Archive for the ‘Voting Satire’ Category

Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:

*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.

*******

An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.

*********

Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.

*****

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.

Madeleine: What’s the problem?

Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!

Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”

*****

“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”

What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.

*****

Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!

*****

I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!

*****

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”

So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:

Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?

*****

Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?

Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!

Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.

Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?

*****

“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”

Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…

Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?

*****

Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”

(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)

*****

“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”

Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!

*****

Trump’s Phoenix Rally

Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.

*****

Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”

The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.

*****

Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!

*****

Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!

*****

Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:

Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.

What’s another Trump lie?

*****

Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”

*****

Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!

*****

Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!

*****

Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?

*****

The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.

*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku

“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.

*****

Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?

*****

Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?

*****

“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.

*****

The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.

*****

Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?

*****

If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.

*****

Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?

*****

A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!

*****

Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.

*****

Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.

*****

Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:

“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.

*****

Voter’s Remorse? (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

“Are you suff’ring from voter’s remorse?”
That query arises, perforce.
But I’ve yet to hear “yes”
In response, I confess.
Does it cause that much stress to change course?

For Trump, Election Rigging is De Rigueur

Saturday, August 13th, 2016

Trump Headline of the Day: “I’ll Only Lose With ‘Cheating,’ Asks Supporters To Watch Polling Places.”

As I explain in my 2-verse limerick, Trump’s urging supporters to intimidate Democratic voters:

In a nutshell, here’s Donald’s j’accuse:
“Only cheating can cause me to lose.
“Stop those people (sub-par) —
“You all know who they are —
“From stealing what’s mine.” What a ruse!

Don’t be fooled by the Trumpian spin.
Calls for action like that are a sin;
He’s encouraging fans
To make bullying plans,
Cuz it’s CHEATING Trump NEEDS for a WIN.

How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We women are “whiners,” they bray.
We “lie” that there’s “no equal pay.”
That’s the GOP line,
And it suits me just fine:
On Election Day, gals get their say.

Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Remember “one person, one vote?”
Now “one dollar, one vote’s” what they wrote;
Yes, the U.S. Supremes
Favor money — in reams,
As the rich grab free speech by the throat.

Thanks to the New Yorker’s John Cassidy, for inspiring this limerick with his acerbic comment about McCutcheon v. FEC:

But Wednesday’s decision, once again a five-to-four ruling, represented another significant step away from the antiquated principle of “one person, one vote” toward the more modern, and utilitarian, notion of “one dollar, one vote.”

Supreme Priorities (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

If you thought the Citizens United ruling undermined democracy, brace yourself: The Roberts court has made things even worse with yet another controversial 5-4 decision in McCutcheon v. FEC. Assaulting campaign finance reform once again, the Supreme Court struck down the aggregate limits on how much an individual can contribute to candidates, parties and political action committees.

As Ari Berman astutely observes:

The Court’s conservative majority believes that the First Amendment gives wealthy donors and powerful corporations the carte blanche right to buy an election but that the Fifteenth Amendment does not give Americans the right to vote free of racial discrimination.

Supreme Priorities
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Supremes freed the wealthy to buy
Politicians — an endless supply.
Seems “free speech” means “free spending,”
While “voting rights rending”
Isn’t something they care to decry.

Scott Walker Walks Into His Own Trap (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 11th, 2014

UPDATE: The blogger who interviewed Governor Walker and whose Walker quote is the premise of this entire post and limerick, has corrected his story to indicate that the quote was a transcription error and that the Governor did not claim to have voted for Reagan when it was illegal to do so.

Rather than simply “disappearing” this post, I’ll leave it up with this correction notice. My apologies to anyone who was misled by my reliance on the earlier version of that interviewer’s story.

*****

Republicans have a long history of bolstering their credentials by citing some Ronald Reagan connection. So it tends to be no big deal when a Republican pol waxes eloquent about having voted for Reagan.

And then there’s Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker (R), who recently said:

I remember, I was a teenager, had just become a teenager and voted for Ronald Reagan — limited government, you know, smaller government, lower taxes, strong national defense. You knew what you were getting. You knew how a Reagan administration, a Reagan presidency was going to be better for you.

Alas, since Walker was born on November 2, 1967, he “wasn’t old enough to vote in either 1980 or 1984 when Reagan ran for president.” So if Scott Walker was being truthful, then he’s just owned up to committing voter fraud.

Scott Walker Walks Into His Own Trap (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Walker tried to increase his appeal
With a “voted for Ron Reagan” spiel.
Do the math; Scott’s denoting
His under-age voting.
Fin’ly, ONE case of vote fraud that’s real.

