Archive for the ‘Republicans Humor’ Category

Limerick Ode To Roy Moore Sycophant, Pastor Flip Benham

Tuesday, November 21st, 2017

Headline: “Pastor Says Moore Dated Teenagers for Their ‘Purity’”

A flip pastor says Moore dated teens
For their “purity.” I don’t know beans
About biblical teaching,
But what sort of preaching
Overlooks what indecency means?

GOP Pols Only Have Themselves To Blame (Limerick)

Friday, November 17th, 2017

PoliticalWire Headline: “The Conservative War on the Media Backfires”

Republican pols have been training
Their voters, through lie-packed complaining,
To reject any news
That might challenge their views–
A great aid to Moore’s Senate campaigning.

Who Ya Gonna Believe? (Limerick)

Saturday, November 11th, 2017

Russia meddled, our experts maintain;
Our Democracy’s suffered a stain.
But Donald would rather
Buy Putin’s false blather;
Trump’s owned by Vlad’s hard driving reign.

Limerick Ode To Trump’s Braggadocio

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Says Donald, “I’ve always been great
With money.” My mem’ry’s first-rate.
My IQ’s through the roof.
What? You’re asking for proof?
I am PREZ, and you’re NOT. End debate!

Open Limerick To NRA Shills

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Dear NRA shills, ev’ry prayer
And each thought that you send’s just hot air.
Let us know when you’ll draw
Up a gun control law.
Until then, stop pretending you care.

Asian Fantasy (Limerick)

Sunday, November 5th, 2017

Trump’s in Asia. Here’s hoping they steep him
In food that he hates and they sleep him
Where the mattresses suck,
And then (this will take luck)
Maybe one of those nations will keep him.

Hawaiians Greet Trump (Limerick)

Saturday, November 4th, 2017

Hawaiians greet Trump with great signs.
(I’m guessing he sees them as swines.)
They read “Welcome to Kenya.”
(They’re nice – don’t ask When ya
Resigning.) Poor Donald — No shrines!

Keep Up With All The BS? My Energy Is Flagging (Limerick)

Friday, November 3rd, 2017

Headline of the Day: “Energy Secretary Rick Perry Says Fossil Fuels Can Prevent Sexual Assault”

What can help prevent sexual assault?
“Fossil fuels,” proclaims Rick. Oy, gevalt!
Keeping track of the crap
That spews from each trap
Of Trump’s crew proves they lie by default.

Trump’s Next Move (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 31st, 2017

Is Mueller about to be canned?
Does Trump have a “massacre” planned?
Will Congress preempt
Any heinous attempt,
Leaving Donald verklempt and unmanned?

The Fog of Trump Lore (Limerick)

Monday, October 30th, 2017

Mueller’s news has the public agog,
So the White House keeps drumming up fog.
Mass confusion’s its aim;
Soon the Donald will claim
That Clinton’s been beating her dog.

Roger Stone’s Bitter About Twitter (Limerick)

Sunday, October 29th, 2017

Why did Twitter suspend Roger Stone?
He sent tweets Twitter cannot condone.
Seems it’s wrong to abuse
Those who bring us the news;
Can’t spew shit-laden threats via phone.

*****

New Republican Slogan:

“Alms for the Rich and Arms for ALL”

*****

DeVos cut 72 guidelines for disabled students.

So serving a mentally disabled president hasn’t upped her empathy 4 the disabled.

*****

Lewandowski: Keep focus on ‘the continued lies of the Clinton administration’

And here I thought Trump was in the Oval. Silly me!

*****

NBCNews Tweet: “President Trump greets members of the press’ kids in Halloween costumes: ‘I cannot believe the media produced such beautiful children'”

Some day those children will be able to proudly tell THEIR children: “When I was your age, I met the USA’s WORST president ever!”

*****

Trump Tweet: “It is now commonly agreed, after many months of COSTLY looking, that there was NO collusion between Russia and Trump. Was collusion with HC!”

At the start of your tweet, you seem to have left out a few key words: “In the Trump family.”

*****

Trump Tweet: “Wacky & totally unhinged Tom Steyer, who has been fighting me and my Make America Great Again agenda from beginning, never wins elections!”

Steyer “unhinged?” You’ve got that backwards. Steyer’s spent $10 million for a TV ad campaign advocating your impeachment because YOU’RE unhinged.

Also, unlike YOU, Steyer’s “REALLY RICH.”

*****

Headline: “Trump: ‘Really great advertising’ will keep kids off drugs.”

Also from Trump: “If we can teach young people not to take drugs … it’s really, really easy not to take them.”

All this from the purported non-drinker who’s driving the rest of us to drink.

*****

The Non-Case For Hillary’s Collusion (Limerick)

Saturday, October 28th, 2017

Hill colluded with Russia? Explain
How that makes any sense, cuz my brain
Can not fathom collusion
To cause a profusion
Of harm to her own prez campaign.

The Distraction Game (Limerick)

Saturday, October 28th, 2017

Mueller’s team has been hustling and humming;
Rumor has it arrests are forthcoming.
While we wait, watch the right,
Armed and eager to fight,
Weave their web of distractions mind-numbing.

The GOP Mantra (Limerick)

Saturday, October 28th, 2017

O! M! G! Trump’s in trouble! Deflect!
Hit the Left with some bullshit. Infect
All the news with confusion
Encourage delusion!
That’s the GOP mantra unchecked.

Mueller’s Halloween Surprise?

Friday, October 27th, 2017

Is Trump in the throes of affrightment
Over news about Mueller’s indictment?
Who’s been charged? We don’t know
Cuz it’s sealed. Even so,
I’m aglow with a growing excitement.

Trump’s GOP Critics (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 25th, 2017

“Republican Pols Lashing Out
At Trump.” That’s the headline they tout.
But it’s only some guys
Who’ve concluded it wise
Not to run again. Hardly a rout!

The Trump Threat (Limerick)

Saturday, October 21st, 2017

Is Donald a threat to free press?
Well of course my response must be yes.
But much more is in peril
From President Feral;
There’s no end to his menacing mess.

*****

As I train my brain
on our Oval Office bane,
staying sane’s a strain.

*****

Limerick Ode To the Destroyer-In-Chief

Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

Be it treaty or deal, Trump will break it.
There’s a health law folks need? He’ll forsake it.
Then post-wrecking with relish,
He’ll greatly embellish
Praise due him, when others remake it.

*****

Headline: “GOP Lawmaker Suggests People with HIV Be Quarantined”

Mad Kane Suggests GOP Lawmakers Be Quarantined.

*****

Remember when Trump
promised to drain DC swamp,
Then swamped it instead?

*****

Dear Donald: It’s bad enough that you’ve made me miss Dubya! But making me miss Dick Cheney? How COULD you!!!

*****

Those Military Bereavement Calls (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

Making service-death phone calls is tough
And, alas, Donald lacks the right stuff.
So although I believed
He should call the bereaved,
Never mind. They have suffered enough!

What Trump’s Done To Our Nation’s Reputation (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 17th, 2017

Headline: “Thanks to Trump, America’s word is now worthless”

The word of our nation’s now worthless
Thanks to Donald, whose decency’s birthless.
Despite sweeping appeals,
Trump’s destroyed all our deals.
(So sorry for verse that is mirthless.)

Thanks to the Washington Post’s Paul Waldman for inspiring this limerick!