Headline: “Collins calls crowdfunding to get her to oppose Kavanaugh a ‘bribe'”
Anti-Kavanaugh crowd-funding’s bribery?
That’s Sue Collins’ opprobrious gibery
About voters pro-choice
When raising their voice
About threats based on Kavanaugh’s scribery.
I’m pleased that business clout and boycott threats are causing Indiana’s Gov. Pence and the state legislature to revisit Indiana’s “religious freedom” law.
But wouldn’t it be nice if corporations had a similar response to other forms of discrimination? Laws that make it harder for women to get birth control or have an abortion, to name just two.
Making Discrimination ExPENCive (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Seems a lesson’s been learned by Gov. Pence:
Biased laws can cost dollars and cents.
Biz will fight for gay rights.
Now it’s time for some fights
Against anti-gal laws to commence.
Supreme Surprise (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The SCOTUS has caused quite a din
Over gay marriage rights. Is it sin
Or just fine for the states
To say gays can be mates?
Its response is “We shouldn’t mix in.”
How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We women are “whiners,” they bray.
We “lie” that there’s “no equal pay.”
That’s the GOP line,
And it suits me just fine:
On Election Day, gals get their say.
Purported feminist Sheryl Sandberg was apparently so traumatized by being called “bossy” as a girl, that she wants that epithet banned. She claims it impedes the will to become a leader.
So publicity hound “feminist” advocate Sandberg, having moved on from her “lean in” tripe, “is launching a public service campaign aimed at getting rid of the word ‘bossy.'” Hey, priorities are priorities.
Here’s Facebook COO Sandberg discussing her project to outlaw what she calls “the other B-word:”
This is a very negative experience for girls, if you look at my childhood, if you look at the childhood of most of the leaders we talked to, they lived through being told they were bossy,” Sandberg said. “And it has such a strongly female, and such a strongly negative connotation, that we thought the best way to raise awareness was to say, “This isn’t a word we should use. Let’s start encouraging girls to lead.”
Now, that’s some fascinating logic: Female leaders were so traumatized by being called “bossy” when they were young, that they were discouraged from leading. And so they became … leaders?!?
Hmmmm… Instead of banning the word “bossy” as applied to girls, perhaps we should make it compulsory.
Limerick Ode To Bossy Sheryl Sandberg
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sheryl Sandberg has made a demand
That the adjective “bossy” be banned.
Here’s the thrust of her screed:
Girls called “bossy” won’t lead.
Ain’t simplistic analysis grand?
According to a Politico story, Republicans pols and staffers are being given remedial sensitivity training to avoid further Todd Akin-style gaffes and to contend with the party’s gender gap.
Those Sensitive Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans, fearful of gaffes,
Are coaching both Congress and staffs
How to talk to a dame.
(Non-offense is their aim.)
How ’bout policy change, just for laughs?
Will Femia, over at MaddowBlog, has challenged us to a “good old-fashioned marriage equality limericking bee.” Here’s my contribution:
Limerick Ode To Same Sex Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Same sex couples are quick to endorse
The spread of gay marriage, of course.
But the happiest folks
Are THESE women and blokes:
Hungry lawyers who handle divorce.
Ohio State Sen. Nina Turner’s proposed bill regulating men’s reproductive health inspired this multi-verse limerick:
A Modest Men’s Reproductive Health Reg Proposal (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Republican men who insist
On controlling gals’ bodies, we’re pissed.
Since what’s good for the goose
(It’s plain to deduce)
Suits the gander, I’ve drawn up this list:
Viagra henceforth is restricted
To those who can prove they’re afflicted
Via sex partner swearing
You’re impotent, sharing
Your plight through oath uncontradicted.
You must also sex therapy seek
To help you reach sexual peak.
And we’ll force you to take
A stress test, you rake,
And prove that your heart isn’t weak.
In addition, your doc must advise you
About celibacy and apprise you
It’s a “viable choice.”
Yes your doc must give voice
To your options, cuz some may surprise you.
Only then, will the state let your doc
Prescribe any meds for your cock.
After counsel advising
Of side effects rising
From ED pills — nothing to mock.
From then on, you’ll be monitored too
To make sure that your heart ain’t askew.
You’ll be checked and re-tested.
The state is invested
In protecting you guys when you screw.
If you think that such regs are intrusive,
Insulting, and even abusive,
All these rules don’t compare
To what women must bear:
Female freedom is gravely elusive.
Most experts seem to think the U.S. Supreme Court will strike down DOMA, thereby ending the federal ban on benefits to gay spouses. The question is: Will they do it based upon equal protection, or states’ rights? The former (seemingly supported by the four liberal Supremes) is vastly preferable, but the later appears more likely; the perennial swing judge, Justice Anthony Kennedy, is more of a states’ rights kinda guy.
Limerick Ode To DOMA’s Demise
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m GLAD to hear DOMA’s in trouble.
But will Justices safe in their bubble
Concede that it’s wrong,
Beat the gong, say so long
To treating gay couples like rubble?
I’ve been trying to ignore the whole Hilary Rosen controversy. The one where Republicans use a stupid remark made by a CNN contributor to get everyone to stop talking about the Republican war on women.
