Archive for the ‘Election Satire’ Category

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, June 30th, 2015

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christie, you claim that you’re running.
If you are, then your chutzpah is stunning,
Cuz you surely know well
That you’ve no chance in hell.
Cunning prank perhaps? ’Fess up: You’re funning!

GOP Campaign Slogans

Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

jindal-christie

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)

Monday, June 22nd, 2015

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We can always depend on Ted Cruz
To be tacky in voicing his views;
He tells gun control jokes
After massacres, folks,
Crudely preying on death to “amuse.”

Sen. Ted Cruz apparently finds mass murder amusing. Here’s just one of his campaign jokes uttered just two days after the Charleston church massacre:

“You know the great thing about the state of Iowa is, I’m pretty sure you all define gun control the same way we do in Texas — hitting what you aim at.”

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Says Trump, “I shall build a great wall.
I’m the greatest wall-builder of all!
I’ll make Mexico pay
To construct it — Olé!”
There’s no tale that’s too tall for Trump’s gall.

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil

Tuesday, June 16th, 2015

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Trump, you’ve announced that you’ll run.
But I know it’s a stunt, and you’ll shun
That financial report.
When it’s due, you’ll abort…
After relishing limelight-filled fun.

NOTE: A presidential candidate can, in theory, “run” for four months without filing his personal financial disclosure with the FEC … and then abandon the campaign. And I’m betting Trump will do exactly that.

Why? Cuz Trump can BS all he wants to on his two-page unsworn-to summary of assets. But the actual legal filing has to be accurate. And I’m guessing that an accurate filing wouldn’t be nearly as impressive as Trump’s “asset summary.”

The Washington Post explains the personal financial reporting requirements for a presidential candidate:

…under a 1978 federal ethics law, presidential candidates must file a personal financial disclosure with the FEC within 30 days after announcing their candidacies. (They can request two 45-day extensions.) The filing must detail their financial interests and income, as well as those of their spouses and dependent children.

No More Grasping At Straws (Limerick)

Friday, June 12th, 2015

The Iowa GOP Board
Found its straw poll was being ignored
And disdained — even mocked.
So I sure wasn’t shocked
By its vote to at last cut the cord.

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Saturday, June 6th, 2015

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the “clown car” and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!

Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con

Thursday, June 4th, 2015

Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Why are so many newscasts ignoring
Bush’s lie when he claims he’s exploring
A possible race?
It’s clearly the case
That on FEC regs Jeb is warring.

Jeb’s been stretching the Super PAC rules
And playing the public for fools.
He coordinates madly,
Treats fed’ral law badly,
And laughs as the press acts like tools.

(You can read about Jeb’s “stretching the limits of election law” here and the lack of broadcast evening news coverage here.

Election Season (Limerick)

Friday, April 24th, 2015

Election Season (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Watch cowardly pols run away
From positions they used to display.
And the liars’ technique
Is denial with pique.
Either way, they hold journos at bay.

Open Limerick To Louie Gohmert

Friday, March 27th, 2015

Alas, it seems Louie Gohmert was just kidding the other day when he mentioned possibly running for president. Damn!

Open Limerick To Louie Gohmert
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Louie Gohmert, I’m begging you, run.
Your voice in the race would be fun!
Next to you, Trump and Ted
Seem nigh “right in the head.”
Then again, where’d we be if you won?

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My muse and I thank you, Ted Cruz.
We’re enthused by your news. No more blues!
I’m infused with elation.
You’re bruising our nation,
But your run means we rhymers can’t lose.

Political Tidbits

Saturday, March 21st, 2015

Glenn Beck just announced that he’s quitting the Republican Party.

It seems the GOP isn’t quite crazy enough for him.

*****

To prove he really means it this time, Donald Trump is forming a presidential exploratory committee.

Some circuses just can’t have too many rings.

*****

Dear Rand Paul, I don’t live in Kentucky,
And I think that you’re far worse than yucky.
Why’s your newsletter clogging
My email and dogging
My bandwidth with viewpoints so sucky?

*****

Facts can be pesky
and undermine views.
But the right just discards them
like old, worn out shoes.

*****

In a Playboy interview, Dick Cheney said Obama is “the worst president of my lifetime”.

I could have sworn that title belonged to Cheney.

*****

Why don’t I call
the GOP pols heartless?
I hate redundancy.

*****

Re Matt McLaughlin’s gays-killing CA ballot initiative, doesn’t his “Sodomite Suppression Act” deserve a “Matt McLaughlin Suppression Act?”

*****
Alaska Republican Rep. Don Young suggested letting wolves loose to cure the homeless problem.

What a foxy way to angle for a job at Fox News!

*****

The duped marks wallow
in hollow crap they swallow
from pols they follow.

*****

Conservative commentator Dinesh D’Souza has denounced Hillary Clinton’s “lawlessness.”

But I think D’Souza is just lonely serving time for violating campaign finance laws.

*****

Sudden clarity
of thought and reason in pols–
Can’t a gal dream?

