Archive for the ‘House Satire’ Category

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)

Saturday, May 25th, 2013

This New York Times headline doesn’t exactly come as a shock: Banks’ Lobbyists Help in Drafting Financial Bills:

One bill that sailed through the House Financial Services Committee this month — over the objections of the Treasury Department — was essentially Citigroup’s, according to e-mails reviewed by The New York Times. The bill would exempt broad swathes of trades from new regulation.

In a sign of Wall Street’s resurgent influence in Washington, Citigroup’s recommendations were reflected in more than 70 lines of the House committee’s 85-line bill. Two crucial paragraphs, prepared by Citigroup in conjunction with other Wall Street banks, were copied nearly word for word. (Lawmakers changed two words to make them plural.)

Our Industrious Lawmakers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It seems Wall Street is writing our laws;
Co’s like Citigroup — clause by bad clause.
If you think it’s a crime
That the rich win each time,
That right there is your probable cause.

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

There’s a striking difference between the website homepages of the DCCC (Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee) and the NRCC (National Republican Congressional Committee): The most prominent words (by size and location) on the DCCC site are Democrats 2014. But the only reference to Republicans on the NRCC site is buried on the bottom in the “paid for by” disclaimer.

So, do House Republicans have something to hide?

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems the NRCC’s feeling shame:
How else to explain that the name
Of its party’s not bold,
But lost under the fold
Of a site meant to shore up its game.

Touring Boehner’s Brain (Limerick)

Friday, March 8th, 2013

John Boehner had a hissy fit over the sequester-caused suspension of White House tours.

“The President is trying to make it tough on members of Congress. It’s just silly. I want to know who is being laid off at the White House. The Capitol is open for tours. We’ve been planning for this for months.”

Perhaps Boehner should have spent those months planning to avoid sequestration.

(Note that the transcript originally read “It’s just sick.” Then at some point, “sick” was changed to “silly.” Since I don’t have access to the audio, I don’t know which one is accurate.)

Touring Boehner’s Brain (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To save cash, White House tours are curtailed,
But the House tours have NOT been derailed.
So you still can have fun
Seeing nothing get done
On the Hill, watching nonsense unveiled.

Open Limerick To President Obama

Tuesday, December 4th, 2012

Open Limerick To President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, I welcome your stance
In the “fiscal cliff” deal-making dance.
If the 1st comes sans deal,
Our nation will heal.
Hanging tough is the way to advance.

Open Limerick To House Republicans

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Open Limerick To House Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

House Republicans, kindly get real:
Your big focus is health care repeal—
Over thirty such votes!
Where’s your bill that promotes
“Jobs, jobs, jobs” with equivalent zeal?

Buh-Bye Dan Burton (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 31st, 2012

Bill Clinton nemesis Dan Burton is finally retiring. Good riddance!

The Republican Indiana Congressman, who fathered an out-of-wedlock son, was famed for his anti-Bill Clinton vendetta, his Vincent-Foster-was- murdered obsession, and his backyard Foster-shooting “re-enactment.”

Burton was at his most famous in the 1990’s, when he led many of the investigations against President Bill Clinton. “If I could prove 10 percent of what I believe happened, he’d [Clinton] be gone,” Burton declared in 1998. “This guy’s a scumbag. That’s why I’m after him.”

His campaigns against Clinton began in full force when he delivered a House speech in which he alleged that Deputy White House Counsel Vince Foster, whose death was ruled a suicide, was actually murdered and his body moved to Fort Marcy Park in northern Virginia.

Buh-Bye Dan Burton (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

At long last, we are closing the curtain
On the slanderous reign of Dan Burton.
His witch-hunt campaigns
To put Clinton in chains
Mean that Dems shall not miss him — that’s certain!

Yet Another Debt Ceiling Limerick

Saturday, July 30th, 2011

Yet Another Debt Ceiling Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans love to proclaim
That uncertainty’s bad — that’s their game.
But one thing’s for sure:
Their proposed crisis cure
Leads to chronic uncertainty. Shame!

A Limerick Farewell To Anthony Weiner

Thursday, June 16th, 2011

Limerick Farewell To Anthony Wiener
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m feeling forlorn, but resigned.
We have lost a great liberal mind.
There was really no choice
But to lose Weiner’s voice—
His behavior put Dems in a bind.

Let’s hope this is only a pause—
That one day he’ll be cured of his flaws—
With the passage of time
He’ll arise from the slime
And further our liberal cause.

