Archive for the ‘House Satire’ Category

Undoing Undue Optimism (4-Verse Limerick)

Saturday, October 31st, 2015

Most press coverage about the “cleaning the barn” two-year “budget deal,” negotiated by Boehner as he was handing off his Speaker gig to Paul Ryan, is unduly optimistic. It tends to lull us into thinking that the opportunity for House wingnuts to wreak havoc has been largely eliminated for a substantial period of time.

But that really isn’t true. Why not? Because, generally speaking, there are three broad opportunities for Tea Party types to threaten or cause shutdowns.

1: Budget bills.

2: Debt ceiling crises.

3: Appropriation bills.

And, alas, only the first two items on that list were resolved, leaving ample opportunities for essential appropriation bills to be saddled with unacceptable riders. For instance, riders eliminating Obamacare or defunding Planned Parenthood, to name just two. In other words:

Right-wing Republicans can still pursue their goals through riders on appropriations bills—and, if they don’t get their way, shut down the government.

With Ryan as Speaker, don’t think
That we aren’t stuck right on the brink
Of Tea Party trouble.
It still can cause rubble
Through spending bills yet to gain ink.

The fact that the budget’s resolved
And the ceiling on debt ain’t involved,
Should not make you relieved.
If you are, you’re deceived,
Cuz the poison pill risk isn’t solved.

The House must appropriate cash,
Via bills which the wingnuts can trash
Through riders from guys
With Tea Party ties,
Turning programs we need into ash.

If that happens, then what can be done?
Only vetoes, and those aren’t fun.
But the blackmailing Hill
Can’t prevail on such bill!
Are there any good choices? Nay! None.

Yet Another Benghazi Hearing Limerick (2-Verse)

Saturday, October 24th, 2015

That GOP slug-fest of jeering
Was a stamina-trial of a hearing,
For the GOP goal
Was to rattle and roll
HRC. But instead? Pro-Hill cheering.

And for those thinking Clinton’s too old
To be prez, they need only behold
The results of that test
Of endurance — she’d best
Hill’ry’s juniors — Olympian gold!

Limerick Ode To The Benghazi-Obsessed Hillary Haters

Friday, October 23rd, 2015

The Hillary haters are sad.
They were praying that Hill would do bad
At hearings designed
To put Hill in a bind
And malign, wear her down, drive her mad.

But Hillary won in a rout.
Trey Gowdy and co left no doubt
That her rep they must shatter.
To them, facts don’t matter
In their shamef’ly political bout.

Paul Ryan REALLY Doesn’t Want To Be Speaker (2-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, October 21st, 2015

I have read each Paul Ryan demand,
Which he labels “requests.” They won’t stand.
There is no way that raucous
So-called “Freedom Caucus”
Assents, and that’s Ryan’s scheme grand.

When you don’t want a job, then you’re free
To ask for the world, which you see
Is what Ryan has done.
They say “No?” Then he’s won…
And back to his old job he’ll flee.

The Party Of White Guys Strikes Again

Wednesday, November 19th, 2014

Republican gals
awarded but one House chair–
housekeeping gavel.

Twenty-one gavels–
GOP guys get twenty.
One lone gal “keeps house.”

For those who are keeping score, Rep. Candice Miller is the only woman who will be wielding a gavel in the Republican-controlled House. Twenty committee chairmanships go to guys (mostly white), while the least prestigious one — the House Administration Committee — goes (again) to Miller.

Miller’s committee runs the day-to-day operations of the House. So if there’s a hearing about problems with the House cafeteria or bathrooms, Candice Miller’s “The Man.”

To be fair, the Administration Committee’s other principal function is oversight over federal elections. So I suppose Miller can also hold hearings on how to make it harder for Democrats to vote.

Double Dactyl For Eric Cantor

Thursday, July 31st, 2014

Eric Cantor gave his House farewell address today. And that gives me all the excuse I need to post this non-limerick of mine, which I entered in the Style Invitational’s recent double dactyl contest:

Beaterdy Featerdy,
GOP Leader E.
Cantor’s unseated and
Out of a job.

Pundits are shocked by his
Ouster by Brat of the
Tea Party mob.

If you’re not familiar with the double dactyl, I summarize their rules here.

And, by the way, I lost. You can find the winners’ list here.

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John Boehner appears to be riled.
Dem impeachment talk’s driving him wild:
How dare Dems boost their brand
When impeachment ain’t planned
For that Oval defiler, reviled!


Yesterday, John Boehner called the impeachment notion a “scam” invented by Democrats to excite their base and raise money.

No doubt that will remain Boehner’s claim … right up to the moment the House starts the process to impeach.

Doomed Limerick

Thursday, October 17th, 2013

The federal government’s reopened and the debt ceiling crisis was averted at the last minute. So the question now is, will this happen again? Alas, many experts believe we’re doomed to have yet another shutdown.

