Archive for the ‘Michele Bachmann’ Category

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Minnesota’s Michele Bachmann has decided not to seek a 5th Congressional term. So it’s time for a goodbye limerick:

Goodbye Limerick For Michele Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann, you’ll surely be missed.
You’ve provided such humor mill grist.
But we mockers are blessed
With a huge treasure chest
Of wingnuts at whom to get pissed.

Louie Gohmert is tops on that list.
Ted Cruz and Steve King still exist.
So we’ve fodder galore;
Finding humor’s no chore
With a party like yours in our midst.

Rebootus Interruptus (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 3rd, 2013

As long as the GOP’s packed with headline-grabbing wingnuts like Michele Bachmann, the Republican reboot’s going nowhere:

Attention, GOP: Your rebranding attempts are being undercut by a segment of your party getting big headlines and lots of airtime — a segment symbolized by the Minnesota quote-machine, Rep. Michele Bachmann. Due to a series of gaffes, she is again on the receiving end of criticism, including from Fox News powerhouse Bill O’Reilly. The congresswoman is also, as reported by The Daily Beast’s John Avlon, “embroiled in a litany of legal proceedings related to her rolling disaster of a presidential campaign — including an Office of Congressional Ethics investigation into campaign improprieties.”

…She speaks in apocalyptic terms about President Obama and Democrats. She has never met an inaccuracy or exaggeration she didn’t like in her thirst to negatively define the other side. (Fact-checkers following her speeches may soon have to seek workmen’s compensation.)…

Rebootus Interruptus (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP wants to reboot—
Switch its image from crazy old coot
To something appealing,
More meanness-concealing—
A change that its zealots refute.

Limerick Ode To Michele “Swiss Miss No More” Bachmann

Friday, May 11th, 2012

I got very excited when I learned that Michele Bachmann had become a Swiss citizen, courtesy of her Swiss-born husband, Marcus Bachmann. Silly me — I thought maybe she’d become another nation’s problem. A nation with a lovely universal health care system, I might add.

But alas, the dual citizen thing rubbed Bachmann’s wingnutty constituents the wrong way. So Michele seems to have pulled a “never mind” in a letter to the Swiss Consulate withdrawing her Swiss dual citizenship.

Oh well … it was nice while it lasted.

Limerick Ode To Michele “Swiss Miss No More” Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I enjoyed a brief moment of bliss
When Bachmann turned partially Swiss.
I’d assumed ’twas a flight
From our “socialist” blight
And an anti-Obama type diss.

But alas, it appears she is staying
All-American. Damn, how dismaying!
Guess it’s hard to accrue
Swiss-style benefits too,
While you keep anti-health care inveighing.

Eight 4-Liners For The Republican Contenders

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

It’s time for some more political clerihews — whimsically biographical four-line poems, described more fully here.

I’ve written one for each of the would-be presidents who appeared at last night’s Republican debate:

Mass. Governor Mitt,
A job cutting hit.
He flips and he flops,
As positions he swaps.

*****

Herman “9-9-9″ Cain:
(Romney hopes he’ll wane)
Though many think he rocks,
He belongs on Fox.

*****

James Richard Perry:
Is he bright? Not very.
A lousy debater—
Called Bernanke a traitor.

*****

Unhinged Michele
Is sinking pell-mell.
Even crazier than Palin—
Just what is she inhalin’?

*****

Former Speaker Newt,
A pompous beaut.
Purports to be intellectual,
At selling books effectual.

*****

Rick Santorum
Seems lost in this forum.
He’s none too calm
Over his Google Bomb.

*****

Libertarian Ron Paul
Is having a ball.
Doesn’t stand a chance.
But enjoys the dance.

*****

Jon Huntsman jokes
But can not coax
Any support for his reign.
He’s way too sane.

*****

Wooing The Donald (Limerick)

Monday, September 26th, 2011

Just when you thought they couldn’t stoop any lower, Republican presidential wannabes like Mitt Romney, Rick Perry, Sarah Palin, and Michele Bachmann are lining up to kiss Donald Trump’s … uh … ring. After all, nothing says presidential like a Donald Trump endorsement.

Wooing The Donald (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans hope for a bump
In their polls if endorsed by Don Trump.
Here’s a warning for those
Who are kissing his toes:
Self-promotion’s “Goal 1″ for that grump.

Limerick Ode to Michele “Just Joking” Bachmann

Monday, August 29th, 2011

The current crop of Republicans is notoriously callous, and Michele Bachmann is no exception. Here’s what she said about Hurricane Irene and other natural disasters:

“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people, because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet, and we’ve got to rein in the spending.”

Of course, her campaign is now claiming “Bachmann Spoke ‘In Jest’ When She Said God Was Communicating Via Earthquakes And Hurricanes.”

Limerick Ode to Michele “Just Joking” Bachmann
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Irene was a message from God,
Said Michelle in a right-wingnut nod.
Then she claimed she was jesting,
Cuz bad press was cresting.
That loon as our Prez? Then we’re scrod.

I’m Not A Betting Person, But…

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

Up until today, I was pretty convinced that Sarah Palin wouldn’t enter the Republican presidential primary race. I figured she’s enjoying her new-found ability to parlay celebrity into wealth. And that she’s making way too much green to be bothered with the hard job of campaigning for president.

But there’s another type of green — the envy kind. And I can’t help but think that Michele Bachmann’s early success may be tempting Palin to steal back the limelight by making a White House run.