The Supreme Court Preclears Voter Suppression (Limerick)

Thursday, June 27th, 2013

The U.S. Supreme Court’s hypocritical demolishment of the Voting Rights Act, followed by a rush by certain states to impose discriminatory voting restrictions, inspired this three-verse limerick:

The Supreme Court Preclears Voter Suppression (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sev’ral states who once had to preclear
Any voting law change, gave a cheer:
The Supremes set them free
To restrict votes with glee,
Which they’re doing with plans in high gear.

In its holding, both sneaky and bold,
The Sup Court said the formula’s old,
And so need not be heeded–
A new one is needed:
It freed states to fair-voting withhold.

Some are doing just that with great speed,
Which proves that old formula’s need–
That it wasn’t outdated:
Bad intent’s unabated,
And there’s nothing to stop its stampede.

Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia

Monday, March 4th, 2013

I’ve been meaning to write about Antonin Scalia’s obnoxious Voting Rights Act comments. Something tells me he’d be a bit more enthused about the law, if the people it protected tended to vote Republican.

Limerick Ode To Antonin Scalia
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Scalia gave quite the recital
With that “racial entitlement” title
He “bestowed” on the vote,
Fearing Dem voter bloat:
To Scalia, such voters ain’t vital.

Another Commission? “Ben” There, Done That (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

I generally liked Obama’s SOTU speech. But his voting rights commission plan is unadulterated crapola. How do you give the illusion of dealing with a problem, while doing nothing at all? Appoint a commission.

Obama’s decision to create a voter suppression commission would be bad enough. But he added insult to injury by naming Mitt Romney campaign lawyer Ben Ginsberg to his two-person panel. The very same Ben Ginsberg who helped lead the 2000 recount effort for George W. Bush — an attorney who considers voter suppression a feature, not a bug.

Another Commission? “Ben” There, Done That (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Since voter suppression’s the mission
Of Republicans, voter attrition
Will keep getting worse.
A commission’s a curse.
We need action with great expedition.

Listen To Palin and Annoy Me, Please! (Limerick)

Monday, January 30th, 2012

I never thought I’d say this, but please listen to Sarah Palin:

Sarah Palin still hasn’t officially endorsed Newt Gingrich, but she’s making it increasingly clear that she’s pulling for the former House speaker to continue to cause headaches for Mitt Romney.

Her latest bumper-sticker-ready pitch to Republican voters: “Vote for Newt, annoy a liberal.”

Listen To Palin and Annoy Me, Please! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Annoy Lib’rals, vote Newt — that’s the pitch
That Palin is spouting. How rich!
We’d delight in a Newt
V. Barack race, and root
For Mitt Romney to suffer that glitch.

Limerick Ode To Republican Panic

Monday, January 23rd, 2012

Newt Gingrich demolished Mitt in South Carolina. Newt’s surging in Florida. And Romney’s large national lead is collapsing. Needless to say, the Republican establishment is starting to panic:

To the extent Newt threatens the Establishment, it’s because of his electability–or lack thereof. The GOP’s mandarins see Gingrich’s nomination as a sure way to blow their chance of deposing Barack Obama. They see Gingrich as the political equivalent of a Fukushima nuclear plant worker, with polls showing him to be lethally irradiated by his negative approval ratings. Whereas Mitt Romney is running about even with Barack Obama in head-to-head polling, Newt loses by double-digit margins. Sure, those numbers could change if Gingrich beats Romney and wins the nomination, with all the accolades it entails. On the other hand, his grandiosity syndrome may kick in, as it has before, and render him a laughing stock. Hence the many Establishment Republicans now saying things like, “Newt means losing 45 states.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Limerick Ode To Republican Panic
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican powers-that-be
Are scared of a Newt-nominee:
Newt’s grandiose ways
Could trigger malaise,
As voters to Democrats flee.

A Cautionary Election Year Limerick

Monday, January 2nd, 2012

A Cautionary Election Year Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

At long last, a new year is upon us,
And the fate of our land hinges on us.
Pay attention to news
And beware of skewed views.
Time to stop letting evil pols con us.

Limerick Ode To Ben Nelson

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

Why would anyone, other than a Republican, lament “centrist” Senator Ben Nelson’s decision not to run for reelection?

Limerick Ode To Ben Nelson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ben Nelson won’t run again. Great!
He took stands that were easy to hate:
Helped Republicans halt
Senate votes. Oy gevalt!
He’s a DINO. There’s just no debate.

Pressing The Press On Voter Suppression (Limerick)

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Steve Benen has written an excellent post about the underreported voter suppression scandal:

Under the auspices of rooting out “voter fraud” — a problem that appears to exist largely in the over-active imaginations of GOP activists — Republicans are passing voter-ID measures, closing windows for early voting, and approving new laws restricting voter-registration drives, all targeting specific kinds of voters who happen to be traditional Democratic supporters.

