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Archive for the 'New York Mayors' Category

Pondering Rudy

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros.  What pros?  Well, Rudy does love opera.

And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse.  (Not that I want to find out, of course.)

Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?

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Etiquette Advice For Rudy Giuliani, Courtesy Of Miss Madness

Monday, September 24th, 2007

Dear Rudy,

You really need to stop taking cell phone calls from your latest wife while you’re on stage giving a speech. It’s weird, rude and, in a post-9/11 world, it just ain’t cool.

You probably think it makes you look relaxed and confident. And you’re also hoping to burnish your image with the family values crowd, by making people think you’re still on speaking terms with somebody in your family.  (Fess up Rudy: Who was really on the phone during your NRA speech?  Your secretary?  Wife Number — what would the next one be — Four?

In any event, these staged on-stage calls from your “wife” simply have to stop.  Aside from the weird/rude/uncool problem, people are starting to suspect that you’re afraid not to take them.

Sorry Rudy, but looking henpecked is no way to out-macho Hillary.

Let me put it this way: Can you imagine George Dubya taking a call from Laura in the middle of a press conference or during his State of the Union Address?  Of course not! (From Mommy Barb maybe, but that topic’s way above my pay grade.)

Speaking of President Bush, if you’re anywhere near him, I must advise you to duck: The guy has a thing for fondling bald pates. And yes — that’s rude too.

Bye for now, Rudy.  But if you (or your scary wife Judi) have any more etiquette questions, Miss Madness is here for you. 

Sincerely,

Miss Madness

P.S.  I practice divorce law too.

(For more Rudy cell phone rudeness humor, visit Don Davis at Satirical Political.)  

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The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy.  And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people  put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.

But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit.  For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:

The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief.

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