Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Great news! I managed to sneak a peek at Sarah Palin’s Barracuda Blog. (It wasn’t easy to do, because she’s almost as secretive about her blog as she is about her email.)

Here’s what she had to say in Entry 1:

Dear Diary,

Sarah Barracuda strikes again … big time!  Take that Ms. Hillary RODHAM Clinton!

I always knew I’d end up in the Oval.  And that my ovaries would take me there. I even knew it way back when I was in one of the five  (or was it six???) colleges I went to for my bachelor’s degree.

I really shouldn’t be writing in my diary right now.  I’m supposed to be studying some foreign policy crapola:  Joe the Jew (who I’m sure is jealous of me) won’t stop prattling nonsense about the difference between the Sunnis and the Shias. He says Johnny-boy keeps forgetting and it’s gonna be my job to jab him whenever he gets it wrong.

Hell, one jab from me would probably kill him. Not a bad idea, come to think of it. But I probably don’t want to rush things.

Oops!  Lieberman just sneaked up on me and started yelling about my diary — he says my calling him ”Joe the Jew” is anti-semitic.  His point?

Anyway, that just proves he’s jealous.  He’s been kissing Johnny-boy’s butt forever and  he came thisclose to the Veep pay-off.  And then I stole his ball … actually, both of them.

Joe (happy now, Joe?) also just told me I have to study faster cuz some news guy’s interviewing me this week.  They were hoping to stall until after the election, but  no dice.  And the worst part is it’s not even a Fox fella.

Oh well… I’m a fast study (boy is Biden gonna be surprised!) And besides,  they tell me the news guy promised to behave.

I guess I’d better put my diary aside for now, and dig into that big pile they have the nerve to call briefing books. Hmmm … I wonder what I should listen to while I study.

Which reminds me — those annoying Heart-girls  are  bitchin about Barracuda being played at my convention.  Hey, if they didn’t want me to use it, they shouldn’t have named it after me.

Technorati Tags: Sarah Palin Humor, Sarah Barracuda, Republican VP, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, McCain Humor, Lieberman Satire

How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick.

However, despite all the disqualifying details he’s belatedly learning, McCain is unlikely to dump Sarah Palin from the ticket unless he’s forced to.  Admitting a mistake in judgment?  Not gonna happen. Unless, maybe, it turns out she shot an aging lawyer in the face … and probably not even then.

But hey, at least Palin’s an expert on Russia.  Which reminds me —  I can’t help wondering if Condi feels foolish about wasting  so much time studying up on Russia, when all she really had to do was  move to Alaska.

And now it’s time for two limericks:

It appears that McCain failed to vet
A woman he barely had met.
Then he named her for Veep
And now he’s hip deep
In  her muck.  Yet he feigns no regret.

John’s allies are  praisin’ and hailin’
The selection of unprepared Palin.
But will buyers’ remorse
Attack them in force
If McCain ever seems to be ailin’?

Technorati Tags: Sarah Palin Limerick, John McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election 2008, Lieberman Verse, Tom Ridge Poem. Russian Expert, Alaska Governor, Condi Rice Humor, Vetting Candidates

The left blogosphere has been packed with stories about John “Foreign Policy Maven”  McCain’s serial gaffes, in which he confused Islam’s Sunni and Shiite sects while trying to prove Iran supports al-Qaeda in Iraq. His gaffes were so bad, even über-loyalist Joe Lieberman was forced to correct him.

So, can we expect major media columnists and talking heads to question McCain’s foreign policy prowess?  A small handful of fair-minded, insightful columnists like the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman can be counted on at moments like this.   But in the main, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

And that brings me to my latest limerick: 

Ode To “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain’s expertise ain’t legit:
Sunni? Shiite? He doesn’t know shit.
So the man should be toast.
But the press let’s him coast
Cuz he’s great in a barbecue pit.

(For more humor on this topic, check out Joe Lieberman Has To Remind McCain He’s Not In Vietnam, by Don Davis.)

Technorati Tags: Senator John McCain, Foreign Policy Expertise, Sunni, Shiite, Islam, McCain Barbecue, McCain Gaffes, al-Qaeda, Iran, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Media Humor

Fair And Balanced Haiku
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Democratic win
Is Terrorist Victory:
Fair and balanced Fox.

Joe’s Jive
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Joe warns: Compromise
And heed election’s lessons.
A not so veiled threat?

Trent Lott’s Revenge
By Madeleine Begun Kane

GOP misdeeds
Make Lott look nearly saint-like,
Enabling comeback.

Technorati Tags: Election ‘06 Humor, Trent Lott Comeback, Lieberman Humor, Fox News, Fair And Balanced, Terrorist Victory

The Ballad Of Joementum Joe Lieberman (To be sung to the tune of Danny Boy)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Joementum Joe, you’ve long outstayed your welcome.
You’ve let us down, it’s time to pay the price.
You’ve been disloyal to voters and your party.
You’re way too close to Rummy, Bush, and Rice.

Don’t want you back, your war support is damning.
You’ve dealt democracy so many blows.
You could have blocked Alito, but you failed to.
Joementum Joe, Joementum Joe, it’s time to go.

You oft behave as if your word’s the gospel.
And show disdain for Dems who disagree.
You’ve helped Bush/Cheney harm our Constitution.
Your words and actions aid the GOP.

To be Dub’s pal became your grand fixation.
Your acts betrayed Dem values we hold dear.
You cast aside the virtues of our nation.
Joementum Joe, it’s time to end your Sen. career.

© August 2, 2006 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.

My No Liebe For Lieberman is here and my song parodies are here.

Technorati Tags: Congress, Humor, Democrats, Election, Joe Lieberman Satire,  Senate, Political Song Parodies, War, Satire