My Presidential Bet (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m betting that Palin will run,
Cuz Michele’s having way too much fun.
Bachmann’s stealing her niche,
Which is making her twitch.
Sarah’d freak if some other gal won.

Mad Kane Welcomes Michele’s Mad Campaign

Monday, June 27th, 2011

I’m looking forward to following Michele Bachmann’s just launched presidential campaign:

Mad Kane Welcomes Michele’s Mad Campaign (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Michele Bachmann announced she’s in play,
And I welcome Michele to the fray:
Her positions bizarre
Will most certainly mar
The GOP’s comeback foray.

Lightweights — No Debate!

Tuesday, June 14th, 2011

Lightweights — No Debate!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans held a debate
To see which prez contender would rate.
Not a one was impressive,
And all are regressive—
Mad lightweights galore! What a slate!

Intelligence Redesigned

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

I didn’t think Republicans could surprise me anymore. But I must confess to being stunned by Rep. Michele “Blabbermouth” Bachmann’s appointment by Boehner to the secretive House Intelligence Committee.

And it seems even Republican insiders share my astonishment:

Bachmann once suggested that Congress should investigate whether Democratic lawmakers were pro- or anti-America, and she’s been a cable TV favorite because she’s known for colorful sound bites.

On her Facebook page, Tea Party icon Bachmann said:

As a mother of five biological children and twenty-three foster children I pledge to do whatever I need to do to keep your family, my family, and the United States safe from harm.

I feel safer already. But I still had to write this limerick:

Intelligence Redesigned
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I don’t normally make much ado
‘Bout committee appointments. Do you?
But Intelligence? Bachmann?
That’s really a shock men.
I fear for its plunging IQ.

Those Sorry Republicans

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

Those Sorry Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just what’s the Republican mission?
To oppose each Obama position.
He gets tough on BP—
Gets an escrow, then see
Their response to the BP contrition:

Reps Joe Barton and Bachman and Price
By default claimed Obama ain’t nice.
He’s been mean to BP.
It a shakedown, you see.
Cuz unthinking objection’s their vice.

But fighting this fund makes no sense.
To do so’s an error immense.
The people approve.
It’s a positive move,
And opposing it makes them look dense.

Even Boehner and co seem to know
That defending BP’s a no-go.
Strikes a terrible tone,
So they rushed to disown
The pro-BP speech made by Joe.

But a hundred-plus others expressed
The same viewpoint in print. Not addressed!
It seems Boehner and co
Are pretending as though
The have solved their BP PR test.

It is clear where Republicans stand.
They are naught but a pro-corp’rate brand.
They put citizens last
And are only aghast
When a Dem gives the people a hand.

Related Posts: Kick-Ass Limerick, Haley’s Barbaric Attitude and Oily Obstruction.

Republican “Patriots”

Wednesday, April 14th, 2010

It’s amazing how many Republicans are rooting for Obama to fail, despite the dire consequences to our nation of presidential failure. As Steve Benen points out in his discussion of Michele Bachmann’s remarks:

Got it. President Obama has policies intended to help the economy, improve our national security, make quality health care more affordable and accessible, resolve the housing crisis, improve our existing energy policies, etc. Maybe those policies will be effective, maybe not. If they have the intended effect, we’ll have a safer, more prosperous future.

It’s fascinating, then, to see right-wing Republicans, including some currently in Congress, bypass the debate over the policies’ efficacy and go directly to rooting against the country. …

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Republican “Patriots”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Disliking a president’s fine,
And critiquing his actions benign.
But hoping he fails —
That his White House derails?
I’m sorry, that crosses the line.

Senseless About The Census

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Attention unhinged wingnuts: Obama’s Census illegally invades your privacy!

That’s a paranoid lie of course, but one that was started by Michele Bachmann and her cohorts. Ironically, it’s been reducing U.S. Census compliance to the detriment of the very people who are bitching about it. Here’s Philly Inq’s Dick Polman:

In the kingdom of ignorance, this story reigns:

Anti-government conservatives – apparently clueless about the history of the country they want to “take back,” and willfully believing the Pinocchio whoppers circulated via spam mail, talk radio, and YouTube – are currently engaged in a fascinating form of protest. Millions are refusing to fill out their 2010 Census forms.

***

The trend is so alarming that one Republican congressman, Patrick McHenry of North Carolina, felt compelled yesterday to plead with his right-wing brethren to fill out the forms; as he wrote on redstate.com, the popular conservative site, “If we do not respond, we will not be counted, and if we are not counted, then we effectively will not exist.”

Most notably, he urged his readers not to believe “the blatant misinformation” that has been circulated by “otherwise well-meaning conservatives.” Which was a polite way of saying, “Don’t listen to the liars.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Senseless About The Census
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Crazed conservative protestors scream:
We must “take back” our nation’s their theme.
Self-destructively rash,
They treat Census like trash.
Good luck with their blockheaded scheme!

Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex?

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

What on earth is the matter with Republicans like Rep. Michelle Bachmann and Rep. Robin Hayes?  Not only do they say insane things, but they deny saying them, as if recording devices had never been invented:

Is GOP Idiocy Real, Or Is It Memorex?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When Republicans get in a scrape,
Having said something bad their “escape”
Is to blithely deny
That they said it and lie.
Someone please tell these liars, there’s tape.