Senate takes 2016 sabbatical
The chamber is in session for the fewest days in 60 years, straining Mitch McConnell’s claim that the chamber is ‘back to work.’
It’s a tough NON-accomplishment race,
But the GOP Senate’s on pace
To work less then it’s ever
Pulled off — this endeavor
Makes “back to work” false on its face.
Monica Wehby, Republican Nominee in Oregon’s U.S. Senate Race, Answers those Harassment Complaints (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Vote for me! My convictions are tops.
For complaints about me, give me props,
Cuz they prove that I’m tough
And won’t take any guff.
It’s a plus that I’m known by the cops.
Here’s the story:
The Republican nominee in Oregon’s U.S. Senate race said Monday that disagreements with former partners that resulted in calls to the police show that she stands up for her beliefs and “will fight for Oregonians with very strong conviction.”
Delaware’s Christine O’Donnell may have lost her U.S. Senatorial campaign big time, but she isn’t through entertaining us. No … Fox News hasn’t hired her. Not yet, anyway. But she’s currently in the news because the U.S. Justice Department and the FBI are investigating her alleged misuse of campaign funds for rent and other personal expenses.
One former O’Donnell staffer, Kristin Murray, recorded an automated phone call for the Delaware Republican Party just before the primary, accusing O’Donnell of “living on campaign donations — using them for rent and personal expenses, while leaving her workers unpaid and piling up thousands in debt.
Another former aide, David Keegan, said he became concerned about O’Donnell’s 2008 campaign finances as she fell behind on bills and had no apparent source of income besides political contributions. He submitted an affidavit to CREW alleging that she used campaign money to cover meals, gas, a bowling outing, and rent to a landlord, Brent Vasher.
Christine O’Donnell’s response is to call the Fed investigation “thug tactics.” And my response is to write a limerick:
Christine O’Donnell: Not A Witch, But Possibly A Jailbird
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some news that’s delightfully rich:
Seems that gal who denies she’s a witch
Unlawfully spent
Campaign cash on her rent,
Which could land her a Fed prison hitch.
Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who’ve pumped up their military records — Republican Mark Kirk of Illinois and Democrat Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut. We also have the horrified Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, who’s hatched the upright-sounding Stolen Valor Act. Just one problem: According to Hatch, it would criminalize Blumenthal’s behavior but (surprise, surprise) not Kirk’s.
Hatching Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When a pol says he fought for our land
And exaggerates, bolst’ring his brand,
That’s a crime, says Sen Hatch.
But of course there’s a catch:
Only Dems need obey this command.
Update: One of my few Republican Facebook friends, Rob Hood, posted a limerick response in Facebook asserting that I engage in anti-GOP gloating. Here’s my limerick rejoinder:
I’m a Dem, but I’m surely not gloating.
There’s no reason for happy emoting.
Though the GOP’s worse
Than the Dems, here’s our curse:
Most pols do not merit our voting.
From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period’s zany and significant political moments. (My last one said goodbye and good riddance to Bush and Cheney.)
Although Barack Obama’s administration is still relatively new, there’s already plenty of material for another piece of alpha-political poetry:
A is for Alaska with its lovely Russian view.
B is for the Birthers who will rant and rave on cue.
C is for conservatives co-opted by the loons.
D is for each Democrat who caves and often swoons.
E is for elections that just never seem to stop.
F’s for raising endless funds so pols will stay on on top.
G’s for GOPers who so love to misinform.
H is for our health care — much in need of broad reform.
I is for insurance co’s. They love the status quo.
J’s for Joseph Lieberman. He really needs to go.
K’s for Teddy Kennedy whose legacy is great.
L is for Rush Limbaugh whose big talent’s spreading hate.
M’s for John McCain who’s always on a Sunday show.
N’s for nihilist congressmen, so fond of saying “No!”
O is for Obama. Hope he’s worthy of his rise.
P is for Fox pundits and their “fair and balanced” lies.
Q is for the questions town hall crackpots often pose.
R’s for right-wing zealots who are truthful-info foes.
S is for Mark Sanford’s Argentinean affair.
T’s for Texans Perry and Pete Sessions. What a pair!
U is the USA. There’s greatness at its core.
V’s for fam’ly values preached by hypocrites galore.
W’s for Dubya and the mess he left behind.
X and Y and Z are hard. Their rhymes I can not find.
The (I hope) soon-to-be-ex-Senator Roland Burris is quite the word weasel, isn’t he? So I thought I’d join the calls for his resignation with my latest limerick:
Ode To Roland Burris
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Roland, you ought to resign,
And impeachment’s your due, so don’t whine.
But the news ain’t all bad:
Though you lied, you can add
Your short Senator stint to your shrine.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
Addled Threats
Monday, March 22nd, 2010Now that health reform has passed, Republicans are angrier than ever. Mitt Romney calls it an “unconscionable abuse of power” and Bill Kristol is urging repeal in a Weekly Standard editorial. Moreover, Senators John McCain, Judd Gregg and their fellow GOPers are so incensed that they’ve come up with a very creative threat:
Wow! The next thing you know, Republicans will be vowing to filibuster and obstruct.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Addled Threats
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s angry as hell.
Says McCain, Dems have “poisoned the well.”
So the rest of the year
We won’t work with them here.
And how is that diff’rent? Do tell!
********
I proud to say that this post is mentioned in the excellent
Health Wonk Review: Special Edition On Health Reform.
Tags: Congress Satire, GOP Humor, Health Care Reform, Health Insurance, John McCain, Judd Gregg, Legislation Satire, Mitt Romney, Republicans Humor, Senate Humor, Weekly Standard, William Kristol
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