Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

7 Candidates In 5 Lines (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 9th, 2016

Marco Rubio’s rather robotic.
Carly lies, and Jeb Bush seems neurotic.
Then there’s Carson, a snooze,
Bully Christie, vile Cruz,
And the narcissist: Trump “the Despotic.”

Open Limerick To Jeb Bush

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2016

When you’re giving a speech, my dear chap,
And you’re forced to ask people, “please clap,
That is sadder than sad.
Your campaign’s beyond bad.
Put a cap on your race. It’s a wrap!

Trump Trumped In Iowa (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016

I’m certain “The Donald” is mad.
He’s a “LOSER” to Cruz, and I’d add,
More embarrassing yet
Is his delegate net;
It did NOT exceed Marco’s. Poor lad!

Yes, not only did Cruz beat Trump by 3.3 percent, but Marco Rubio was only 1.2 percent behind Trump, tying him in terms of delegate yields:

Ted Cruz’s victory in the Iowa caucuses means he’ll collect eight delegates to the Republican National Convention.

Donald Trump and Marco Rubio each get seven from the opening contest in the 2016 presidential race.

Those Damn Emails! (Limerick)

Saturday, January 30th, 2016

I’m so sick of the news stories meant
To defame Mrs. Clinton with bent,
Sleazy headlines and lies
Told to make you surmise
That her emails were “secret” when sent.

Pity The Poor Pundits (Limerick)

Saturday, January 30th, 2016

I’ll say one thing for Donald Trump: He’s great at changing the rules and perplexing the political pundits.

Sheepish pundits are wiping their brow.
From “The Donald,” they’re having a cow.
They’ve been robbed of convictions;
When asked for predictions,
They groan and then beg, “Please, not now!”

Palin Goes “Rogue” With Trump (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

Sarah Palin’s and Donald’s toxicity
Are now linked. What a dose of duplicity!
She endorsed him in Ames;
Trump is great, so she claims,
But I’ll bet she’s just starved for publicity.

Frankly, They’re Lying (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 19th, 2016

You probably know this old chestnut of a joke: “How can you tell when a politician is lying? When his (or her) lips move.”

Here’s my own slightly less cynical lie detection technique:

How do you know that a politician is lying? The word ‘frankly’ comes out of his/her mouth.

Donald Trump and Carly Fiorina seem especially fond of the word ‘frankly,’ but they’re certainly not alone in having that ‘tell.’

Pols frequently telegraph lies.
For example, I’m quick to surmise
That a whopper’s about
To be told by some lout
When he uses the ‘frankly’ disguise.

Trump Joins The Make-Believe War On Christians (Limerick)

Monday, January 18th, 2016

Trump BS of the Day:
“Trump calls for Christian unity at Liberty U.
‘Other religions, frankly, they’re banding together,’ he says. ‘We have to unify.’”

Trump panders at Liberty U,
Says what “under siege” Christians should do:
“Band together” like other
Religions. Oh brother!
Trump just loves spewing statements untrue.

Rand Paul’s Anti-Trump Stump (Limerick)

Friday, January 15th, 2016

Rand Paul Headline of the Day: “Rand Paul To Spend His ‘Every Waking Hour’ Trying To Stop Trump. Republicans will get ‘slaughtered’ if Trump wins, he says.”

Though Rand Paul remains hot on the stump,
He no longer is seeking a bump
In his race to be prez.
Instead, Rand Paul says
That his goal is to stop Donald Trump.

Limerick Ode To Ted “Everyman” Cruz (Limerick)

Thursday, January 14th, 2016

Headline of the Day: “Ted Cruz Didn’t Report Goldman Sachs Loan in a Senate Race.”

“I’m a populist guy to the bone.
I got all that I have on my own.”
That’s the message Cruz flacks,
Leaving out Goldman Sachs
And that million-buck Senate-race loan.

Be Careful What You Ask For (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 13th, 2016

I’m amused to see that the rich Republican beneficiaries of ‘Citizens United’ are rather unhappy these days:

“Major GOP donors and fundraisers are wondering whether they’re wasting their money on super-PACs.”

