Archive for the ‘Fox News Humor’ Category

Trump’s Poll Obsession (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 27th, 2024

In a call-in to Fox News, Trump argued with Martha MacCallum about the polls:

When Ms. MacCallum observed, accurately, that Ms. Harris was “having some success” with women, Hispanic and Black voters, Mr. Trump objected. “She’s not having success; I’m having success,” he said. “I’m doing great with the Hispanic voters, doing great with Black men, I’m doing great with women.”

“It’s only in your eyes that they have that, Martha,” he added. “We are doing very well.”

Hence, this limerick:

Trump obsessively follows each poll,
And bad numbers are taking their toll.
When he’s bested, he’s pissed.
I’m ahead, he’ll insist.
Don-OLD’s poll-envy’s out of control.

Cowardly Donald (Limerick)

Sunday, August 4th, 2024

I can’t resist mocking Trump’s attempts to weenie out of debating Harris. Why? Because his pretext for backing out of the ABC debate (and switching to a Fox debate) doesn’t pass the straight-faced test:

“I am in litigation against ABC Network and George Slopadopoulos, thereby creating a conflict of interest.” What’s wrong with that excuse? Trump’s lawsuit is NOT a new development. Trump filed suit in MARCH and agreed to the ABC debate nearly two months later, in MAY.

To his base, Trump’s a tough, macho male,
Who would never back down and/or bail.
Yet he’s scared to debate
Our great VEEP on the date
And agreed-upon place. He turned tail!

Limerick Ode To Solidarity

Monday, May 1st, 2023

We the Dems must show full solidarity
To counter the loathsome barbarity
Of Republican stances,
Whose fright’ning advances
Account for this lack of hilarity.

Fox Hypocrisy (Limerick)

Monday, July 12th, 2021

Fox Newsers may cause the demise
Of their viewers with anti-vax cries.
“It’s my body,” they whine.
“It’s my choice!” Yet they’re fine
With abortion rights cut down to size.

Tucker Carlson Deceit (Limerick)

Friday, April 30th, 2021

Headline: “Fox News host Tucker Carlson claims making children wear masks is ‘abuse’”

A kid in a mask? That’s “abuse,”
According to Carlson, who’s loose
With his words on the air.
But Tuck doesn’t care:
“Call the cops,” like he says … then vamoose.

Gaetz In Dire Straits? (Limerick)

Thursday, April 1st, 2021

Headline: “Matt Gaetz’s disastrous Tucker Carlson interview, explained”

The Republican Rep. Matthew Gaetz
Is accused of some underage dates.
His denials are odd.
(Even Tuck finds them flawed.)
Here’s hoping that prison awaits.

Lou Dobbs Loses Job (Limerick)

Monday, February 8th, 2021

Headline: “Why Fox News canceled Lou Dobbs”

Lou Dobbs has been ousted by Fox
Cuz a lawsuit has Fox in a box.
Will Jeanine and Maria
Be next? Great idea!
May Smartmatic clean all their clocks!

The Whiner-in-Chief Bashes Fox (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 27th, 2020

Donald Trump loves to rant, rave, and whine,
Like when two-timing Fox crossed the line:
Air a speech by Obama?
How dare they! What trauma!
Donald’s view: “They should only air mine!”

No More “Fig Leaf” For Fox (Limerick)

Sunday, October 13th, 2019

Fox’s “fig leaf,” Shep Smith, has resigned,
Which is putting Fox News in a bind:
They once used him to claim
Agitprop’s not their aim.
With him gone, who’ll Fox News hide behind?

Wash Your Hands, For Pete’s Sake! (Limerick)

Monday, February 11th, 2019

BBC News: “Fox News host Pete Hegseth has confessed on air that he has not washed his hands for 10 years because ‘germs are not a real thing'”.

A fellow on Fox, known as Pete,
Says that germs don’t exist. So don’t greet
That odd man. Take a stand;
He won’t wash either hand!
(I’m not sure what he does with his feet.)

For the record, Hegseth now claims he was joking, but just in case…

To Trump, Misogyny’s Not A Bug, But A Feature (Limerick)

Thursday, July 5th, 2018

Donald Trump took a shine to Bill Shine;
Ailes-ally, ex-Fox Newser swine.
Now he’s hired the guy
For a staff job way high,
Cuz to Donald misogyny’s fine.

“Fake News” Hypocrisy (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 30th, 2017

Trump, who loves to slam “unnamed sources” as “fake news,” retweeted “FOX & friends” today:

Jared Kushner didn’t suggest Russian communications channel in meeting, source says.

“Unnamed sources are bad! They spread lies.”
It’s “fake news” when they’re used, Donald cries.
And yet sources unnamed
Who’ve loudly proclaimed
Stuff he likes? Those are upright and wise.

Bill O’Reilly? Buh-Bye!

