up some slight–
An excuse for a fight;
“They’re not treating me fair,” he’ll allege.

So if somebody else gets the nod,
This will “prove” that the process was flawed
By “mistreatment” of Trump.
The oath’s simple to dump,
And he’ll run as a third-party “god.”

The GOP’s Primary Quandary

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

The GOP’s Primary Quandary (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican pols are morose
Cuz The Donald, a man they think gross,
Keeps surging in polls
And defeating their goals.
Basic glitch? Their base LOVES “grandiose.”

My Debate Prediction (Limerick)

Thursday, August 6th, 2015

My Debate Prediction
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Will Trump, while debating, “play nice?”
If he does, Trump will pay a steep price,
Cuz “nice” AIN’T what fans bought;
With just “nice” he’s got naught.
One mild “slight?” He’ll be “Trump” in a trice.

Trump’s Trump Card (Limerick)

Sunday, August 2nd, 2015

Trump’s Trump Card (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When he’s asked if he’ll run “Independent,”
Trump’s response is with warnings resplendent:
If the RNC’s “fair”
Then I won’t, he’ll declare,
Which explains why Trump-fear is ascendant.

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, July 30th, 2015

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.

Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”

Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)

Monday, July 27th, 2015

The guys (and one gal) vying for the Republican presidential nomination are in a bind. With Donald Trump in the picture, it’s virtually impossible to get press coverage and boost poll numbers, even if you say something crazy. But I do have a “modest proposal” for them:

Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many would-be debaters are freaking
Cuz that spot on the stage that they’re seeking
Is elusive at best;
They’ve been Trumped by a pest.
Here’s a tip for attention: Try streaking.

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The race has been thrown out of kilter
By Trump, who is lacking a filter.
I have three more lines left,
But I’m sadly bereft
Because “builder,” alas, ain’t spelled “builter.”

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican pols are distraught
Cuz their base supports “Trumpian Thought.”
But their years of supporting
Ill will and distorting
The truth gave them just what they wrought.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, June 30th, 2015

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christie, you claim that you’re running.
If you are, then your chutzpah is stunning,
Cuz you surely know well
That you’ve no chance in hell.
Cunning prank perhaps? ’Fess up: You’re funning!

No More Grasping At Straws (Limerick)

Friday, June 12th, 2015

The Iowa GOP Board
Found its straw poll was being ignored
And disdained — even mocked.
So I sure wasn’t shocked
By its vote to at last cut the cord.

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma (Updated)

Monday, March 2nd, 2015

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma

A new Public Opinion Polling survey finds that 62% of voters think it’s important for the President to have a high school diploma, compared to only 31% who think it doesn’t matter.

Interesting: “There’s a large partisan divide on the issue: Democrats by an 81%-14% spread think it’s important, while Republicans are evenly divided on the matter at 45%-45%.”

When asked to respond to this poll, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said, “Only elitists and ISIS supporters would buy into that requirement, whereas Senator Rand Paul said, “Have I mentioned that I’m a doctor?”

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a fellow presidential hopeful, disagreed with both men, saying “Don’t glasses make me look smart?”


UPDATE: I was chagrined to learn that my column has fallen afoul of Poe’s Law. What the heck is Poe’s Law? The “literary adage which stipulates that without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.”

So for anyone who read this and accepted the poll as real and/or any of the quotes as real, this is hundred percent parody. It was inspired by an actual poll related to whether people believe a U.S. President should have a college degree.


Poe’s Law compressed into a haiku:

In extremist times
appear to have merged.

“Good Old Days” (Limerick)

Thursday, November 13th, 2014

“Good Old Days” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What’s the GOP planning to do?
Their “restoring America” spew
Is nothing but code
For the “good old days” mode.
Tell me: How were those “good days” for YOU?

Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Charlotte, I hope you’re prepared
For attacks, because war’s been declared.
Though you just got your name,
You’re a Clinton — fair game!
Newborn Hillary-heirs won’t be spared.

Horse’s Ass Of A Candidate (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

This could very well be the silliest limerick I’ve ever written. But when the focal point of a political ad appears to be a horse with a huge penis, I can’t help myself. And if you don’t know what I’m referring to, you simply must take a gander at Gary Kiehne and his well-hung horse.

Horse’s Ass Of A Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a horse who was mad
Cuz his penis was used in an ad.
“How dare you imply
I’m endorsing that guy!
Scratch my likeness. That candidate’s bad!”