Archive for the ‘Republicans Humor’ Category

Trumping The Truth (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 25th, 2015

With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, “Media bias!”

Shedding Tears For Ben Carson? (Limerick)

Monday, November 9th, 2015

The “liberal bias” lie is in full bloom this election cycle. And in its latest manifestation, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus and Hugh Hewitt would have us believe that the press is being really mean to Ben Carson, while treating Hillary Clinton with kid gloves.

Of course such assertions are so laughable, even Joe Scarborough is mocking them.

Hugh Hewitt and Reince look askance
At the Ben Carson cov’rage. Their stance:
It’s a lib-press vendetta!
Hill’s treated much bettah!
(Even Joe isn’t buying their rants.)

Why Should Ben Carson Captain Our Ship Of State? (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 4th, 2015

Carson’s dearth of credentials is stark,
And being the prez ain’t a lark.
But just mention his lack,
Ben’s response will be whack:
He says “amateurs built [Noah's] Ark.”

Ben Carson’s full Twitter quote is: “It is important to remember that amateurs built the Ark and it was the professionals that built the Titanic.”

Undoing Undue Optimism (4-Verse Limerick)

Saturday, October 31st, 2015

Most press coverage about the “cleaning the barn” two-year “budget deal,” negotiated by Boehner as he was handing off his Speaker gig to Paul Ryan, is unduly optimistic. It tends to lull us into thinking that the opportunity for House wingnuts to wreak havoc has been largely eliminated for a substantial period of time.

But that really isn’t true. Why not? Because, generally speaking, there are three broad opportunities for Tea Party types to threaten or cause shutdowns.

1: Budget bills.

2: Debt ceiling crises.

3: Appropriation bills.

And, alas, only the first two items on that list were resolved, leaving ample opportunities for essential appropriation bills to be saddled with unacceptable riders. For instance, riders eliminating Obamacare or defunding Planned Parenthood, to name just two. In other words:

Right-wing Republicans can still pursue their goals through riders on appropriations bills—and, if they don’t get their way, shut down the government.

With Ryan as Speaker, don’t think
That we aren’t stuck right on the brink
Of Tea Party trouble.
It still can cause rubble
Through spending bills yet to gain ink.

The fact that the budget’s resolved
And the ceiling on debt ain’t involved,
Should not make you relieved.
If you are, you’re deceived,
Cuz the poison pill risk isn’t solved.

The House must appropriate cash,
Via bills which the wingnuts can trash
Through riders from guys
With Tea Party ties,
Turning programs we need into ash.

If that happens, then what can be done?
Only vetoes, and those aren’t fun.
But the blackmailing Hill
Can’t prevail on such bill!
Are there any good choices? Nay! None.

Curtains for Jeb? (2-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, October 29th, 2015

Who should quit after last night’s debate?
It was Jebbie’s worst showing, to date,
A performance dismaying.
His fans must be weighing
Their option to dump his dead weight.

Jeb’s attack on pal Rubio failed,
And at Marco’s retort, Jeb just flailed.
Then smooth sailing for Marco.
From Jeb? Not a spark! Oh,
Jeb’s run has been fully derailed.

About Those Polls (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 27th, 2015

Four recent polls (3 in Iowa, 1 national) show Ben Carson ahead of Trump, prompting Trump to claim that polls with so many candidates aren’t very scientific.

Unless they show Trump ahead, of course.

When The Donald tops polls, they’re “terrific!”
He runs second? They’re “unscientific.”
Cuz when Trump’s on the stump,
Though his number’s might slump,
His ego-laced lines stay prolific.

Jeb Bush – Unhappy Campaigner (Limerick)

Sunday, October 25th, 2015

Jeb Bush is sounding bummed these days about the toxic nature of the race to be the Republican presidential nominee:

I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.

It seems Jebbie objects to the slings
And arrows of primary swings;
Having chosen to run,
He just ain’t havin’ fun…
And would rather do “really cool things.”

Yet Another Benghazi Hearing Limerick (2-Verse)

Saturday, October 24th, 2015

That GOP slug-fest of jeering
Was a stamina-trial of a hearing,
For the GOP goal
Was to rattle and roll
HRC. But instead? Pro-Hill cheering.

And for those thinking Clinton’s too old
To be prez, they need only behold
The results of that test
Of endurance — she’d best
Hill’ry’s juniors — Olympian gold!