Wednesday, April 19th, 2017

O’Reilly is OUT? Don’t appease me
And tease me with rumors that please me.
Oh it’s trending on Twitter?
I’ll giggle and titter:
Schadenfreude such news guarantees me.

What Bill O’Reilly Did Wrong, According To Trump (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 5th, 2017

The Harasser-in-Chief’s made his call:
Bill was wrong to make payments at all
To the gals he harassed.
Seems Trump is aghast;
His Compadre-in-Lust took the fall.

Orange-Skinned? Yes! But Thick-Skinned? (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 28th, 2017

Trump actually said (on ‘Fox and Friends’) “I have a very thick skin.” Wow! I feel a limerick coming:

When Trump feels disparaged, he’s quick
To behave like a bullying prick.
Yet he keeps a straight face,
While making the case
That the skin on his bod’s “very thick.”

Conservatives Race To Alter Race-Crime Reality (Limerick)

Friday, June 19th, 2015

Conservatives Race To Alter Race-Crime Reality
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a racist whose head’s out of whack
Kills nine churchgoers just cuz they’re black,
Wingnuts lay it on thick
With a claim that’s just sick:
“Christian freedom is under attack.”

Right-wing culprits in this outrageous distortion of the Charleston church massacre include Rick Santorum, Jeb Bush, Lindsey Graham, and sundry Fox News hosts.

Political Tidbits

Saturday, March 21st, 2015

Glenn Beck just announced that he’s quitting the Republican Party.

It seems the GOP isn’t quite crazy enough for him.

*****

To prove he really means it this time, Donald Trump is forming a presidential exploratory committee.

Some circuses just can’t have too many rings.

*****

Dear Rand Paul, I don’t live in Kentucky,
And I think that you’re far worse than yucky.
Why’s your newsletter clogging
My email and dogging
My bandwidth with viewpoints so sucky?

*****

Facts can be pesky
and undermine views.
But the right just discards them
like old, worn out shoes.

*****

In a Playboy interview, Dick Cheney said Obama is “the worst president of my lifetime”.

I could have sworn that title belonged to Cheney.

*****

Why don’t I call
the GOP pols heartless?
I hate redundancy.

*****

Re Matt McLaughlin’s gays-killing CA ballot initiative, doesn’t his “Sodomite Suppression Act” deserve a “Matt McLaughlin Suppression Act?”

*****
Alaska Republican Rep. Don Young suggested letting wolves loose to cure the homeless problem.

What a foxy way to angle for a job at Fox News!

*****

The duped marks wallow
in hollow crap they swallow
from pols they follow.

*****

Conservative commentator Dinesh D’Souza has denounced Hillary Clinton’s “lawlessness.”

But I think D’Souza is just lonely serving time for violating campaign finance laws.

*****

Sudden clarity
of thought and reason in pols–
Can’t a gal dream?

*****

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker has signed a “Right-to-Work” law, a/k/a the “Right to Destroy Unions by Reaping Benefits Without Paying Dues” law.

******

GOP hucksters
hock our nation’s future
to gain/maintain power.

*****

Limerick Ode To Roger Ailes

Wednesday, March 6th, 2013

Among the many lies told about Obama, is the well-debunked myth that he’s “lazy.” Sorry Roger Ailes, but you’re apparently confusing Obama with his predecessor.

Limerick Ode To Roger Ailes
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Roger Ailes says Obama is “lazy.”
Dear Roger, your memory’s hazy:
He’s vacationed way less
Than the fellow whose mess
He’s been fixing. You’re racist, or crazy.

That’s ONE Dick Gone (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 6th, 2013

The housecleaning over at Fox News didn’t stop with Sarah Palin: Dick Morris has been cast out, as well.

That’s ONE Dick Gone (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Say goodbye to the Dick Morris snarl.
Dick (like Palin) can no longer gnarl
All his poisonous spews,
Perched at Fox Cable News.
But alas, Fox is still keeping Karl.

Trumped Up Lawsuit (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 5th, 2013

You don’t have to be a “recovering lawyer” like me to know that such a lawsuit would be frivolous:

During a guest appearance on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno last month, Maher quipped that Trump must be “the spawn of his mother having sex with an orangutan” (Exhibit A: his orange hair). In a riff off of Trump’s own offer to give $5 million to the charity of Barack Obama’s choice if the President released his college paperwork, Maher said he would do the same for Trump if the real estate mogul supplied proof that he is not descended from an ape.

Trump, who apparently was able to prove he wasn’t fathered by an orangutan, has announced on Fox & Friends that he’s suing for the $5 million.

Trumped Up Lawsuit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who I’d rather not mention
Is relentlessly seeking attention:
With his Birther schtick stale,
He is desp’rate to nail
Lots of cov’rage through lawsuit dissension.