Doomed Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This crisis is over for now,
But for those who are wiping their brow,
Please keep this in mind:
The very same bind
May in merely three months take a bow.

Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Limerick Ode To The Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown’s arrived–
An avoidable crisis contrived
By the wingnutty House,
Who blackmail and grouse
Over battles they’ve lost and revived.

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Boehner, while reading the news,
I’m bewildered — it tends to confuse:
Either somebody stole
Your Speakership role,
Or you gave it to Senator Cruz.

Discredit Where Discredit Is Due (Limerick)

Saturday, September 28th, 2013

Bad news from the Republican-controlled House:

House Republicans will vote to pass a one-year delay of Obamacare in exchange for funding the government, a plan that drastically increases the chances of a government shutdown this Tuesday.

Discredit Where Discredit Is Due (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A government shutdown’s been forced
By Republicans, sadly divorced
From our nationwide needs.
It’s clear from their deeds:
They have fiscal disaster endorsed.

“Party First” Politics (3-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, September 25th, 2013

“Party First” Politics (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the government runs out of cash
And shuts down, then just who will you bash?
If you’re paying attention,
The party you’ll mention
Is Republican — that’s who you’ll trash.

But misinformation’s widespread
Cuz the public is constantly fed
Big Republican lies
Which attempt to disguise
Who would chop off the government’s head.

Yet the GOP’s mission is clear:
It’s a goal they’ve chased year after year
To stymie Obama,
No matter the trauma
To all that our nation holds dear.

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Fail to meet our demands? Then we’ll shoot.
Any deaths will be YOUR fault, to boot.”
That’s the GOP path
On their road laced with wrath.
Bottom line? Seems they don’t give a hoot.

Repellent Republicans (Limerick)

Monday, August 5th, 2013

Repellent Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“DC’s broken right through to the core,”
Yell Republican pols as they pore
Through old laws they’d repeal
(Who needs the New Deal?)
Determined to break it some more.

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann has decided not to seek a 5th Congressional term. So it’s time for a goodbye limerick:

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann, you’ll surely be missed.
You’ve provided such humor mill grist.
But we mockers are blessed
With a huge treasure chest
Of wingnuts at whom to get pissed.

Louie Gohmert is tops on that list.
Ted Cruz and Steve King still exist.
So we’ve fodder galore;
Finding humor’s no chore
With a party like yours in our midst.

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)

Saturday, May 25th, 2013

This New York Times headline doesn’t exactly come as a shock: Banks’ Lobbyists Help in Drafting Financial Bills:

One bill that sailed through the House Financial Services Committee this month — over the objections of the Treasury Department — was essentially Citigroup’s, according to e-mails reviewed by The New York Times. The bill would exempt broad swathes of trades from new regulation.

In a sign of Wall Street’s resurgent influence in Washington, Citigroup’s recommendations were reflected in more than 70 lines of the House committee’s 85-line bill. Two crucial paragraphs, prepared by Citigroup in conjunction with other Wall Street banks, were copied nearly word for word. (Lawmakers changed two words to make them plural.)

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It seems Wall Street is writing our laws;
Co’s like Citigroup — clause by bad clause.
If you think it’s a crime
That the rich win each time,
That right there is your probable cause.

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

There’s a striking difference between the website homepages of the DCCC (Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee) and the NRCC (National Republican Congressional Committee): The most prominent words (by size and location) on the DCCC site are Democrats 2014. But the only reference to Republicans on the NRCC site is buried on the bottom in the “paid for by” disclaimer.

So, do House Republicans have something to hide?

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems the NRCC’s feeling shame:
How else to explain that the name
Of its party’s not bold,
But lost under the fold
Of a site meant to shore up its game.

Touring Boehner’s Brain (Limerick)

Friday, March 8th, 2013

John Boehner had a hissy fit over the sequester-caused suspension of White House tours.

“The President is trying to make it tough on members of Congress. It’s just silly. I want to know who is being laid off at the White House. The Capitol is open for tours. We’ve been planning for this for months.”

Perhaps Boehner should have spent those months planning to avoid sequestration.

(Note that the transcript originally read “It’s just sick.” Then at some point, “sick” was changed to “silly.” Since I don’t have access to the audio, I don’t know which one is accurate.)

Touring Boehner’s Brain (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To save cash, White House tours are curtailed,
But the House tours have NOT been derailed.
So you still can have fun
Seeing nothing get done
On the Hill, watching nonsense unveiled.

Open Limerick To President Obama

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Open Limerick To President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, I welcome your stance
In the “fiscal cliff” deal-making dance.
If the 1st comes sans deal,
Our nation will heal.
Hanging tough is the way to advance.

Open Limerick To House Republicans

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Open Limerick To House Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

House Republicans, kindly get real:
Your big focus is health care repeal—
Over thirty such votes!
Where’s your bill that promotes
“Jobs, jobs, jobs” with equivalent zeal?