What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.
Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”
Jeb’s the cure for the GOP mess
Cuz he’s civil — so sayeth the press.
Yet as gov, Jeb was rotten!
Is Schiavo forgotten?
Jeb’s transgressions caused tragic distress.
The guys (and one gal) vying for the Republican presidential nomination are in a bind. With Donald Trump in the picture, it’s virtually impossible to get press coverage and boost poll numbers, even if you say something crazy. But I do have a “modest proposal” for them:
Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Many would-be debaters are freaking
Cuz that spot on the stage that they’re seeking
Is elusive at best;
They’ve been Trumped by a pest.
Here’s a tip for attention: Try streaking.
Not that I’m a fan of Sen. Lindsey Graham, but Trump’s giving Graham’s private cell phone number out to the public is disgusting! I wish someone would do the same with Trump’s number, giving him a taste of his own caddish medicine.
And please don’t tell me two wrongs don’t make a right. Donald Trump deserves that and much more … including this limerick:
Lindsey Graham must buy a new cell;
He’s been doxed into mean-caller hell
By the Donald, who thinks
All opponents are finks,
Deserving a Trump “diss and tell.”
New York’s beautiful Taconic State Parkway is marred by signage litter; ostentatious signs directing people to the non-park known as Donald J. Trump State Park. (Rachel Maddow explains the history of this non-park with its misleading, annoying signs. She even takes us for a tour in this entertaining video.)
Alas, this just-pretend park sits right between our Bayside, Queens house and our tiny summer cottage in Putnam Valley. So those damn signs routinely haunt and taunt us, which brings me to this limerick:
There’s a fine New York road, the Taconic;
With its lush mountain views, it’s a tonic…
Or it was in the past.
But the signs it’s amassed
For the Donald J. Trump Park? Demonic!
Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The race has been thrown out of kilter
By Trump, who is lacking a filter.
I have three more lines left,
But I’m sadly bereft
Because “builder,” alas, ain’t spelled “builter.”
Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republican pols are distraught
Cuz their base supports “Trumpian Thought.”
But their years of supporting
Ill will and distorting
The truth gave them just what they wrought.
“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
So minimum wage laws are “lame?”
Sounds inane, but it’s Scott Walker’s claim.
What is “lame” is that Scott
Uses words without thought–
Schoolyard slams without substance. For shame!
Though I already wrote an Antonin Scalia limerick today, I’m itching for more. So I composed these song parody lyrics to the tune of “Maria.”
Now Scalia/Maria does sound obvious. So I’m surely not the first to use “Maria” to parody Scalia. But I don’t want to do a Google search, lest I be inadvertently influenced by someone else’s lyrics.
And with that disclaimer out of the way, here’s my parody:
Scalia,
The jiggery-pok’ry Scalia,
Treats justice like a game,
The worst judge I can name, you see.Scalia,
The wingnutty jurist, Scalia,
Demands the final word
With phrases so absurd, to me.Scalia,
When he loses a case, he’s sulking,
And his presence is always so hulking.Scalia,
The nastiest Justice, Scalia.Scalia, Scalia, Scalia, etc.
Scalia,
Pitches disses, instead of reason,
Disagreements with him — treats like treason.Scalia,
That sore-losing, pompous Scalia.The most odious person on that Court:
Scalia!
If you follow the U.S. Supreme Court, you know that Justice Scalia ended the term by hurling some colorful, spoiled-bratty insults at his fellow judges. His behavior was so over-the-top, that Slate created The Antonin Scalia “Sick Burn” Generator, an insult creator packed with Scalia-isms.
This calls for a limerick, don’t you think?
Using lingo arcane and absurd,
Scalia must have the last word:
Gives “the bird” to his peers
With “pure apple sauce” jeers
He’s a “jiggery-pokery” turd.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
You are currently browsing the Mad Kane’s Political Madness blog archives for July, 2015.
