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Madeleine Begun Kane,
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Madeleine Begun Kane
 
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POLITICAL HUMOR    CHENEY HUMOR & SATIRE    SONG PARODIES    LEGAL HUMOR

Birthplace of Auld Lang Impeachment  and The Traitorgate (Plame-Gate) Song Parody

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For my main blog page click here. And please sample my other political humor and my media humor, legal humor, marriage and family humor, holiday humor, technology humor, feminist humor, money humor, car humor, education humor, health humor, pet and animal humor, work humor, travel humor, and New York City humor.

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August 14, 2006 Bush's Favorite Hymn Gets A Rewrite: Amazing Disgrace

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August 2, 2006 The Ballad of Joementum Joe Lieberman

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August 1, 2006 Some Offbeat Items

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July 28, 2006 Hey Condi, When They Asked You To Be A Hands-On Secretary of State, This Isn't What They Meant

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July 26, 2006 No Lieb For Lieberman

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July 20, 2006 Ode To The Groper

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July 18, 2006 How To Give A Speech (Humorous How-To)

  • So sorry for my long silence! A family medical emergency (my father's hospitalization) has kept me from posting and out of the news loop. But here's some non-political humor about giving a speech, which you might enjoy. (I wrote it after my first serious foray in public speaking -- a speech on humor in the workplace, which I gave several years ago at Cornell Law School.)

    How To Give A Speech
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    In a moment of weakness you agreed to give a speech. What are you in for? If you're lucky, it won't be any worse than this:
        1. Receive invitation to speak because of your expertise in tapestry, arachnids, the World Wide Web. Succumb to flattery and say yes.
        2. Spend the next week scheming to extricate yourself from your commitment. Suffer from nightmares featuring you, your microphone, and three angry apes.
        3. Rehearse potential excuses. Try to talk your spouse into phoning your regrets. Wonder if your doctor would give you a note diagnosing laryngitis of indeterminate duration.
        4. Decide you should really give speech because it will enhance your reputation, be educational, build character. And because it's too late to pull your name from the publicity.
        5. Talk about writing speech. Read about writing speech. Obsess about writing speech. Notice an entire month has passed and you haven't started writing speech.
        6. Sit down in front of computer and stare at screen. Vow to start writing this very minute and not leave room until you've finished first draft. Leave room to fetch snacks... ("How To Give A Speech" is continued here.)

    My humorous how-to's are here and my workplace humor is here.

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July 5, 2006 Coulter Heist

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July 4, 2006 Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week: Norm Jenson Of OneGoodMove

  • It's Tuesday, which means it's time for me to name this week's Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week. And the winner is Norm Jenson Of OneGoodMove. Here's the personal limerick I've written in his honor:

    Ode to Norm Jenson of OneGoodMove
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    The OneGoodMove blogger named Norm
    Religiously posts and informs.
    His video files
    Of Jon Stewart are wild,
    And with laughter my mood he transforms.

    My Ode To Skippy is here and my Ode To Avedon Carol is here.

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July 3, 2006 Bush Isn't God. Who Knew?

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June 29, 2006 (Peter) King-Sized Menace

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June 27, 2006 Swift Intrusions

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June 27, 2006 Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week: Avedon Carol

  • Last Tuesday I launched my Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week feature and named Skippy my first Blogger of the Week. As I said back then, every week I'll pick a deserving blogger and write him or her a personal Blogger-Verse. Well, I'm pleased to announce this week's winner -- Avedon Carol. Here's the personal limerick I've written in her honor:

    Ode To Avedon
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Ms. Avedon's in the UK,
    But she hails from the US of A.
    Sev'ral time zones ahead,
    When she posts, I'm in bed,
    And she always has great stuff to say.

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June 26, 2006 New Yawkers Are Polite ... So There!

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June 21, 2006 Dub's Shriveling ... Coalition

  • Bush's mission remains unaccomplished, as his Iraq coalition continues to shrink:

    Dub's Shriveling Coalition
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    George Dubya's Iraq coalition
    Is suff'ring from major attrition.
    Now Japan will withdraw
    From this venture so flawed,
    While Bush clings to his pricey, failed mission.

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June 20, 2006 Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week: Skippy the bush kangaroo

  • Today I'm launching my Blogger-Verse Blogger of the Week feature. Every week I'll pick a deserving blogger and write him or her a personal Blogger-Verse. And in the words of my first Blogger-Verse winner, yes, I coined that phrase!

    Here's the personal limerick I've written in honor of Skippy the bush kangaroo:

    Ode to Skippy
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    A west coast based blogger named Skippy
    Is quite funny and snide, but not snippy.
    He mocks liars on cue,
    And he loves kangaroos.
    I suspect that he once was a hippy.

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June 19, 2006 Arlen, The Intellectual?

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June 16, 2006 Ann's Master Plan

  • I've been trying to figure out why the mainstream media keeps letting Ann Coulter get away with verbal murder, and I have a theory that involves an odd form of sexism. Or is it reverse sexism?

    Ann's Master Plan
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    A right-wingnut woman named Ann
    Had a book tour publicity plan:
    She would spew on TV
    Lies and venom with glee,
    And they'd let her, cause Ann ain't a man.

