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Holier-Than-Thou Wars

Friday, March 12th, 2010

The Democrats have suffered some ethics-embarrassments, and Republicans have been playing holier-than-thou with an RNC Charlie Rangel and Eric Massa ad.

Of course, looking morally superior would be a lot easier if Republicans didn’t have such a culture of corruption.

I’m guessing the RNC figured Democrats were too cowardly to fight back. Fortunately, the RNC was wrong.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Holier-Than-Thou Wars
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP’s trying to smack
The Dems on their ethics. How whack!
With their glass house display—
Ensign, Vitter, DeLay—
They throw stones — an ironic attack.

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Posted in Campaign Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, John Ensign, Political Ads, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, RNC Humor, Republicans Humor | 1 Comment »

Ode To An Obstructionist

Friday, March 5th, 2010

As you undoubtedly know, Senator James Bunning (R-Kentucky) is retiring at the end of the year … and none too soon. Embittered and unstable, Jim Bunning seems determined to inflict as much damage as possible during his final months in office.

The immediate crisis caused by “Bunning’s Blockade” is now over, and unemployment benefits and other payments blocked by Bunning’s obstruction are back in the pipeline.

Not that Bunning’s finished making trouble. He also placed a blanket hold on all pending presidential nominees.

Why? Because he felt like it.

I do believe Bunning’s earned himself a limerick:

Ode To An Obstructionist (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican Senator Bunning
Seems senile and evilly cunning.
On his way out the door
He’s done damage galore.
But at least he’s not once again running.

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Posted in Filibuster Humor, James Bunning, Kentucky Humor, Legislation Humor, Political Limericks, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 2 Comments »

A Limerick For Lamar

Sunday, February 28th, 2010

As Steve Benen points out, we’ve already tried incrementalism. Nonetheless, Senator Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.) keeps asserting that Congress can’t pass major legislation and should instead do things in bits and pieces.

Of course, Lamar and his fellow Republicans would say and do just about anything to prevent Democrats from passing comprehensive health care reform.

Lamar has earned himself a limerick:

A Limerick For Lamar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Incremental reforms are the best,
Claims Lamar in support of his quest.
Sweeping change is too hard,
Says this Sen. to retard
All our health reform progress. Quelle peste!

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Posted in GOP Humor, Health Satire, Insurance Humor, Lamar Alexander, Legislation Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor | 1 Comment »

Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

It’s getting hard to keep track of all the Republican “trash and cash” Recovery Act hypocrisy. But Steve Benen has a stimulus hypocrisy update, and I have a limerick:

Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The stim bill was bad. Voted no,
Cuz it won’t the economy grow.”
That’s the GOP rant
As they privately chant,
“Now give me more stimulus dough.”

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Posted in Congress Humor, Economy Humor, Fiscal Policy, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Legislation Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 3 Comments »

Al-Qaeda Talking Points?

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Are prominent right-wingers acting as unpaid PR agents for al Qaeda, in their zeal to undermine Obama?

In a word — yes! After all, the purpose of terrorism is to scare people into overreaction. So when GOP attack dogs like Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney, Michael Steele, Bill Kristol, Pete King, Pete Hoekstra, Jim DeMint and countless others characterize a failed terrorist attack as a success and try to terrify the public, they are unwittingly helping al Qaeda.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Al-Qaeda Talking Points?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Michael and Peter and Dick,
Your Obama vendetta is sick.
Cuz behavior like yours —
Turning flops into scores —
Creates fear, which makes terrorists tick.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Bill Kristol, Dick Cheney Satire, Election Satire, GOP Humor, George Bush Satire, James DeMint, Liz Cheney, Michael Steele, National Security Humor, Pete Hoekstra, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Terrorism, White House | 2 Comments »

Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11″ Giuliani Loses His Mind

Saturday, January 9th, 2010

It was silly enough when Bush-defender Dana Perino, while appearing on Sean Hannity’s TV show, claimed there were no domestic terror attacks under George W. Bush. Then there was Mary Matalin’s more subtle lie: Bush “inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation’s history.”

