Archive for the ‘Election Satire’ Category

What Happened? I’ll Tell You What Happened! (Limerick)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

You don’t wish to read Hillary’s book?
That’s just fine, but don’t ask us to brook
All your bitching and moaning,
Begrudging and groaning;
It is YOU who gave US Trump the Crook!

Limericks and Sundry Humor (September 2017)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

Dear Donald, I wish you’d vamoose
It ain’t safe in DC with you loose.
The whole nation, in fact,
Would at last be less racked,
If you’d simply become a recluse.

*****
The Donald is starting to backtrack
In response to fierce tweets from the whack-track
That their love for him’s gone
Cuz he’s “Amnesty Don.”
DACA deal with the Dems? Cue sad sack-track.

*****

The media’s only too glad
To opine that Trump’s pivoting. Sad!
Though he turns on a dime,
Those ain’t pivots; Each time
It’s a sign he’s insane. The guy’s MAD!

*****

CNN Headline of the Day: “Trump has nominated 42 people for US attorney. Only one is a woman”

No doubt Ivanka is VERY disappointed.

*****

Devastating Hurricane: “WRONG Time To Mention Climate Change!”

Mass Shooting: “WRONG Time To Mention Gun Control!”

Anyone detect a pattern here?
*****

Headline of the Day: “Upbeat Trump raves to Schumer, Pelosi about news coverage of their deal”

Donald loves to be praised in the press,
Which is rare, cuz his reign is a mess.
But the deal he just made
With the Democrats paid
Off in cov’rage that’s easing his stress.

Seems the same can’t be said for old Mitch
And Paul Ryan. (Betrayal’s a bitch!)
With high hopes for some wins,
They put up with Trump’s sins.
Their reward? They’ve been dumped in a ditch.

******
Press Query: What will you do about X?
Trump: We’ll see.
Child’s Query: Can I do X? Can I? Can I?
Parent: We’ll see.

*****
Trump has a long history of taking undeserved credit for donations. Will Hurricane Harvey be yet another example?

Do not rush to give Trump an ovation
For his one million dollar “donation”
To victims of Harvey;
Though pledges are marvy,
Please buck promise and payment conflation.

******
Trump proclaimed he’d treat Dreamers “with heart,”
But his vow was a lie from the start.
Dumping DACA, he’s dashed
All their dreams; hope’s been smashed
By a bigot who’s slashed us apart.

*****

This probably sounds cynical, given Trump’s obvious instability.

But despite Donald’s mental unfitness, I don’t believe the powers that be will ever use the 25th Amendment to remove him from the presidency.

Hence my limerick rant:

Has the Donald succumbed to a funk?
Is his psyche okay? Oh what bunk!
Why fret NOW? It’s too LATE!
Foolish votes sealed our fate.
That ship’s sailed and, alas, we are sunk.

*****
Is anyone else sick of stories claiming that Ivanka and Jared tried really, really hard to get Trump to do the right thing?

Poor Ivanka and Jared are sad,
Once again disappointed by dad
After trying sooooo hard.
If you buy this canard,
You’re as blind as daft Donald is mad.

*****

Two-Verse Limerick:

Have you read Donald’s tweet-rants today,
Aimed at partners of DPRK?
They clearly were meant
To scare China. Trump’s vent
Was a threat to stop trade. Foolish bray!

Even Donald would rather not crash
Our economy. That would be rash.
So his threat to stop trade
With China charade
Is naught but nonsensical trash.

*****

Trump to Pence: I saw photos of you in Houston, hugging Harvey victims and clearing debris.

Pence: Just doing my part, Mr. President.

Trump: Stop trying to make me look bad!

*****

Dearest Trump fans, condemning Obama
For Katrina, with Sturm, Drang, and drama,
Is a waste of Snopes’ time.
Dopey gripes are a crime.
Did he also cause Black Tuesday trauma?

*****

Dear Donald, I hope you’re aware
That you’re poor at pretending to care.
Though some suckers still buy
Ev’ry pretense and lie,
Being selfish is all that you share.

*****

Trump: “Harvey. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.”

Me: Donald. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.

*****

Trump on the Hurricane Harvey recovery: “We want to do it better than ever before. We want to be looked at in five years or 10 years from now as this is the way to do it.”

I, for one, am looking forward to all the congratulatory phone calls Trump will be inventing.

*****

Pro-brutality, favors rascality,
Can’t accept or contend with reality,
Badly raised, must be praised,
His mentality’s crazed;
Trump’s normality — national malady.

*****

FEMA Adviser: The Dallas Convention Center will house 5000 Harvey refugees.

TRUMP: Unacceptable! I’ve banned ALL refugees!

*****

Journalist: During the campaign, you claimed to have no dealings with Russia.

Trump: That’s right, and I didn’t!

Journalist: Then how do you explain your Moscow Trump Tower “letter of intent?”

Trump: I INTENDED to have dealings. Bigly different!

*****

Dear Donald: Golf All The Time! Please! (Limerick)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

Donald’s lengthy vacations are fine!
Let him golf ev’ry day — I won’t whine.
When Trump works, he does harm,
Raising fear and alarm;
Full-time frolicking’s far more benign.

Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:

*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.

*******

An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.

*********

Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.

*****

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.

Madeleine: What’s the problem?

Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!

Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”

*****

“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”

What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.

*****

Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!

*****

I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!

*****

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”

So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:

Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?

*****

Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?

Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!

Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.

Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?

*****

“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”

Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…

Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?

*****

Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”

(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)

*****

“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”

Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!

*****

Trump’s Phoenix Rally

Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.

*****

Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”

The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.

*****

Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!

*****

Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!

*****

Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:

Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.

What’s another Trump lie?