Limerick Ode To The Math-Challenged Media

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

Paul Ryan’s budget plan is both radical and fraudulent. But that doesn’t prevent an astounding number of journalists (who presumably count with their fingers) from treating it with respect and referring to it as “serious” and “bold.”

Limerick Ode To The Math-Challenged Media
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The math-challenged journos who laud
Ryan’s radical plan and applaud,
Say it’s “serious,” “bold,”
But his plan has no hold
On reality — naught but a fraud.

Limerick Ode To A Government Shutdown

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

Limerick Ode to A Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The thought of a government shutdown
Should be quickly, decisively cut down.
But I fear that we’re screwed
Cuz of Washington’s mood:
Boehner’s party has turned into Nut Town.

Political Haiku Quartet

Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Styrofoam is back.
“Green the Capitol” is gone.
Job, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs?

*****

Rotund Rush Limbaugh
says Michelle Obama’s fat—
that’s hard to swallow.

*****

Freedom from taxes
demanded by those who crave
what taxes give them.

*****

The mental midget
mentioned an affinity
with Rush — no surprise.

*****

Showing up to vote—
a yearly exercise in
unrequited hope.

*****

(More political haiku here. And more Rush Limbaugh humor here.)

Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee (Updated — He’s Resigned)

Wednesday, February 9th, 2011

It seems Gawker’s got the goods on Rep. Christopher Lee, a conservative, married Republican congressman who serves the 26th District of New York. Apparently, “when he trolls Craigslist’s ‘Women Seeking Men’ forum, he’s Christopher Lee, ‘divorced’ ‘lobbyist’ and ‘fit fun classy guy’ — the sort of guy who’ll even email a shirtless photo to show just how ‘fit’ he is.

Congressman Lee is claiming to be innocent, blaming everything on his being hacked. Unfortunately, the hack post-dates the Craigslist missives. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Limerick Ode To Rep. Christopher Lee
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The married conservative Lee
Is now weeping a sad “Woe is me!”
Claims his Craigslist transgressions
Were not indiscretions
But hacks jobs, with “proof” we can’t see.

UPDATE: Christopher Lee has resigned.

Rep. Broun’s SOTU Claptrap

Friday, January 21st, 2011

Although I have strong feelings about most things political, I don’t care whether Democrats and Republicans adopt Sen. Mark Udall’s (D-CO) proposal to sit together during Obama’s State of the Union address. I suppose it’s a nice civility gesture. But I just don’t think it makes much of a difference one way or another.

That said, I think the frequently uncivil Rep. Paul Broun’s (R-GA) reaction to the mixed seating proposal was absurd:

I already believe very firmly that it is a trap and a ruse that Democrats are proposing. They don’t want civility. They want silence from the Republicans. And the sitting together being kissy-kissy is just another way to try to silence Republicans, and also to show — to keep the American people from seeing how few of them there are in the U.S. House now. Then when people stand up to — what the Democrats are going to be doing when Barack Obama spews out all his venom, then, um, if they’re scattered throughout all the Republicans, then it won’t be as noticeable as if we’re sitting apart.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Rep. Broun’s SOTU Claptrap
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rep. Broun is a very odd chap:
Says mixed seating at SOTU’s a “trap.”
When “Obama spews out
All his venom” can’t shout.
Nearby Dems might force poor Broun to clap.

Intelligence Redesigned

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

I didn’t think Republicans could surprise me anymore. But I must confess to being stunned by Rep. Michele “Blabbermouth” Bachmann’s appointment by Boehner to the secretive House Intelligence Committee.

And it seems even Republican insiders share my astonishment:

Bachmann once suggested that Congress should investigate whether Democratic lawmakers were pro- or anti-America, and she’s been a cable TV favorite because she’s known for colorful sound bites.

On her Facebook page, Tea Party icon Bachmann said:

As a mother of five biological children and twenty-three foster children I pledge to do whatever I need to do to keep your family, my family, and the United States safe from harm.

I feel safer already. But I still had to write this limerick:

Intelligence Redesigned
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I don’t normally make much ado
‘Bout committee appointments. Do you?
But Intelligence? Bachmann?
That’s really a shock men.
I fear for its plunging IQ.

Booing Boehner’s Boo-Hooing

Thursday, December 16th, 2010

Gail Collins isn’t too impressed with incoming speaker of the House John Boehner’s Crying Game, and neither am I.

And Timothy Egan does a great job seeing through Boehner’s bountiful tears:

It’s when he talks about how he rose from his humble past — the son of a bar owner, one of 12 children who grew up in a small home with a single bathroom — that Boehner starts to weep.

“Making sure these kids have a shot at the American Dream like I did is very important,” he said, choking up, when asked on “60 Minutes” about his crying.