But the third time clearly makes it a Republican talking point. On Good Morning America, Rudy Giuliani spouted this falsehood to George Stephanopoulos: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11″ Giuliani Loses His Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans looking to ream
Prez Obama have launched an odd meme.
The Bush-Cheney reign
Suffered no terror pain.
It seems Nine-One-One’s only a dream.

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Posted in Dana Perino, Fox News Humor, GOP Humor, George Bush Satire, George Stephanopoulos, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity Limerick, Terrorism | No Comments »

Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Republicans have been treating Nigerian Abdulmutallab’s failed Christmas Day bombing of Flight 253 like a Christmas gift from Al Qaeda — something really juicy to exploit.

In fact, the Republicans’ partisan response to this attempted terrorism has been so shameless, even Politico noticed.

Republicans like Pete Hoekstra, James DeMint, Dan Burton, and many others have earned themselves a triple limerick by playing politics with national security:

Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Exploiting a terror attempt
Is surely beneath all contempt.
But that never would stop
Such a GOP op:
“Bash Obama! He failed to preempt.”

There is plenty of blame they should share
For that terrorist scare in the air.
We’ve no TSA head:
DeMint “held” him instead
Of a vote. It’s Republican guerre.

As for funding our air travel screening,
They vote no. Seems they’re pro-terror leaning.
Though their record is poor,
They keep spouting full-bore.
Please Republicans, spare us your preening.

NOTE: Here’s some unrelated, but timely, New Years Resolutions humor: It Is Hereby Resolved.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Blame Game, Dan Burton, Foreign Policy, GOP Humor, James DeMint, National Security Humor, Pete Hoekstra, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Republicans Humor, Terrorism, Transportation Safety, White House | 5 Comments »

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Updated)

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they’re gospel. Dick makes George W. Bush look like a statesman, for heaven sakes. And yet media outlets love to present the former Veep’s vicious distortions and malicious rants virtually without challenge.

The latest example is Politico’s regurgitation of Cheney’s lengthy tirade against President Obama. A tirade, I might add, made on the eve of Obama’s Afghanistan troop buildup speech at West Point.

Politico deserves a double limerick, don’t you think?

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Politico, kindly explain
Why you act like Dick Cheney is sane.
You repeat all his lies
Like they’re truthful and wise.
Your stenography’s worse than inane.

Richard Cheney has harmed our great nation.
Yet you act like each Cheney quotation
Is golden and true,
Worth transcribing on cue.
You’re not journos — you just take dictation.

UPDATE: Unbelievable! Apparently the Pulitzer Board is fond of Cheney’s steno pool. It just elected Jim VandeHei, executive editor and co-founder of Politico, to the Pulitzer Board. Can a Pulitzer Prize for Drudge be far behind?

Related Posts: Ode To Fresh Faces; and Bush & Cheney’s Blunderland Song Parody

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Posted in Barack Obama, Dick Cheney Satire, Election Satire, GOP Humor, George Bush Satire, Media Satire, National Security Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, War & Antiwar Poems, White House | 7 Comments »

Testy Republicans

Monday, November 30th, 2009

By now you’ve surely heard about the GOP’s proposed conservative “purity test,” a ten-point litmus test advocated by James Bopp Jr. and others to weed out party “undesirables.”

Under this test (Reagan’s Unity Principle for Support of Candidates), if you’re not right-wing enough to pass muster on at least eight of ten position points, you forfeit RNC support.

How ironic and amusing that Ronald Reagan, the “purity test’s” namesake, couldn’t come close to passing it.

And that brings me to my latest double limerick:

Testy Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans want to ensure
That all of its members are pure:
Wrong on 3 of 10 planks?
Then it’s “Sorry, no thanks,”
Cuz you’re lacking in wingnut allure.

So how odd that their “God” would not pass
This purity test — what a gas!
Reagan’s record is clear:
He would fail, were he here.
Yet he’s Prez nonpareil, under grass.