“It’s ‘free speech!’ Let us spend to the max!”
The Supreme Court said “yes” to those hacks,
To the GOP guys
Who thought this was wise:
Buy elections with billionaire PACS.

Having gotten the ‘right’ they demanded,
Any SuperPAC donor who’s candid
Says “My giant transmittal
Of bucks bought me little!
What a waste! Why was ‘free speech’ expanded?”

Could The Birthers Be Right About Cruz? (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 12th, 2016

How ironic! According to Harvard law professor Laurence Tribe, the very type of constitutional “originalist” judge that Ted Cruz says he’d appoint to the U.S. Supreme Court, is the very sort of judge who’d deem Cruz unqualified to be president by reason of his Canadian birthplace.

Trump’s Birther attack on Ted Cruz
Seemed, at first, like some dumb Donald news.
But a judge of the sort
Ted Cruz likes would retort:
“Call Cruz ‘natural born?’ I refuse!”

Here’s Tribe, as quoted by The Guardian:

“…the kind of judge Cruz says he admires and would appoint to the supreme court – an ‘originalist’ who claims to be bound by the historical meaning of the constitution’s terms at the time of their adoption – Cruz wouldn’t be eligible because the legal principles that prevailed in the 1780s and 90s required that someone be born on US soil to be a ‘natural born’ citizen.”

“Even having two US parents wouldn’t suffice for a genuine originalist. And having just an American mother, as Cruz did, would clearly have been insufficient at a time that made patrilineal descent decisive…”

The Real Reason Pataki Dropped Out? (Limerick)

Wednesday, December 30th, 2015

As the GOP madness persists
And the front-runner raises his fists,
George Pataki drops out
Of the race, without doubt
Cuz his party no longer exists.

Goodbye Limerick For George Pataki

Tuesday, December 29th, 2015

Dear George, I can guess why you ran;
You assumed a sane, serious man
Had a chance this time ’round.
But your party seems bound
To crown someone who b’longs in the Klan.

Nothing Wry About This Limerick

Tuesday, December 29th, 2015

This question’s becoming increasingly common: “What If No One Believes the Fact Checkers?”

When a pol will incessantly lie,
While supporters routinely deny
The fact that he’s lying
And keep on defying
The truth, our poor nation’s awry.

Limerick Ode To “Bad Boy” Cruz

Sunday, December 27th, 2015

Ted Cruz is the Senate’s “bad boy,”
But for Teddy that title’s a ploy;
The more INSIDERS hate him,
Despise and berate him,
The more he’s the hoi polloi’s joy.

Limerick Ode To A Smutty Candidate

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

Since when is it okay for presidential candidates to lace their speeches with vulgarisms and obscenities?

Donald Trump is far worse than a jerk.
He’s a fellow whose mind’s gone berserk
And whose speeches are laced
With language debased,
So I’m guessing his “schlong” doesn’t work.

Farewell Limerick For Lindsey Graham

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

Dear Lindsey, I’ll wistfully miss you
And the bliss that I sensed when I’d diss you.
Those debates, undercard,
Without you shall be marred.
For this scarring abyss I must hiss you.

Limerick Ode To Politifact’s Liar Of The Year

Monday, December 21st, 2015

Congratulations to Donald Trump on winning the Politifact 2015 Lie of the Year Award!

The “Lie of the Year” prize is Trump’s.
Though many pols fib, Donald jumps
To the top of the list;
His stump speech’s gist
Is take dumps on the truth to hook chumps.

Open Limerick To Martin O’Malley

Sunday, December 20th, 2015

Dear Martin O’Malley, I snickered
And wondered, “Could Martin be liquored?”
Cuz your pre-canned remark,
A don’t-bicker-here bark,
Made no sense because nobody’d bickered.

Note: Here’s the post-debate sub-headline: “O’Malley Bashes Bickering During A Moment Of Peace.”