Archive for the ‘House Satire’ Category

Doomed Limerick

Thursday, October 17th, 2013

The federal government’s reopened and the debt ceiling crisis was averted at the last minute. So the question now is, will this happen again? Alas, many experts believe we’re doomed to have yet another shutdown.

Doomed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This crisis is over for now,
But for those who are wiping their brow,
Please keep this in mind:
The very same bind
May in merely three months take a bow.

Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown’s arrived–
An avoidable crisis contrived
By the wingnutty House,
Who blackmail and grouse
Over battles they’ve lost and revived.

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Boehner, while reading the news,
I’m bewildered — it tends to confuse:
Either somebody stole
Your Speakership role,
Or you gave it to Senator Cruz.

Discredit Where Discredit Is Due (Limerick)

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

Bad news from the Republican-controlled House:

House Republicans will vote to pass a one-year delay of Obamacare in exchange for funding the government, a plan that drastically increases the chances of a government shutdown this Tuesday.

Discredit Where Discredit Is Due (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown’s been forced
By Republicans, sadly divorced
From our nationwide needs.
It’s clear from their deeds:
They have fiscal disaster endorsed.

“Party First” Politics (3-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, September 25th, 2013

“Party First” Politics (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the government runs out of cash
And shuts down, then just who will you bash?
If you’re paying attention,
The party you’ll mention
Is Republican — that’s who you’ll trash.

But misinformation’s widespread
Cuz the public is constantly fed
Big Republican lies
Which attempt to disguise
Who would chop off the government’s head.

Yet the GOP’s mission is clear:
It’s a goal they’ve chased year after year
To stymie Obama,
No matter the trauma
To all that our nation holds dear.

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Fail to meet our demands? Then we’ll shoot.
Any deaths will be YOUR fault, to boot.”
That’s the GOP path
On their road laced with wrath.
Bottom line? Seems they don’t give a hoot.

Repellent Republicans (Limerick)

Monday, August 5th, 2013

Repellent Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“DC’s broken right through to the core,”
Yell Republican pols as they pore
Through old laws they’d repeal
(Who needs the New Deal?)
Determined to break it some more.

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann has decided not to seek a 5th Congressional term. So it’s time for a goodbye limerick:

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann, you’ll surely be missed.
You’ve provided such humor mill grist.
But we mockers are blessed
With a huge treasure chest
Of wingnuts at whom to get pissed.

Louie Gohmert is tops on that list.
Ted Cruz and Steve King still exist.
So we’ve fodder galore;
Finding humor’s no chore
With a party like yours in our midst.

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)

Saturday, May 25th, 2013

This New York Times headline doesn’t exactly come as a shock: Banks’ Lobbyists Help in Drafting Financial Bills:

One bill that sailed through the House Financial Services Committee this month — over the objections of the Treasury Department — was essentially Citigroup’s, according to e-mails reviewed by The New York Times. The bill would exempt broad swathes of trades from new regulation.

In a sign of Wall Street’s resurgent influence in Washington, Citigroup’s recommendations were reflected in more than 70 lines of the House committee’s 85-line bill. Two crucial paragraphs, prepared by Citigroup in conjunction with other Wall Street banks, were copied nearly word for word. (Lawmakers changed two words to make them plural.)

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It seems Wall Street is writing our laws;
Co’s like Citigroup — clause by bad clause.
If you think it’s a crime
That the rich win each time,
That right there is your probable cause.

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

There’s a striking difference between the website homepages of the DCCC (Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee) and the NRCC (National Republican Congressional Committee): The most prominent words (by size and location) on the DCCC site are Democrats 2014. But the only reference to Republicans on the NRCC site is buried on the bottom in the “paid for by” disclaimer.

So, do House Republicans have something to hide?

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems the NRCC’s feeling shame:
How else to explain that the name
Of its party’s not bold,
But lost under the fold
Of a site meant to shore up its game.

Touring Boehner’s Brain (Limerick)

Friday, March 8th, 2013

John Boehner had a hissy fit over the sequester-caused suspension of White House tours.

