Your party can’t come to the phone.
She’s at lunch or home sick.  Please don’t moan.
Leave a message, or not.
I don’t care — I’m a bot.
But my owner says, “Leave me alone!”

(For more phone-related verse, visit Sunday Scribblings.)

Technorati Tags: Telephone Verse, Answering Machine Limerick, Outgoing Messages, Phone Humor, Business Poem, Workplace Poetry

I’m out of the office right now.
Do I hate answ’ring email? And how!
Missed your missive? I’m glad,
So I won’t say I’m sad.
Pester some other worker-bee. Ciao!

And now my three spam-related haiku:

Suffocating spam
Pours into my computer,
Drowning out meaning.

Virulent spammers
Take over my computer,
Devouring its core.

My email pours in,
The meaningful lost,
Strangled by spam.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about email and/or spam. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

UPDATE: The Mr. Linky site (which generates the Mr. Linky links) seems to be having technical problems. So if you’d like to add a link to your email or spam-themed verse, please put in the Comments for now.  When Mr. Linky starts working again, I’ll place your links into Mr. Linky myself.

Technorati Tags: Email Limerick, Spam Verse, Email Hell Humor, Writing Prompts, Career Humor

Your umbrella can not have gone far.
Can’t believe how forgetful you are!
If we still had each cent
On umbrellas you’ve spent,
We’d have cash to put gas in our car.

Note: My otherwise wonderful husband has lost so many umbrellas over the years, our umbrella fund could actually gas up at least a dozen cars … even at today’s prices.

Thanks to Simply Snickers for the “umbrella” prompt, Weekend Wordsmith for the “torrential rain” prompt, and Sunday Scribblings for its “family” prompt.

Technorati Tags: Cars Limerick, Gas Price Humor, Absent-Mindedness, Family Verse, Money Poetry, Marriage Poems, Relationships Poetry, Weather Limerick, Husband Humor

Identity theft is quite scary,
Causing problems horrific. Be wary!
Your rep can be doomed,
And your assets consumed
By any old Tom, Dick, or Harry.

(Note:  This was inspired by Writers Island’s “identity” prompt and Totally Optional Prompts’ “transformation” prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my “dog-related verse” prompt.

Technorati Tags: Identity Theft Limerick, Reputation Humor, Writing Prompts, Assets Loss Verse, Legal Limerick, Money Verse, Credit Humor

Dear Puppy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear puppy, how long will it be
Till you learn where it’s kosher to pee?
They said you were bright,
But there’s no end in sight
To your accidents. Please try a tree.

And now my dogs haiku:

She comes between us,
Foiling our would-be embrace.
Dogged chaperone.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about dogs. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your dog-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Dog Verse, Puppy Poetry, Puppy Love, Writing Prompts, Pet Poems

It’s outrageous, a rip-off, a gyp
What we paid for that terrible trip.
And to make matters worse,
I lost baggage and purse.
I believe they went down with the ship.

Note: This was inspired by two prompts: rip and outrageous.  And speaking of poetry prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest limerick and haiku prompt, whose theme is temper.

Technorati Tags: Trip Humor, Travel Limerick, Writing Prompts, Ship Poem, Luggage Poetry, Rip-Off Humor, Vacation Verse

There once was a federal judge
Who was famous for holding a grudge.
But his clerk found a way
To get him to say,
“I forgive you.” She bribed him with fudge.

Note: This was inspired by Weekend Wordsmith’s “carrying a grudge” prompt.  And speaking of poetry prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my latest limerick and haiku prompt, whose theme is temper.

Technorati Tags: Judge Humor, Legal Limerick, Writing Prompts, Federal Judiciary, Bribe Humor, Forgiveness Verse

Ode to An Ill-Tempered Felon
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A felonious fellow named Mort
Went to jail cuz his temper was short.
He assaulted a mime,
Committing his crime
(And his tort) with a bottle of Port.

And now my temper haiku:

Losing his temper,
He screamed, cursed, and hurled books.
I guess he found it.

Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about temper. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.

(Note: You may have noticed that my limerick contains some legal jargon. For more on poems containing specialized jargon, check out Read Write Poem.)

UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your temper-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.

Technorati Tags: Bad Temper Humor, Legal Jargon Verse, Writing Prompts, Felon Humor, Assault Poetry, Tort Humor, Legalise Limerick

Dear spring, you are late once again. 
Yet you claim that you’ve been here, since when?
Thirty days?  That can’t be:
It’s still cold out, you see.
And some sun would be nice, now and then.

Note: I feel almost guilty posting this, since yesterday’s weather was delightful.  But a couple of days ago, when Totally Optional Prompts prompted me to write it, it was unseasonably cold.

Technorati Tags: Weather Verse, Seasonal Humor, Spring Limerick

Which reminds me, it’s time to announce the winner of Humor Carnival 1.  If you’ve stopped by that edition lately, you’ll know that Erik Deckers of Laughing-Stalk fame was the winner by a long shot, proving he’s not only very funny, but that he’s also great at persuading people to vote for him.  Hmmm, I understand the Democrats could use a presidential nominee.

And now it’s time for Humor Carnival 2’s humorists — my favorite 14 submissions. I hope you enjoy these funny posts as much as I did.  And please don’t forget to vote for your favorite:

Computer and Technology Humor

Andy Boyd presents 25 Ways To Destroy Your Old Printer posted at The News In Print.

Marriage and Family Humor

Kevin Cummings presents Memory Laps posted at Short Cummings Audio.

Melvin Durai presents A vacation you’re guaranteed to enjoy posted at Nshima & Curry.

Erik Deckers presents I Still Don’t Have a Topic posted at Laughing Stalk by Erik Deckers.

Leeuna Foster presents Sunday Drive to No Business posted at Leeuna’s Blog.

News and Politics Humor

Steve Bates presents Fun And Games, Guns And Fame (Song Parody) posted at Yellow Doggerel Democrat.

Don Davis presents Top Ten Signs Your Campaign Is Not Going Well posted at Satirical Political.

Jim Lovell presents Small, Jerkwater Towns the Backbone of America posted at The Specious Report.

Ben Litwack presents Sexually Abused Picnic Table Tells All! posted at L.A. Boondoggle.

Brent Diggs presents Putting The Economy In Motion - Buck-O-Quest: Part 2 : The Ominous Comma posted at The Ominous Comma.

Animal and Pet Humor

Kelly presents Marley: Discerning, Prudent, Shrewd posted at View Along the Way.

Kathy Frederick presents My Interview with Remy posted at The Junk Drawer.

Miscellaneous Satire

Chris presents A Skeptical Look at Pennsylvania posted at Martial Development.

Charles H. Green presents Ford Harding’s Ode to Distrust posted at Trust Matters.

So, do you have a favorite? Please vote and let us know. Remember, there’s ten whole dollars at stake! The winner will be announced in the next edition, on or about May 20, 2008.

That concludes this edition. I sure hope you’ll submit your funny pieces, satire, song parodies, cartoons, and humorous verse to the next (May 20th) edition of the Humor Carnival using this carnival submission form. Past Humor Carnival posts will be archived here and can also be found on the Humor Carnival index page.

Technorati Tags: Humor Carnival, Blog Carnival, Humor Carnival Poll, Humor Awards, Money Prizes