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Posted in Election Satire, GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, RNC Humor, Republicans Humor, Ronald Reagan, Wingnuts | 8 Comments »

Fraidy-Cat Republicans

Friday, November 20th, 2009

According to Republicans, it’s way too dangerous for Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder to try terrorists in federal courts. And that seems just a wee bit odd. Because the 2002 trial of Zacarias Moussaoui, an al Qaeda terrorist often referred to as the “20th 9/11 hijacker,” was conducted in federal court on U.S. soil. And it went rather well — even Rudy Giuliani loved it!

Yet Rudy and his Republican ilk now seem terrified at the very thought of trying alleged 9/11 terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
in a New York City federal courthouse.

So, did the terrorists win between 2002 and now? Have Republicans turned yellow? Or is this simply another case of GOP hypocrisy?

Fraidy-Cat Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A terrorist trial in fed court
Under Bush met with pride and support.
No GOP sneers —
Just Republican cheers.
But a Dem do the same? Must abort!

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Posted in 9/11 Satire, Barack Obama, Crime, GOP Humor, Gitmo Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Jeff Sessions, Justice Department, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani | 1 Comment »

Stupak Stupidity

Monday, November 16th, 2009

The Republican National Committee, the wingnutty Focus on the Family, and both groups’ donors are abortion-loving baby killers. Yes, I was shocked too. But it’s true, if you follow the thought process behind the Stupak Amendment to its logical conclusion.

Let me try to explain, even though the effort may make my brain explode. “Money is fungible,” say proponents of the Stupak abortion-coverage ban. And under “Stupak logic,” if your insurance policy doesn’t cover abortions, but your insurer issues abortion coverage to other people, your premiums are part of a pool of baby-killing cash.

This brings us back to the RNC whose health insurance policy, until roughly five minute ago, covered elective abortions and has done so since 1991.

So what inspired the sudden change? The RNC’s hypocritical abortion coverage got some headlines, embarrassing Chairman Michael Steele into sending its carrier an opt-out notice — something the RNC could have done any time during the last eighteen years.

End of story, right? Well, not exactly. Because the RNC hasn’t stopped paying health insurance premiums to Cigna. And Cigna still issues abortion insurance to other organizations. So under “Stupak logic,” the RNC and its donors are still subsidizing abortion and killing those babies.

Shame on the RNC! And shame also on Focus on the Family, which has its own fungible money problem. It’s insured by Principal, yet another abortion-covering carrier.

The RNC and Focus on the Family have earned themselves a limerick, don’t you think?

Stupak Stupidity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The folks behind Stupak are clear:
All money is fungible. Hear?
So how odd that they chose
To pay money to cos
That finance abortions each year.

Related Post: Stewing Over Stupak

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Posted in Abortion Rights, Bart Stupak, Congress Humor, Health Satire, House Satire, Insurance Humor, Michael Steele, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, RNC Humor, Republicans Humor, Wingnuts | 1 Comment »

Celebrating Sarah

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

On behalf of my fellow New Yorkers, I want to thank Sarah Palin for her generous gift to the State of New York. Palin’s leadership in driving moderates like Dede Scozzafava out of the Republican party handed New York Democrats a Congressional Seat (District 23) that had eluded Dems for well over a century.

Thanks also to Dick Armey for his help in electing Democrat Bill Owens. (I understand Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman has a big, wet kiss for Dick Armey too.)

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Celebrating Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Sarah, your meddling is great.
I just love what you did to my state.
Your GOP purge
Will make Democrats surge
As you spread anti-moderates hate.

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Posted in Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, House Satire, New York Politics, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Sarah Palin, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

“Short On Facts” Fox

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. Fox News Live Desk’s Trace Gallagher seems especially fond of it, making repeated (and inaccurate) comparisons to Tolstoy’s War and Peace. (Well, we always knew that Fox is fond of fiction.)

“Short On Facts” Fox (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When on substance your grasp just ain’t strong,
Simply bitch that the health bill’s too long.
“War and Peace is much shorter,”
Rants Trace (Fox “reporter”),
And even on that Fox is wrong.