Somehow, one person’s foolish remark is supposed to mean that President Obama and his fellow Dems diss stay-at-home moms:
The presidential campaign was consumed this week by controversy over Ann Romney and stay-at-home moms. Republicans seized on a stray comment by CNN contributor Hilary Rosen, who said Ann Romney had “never worked a day in her life.” Romney responded to the Rosen comments in a speech to the National Rifle Association on Friday, saying, “I happen to believe that all moms are working moms.”
But earlier this year, Romney said this on the topic of welfare:
“I wanted to increase the work requirement,” Romney said. “I said, for instance, that even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work. And people said, ‘Well that’s heartless,’ and I said ‘No, no, I’m willing to spend more giving daycare to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost the state more providing that daycare, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.’” (emphasis added)
So apparently, raising children is dignified work only when done by wealthy gals like Ann Romney.
Mommy Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mitt Romney and Ann like to bitch
That the Dems have thrown moms down the ditch.
Yet Romney’s the jerk
Who said child care ain’t work,
Unless done by a mommy who’s rich.
Karen Handel has resigned from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast-cancer charity. And Handel, a major architect of Komen’s stop-funding-Planned-Parenthood PR disaster, didn’t go sotto voce:
Karen Handel’s Dissonant Departure From Komen (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sweet music — Ms. Handel’s resigned,
While wailing that SHE’s been maligned:
Blaming HER’s prejudicial,
The ousted official
Complained, leaving bedlam behind.
I never thought I’d say this, but spam can be enlightening.
I’m referring to a recent spam flurry promoting home abortion kits. And we have Republicans to thank for this disturbing trend. After all, newly empowered Republicans have been targeting abortion rights in a big way. And at the state level they’ve been very successful at severely limiting women’s reproductive rights.
Who knew that when Republicans claimed to be pro-small business, they were talking about abortion kit scam artists?
That brings me to my latest limerick:
This Spam’s An Abortion
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A new (to me) flavor of scam
Came by email for gals in a jam.
Yes, a legal cascade
Against Roe versus Wade
Has inspired abortion kit spam.
In case you’ve been wondering what Sharron Angle’s been up to, I’ve got the answer: Senator Harry Reid’s former Republican challenger is giving speeches about makeup.
Yes, it’s hard to believe, but true. On January 21st, Angle spoke at a makeup convention in Las Vegas. Here’s how SeneGence International’s promotional material described Angle’s talk:
Sharron will be sharing her beauty and makeup challenges during the campaign and how she overcame them! She had confidence that she would look great with 14 -16 hour days & with numerous appearances daily… so can you!
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Sharron Angle — You Can’t Make This Up
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I vowed that I never would mention
Sharon Angle again — gives me tension.
But I just can’t resist
Her last gig which I missed:
A speech at a makeup convention.
When it comes to sexism posing as a compliment, I try to cut Harry Reid’s generation some slack. But Senator Reid really ought to know better:
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid had an unusual form of praise for New York’s junior senator, Kirsten Gillibrand, this morning at the fundraiser Mayor Bloomberg hosted for him at his townhouse – referring to her as “the hottest member” as she sat just a few feet away, according to three sources.
The comment prompted Gillibrand to turn red, according to the sources, and created a bit of stir among the small crowd there.
That leads me to my latest limerick:
Harry Reid’s Not So Hot Remark
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Kirsten Gillibrand’s hot says Sen. Reid —
The Sen’s “hottest member,” indeed.
Now I know Harry’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But that “compliment’s” sexist. Take heed.
Here’s more on subtle sexism, including my Gender At Work essay. (Gender at Work, under the name My Most Attractive Adversary, is the lead Gender Gap chapter essay in a pair of college textbooks by Gary Goshgarian: The Contemporary Reader and Readings For Today.)
Have you heard about the Bible-based Christian S & M cult? Of course, CDD (Christian Domestic Discipline) doesn’t consider itself an S & M cult, but it sure as hell sounds like one:
Just when I think I have seen it all, I stumble upon something called Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) marriage, a rising trend in conservative Christian households. A CDD marriage, for the uninitiated, is “marriage is one in which one partner is given authority over the other, and has the means to back up that authority, usually by spanking.” And, of course, that one partner with authority is always the man…
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Religion Hits Bottoms
By Madeleine Begun Kane
CDD is an odd Christian fad
For punishing wives when they’re “bad.”
Is it weird? Just a smidgeon.
They call this religion:
Spousal ass spanking. Gals, you’ve been had.
Related Post:
I Won’t Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)
Monday, April 21st, 2014I just love Jeff Greenfield’s take on the “Baby Clinton Madness.” I’m referring, of course, to all the nonsensical opinionating about its effect (or non-effect) on Hillary Clinton’s presumed presidential candidacy.
Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
OMG! Chelsea Clinton’s with child!
Watch political gas-bags go wild,
As they mindlessly mine
Its effects and opine.
Yes, those pundits are rightly reviled.
Tags: Chelsea Clinton, Election Humor, Election Punditry, Hillary Clinton, Jeff Greenfield, Media Humor, Oval, Political Candidates, Political Commentator, Presidential Election, Pundits, Sunday Gasbags, White House
Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, Feminism Humor, Gender Politics, Hillary Clinton, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Punditry Humor, White House | Comments Off on Infantile Pundits Give Birth To More Wind (Limerick)