Archive for the ‘Privacy Humor’ Category

Ventura’s Mexican Adventure (Limerick)

Thursday, February 6th, 2014

Did you know that Jesse Ventura hosts a TV show called “Off The Grid?” Me neither.

This probably explains why Ventura promoted it on CNBC’s “Closing Bell” from an “undisclosed location in Mexico,” with statements like: “I’m off the grid. I move about with my TV show so that the drones can’t find me and you won’t know exactly where I am.”

Ventura’s Mexican Adventure (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Drones Ventura, I’ve gone “off the grid,”
In his USA drone-dodging bid,
Making sure no one knows
Where he is. Won’t disclose!
It’s his latest please-watch-his-show bid.

Supreme Indecency (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012

Chances are, you’ve heard about the latest Supreme Court travesty:

In a 5-4 decision, the court ruled against a New Jersey man erroneously arrested during a 2005 traffic stop for a fine he had already paid. Today’s ruling holds that even people arrested for minor offenses can be subjected to strip searches.

Supreme Indecency (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Thanks to Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia,
And their pals, cops can strip ya and see ya.
They don’t need any reason:
It’s strip searching season.
Our privacy’s gone! Mama mia!

An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers

Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010

My open limerick to the traveling public was inspired by this article about gynecological pat-downs and this letter from physicist Rep. Rush Holt, which questions the safety of full body scan technology:

An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Airline riders, it’s time to speak out.
The TSA rules we must flout.
Radiation or mauling —
They both are appalling.
To submit gives the terrorists clout.

(You can find my Pat-Down Put-Down limerick here.)

Pat-Down Put-Down

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010

Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. But I have a great excuse: Mark and I went on the first annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise. You can read all about our fun comedy cruise adventures here.

But now it’s time to get back to the work of political mockery. Fortunately, I’ve returned from my travels just in time to make fun of the TSA’s delightful new privacy-invading screening procedures. And I’m still trying to figure out which I prefer as my ticket to plane boarding: a “nude body scan or genital groping.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Pat-Down Put-Down
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re a teen and can’t get to first base?
You’re a fondler, but fearful of Mace?
Well a pat-down career
Can be yours. (Front and rear.)
Be a TSA Feel-Her-Up Ace.

Senseless About The Census

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Attention unhinged wingnuts: Obama’s Census illegally invades your privacy!

That’s a paranoid lie of course, but one that was started by Michele Bachmann and her cohorts. Ironically, it’s been reducing U.S. Census compliance to the detriment of the very people who are bitching about it. Here’s Philly Inq’s Dick Polman:

In the kingdom of ignorance, this story reigns:

Anti-government conservatives – apparently clueless about the history of the country they want to “take back,” and willfully believing the Pinocchio whoppers circulated via spam mail, talk radio, and YouTube – are currently engaged in a fascinating form of protest. Millions are refusing to fill out their 2010 Census forms.

***

The trend is so alarming that one Republican congressman, Patrick McHenry of North Carolina, felt compelled yesterday to plead with his right-wing brethren to fill out the forms; as he wrote on redstate.com, the popular conservative site, “If we do not respond, we will not be counted, and if we are not counted, then we effectively will not exist.”

Most notably, he urged his readers not to believe “the blatant misinformation” that has been circulated by “otherwise well-meaning conservatives.” Which was a polite way of saying, “Don’t listen to the liars.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Senseless About The Census
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Crazed conservative protestors scream:
We must “take back” our nation’s their theme.
Self-destructively rash,
They treat Census like trash.
Good luck with their blockheaded scheme!

Fighting Firewalls With Kindle Blogs

Saturday, January 30th, 2010

My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites — even while they’re on a break or at lunch.

But your boss can’t control what you read on your Kindle. And Amazon makes it easy for bloggers to create Kindle blog editions, allowing fans to bypass their bosses and keep up with their reading.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Fighting Firewalls With Kindle Blogs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re at work, but on break — want to read.
But your boss did a dastardly deed:
Your fav’rites are blocked.
Your net access is locked.
But he can’t stop a Kindle blog feed.

My News: I’ve created Kindle versions of both my blogs. So if you’d like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here. And if you’d like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.

Attention Fellow Bloggers: Want to know how to publish your own blog on Amazon Kindle? Amazon makes it pretty easy and has a helpful Kindle Blog FAQ here. You can also find some useful info over at Mashable and some Kindle badges and icons here.

Warning: Reading blogs on Kindle isn’t free, except for the 14-day free trial for each blog. Monthly Kindle blog subscription fees are controlled by Amazon and priced at either $0.99 per month or $1.99 per month. Moreover, only 30% of the revenue goes to the blogger.

And Now For The Sales Pitch: Each of my two blogs is priced at $0.99 per month.

So if you’re a Kindle owner, I hope you’ll give the Kindle versions of this political humor blog and/or my other general humor blog a try.

Kindle Swindle? (Updated)

Sunday, July 19th, 2009

After a tough day at work you climb into bed, reach for a paperback book, and find that your nightstand reading material is gone, replaced with a credit for the purchase price. After some digging you learn that paperback copies of the novel you’re in the middle of reading have been repossessed by your local bookshop.

Inconceivable, right? Credit or no credit, invading the privacy of your home and taking a book without your permission would surely constitute one or more crimes.

Now imagine the same scenario, but with an e-book instead of a paperback — an e-book you purchased for your Kindle. That’s exactly what Amazon did to 1984 and Animal Farm buyers.

Repossession via electronic invasion of privacy. If it isn’t a crime, it sure as hell ought to be.

Kindle Swindle? (3 Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Have you noticed your e-book list dwindle?
You’re probably using a Kindle.
A book that you bought
Has turned into naught —
Replaced with a refund. No swindle?

Yet the seller invaded your house.
And did it by clicking a mouse.
Something’s there. Then it’s not.
(An Orwellian plot?)
You’re surely entitled to grouse.

The fact that your money’s returned.
Doesn’t mean that you haven’t been burned.
Your privacy rights
Are gone with those bytes.
This vendor deserves to be spurned.

Update: Some updated information from the New York Times:

An Amazon spokesman, Drew Herdener, said in an e-mail message that the books were added to the Kindle store by a company that did not have rights to them, using a self-service function. “When we were notified of this by the rights holder, we removed the illegal copies from our systems and from customers’ devices, and refunded customers,” he said.

Amazon effectively acknowledged that the deletions were a bad idea. “We are changing our systems so that in the future we will not remove books from customers’ devices in these circumstances,” Mr. Herdener said.

Update 2: If you would like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.

If you would like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.

And my limerick about firewalls, blogging and Kindles is here.