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Posted in Fox News Humor, Health Satire, Legislation Humor, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Television (TV) Satire | No Comments »

Ode To Party-First Republicans

Sunday, October 11th, 2009

Remember when you could tell the difference between right-wing loons and your average Republican politician? Unfortunately, that distinction is rapidly vanishing. And Republican reaction to 1) Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize win; and 2) Chicago’s failure to land the Olympics are but two recent examples.

Ode To Party-First Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When the Prez wins a prize, wingnuts sneer.
When we lose the Olympics, they cheer.
“Country first,” they once said.
Seems that sentiment’s dead.
If Barack killed bin Laden, they’d jeer.

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Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Election Satire, GOP Humor, George Bush Satire, Hypocrisy Humor, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. How? By voting against an Al Franken-proposed amendment to the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would withhold defense contracts from companies (like Dick Cheney’s KBR) “if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.”

Franken was inspired to sponsor this amendment by the ordeal of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang-raped by her co-workers while working for Halliburton/KBR in Baghdad. A clause in Jones’ KBR employment contract made employer-friendly private arbitration her only recourse, precluding Jones from seeking justice in court.

I hope all those pro-rape Republicans (listed below my limerick) are proud of themselves:

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though Republicans yearn for support
From females, they’re bound to fall short:
Their position on rape
Is in criminal shape
Cuz they treat it like less than a tort.

Here’s the list of the thirty pro-rape Republican Senators:
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) John Barrasso (R-WY) Christopher Bond (R-MO) Sam Brownback (R-KS) Jim Bunning (R-KY) Richard Burr (R-NC) Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) Tom Coburn (R-OK) Thad Cochran (R-MS) Bob Corker (R-TN) John Cornyn (R-TX) Mike Crapo (R-ID) Jim DeMint (R-SC) John Ensign (R-NV) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Judd Gregg (R-NH) James Inhofe (R-OK) Johnny Isakson (R-GA) Mike Johanns (R-NE) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) John McCain (R-AZ) Mitch McConnell (R-KY) James Risch (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Richard Shelby (R-AL) John Thune (R-SD) David Vitter (R-LA) Roger Wicker (R-MS)

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Posted in Al Franken, Crime, Dick Cheney Satire, Feminism Humor, GOP Humor, Gender Politics, Inhofe Humor, James DeMint, Jeff Sessions, John Ensign, John McCain, Judd Gregg, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 10 Comments »

Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

Newt Gingrich, you’ve got some ’splainin’ to do! Please tell me how someone who has repeatedly railed against bilingualism can launch a bilingual website. The Americano, a news site for Hispanic-Americans, is a transparent effort to lure memory-impaired Latinos over to the GOP.

A two-verse limerick in honor of the hypocritical Newt Gingrich:

Newt’s Bilingual Newspeak
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a long-standing view from the right:
Education bilingual’s a blight.
That’s how Newt has opined.
Dearest Newt, changed your mind?
Quite the pander — your bilingual site.

Guess you’re hoping Latinos forget
Your stance that bilingual’s all wet,
That they’ll vote GOP.
But Latinos shall see
Through your bilingual lies on the Net.

Related Posts: Hark! The Disgraced Former Speaker Speaks; and Ode To Fresh Faces

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Posted in Bilingualism, Education Limerick, Election Satire, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Media Satire, Newt Gingrich Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, White House | 5 Comments »

Mark Sanford, The Not-So-Frugal Traveler

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

South Carolina’s Governor Mark Sanford sure has expensive travel habits for such a “frugal conservative.”

The Not-So-Frugal Traveler (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Making staffers use each Post-It side,
Mark Sanford would wastefulness chide.
Then he’d charter a plane,
Throwing cash down the drain.
Sanford sure took his state for a ride.

Related Posts: Ode to Mark “Sweet Talker” Sanford; Mark Sanford’s Trail … Of Hypocrisy; and Mark Sanford — Lost? Or Losing It?

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Posted in GOP Humor, Governors Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Mark Sanford, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, South Carolina Humor, Wingnuts | No Comments »

Republicans Bring “Classiness” To the Classroom

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Remember when a presidential speech to school kids was considered positive and uncontroversial? Back when Republicans were in the White House? Funny, what a difference one election can make.