    My previous Ann Coulter verse is here, here, and here.

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June 10, 2006 Specious Specter; and I'm Glad Zarqawi's Dead, But...

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June 5, 2006 Mad Kane Reads The AP, So You Don't Have To (Song Parody) (Audio Version Is Here)

  • In a series of recent posts, the TalkingPointsMemo has done a great job dissecting John Solomon's misleading AP articles on Senator Reid. Unfortunately, John Solomon isn't the only thing wrong with the AP: Check out Andrew Taylor's Democrats-are-crazed-liberals piece. Or you could spare yourself the anguish of reading it, and just sing my "Mad Kane Reads The AP, So You Don't Have To."

    Mad Kane Reads The AP, So You Don't Have To (Sing to Frère Jacques )
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Dems are lib'rals.
    Scary lib'rals.
    Must be stopped.
    Must be stopped.
    Voting Dem will hurt you,
    Surely will subvert you.
    GOP
    Keeps you free.

    Dems are lib'rals.
    Scary lib'rals.
    Vote them down.
    Vote them down.
    Dems will raise your taxes.
    They're the evil axis.
    Dems will screech,
    And impeach.

    Dems are lib-finks,
    Fond of red ink.
    Dems are odd.
    They hate God.
    Dems can't handle power.
    Things will go real sour.
    Dems will sin,
    If they win.

    Dems are lib'rals.
    Scary lib'rals.
    Dems eat brie,
    Drink chablis.
    Lib'ral-run committees,
    Dems love inner cities.
    GOP
    Keeps you free.

    © June 5, 2006 Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.

    You can find more of my song parodies here.

  • If you'd like to listen to the audio podcast version of this post, just click here. And if you'd like to subscribe to my podcast feed, here it is.

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June 4, 2006 Jeb For Prez?

  • I'm late on this, but I just can't resist writing a Bush dynasty limerick:

    Jeb For Prez?
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    George Dubya wants Jebby to win
    The White House, Dub says with a grin.
    A third Prez named Bush?
    What a pain in the tush!
    But at least he ain't touting the twins.

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June 3, 2006 Wedding Anniversary Limerick

  • Tomorrow (June 4th) my wonderful husband Mark and I are celebrating our 28th wedding anniversary. Happy anniversary, Mark!

    Wedding Anniversary Limerick
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    I once met a man on a train.
    He goes by the name Mark G. Kane.
    It's been twenty-eight years
    Since we married, so Cheers!
    I'm so happy I didn't take a plane.

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May 24, 2006 Tabloid Times; and Ode to Enron's Kenny Boy Lay (Audio Version Is Here)

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May 23, 2006 Frist And Hastert Rediscover The Constitution

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May 22, 2006 Ode To Rep. Jefferson

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May 21, 2006 Big Boys Cry Uncle When Wrong

  • I've been a huge fan of John Aravosis and his Americablog since shortly after he launched it. In fact, I cited Americablog as one of my favorites when I was interviewed by Bloggasm.com. But I was both stunned and offended when John used the phrase "big girl" to mean cowardly, in describing Sen. Pat Roberts. And I was very disappointed by his stubborn, disdainful response to his flood of reader complaints, many of which he deleted. Apparently he considers sexism to be an issue of no consequence and wants readers who bother him with such petty nonsense to go away:
    Guys, anybody who isn't happy, please leave this blog and don't come back. I'm serious. Get out...

    Sorry John, but feminist issues are just as important as gay issues and all the other issues you raise in your otherwise fine blog. And insulting women and telling women (and the many men who agree with them) to "get out," weakens you as a spokesperson for the progressive causes you do deign to support:

    Big Boys Cry Uncle When Wrong
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    If someone used "gay" to mean coward,
    Aravosis would rightfully glower.
    But he claims it's okay
    To use "big girl" that way.
    And gals shouldn't feel disempowered?

    For some fine commentary on the "big girl" issue, be sure to visit Shakespeare's Sister, Pam Spaulding, Pandagon, and Sly Civilian.

    Update: Well that sure didn't take long: I posted my limerick in John's comments, and it vanished in well under an hour. Plus, John's entire "big girl" post seems to have dematerialized. No doubt it's some sort of blogger malfunction. Cause John surely wouldn't attempt something as ... uh ... cowardly as a cover up.

    And speaking of John, some brilliant spoofer has just launched AravosisBlog. And now that John has given me more than good cause to de-link AmericaBlog, I have room for AravosisBlog on my blogroll. How deliciously serendipitous!

    Update 2: And a cowardly cover up it was! After seaching AmericaBlog I discovered that John changed the link to his offensive post, in an effort to hamper blog discourse. I've updated my link which should now work ... unless and until John deliberately breaks it again.

