Archive for the ‘Birth Control Humor’ Category

A Modest Men’s Reproductive Health Reg Proposal (Limerick)

Friday, June 28th, 2013

Ohio State Sen. Nina Turner’s proposed bill regulating men’s reproductive health inspired this multi-verse limerick:

A Modest Men’s Reproductive Health Reg Proposal (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republican men who insist
On controlling gals’ bodies, we’re pissed.
Since what’s good for the goose
(It’s plain to deduce)
Suits the gander, I’ve drawn up this list:

Viagra henceforth is restricted
To those who can prove they’re afflicted
Via sex partner swearing
You’re impotent, sharing
Your plight through oath uncontradicted.

You must also sex therapy seek
To help you reach sexual peak.
And we’ll force you to take
A stress test, you rake,
And prove that your heart isn’t weak.

In addition, your doc must advise you
About celibacy and apprise you
It’s a “viable choice.”
Yes your doc must give voice
To your options, cuz some may surprise you.

Only then, will the state let your doc
Prescribe any meds for your cock.
After counsel advising
Of side effects rising
From ED pills — nothing to mock.

From then on, you’ll be monitored too
To make sure that your heart ain’t askew.
You’ll be checked and re-tested.
The state is invested
In protecting you guys when you screw.

If you think that such regs are intrusive,
Insulting, and even abusive,
All these rules don’t compare
To what women must bear:
Female freedom is gravely elusive.

Michigan’s Fetal Shenanigans (Limerick)

Friday, November 23rd, 2012

This Republican behavior is so crazy, I almost couldn’t write a limerick about it.

Republican lawmakers in Michigan, a state which eliminated tax credits for children last year, have proposed a tax credit for unborn foetuses of 12 weeks gestation…

Critics said the proposal was “absurd” and described it as a backdoor way of trying to pass “personhood” legislation which would give rights to an embryo and crack down on abortion.

The irony-impaired Rep. Jud Gilbert, R-Algonac said:

“You’re recognizing the fact that people have additional expenses, another person to take care of.”

Michigan’s Fetal Shenanigans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A Republican law now forbids
Tax credits for Michigan kids,
But those same pols want credits
For fetuses. Bet it’s
A product of brains on the skids.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Rush Limbaugh

Wednesday, March 14th, 2012

I was glad to read that the Rush Limbaugh ad boycott is still going strong.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Rush Limbaugh
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rush’s national ads are suspended.
Will his wingnutty program be ended?
Though we don’t know for sure,
I’ll bet there’s no cure—
That his rep simply can not be mended.

(Related Post: Limerick Ode To Rush Limbaugh)

Political Spam of the Day (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012

Political Spam of the Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Stand by Rush,” shrieks the mail in my box,
Which rails against Rush’s “hard knocks.”
But I don’t give a damn
About GOP spam.
They must think that I like to watch Fox.

(Related Post: Limerick Ode To Rush Limbaugh)

Limerick Ode To Rush Limbaugh

Monday, March 5th, 2012

After decades of misogyny, talk radio bully Rush Limbaugh is finally paying a bit of a price: Advertisers are fleeing, and Republican pols, who previously bowed down to him, are publicly (albeit mildly) criticizing him. Rush was even forced to give a just-pretend apology to his latest target, Sandra Fluke:

Recently, [Rush Limbaugh] made himself and the political right look ridiculous by verbally abusing Sandra Fluke, the Georgetown University law student who tried to testify before Congress about the cost of birth control.

Mr. Limbaugh twisted Ms. Fluke’s comments beyond recognition. In her statement (now posted on YouTube), Ms. Fluke drew attention to a friend who was prescribed birth control pills for cancer treatment, and had to pay for the treatment out of pocket. She said nothing whatsoever about her own sex life, or about her friend’s sex life.

But in Mr. Limbaugh’s propaganda chamber, her testimony became a declaration of sexual promiscuity. He accused her of expecting taxpayers to pay her to have sex, and suggested that she post videos of herself having sex on the Internet. He called her a “slut” and a “prostitute” and said she was “round heeled.”

Career-ending? I doubt it. In fact, Limbaugh remains an inspiration to many fellow bullies. And there’s even a Rally For Rush movement afoot.

Nevertheless, the movement against Rush is a step in the right direction. And this wingnut radio spectacle sure is fun to behold.

Limerick Ode To Rush Limbaugh
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A rebuke for Rush Limbaugh at last,
As his smears leave good people aghast.
He’s lost ads — it’s no fluke –
Even managed to spook
Those who always sucked up in the past.

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

When I see a title like this, I pretty much have to write a limerick: Santorum Good for Chastity-Belt Sales? Manufacturer Says, “We’ve Had a Boost”

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s good news for Republican men:
You can guard against gals with a yen
For sex you deem evil
With something primeval:
Yes chastity belts — Curb your hen!

Limerick Ode To Feminism

Monday, February 20th, 2012

Over the years, I’ve met many post-feminist women — gals who think the struggle is over, and who see no further need for feminism. I wonder what they think of the Republicans’ rampant, re-energized War On Women.

Limerick Ode To Feminism
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve met women far younger than I
Who’ve never quite understood why
We need feminist gals.
It seems they and their pals
See no ceiling of glass — just the sky.

They think gender-based battles are done,
And the feminist fight has been won.
Yet in merely a flash,
Rights can turn into ash:
Once again, we are under the gun.

(Related Posts: Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans, More Contraceptive Madness, Feminist Humor Category)

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline:

Appearing on MSNBC with Andrea Mitchell today, Foster Friess, the main donor to the Super PAC backing Rick Santorum’s presidential bid, dismissed the controversy surrounding President Obama’s new birth control rule by suggesting that women should just keep their legs shut…

FRIESS: “On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum and Friess — quite the pair
In their “stop contraceptive care” guerre:
Don’t want kids with your squeeze?
Put a pill ‘tween your knees,
Like Bay’r asp’rin, sez Rick’s billionaire.

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar.

Rick Santorum, a man who’s dangerously close to snatching the Republican presidential nomination away from Mitt Romney, apparently wants to preside over an antediluvian America: Here’s Santorum explaining why he wants to fight “the dangers of contraception:”

It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.

And Rick is far from the only bedroom-obsessed Republican. GOP over-reach regarding contraception is approaching epic proportions:

Last week, Freshman Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) filed legislation to allow any employer, religiously affiliated or not, to refuse to cover any essential or preventive health service, not just contraceptives, based on the “religious belief or moral conviction” of the employer. Word from DC is that Blunt and allies will attempt to add the provision as an amendment to other legislation now moving through the Senate….

The fact that American voters are overwhelmingly pro-birth control is apparently irrelevant to Republican politicians.

Perhaps a limerick might help Republican pols get the message:

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republican pols, please abstain
From ent’ring my bedroom domain.
And also stay out
Of my bathroom. Don’t pout!
If you’re truly “small gov,” you’ll refrain.