Posts Tagged ‘Ted Cruz’

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz On Suspending His Campaign

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

Dear Ted, you’re a wack and a hack,
And I’m tempted to make a snide crack,
But I almost feel pity;
It sure won’t be pretty
When Senators “welcome” you back.

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz

Thursday, April 28th, 2016

Dear Ted, if you’re trying to woo
Hoosiers’ fans, here is what NOT to do:
Call that “hoop” thing a “ring.”
(Also Carly can’t sing.)
Lots of luck with your GOP coup.

Cruz Vetting Fiorina as Possible Running Mate (A Limerick Response)

Monday, April 25th, 2016

Just imagine the horror if Cruz
Names Carly for VEEP. Pour the booze!
To see ’em’s to hate ’em
And long to berate ’em.
Even worse, each espouses foul views.

Ted Cruz’s Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Thursday, April 7th, 2016

Cruz was so thrilled by this headline, that he wrote Trump a limerick:
G.O.P. Donors, Eager to Defeat Donald Trump, Learn to Love Ted Cruz.

Dear Donald, I’m writing to say
You’ve a talent for making my day;
Cuz of you, the elite
Have embraced me — a feat
That’s far-fetched, without you in the fray.

Cruz Campaign Up To Its Old, Dirty Tricks (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 8th, 2016

Here we go again: “Rubio camp accuses Cruz of ‘dirty tricks’ over Hawaii ‘dropout’ email.”

Dirty tricks before votes — Oy gevalt!
Yet another election assault!
And it’s always Ted’s team
That’s behind the false meme.
Yet somehow it’s never Ted’s fault.

GOP Debates, Then And Now (2-Verse Limerick)

Monday, March 7th, 2016

Campaign debates used to be boring,
And could lead to some serious snoring;
As the pols prattled on
Going hither and … yawn…
I was known to nod off on the flooring.

But debates are quite diff’rent this year;
On the GOP side you will hear
Words that won’t let you sleep
And just might make you weep,
As the bullies hurl slurs, leer, and sneer.

GOP Debates — Too Off-Color For Jerry Springer? (Limerick)

Saturday, March 5th, 2016

I love this Jerry Springer quote about the Republican presidential candidates:

Clearly they could be on our show, but now they’ve gone off the deep end, and we would start bleeping out some of what they’d say.

Tabloid talk show host Springer has peeped
At debates (GOP) and has heaped
A critique rather wise;
If he hosted those guys,
They surely would have to be bleeped.

The GOP’s Thorny Path Backward (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2016

Ben Carson is apparently dropping out of the Republican presidential contest. But Marco Rubio and John Kasich are desperately hanging on. And the GOP needs a two (evil) man race between Trump and Ted in order to have any shot at a non-Trump nominee.

I feel the Republicans’ pain.
They keep failing to halt Donald’s gain.
So unless they persuade
All but Ted to downgrade
Their ambitions, their clout’s down the drain.

Pot, Meet Kettle (Limerick)

Sunday, February 14th, 2016

Says Rubio: “Cruz is a liar.”
I concur: Cruz’s pants are on fire.
But Ted’s hardly alone;
GOPers are prone
To eschew any truth in their choir.

The State of the Republican Race (Limerick)

Thursday, February 11th, 2016

We’ve three Js in the race: Jeb, Jim, John.
(Bush and Gilmore and Kasich ain’t gone.)
Sleepy Ben, Grumpy Trump,
Cruz, and Marco still stump,
As the GOP con game drones on.

7 Candidates In 5 Lines (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 9th, 2016

Marco Rubio’s rather robotic.
Carly lies, and Jeb Bush seems neurotic.
Then there’s Carson, a snooze,
Bully Christie, vile Cruz,
And the narcissist: Trump “the Despotic.”

Trump Trumped In Iowa (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016

I’m certain “The Donald” is mad.
He’s a “LOSER” to Cruz, and I’d add,
More embarrassing yet
Is his delegate net;
It did NOT exceed Marco’s. Poor lad!

Yes, not only did Cruz beat Trump by 3.3 percent, but Marco Rubio was only 1.2 percent behind Trump, tying him in terms of delegate yields:

Ted Cruz’s victory in the Iowa caucuses means he’ll collect eight delegates to the Republican National Convention.

Donald Trump and Marco Rubio each get seven from the opening contest in the 2016 presidential race.

Limerick Ode To Ted “Everyman” Cruz (Limerick)

Thursday, January 14th, 2016

Headline of the Day: “Ted Cruz Didn’t Report Goldman Sachs Loan in a Senate Race.”

“I’m a populist guy to the bone.
I got all that I have on my own.”
That’s the message Cruz flacks,
Leaving out Goldman Sachs
And that million-buck Senate-race loan.

Could The Birthers Be Right About Cruz? (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016

How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.

Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”

Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:

“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”

“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”

Limerick Ode To “Bad Boy” Cruz

Sunday, December 27th, 2015

Ted Cruz is the Senate’s “bad boy,”
But for Teddy that title’s a ploy;
The more INSIDERS hate him,
Despise and berate him,
The more he’s the hoi polloi’s joy.

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, July 30th, 2015

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.

Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)

Monday, June 22nd, 2015

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We can always depend on Ted Cruz
To be tacky in voicing his views;
He tells gun control jokes
After massacres, folks,
Crudely preying on death to “amuse.”

Sen. Ted Cruz apparently finds mass murder amusing. Here’s just one of his campaign jokes uttered just two days after the Charleston church massacre:

“You know the great thing about the state of Iowa is, I’m pretty sure you all define gun control the same way we do in Texas — hitting what you aim at.”

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My muse and I thank you, Ted Cruz.
We’re enthused by your news. No more blues!
I’m infused with elation.
You’re bruising our nation,
But your run means we rhymers can’t lose.

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner

Monday, September 30th, 2013

Open Limerick To “Speaker” Boehner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Boehner, while reading the news,
I’m bewildered — it tends to confuse:
Either somebody stole
Your Speakership role,
Or you gave it to Senator Cruz.

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers

Tuesday, September 24th, 2013

Limerick Ode To Republican Hostage-Takers
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Fail to meet our demands? Then we’ll shoot.
Any deaths will be YOUR fault, to boot.”
That’s the GOP path
On their road laced with wrath.
Bottom line? Seems they don’t give a hoot.