But a look at Boehner’s record during his two decades in Congress shows a man who has voted against nearly every boost for the working stiff. There’s no empathy for those with the longest shots at the American Dream in his voting pattern. Instead, we see a politician who is hard-hearted in his legislative treatment of the people now coping with the kind of economic conditions in which the Boehner family grew up.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Booing Boehner’s Boo-Hooing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rep. Boehner cries crocodile tears.
He’s been feigning compassion for years.
Though his tears say “he cares,”
His vote record blares
That he likes kicking poor folk downstairs.

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Every so often I sum up a period in alpha-political verse. For instance, I did one about the opening months of the Obama administration. I also did two about the Bush administration, one a not-so-fond farewell to Bush and Cheney and the other a satirical summary of their disastrous first term.

This mid-term election period has been so bizarre, that I couldn’t resist doing another one:

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A is for Alaska, whose incumbent needs good spelling.

B is for Barack. The GOP sure wants his dwelling.

C is for Christine who’s anti-gay and masturbation.

D’s for Delaware debates, where laughter ain’t ovation.

E is for elections. Dems lose bad — so say the seers.

F’s for foreign cash galore supporting GOPers.

G is for Glenn Beck and all the crazy stuff he says.

H is for Sec. Hillary. Too bad that gal ain’t Prez.

I’s for Darrell Issa who is itching to impeach.

J is for John Boehner — smells majority in reach.

K is for Ken Mehlman who is fin’ly out as gay.

L’s for Libertarians who, like Rand, to regs say “Nay!”

M is for Joe Miller — seems he doesn’t like the press.

N’s for Speaker Nancy P. Her House is sure a mess.

O’s For Bill O’Reilly versus Joy and Whoopi. Wow!

P’s for Paladino. Angry bully? Yes, and how!

Q’s for all the questions the extremists won’t address.

R’s for Reid’s tough Angle bout. I’m worried, I confess.

S is for Mike Steele who claims to run the RNC.

T is for the Tenthers and their anti-fed law spree.

U is for our Union which secessionists would flee.

V is for the voters drinking Kool-Aid-flavored tea.

W’s for the many wars we’re fighting — can’t keep track.

X is for the xenophobic anti-”other” pack.

Y is for the youth. We really need them at the polls.

And Z’s for right-wing zealots. We must squash their ugly goals.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

Jonathan Chait does a great job explaining what a Republican win would mean: If Republicans gain control of the House, they will almost certainly impeach President Obama on some flimsy pretext.

Chait’s lowdown on Darrell Issa, the itching-for-impeachment would-be chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, is a must-read.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican threat is in reach:
Take over the House — then impeach.
What’s the crime? It’s a gem:
Prez Obama’s a Dem!
So please vote. We can’t risk such a breach.

Limerick Ode To Mike Pence

Tuesday, September 28th, 2010

For some reason, many Republicans view House Republican Conference Chairman Mike Pence (Indiana) as being smart. And yet just about any policy discussion reveals him to be an ignorant moron.

Limerick Ode To Mike Pence
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican Congressman Pence
Has never made one lick of sense.
Why he’s viewed by his peers
To have brains tween his ears
Is a puzzle to Dems quite immense.

Apathy, Schmapathy — Dems Still Have To Vote!

Wednesday, September 8th, 2010

Hey Dems, if you’re feeling disappointed, disgusted, and apathetic, you’re not alone. I feel your pain, and so do lots of other Democrats.

The enthusiasm gap between Democrats and Republicans is huge and growing every day. And this could have dire results: Republicans, the very people who got us into this mess, might very well take over both the House and the Senate.

You think you’re miserable now? Just imagine how depressed you’ll feel in November, if Democrats are no-shows at the voting booths, handing both Congressional houses over to the GOP.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Apathy, Schmapathy — Dems Still Have To Vote!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The voters are feeling enraged.
Disappointment’s made Dems disengaged.
But a GOP win
Would be tragic — a sin.
So a voting war has to be waged.

“Deem and Pass” Ditty

Saturday, March 20th, 2010

The House has apparently ditched the “deem and pass” health reform voting mechanism. Instead, it will hold separate up-or-down votes on the Senate health care bill and on the changes to that bill. While various explanations have been given, my limerick explains the real reason “deem and pass” plans have been abandoned:

“Deem and Pass” Ditty
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So “deem and pass” will not be used.
Not surprised — I was rather bemused:
To me, it was seemin’
It sounded like “demon.”
Of framing faux pas the phrase oozed.