Limerick Ode To The Benghazi-Obsessed Hillary Haters

Friday, October 23rd, 2015

The Hillary haters are sad.
They were praying that Hill would do bad
At hearings designed
To put Hill in a bind
And malign, wear her down, drive her mad.

But Hillary won in a rout.
Trey Gowdy and co left no doubt
That her rep they must shatter.
To them, facts don’t matter
In their shamef’ly political bout.

Paul Ryan REALLY Doesn’t Want To Be Speaker (2-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, October 21st, 2015

I have read each Paul Ryan demand,
Which he labels “requests.” They won’t stand.
There is no way that raucous
So-called “Freedom Caucus”
Assents, and that’s Ryan’s scheme grand.

When you don’t want a job, then you’re free
To ask for the world, which you see
Is what Ryan has done.
They say “No?” Then he’s won…
And back to his old job he’ll flee.

Yet Another Open Limerick To Jim Webb

Tuesday, October 20th, 2015

Remember the guy who did nothing but complain about being cheated on time at the Democratic debate? He’s actually threatening to run as an independent.

Dear Senator Webb, get a grip!
In the polls you are barely a blip.
You’re so far from ascendant,
A run “independent”
Is nuts. Here’s a tip: You’ll get zip.

How Dare Trump Tell The Truth About Something! (Limerick)

Monday, October 19th, 2015

Though The Donald’s said many things bad,
Seems the one thing that makes Jebbie mad
Is when Donald Trump says
That Jeb’s brother was prez
On September 11th. The cad!

Peggy Noonan Nonsense (Limerick)

Friday, October 16th, 2015

You’ll never guess who is to blame
For the rise of The Donald. This claim
By Ms. Noonan is mad:
Seems Obama’s the lad
Who’s at fault. “Pundit” dame has no shame.

Limerick Ode To Planned Ignorance

Tuesday, October 6th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Planned Ignorance
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Planned ignorance, such is the scheme
That conservatives love — what a dream:
Withhold info that’s needed
And ought to be heeded.
That’s the key to get wins for their team.

Whitewashing textbooks and refusing to allow the CDC to study gun violence are but two examples.

If The Shoe Fits… (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 30th, 2015

If The Shoe Fits… (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A chorus of jeers and complaining
Ought to greet all those speech-makers feigning
Deep concern for the poor.
Show those liars the door,
Cuz I’m sick of their BS campaigning.

St. Boehner??? (3-Verse Limerick)

Tuesday, September 29th, 2015

St. Boehner??? (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please don’t tell me that Boehner’s atoned
For his sins and for all he’s condoned—
That his leaving his job
Is a sacrifice (Sob!)
For the good of our land. Are you stoned?

Because all Boehner’s done is postpone
The government shut-down he’s sown,
And emboldened the loons
Who are anarchist goons—
Anti-government nuts to the bone.

So kindly don’t ask me to weep
For a man who will soon surely reap
Lots of wealth from connections
(While dodging elections!)
My retort would be something you’d bleep.

Kevin McCarthy Angles For A Promotion (Limerick)

Monday, September 28th, 2015

House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy is so eager to become Speaker, he’s been making all sorts of promises to Republican party extremists:

Sounding stubbornly tough’s a no-brainer
When campaigning for Speaker, post-Boehner.
You must promise to hew
To each wingnutty view,
And from compromise be an abstainer.

That’s the tack that McCarthy has taken.
No concessions! No deals! He’s unshaken!
He’ll be tough on Obama,
Squash “squishes” with drama.
So if Kev gets that gig, hope’s forsaken.

What’s Next Post-Boehner? (Limerick)

Sunday, September 27th, 2015

Will Boehner’s departure appease
The Tea Party’s wingnut-disease?
Or will it embolden
And make them feel golden–
Resolved to bring all to their knees.

John Boehner Tears (Limerick)

Friday, September 25th, 2015

Boehner Tears (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

At Boehner I frequently curse.
He’s inspired much negative verse.
But of this I am sure:
We’ll soon have to endure
A Republican Speaker who’s worse.

I’m No Shrink, But… (Limerick)

Thursday, September 24th, 2015

Says Rubio, “Trump’s insecure.”
That assessment does have some allure.
Is the braggart and gloater
And slick self-promoter
Disguising the fact he’s unsure?

I’m no shrink, so I shouldn’t opine,
But I will. (I’ve been drinking some Rhine.)
Compensation for lacks
Could explain his attacks.
Armchair-whining is done — need more wine.