*****

Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”

*****

Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!

*****

Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!

*****

Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?

*****

The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.

*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku

“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.

*****

Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?

*****

Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?

*****

“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.

*****

The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.

*****

Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?

*****

If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.

*****

Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?

*****

A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!

*****

Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.

*****

Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.

*****

Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:

“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.

*****

Russian Election Interference — NOT A One-Time Thing (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017

Though people seem prone to adopt
The past tense re the Russians, I’ll opt
To claim present tense crime
Re elections, each time;
There’s no reason to think that they’ve stopped.

The “Trump Doesn’t Know What He’s Saying” Defense (Limerick)

Thursday, June 15th, 2017

Did Donald obstruct? Some say “Nyet!
“That claim against Trump is all wet!
“He’s a novice pol/prez,
“So ignore what he says.
“His words are inept, so no threat.”

The Grifter-In-Chief Has Lost His BS Groove.

Sunday, June 11th, 2017

Donald Trump appears miffed and adrift;
He’s bereft of his once go-to gift
Of BSing his way
Out of any foray.
No more heyday for fraud, lies, and grift!

Voter’s Remorse? (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

“Are you suff’ring from voter’s remorse?”
That query arises, perforce.
But I’ve yet to hear “yes”
In response, I confess.
Does it cause that much stress to change course?

Only Bad People Get Sick? (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

According to Rep. Mo Brooks (R-AL), sick people don’t deserve affordable healthcare.

If you’re healthy, this means that you’re good.
Only bad folks get sick. Understood?
That’s the gospel of Mo;
Rep. Mo Brooks — what a schmo!
“Christian love” from the GOP hood.

Be Careful What You Wish For (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

As Republicans surely are learning
(Having finally sated their yearning
For one-party rule)
Running government’s cool…
But much harder than blocking and churning.

The Price Of Defiance (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

The Donald keeps shattering norms;
Routine standards? He rarely conforms.
Though it got him the win,
His defiant thin skin
Breeds snafus, chaos, loss, and tweet storms.

Dear Media: Trump ISN’T A Populist, So Stop Calling Him One! (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017

Does anyone else cringe when the media calls Trump a “populist?” I suggest these, instead: “purported populist,” “fake populist,” “alleged populist,” just-pretend populist,” or “faux populist.”

A “faux populist” con hurtled Trump
To the White House, the votes from each chump
Gained by promises made
That he’d come to their aid;
Bigly duped by a fraud on the stump.

The “Ridiculous Standard” Trump Once Loved (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 25th, 2017

CNBC Headline: “Trump calls first 100 days a ‘ridiculous standard’ — even though he set it as a standard.”

Remember when Donald embraced
The 1st HUNDRED Days standard? He based
His campaign on a list
Of such goals, mostly missed.
Having failed, he’d declare it erased.

Will Trump Instigate a Government Shut-Down On Purpose? (Limerick)

Monday, April 24th, 2017

As Disrupter-in-Chief, Trump’s an ace,
And he certainly seems right on pace
To delib’rately cause
A government pause;
A shut-down to placate his base.

For he promised his fans he’d make waves,
Shake things up and then topple the knaves
Who keep government going
And tax money flowing,
Enforcing each reg that enslaves.

But he finds himself deep in a pickle.
His accomplishments? Not worth a nickel
So he needs a big drama;
A gov-shut-down trauma —
Even gullible fans can be fickle.

What Bill O’Reilly Did Wrong, According To Trump (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 5th, 2017

The Harasser-in-Chief’s made his call:
Bill was wrong to make payments at all
To the gals he harassed.
Seems Trump is aghast;
His Compadre-in-Lust took the fall.

The Trump Revolt (Limerick)

Monday, February 27th, 2017

Yet another headline that begs for a limerick:
“Donald Trump is creating a field day for the 1%.”

While running, Trump promised to lead
A revolt v. elitists. But heed
Donald’s affluent picks;
Mostly rich, gilt-edged pricks.
His flimflam’s revolting, indeed.

Trump’s Record of Deception (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2017

Today’s Washington Post headline cries out for a limerick:

Donald Trump’s streak of falsehoods now stands at 33 days

Donald Trump has been president for all or part of 33 days. He has averaged four falsehoods or misleading statements a day(!) in that time. There hasn’t been a single day of Trump’s presidency in which he has said nothing false or misleading.

As Donald spouts stats that ain’t real,
Here’s one grounded in fact Trump won’t feel
Any impulse to tout:
Daily lies from the lout
Av’rage four — Donald’s Artifice Deal.

Trump’s Tweet-Monitors Won’t Let Him Post This Limerick

Wednesday, February 1st, 2017

There is NO Muslim ban, and Dem tears
Are fake and deserve all our sneers!
And how dare they deplore such
A great guy as Gorsuch!
If they block him, I’ll nuke their careers!

You Lost The Popular Vote, Donald. Get Over It! (2-Verse Limerick)

Tuesday, January 24th, 2017

“Trump Repeats Lie About Popular Vote in Meeting With Lawmakers.”

Now that Trump’s been sworn in, you would think
Mr. Orange would feel in the pink;
That he’d cease his false claims
And fake voter-fraud flames,
But it seems that the man needs a shrink.

Clinton’s popular vote win’s immense,
Which is making Trump terribly tense.
So he fabricates fraud,
Saying votes for the Broad
By illegals robbed Donald and Pence.

AWOL Muse (Limerick)

Friday, January 20th, 2017

If you stop by my page, I’m afraid
You’ll spot flop-sweat; my sage muse has strayed.
From her shocked disappointment
At Donald’s anointment
She brayed, “There’s no point! We’re betrayed!”