President Obama wants to address schoolchildren about working hard, being responsible and playing by the rules, and all hell breaks loose:

Republicans Bring Classiness To the Classroom (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Act responsibly. Stay in your schools.”
“Study hard and please play by the rules.”
How dare the Prez preach
Such sins in his speech!
Ain’t no way to breed right-wing tools.

Related Posts: “Education President” Song; Education Humor; and Bush Isn’t An “Education President,” He Just Plays One

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Posted in Barack Obama, Education Limerick, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Social Satire, Speeches Satire, Students Verse, White House | 6 Comments »

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

New Hampshire’s Senator Judd Gregg, a big “majority rules” fan back when Republicans held the majority, has suddenly become a minority rights advocate. I just can’t imagine why.

Way back when, Gregg was enthused about using filibuster-proof reconciliation rules to pass ANWR drilling legislation:

… “The point, of course, is this: If you have 51 votes for your position, you win,” Gregg told his Senate colleagues on the floor.

He added, “Reconciliation is a rule of the Senate (that) has been used before for purposes exactly like this on numerous occasions… Is there something wrong with majority rules? I don’t think so.”

Responding to the argument that it’s wrong to use reconciliation on a domestic oil drilling measure, Gregg concluded, “We are using the rules of the Senate as they are set up to be used, and that happens to be the rule of the Senate.”

Of course now that there’s a Democratic majority, Gregg has a rather different opinion and is leading the Republican fight against passing health care reform under reconciliation rules:

Sen. Judd Gregg has hundreds of procedural objections ready for a healthcare plan Democrats leaders want to speed through the Senate.

Gregg (N.H.), the senior Republican on the Budget Committee, told the Hill in a recent interview that Republicans will wage a vicious fight if Democrats try to circumvent Senate rules and use a budget maneuver to pass a trillion dollar healthcare plan with a simple majority. [...]

Gregg said that Republicans could file “hundreds” of points of order objections to the bill, each one requiring 60 votes to waive.

“We are very much engaged in taking a hard look at our rights under reconciliation,” Gregg said. “It would be very contentious.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Majority rule is just great,”
Said Gregg in the drilling debate.
“You’ve got 51 votes,
Then you win.” Check his quotes.
Yet 51 Dem votes don’t rate.

Related Posts: Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

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Posted in Filibuster Humor, GOP Humor, Health Satire, Hypocrisy Humor, Judd Gregg, Legislation Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 2 Comments »

Alpha-Political Verse 2009

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

From time to time, I write an alphabetical poem summing up a period’s zany and significant political moments. (My last one said goodbye and good riddance to Bush and Cheney.)

Although Barack Obama’s administration is still relatively new, there’s already plenty of material for another piece of alpha-political poetry:

A is for Alaska with its lovely Russian view.

B is for the Birthers who will rant and rave on cue.

C is for conservatives co-opted by the loons.

D is for each Democrat who caves and often swoons.

E is for elections that just never seem to stop.

F’s for raising endless funds so pols will stay on on top.

G’s for GOPers who so love to misinform.

H is for our health care — much in need of broad reform.

I is for insurance co’s. They love the status quo.

J’s for Joseph Lieberman. He really needs to go.

K’s for Teddy Kennedy whose legacy is great.

L is for Rush Limbaugh whose big talent’s spreading hate.

M’s for John McCain who’s always on a Sunday show.

N’s for nihilist congressmen, so fond of saying “No!”

O is for Obama. Hope he’s worthy of his rise.

P is for Fox pundits and their “fair and balanced” lies.

Q is for the questions town hall crackpots often pose.

R’s for right-wing zealots who are truthful-info foes.

S is for Mark Sanford’s Argentinean affair.

T’s for Texans Perry and Pete Sessions. What a pair!

U is the USA. There’s greatness at its core.

V’s for fam’ly values preached by hypocrites galore.

W’s for Dubya and the mess he left behind.

X and Y and Z are hard. Their rhymes I can not find.

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Posted in GOP Humor, Political Commentary, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Wingnuts | 3 Comments »

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