And the Brennan Center For Justice has produced a frightening study of these “radical” voting law changes.

Now if only the media would take some time out from its hefty will-he-or-won’t-he Christie coverage, to report on this important issue.

Pressing The Press On Voter Suppression (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP war on our voting
Is a problem the press isn’t noting.
Unfair laws will suppress
Dem votes with finesse,
The Republican prospects promoting.

Pre-Election Jitters (Limerick) Limerick Audio

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

Pre-Election Jitters (audio version)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am feeling freaked out and may weep
Cuz I fear a Republican sweep.
I’m bracing for news
That’s so awful my views
Said in verse will require a bleep.

(If you’d like to hear me recite this limerick, click here for Pre-Election-Jitters.)

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

As you know, I think Republican supporters are wrong about everything. But I have to assume they have a good faith belief that Republican pols want to make things better for the American people. And I’d like to think some of them would reevaluate their votes if they knew about the GOP’s real priority.

What am talking about? In an interview with National Journal, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted to a totally different goal:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president,” McConnell said, adding, “Our single biggest political goal is to give [the Republican] nominee for president the maximum opportunity to be successful.”

There’s no ambiguity here: Republicans are taking a strong stand for partisan politics over good policy. And that leads me to my latest two-verse limerick:

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who are suff’ring frustration
And see GOP wins as salvation,
Those pols led by Mitch
Dragged us into this ditch
And will not do what’s good for our nation.

No, they won’t get us out of this hole,
Cuz McConnell has one single goal:
Make the Prez a one-termer,
He brags — does not murmur.
So please think when you go to the poll.

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010

Tuesday, October 26th, 2010

Every so often I sum up a period in alpha-political verse. For instance, I did one about the opening months of the Obama administration. I also did two about the Bush administration, one a not-so-fond farewell to Bush and Cheney and the other a satirical summary of their disastrous first term.

This mid-term election period has been so bizarre, that I couldn’t resist doing another one:

Alpha-Political Verse: Election 2010
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A is for Alaska, whose incumbent needs good spelling.

B is for Barack. The GOP sure wants his dwelling.

C is for Christine who’s anti-gay and masturbation.

D’s for Delaware debates, where laughter ain’t ovation.

E is for elections. Dems lose bad — so say the seers.

F’s for foreign cash galore supporting GOPers.

G is for Glenn Beck and all the crazy stuff he says.

H is for Sec. Hillary. Too bad that gal ain’t Prez.

I’s for Darrell Issa who is itching to impeach.

J is for John Boehner — smells majority in reach.

K is for Ken Mehlman who is fin’ly out as gay.

L’s for Libertarians who, like Rand, to regs say “Nay!”

M is for Joe Miller — seems he doesn’t like the press.

N’s for Speaker Nancy P. Her House is sure a mess.

O’s For Bill O’Reilly versus Joy and Whoopi. Wow!

P’s for Paladino. Angry bully? Yes, and how!

Q’s for all the questions the extremists won’t address.

R’s for Reid’s tough Angle bout. I’m worried, I confess.

S is for Mike Steele who claims to run the RNC.

T is for the Tenthers and their anti-fed law spree.

U is for our Union which secessionists would flee.

V is for the voters drinking Kool-Aid-flavored tea.

W’s for the many wars we’re fighting — can’t keep track.

X is for the xenophobic anti-“other” pack.

Y is for the youth. We really need them at the polls.

And Z’s for right-wing zealots. We must squash their ugly goals.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment

Thursday, October 14th, 2010

Jonathan Chait does a great job explaining what a Republican win would mean: If Republicans gain control of the House, they will almost certainly impeach President Obama on some flimsy pretext.

Chait’s lowdown on Darrell Issa, the itching-for-impeachment would-be chairman of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee, is a must-read.

Guess Who’s Itching For Impeachment (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican threat is in reach:
Take over the House — then impeach.
What’s the crime? It’s a gem:
Prez Obama’s a Dem!
So please vote. We can’t risk such a breach.

Obama’s Half-Assed Message

Wednesday, September 29th, 2010

Dear President Obama:

Please enlighten me. What exactly is your strategy to win back your base and persuade liberals to vote this November?

Does your plan involve pissing off progressives even more? Does it entail compensating for your lack of strength and progressive vision by blaming progressives for our own apathy?

If so, then you’re doing a really good job.

Obama’s Half-Assed Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, you’re right — Dems must vote.
But there’s something I simply must note:
You’re weak and a muck up.
Don’t tell your base “Buck up!”
All you’re doing is getting our goat.