“The President is trying to make it tough on members of Congress. It’s just silly. I want to know who is being laid off at the White House. The Capitol is open for tours. We’ve been planning for this for months.”

Perhaps Boehner should have spent those months planning to avoid sequestration.

(Note that the transcript originally read “It’s just sick.” Then at some point, “sick” was changed to “silly.” Since I don’t have access to the audio, I don’t know which one is accurate.)

Touring Boehner’s Brain (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To save cash, White House tours are curtailed,
But the House tours have NOT been derailed.
So you still can have fun
Seeing nothing get done
On the Hill, watching nonsense unveiled.

Open Limerick To President Obama

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Open Limerick To President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, I welcome your stance
In the “fiscal cliff” deal-making dance.
If the 1st comes sans deal,
Our nation will heal.
Hanging tough is the way to advance.

Open Limerick To House Republicans

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Open Limerick To House Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

House Republicans, kindly get real:
Your big focus is health care repeal—
Over thirty such votes!
Where’s your bill that promotes
“Jobs, jobs, jobs” with equivalent zeal?

Buh-Bye Dan Burton (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Bill Clinton nemesis Dan Burton is finally retiring. Good riddance!

The Republican Indiana Congressman, who fathered an out-of-wedlock son, was famed for his anti-Bill Clinton vendetta, his Vincent-Foster-was- murdered obsession, and his backyard Foster-shooting “re-enactment.”

Burton was at his most famous in the 1990’s, when he led many of the investigations against President Bill Clinton. “If I could prove 10 percent of what I believe happened, he’d [Clinton] be gone,” Burton declared in 1998. “This guy’s a scumbag. That’s why I’m after him.”

His campaigns against Clinton began in full force when he delivered a House speech in which he alleged that Deputy White House Counsel Vince Foster, whose death was ruled a suicide, was actually murdered and his body moved to Fort Marcy Park in northern Virginia.

Buh-Bye Dan Burton (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

At long last, we are closing the curtain
On the slanderous reign of Dan Burton.
His witch-hunt campaigns
To put Clinton in chains
Mean that Dems shall not miss him — that’s certain!

Yet Another Debt Ceiling Limerick

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

Yet Another Debt Ceiling Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans love to proclaim
That uncertainty’s bad — that’s their game.
But one thing’s for sure:
Their proposed crisis cure
Leads to chronic uncertainty. Shame!

A Limerick Farewell To Anthony Weiner

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

Limerick Farewell To Anthony Wiener
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m feeling forlorn, but resigned.
We have lost a great liberal mind.
There was really no choice
But to lose Weiner’s voice—
His behavior put Dems in a bind.

Let’s hope this is only a pause—
That one day he’ll be cured of his flaws—
With the passage of time
He’ll arise from the slime
And further our liberal cause.

Limerick Ode To The Math-Challenged Media

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Paul Ryan’s budget plan is both radical and fraudulent. But that doesn’t prevent an astounding number of journalists (who presumably count with their fingers) from treating it with respect and referring to it as “serious” and “bold.”

Limerick Ode To The Math-Challenged Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The math-challenged journos who laud
Ryan’s radical plan and applaud,
Say it’s “serious,” “bold,”
But his plan has no hold
On reality — naught but a fraud.

Limerick Ode To A Government Shutdown

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

Limerick Ode to A Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The thought of a government shutdown
Should be quickly, decisively cut down.
But I fear that we’re screwed
Cuz of Washington’s mood:
Boehner’s party has turned into Nut Town.

Political Haiku Quartet

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Styrofoam is back.
“Green the Capitol” is gone.
Job, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs?

*****

Rotund Rush Limbaugh
says Michelle Obama’s fat—
that’s hard to swallow.

*****

Freedom from taxes
demanded by those who crave
what taxes give them.

*****

The mental midget
mentioned an affinity
with Rush — no surprise.

*****

Showing up to vote—
a yearly exercise in
unrequited hope.

*****

(More political haiku here. And more Rush Limbaugh humor here.)

Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee (Updated — He’s Resigned)

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.

Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.

UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.