    Update 3: For more "big girl" commentary, check out Gidblog, What Do I know, City Elf, Guannawannablog, Cry4Life, MainstUSA, Follow The Links, Everyday Activism, and SuperBabyMama,

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May 18, 2006 Net Neutrality Ad Madness (Limerick)

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May 15, 2006 Sleeper VEEP

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May 12, 2006 We Have Bush's Number ... and He Has Ours; Telco Haiku

  • We Have Bush's Number ... and He Has Ours
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Most telcos caved in to requests
    From the Feds that fail privacy tests.
    This reich we live under,
    Our rights it has plundered.
    So when calling Al Qaeda use Qwest.

    Telco Haiku
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    With threats, maybe bribes
    Feds coaxed our files from phone cos.
    Big Brother Bell Hell.

    (You can find my political poetry here.)

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May 11, 2006 Mother's Day Limerick

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May 10, 2006 Tax Cut Haiku

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May 8, 2006 Probable Cause To Spike Mike's Nomination

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May 7, 2006 Fishing For Accomplishments

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May 6, 2006 And Now For Something Different: Multitasking Madness

  • I'd been meaning to comment on the new government study about multitasking drivers -- the one with the "Duh!" conclusion that distracted drivers tend to have more accidents. But then I remembered this:

    Multitasking Madness
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Perhaps I'm out of line, but I think that when you get behind the wheel of a gazillion pound motorized vehicle, turn the ignition key, get into gear, hit the gas, and begin to move, you should maybe ... I don't know ... PAY ATTENTION.

    This approach has many advantages. For example, if you carefully observe your fellow drivers, you can:

    a: Pick up lipstick application tips from the woman going 65;
    b: Place bets on how far into your lane the guy next to you will swerve while switching CD's;
    c: Ascertain whether the stuff that fellow is trying to dab off his horn, tie, and suit is ketchup or mayo and learn high-speed stain removal techniques;
    d. Cancel your newspaper subscription and read the one propped up on some news hound's steering wheel; and
    e: Eavesdrop on fascinating conversations. ("I'm calling from my car. Cool, huh?") Bonus Benefit: You'll know whose cell phone to borrow when its owner crashes into you.

    Please somebody tell me: What are these people thinking?

    I know that we all lead pressured lives. And that people are so busy, they're forced to eat, apply make-up, shave, read, return phone calls, and relieve themselves on the run. Being a compulsive multitasker myself, I'm very sympathetic ... to a point. For instance, I'm not suggesting that breathalyzers be enhanced to test for freshly applied eye shadow and just ingested Big Macs. Hmmm, not a bad idea, come to think of it.

    But if you're so pressed for time that extra-car-icular activities are a must, couldn't you please, as a personal favor, do them at red lights or while stalled in traffic jams? And don't tell me you don't have red lights and traffic jams in your neighborhood. Actually do tell me and give me your address ... so I can move there.

    The scary part is that things are going to get even worse as Internet-enabled cars become common. Now I have nothing against the Internet. I earn my living ... such as it is ... on the Net. I even suffer from Web withdrawal when I'm away from it for substantial periods like ... um ... 17 seconds.

    So I can think of nothing better to occupy my car-bound time than surfing the Net ... assuming I'm not the one at the wheel.

    But I don't want to share the road with a fellow who's hard drive just crashed or who just accidentally mass emailed a painfully personal note. I also don't want the driver in the next lane to be busy bowling elves.

    Nor do I want to be near any driver who's downloading porn, cursing out a fatal Windows error, or instructing his car computer to tell his home computer to tell his thermostat, fridge, and oven what to do.

    Not that I'm against all car gadgetry. In fact, I'm eagerly awaiting the invention of the DDDD -- "Distracted Driver Detection Device." What will a DDDD do? Warn me when I'm near anybody who'd use a gizmo like that, so I can get the heck out of his way.

    © 2000 Madeleine Begun Kane. All rights reserved.
    1st Published in TheCarConnection

    You can find more of my automobile and driving humor here.

  • Since I seem to be off topic from politics today, here's my new song parody about search engine marketing and optimization, which webmasters and advertising folks might enjoy. (Which reminds me, thanks so much to the excellent Adrants for giving it a nice mention.)

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May 4, 2006 Ode To The Signing Statement and Other Limericks (Audio Version Is Here)

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April 25, 2006 White House Shakeup Song Parody & Limericks (Audio Version Is Here)

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April 24, 2006 Only Lefties Are Crude. Who Knew?

  • Daniel Henninger's latest Opinion Journal column's a doozy. It seems poor Dan's offended by the language used on blogs, citing as examples MySpace, the Huffington Post, and the Daily Kos. Putting aside the odd juxtaposition of My Space with Huffington and Kos, did you notice anything missing in that list? You guessed it -- apparently poor old Dan couldn't find any offensive language in right-wing blogs. What a surprise!

    Daniel Thinks Left Blogs Are Coarse
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Daniel thinks left blogs are coarse,
    So he mutters atop his high horse.
    Methinks that he's scared
    Of opinions we air,
    And he finds them a threatening force.

    Henninger Waxes Loquacious
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Henninger waxes loquacious,
    Claiming blogs are unduly salacious.
    He lumps Kos with MySpace,
    But finds no right blogs base.
    Dan's hypocrisy's rather audacious.

    (Philip Barron and Steve Gilliard didn't like Henninger's column any more than I did.)

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