*****

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has signed a “Right-to-Work” law, a/k/a the “Right to Destroy Unions by Reaping Benefits Without Paying Dues” law.

******

GOP hucksters
hock our nation’s future
to gain/maintain power.

*****

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma (Updated)

Monday, March 2nd, 2015

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma

A new Public Opinion Polling survey finds that 62% of voters think it’s important for the President to have a high school diploma, compared to only 31% who think it doesn’t matter.

Interesting: “There’s a large partisan divide on the issue: Democrats by an 81%-14% spread think it’s important, while Republicans are evenly divided on the matter at 45%-45%.”

When asked to respond to this poll, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said, “Only elitists and ISIS supporters would buy into that requirement, whereas Senator Rand Paul said, “Have I mentioned that I’m a doctor?”

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a fellow presidential hopeful, disagreed with both men, saying “Don’t glasses make me look smart?”

*****

UPDATE: I was chagrined to learn that my column has fallen afoul of Poe’s Law. What the heck is Poe’s Law? The “literary adage which stipulates that without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.”

So for anyone who read this and accepted the poll as real and/or any of the quotes as real, this is hundred percent parody. It was inspired by an actual poll related to whether people believe a U.S. President should have a college degree.

UPDATE 2:

Poe’s Law compressed into a haiku:

In extremist times
reality/parody
appear to have merged.

Mitt Bows Out (Limerick)

Saturday, January 31st, 2015

Mitt Bows Out (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney won’t run. What a blow!
He took stock and decided no-go.
Now I won’t get to mock
His new populist crock
As the dough flows to Dubya’s bro.

A Holiday Of Sorts (Limerick)

Saturday, December 27th, 2014

A Holiday Of Sorts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

How I savored my marvelous break
From political venom — each snake
Of a pol now defanged,
And no one harangued.
At the time, though, I wasn’t awake.

Note: This limerick started out as haiku, inspired by the Twitter prompt word “venom.” But just as I was about to post it, I noticed I’d placed the word “break” (which has tons of rhyme words) at the end of line one. And it occurred to me to try to turn it into a limerick. Of course, as soon as the rhyme word “awake” hit me, I had my last line. So NOT writing a limerick would have been criminal.

Here’s my original haiku:

Imagine a break
from political venom–
puffed up pols defanged.

***

Here’s this year’s excellent roundup of some of the best posts from liberal blogs, chosen by the bloggers themselves.

#jonswift2014

The Party Of White Guys Strikes Again

Wednesday, November 19th, 2014

Republican gals
awarded but one House chair–
housekeeping gavel.

Twenty-one gavels–
GOP guys get twenty.
One lone gal “keeps house.”

For those who are keeping score, Rep. Candice Miller is the only woman who will be wielding a gavel in the Republican-controlled House. Twenty committee chairmanships go to guys (mostly white), while the least prestigious one — the House Administration Committee — goes (again) to Miller.

Miller’s committee runs the day-to-day operations of the House. So if there’s a hearing about problems with the House cafeteria or bathrooms, Candice Miller’s “The Man.”

To be fair, the Administration Committee’s other principal function is oversight over federal elections. So I suppose Miller can also hold hearings on how to make it harder for Democrats to vote.

Election Reflections (Limerick and Haiku)

Wednesday, November 5th, 2014

Election Reflections (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our nation’s elections have ended
With results rather distant from splendid.
As Republicans cheer,
I won’t cry in my beer;
I’ll need gin for our nightmare extended.

***** Sundry Post-Election Haiku *****

Dreadful election
has killed my sense of humor,
so stuck with haiku.

Election’s over–
my worst fears are realized.
Say bye to Senate.

Dems disempowered,
Republicans emboldened.
Brace for impeachment.

Election wipeout–
Americans even more
stupid than I thought.

“Was the election
a Clinton epic failure?”
Latest lame headline.

Sense of humor gone;
If you have held on to yours,
may I borrow it?

***** Post-Election Tanka *****

Watching the returns,
I memorized who won what,
but taxing my mind
proved to be unwarranted–
The Republican guys won.

Writing Verse, When Things Go from Bad to Worse

Monday, November 3rd, 2014

Writing Verse, When Things Go from Bad to Worse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My goal is political mockery,
Poking fun at election-time squawkery.
But the polls are so bad
And the news is so sad,
That all I can do is throw crockery.

Open Limerick To Political Pollsters

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

Open Limerick To Political Pollsters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear pollsters, you’re going to town
With predictions that force me to frown.
Each projection I hear
Feeds dejection. I fear
Evil clowns will be taking us down.

How I yearn for a spark that gives hope
And will somehow allow me to cope
With our national news
And the venom that spews.
Until then, I’ll continue to mope.

Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky

Tuesday, September 30th, 2014

Open Limerick to Charlotte Clinton Mezvinsky
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Charlotte, I hope you’re prepared
For attacks, because war’s been declared.
Though you just got your name,
You’re a Clinton — fair game!
Newborn Hillary-heirs won’t be spared.