“Sarah Palin Developing Her Own Judge Judy-Style Reality Show”
Judge Palin? Please say it ain’t so.
Don’t panic. Supreme Court’s no go;
Not a judge in real life,
Simply legal case strife
On TV, a Judge-Judyish show.
Damn! I was so hoping she’d be The Donald’s running mate.
CNN 2/29/16 Headline: “Justice Clarence Thomas breaks 10-year streak, asks question in court.” (The issue before the court was whether a domestic assault conviction based on reckless conduct qualifies as a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence that would block firearm possession.)
Clarence Thomas can talk, after all;
Once famed for a decade-long haul
Of no-questions-in-court,
Now that Nino is mort,
He is having a gun-query ball.
How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.
Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”
Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:
“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”
“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”
Can you imagine Republicans ever questioning the legitimacy of a criminal case against a Democrat? Alas, that would take intellectual honesty. So don’t hold your breath.
On the other hand, many Democrats are openly questioning whether Rick Perry’s sleazy behavior rose to the level of a criminal act. As for me…
What’s a crime can be sometimes unclear.
Yes the law is confusing, I fear.
I’m a lawyer, but still
I’ve no skill, nor the will
To predict if this case will cohere.
As the fight over Oklahoma’s ban on same-sex marriage heads to the Tenth Circuit Court of Appeals in Denver, Colorado, Oklahoma Rep. Mike Turner (R-Edmond) is worried that gay marriage might prevail. And being desperate to combat the scourge of same-sex marriage, Turner has drafted a shell bill to use in case the case doesn’t go his way:
Mike’s Oklahoma “Solution” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mike Turner’s prevailed in his hunt
For an anti-same-sex marriage stunt.
If you’re gay or you’re straight
You can’t wed in his state,
Says his bill; Equal rights — Mike’s out front.
Limerick Ode To Zimmerman’s Florida
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’d rather shoot people than skeet,
And enjoy killing folks on the street,
But you don’t want to pay
Any price, come what may,
Then Florida’s (f)laws can’t be beat.
*****
Florida-style “Stand Your Ground” laws encourage the aggressive use of firearms based on vague (often bias-inspired) suspicions. And jury verdicts, like George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the Trayvon Martin murder case, only serve to further encourage and rubber stamp murderous behavior.
Most experts seem to think the U.S. Supreme Court will strike down DOMA, thereby ending the federal ban on benefits to gay spouses. The question is: Will they do it based upon equal protection, or states’ rights? The former (seemingly supported by the four liberal Supremes) is vastly preferable, but the later appears more likely; the perennial swing judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, is more of a states’ rights kinda guy.
Limerick Ode To DOMA’s Demise
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m GLAD to hear DOMA’s in trouble.
But will Justices safe in their bubble
Concede that it’s wrong,
Beat the gong, say so long
To treating gay couples like rubble?
I’ve been meaning to write about Antonin Scalia’s obnoxious Voting Rights Act comments. Something tells me he’d be a bit more enthused about the law, if the people it protected tended to vote Republican.
Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Scalia gave quite the recital
With that “racial entitlement” title
He “bestowed” on the vote,
Fearing Dem voter bloat:
To Scalia, such voters ain’t vital.
You don’t have to be a “recovering lawyer” like me to know that such a lawsuit would be frivolous:
During a guest appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last month, Maher quipped that Trump must be “the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan” (Exhibit A: his orange hair). In a riff off of Trump’s own offer to give $5 million to the charity of Barack Obama’s choice if the President released his college paperwork, Maher said he would do the same for Trump if the real estate mogul supplied proof that he is not descended from an ape.
Trump, who apparently was able to prove he wasn’t fathered by an orangutan, has announced on Fox & Friends that he’s suing for the $5 million.
Trumped Up Lawsuit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who I’d rather not mention
Is relentlessly seeking attention:
With his Birther schtick stale,
He is desp’rate to nail
Lots of cov’rage through lawsuit dissension.
For someone who claims we’re broke, John Boehner certainly has some interesting priorities:
House Republicans plan to pay former Solicitor General Paul Clement and his legal team from King & Spaulding as much as $500,000 of taxpayer money to uphold the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) on behalf of House of Representatives…
As Steve Benen says:
… Boehner has been running around for months, falsely claiming, “We’re broke.” It’s how he justifies proposed cuts in critical areas like education, medical research, infrastructure, job training, and homeland security, even if it makes the jobs crisis much worse.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
DOMA Dollars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John Boehner asserts that we’re broke,
But wastes cash to please wingnutty folk:
Big taxpayer bucks
On a lawyer deluxe
To save DOMA — for bigots bespoke.
Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is under scrutiny these days for conflicts of interest related to the Koch Brothers, the Federalist Society, and the Citizens United case.
But today’s limerick and haiku will focus, instead, on the fact that Thomas hasn’t asked a single appellate hearing question in five years.
For the record, I did quite a bit of litigation work during my lawyering years. And believe me, his failure to speak throughout five years of hearings is peculiar and reflects very poorly on his judicial skills.
That brings me to my Clarence Thomas limerick:
Limerick Ode To Clarence Thomas
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m mindful that Thomas can talk,
But at queries for hearings he’ll balk.
He’s been silent for years–
Five in all. I’m all ears.
If he asks one sharp question, I’ll gawk.
And here’s my Clarence Thomas haiku:
The Sup Court’s Thomas–
Too ill-informed for queries?
Or just too lazy?
UPDATE: It’s been nearly two years since I wrote this limerick and haiku. So in fairness, I must announce that Justice Thomas has finally broken his silence.
Now mind you, he didn’t ask a sharp question … or, indeed, any question: He merely made a mildly amusing four-word (or so) remark about lawyers who went to Yale.
Still … it’s a start.
In the wake of the Arizona shootings, there isn’t much news to celebrate in rhyme. But I finally came up with something: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was sentenced to three years in prison for “conspiring to launder corporate money into political donations during the 2002 elections.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a glimmer of good news today:
It’s prison for Thomas DeLay.
His sentence? Three years.
So let’s hear it: Three cheers!
Please no stay! Want DeLay put away.
Alert the authorities: U.S. Supreme Court nominee Elena Kagan has “embraced dowdy as a mark of brainpower.” Moreover, unlike “most women” she doesn’t cross her legs when she’s sitting.
Yes, Washington Post columnist Robin Ghivan is at it again with her sexist political fashion drivel. (I still haven’t recovered from Ghivan’s column about Hillary Clinton’s cleavage.)
Well here’s a news flash for Ms. Ghivan: Any grown woman with half a brain knows that crossing your legs is both uncomfortable and unhealthy. But hey, if you want varicose veins go right ahead.
Robin Ghivan Makes Me Cross (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you care about good circulation
And prefer that your feet have sensation,
Then you don’t cross your legs.
Givhan’s column’s the dregs.
Sexist nonsense is Robin’s fixation.
As the Washington Post’s Valerie Strauss points out, the U.S. Supreme Court is packed with graduates of Harvard Law and Yale Law:
Assuming President Obama wins confirmation of Solicitor General Elena Kagan to the Supreme Court, that august body will be exclusively filled with judges who earned their law degrees at Harvard or Yale.
Strauss thinks such exclusivity is a bad idea and, as you can tell from this limerick, so do I:
Why I’ll Never Be A Supreme Court Justice
By Madeleine Begun Kane
It appears that Supremes have to hail
From the law schools of Harvard or Yale.
My law school’s St. John’s.
That’s just one of my “cons.”
Plus I’m sixty — I might as well bail.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
Oily Obstruction
Monday, May 17th, 2010You’d think that, in the wake of the BP Gulf oil disaster, raising oil spill liability limits would be a no-brainer, even for Republicans. But apparently not. Just ask Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), who blocked the Menendez-Nelson-Lautenberg “Oil Company Bailout Prevention Act,” a bill that would increase the liability cap for oil spills from $75 million to $10 billion.
Oily Obstruction (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Liability caps for a spill
Would be raised by the Democrats’ bill.
But Sen. Lisa says “No!”
She’s protecting each co
That drills oil, despite all that they kill.
They’d be hurt by such law, she maintains.
Such indifference to other folks’ pains!
Who will cover the bills
For the victims of spills?
It seems oil cos have Lisa in chains.
Tags: Bill Nelson, BP, Environment, Gulf Of Mexico, Law Satire, Legal Verse, Legislation Humor, Liability Caps, Lisa Murkowski, Obstructionism, Oil Disasters, Robert Menendez
Posted in Energy Humor, Environment Satire, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Legislation Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 2 Comments »