Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

Trump “Bronx Cheered” In Manhattan (Limerick)

Friday, October 21st, 2016

At a charity, heckling is rare,
But Trump got derision to spare
At the Alfred Smith Dinner.
Trump wasn’t the winner?
“Rigged” booing, no doubt. How unfair!

Limerick Ode To Losing “Bigly”

Thursday, October 20th, 2016

Donald lost the debate rather “bigly.”
The jig’s up, Mr. “Bigwig.” Your prigly
And pigly deportment
And oddball assortment
Of views “rigged the deal” … and I’m giggly.

Limerick Ode To Donald “Sore Loser” Trump

Tuesday, October 18th, 2016

It’s all “rigged,” Donald’s loudly contended;
Childish whining, before the game’s ended.
What’s his proof? Trump has none!
He’s undone his own run
Through behavior that can’t be defended.

But to Donald, he’s never to blame;
Not his lies, nor his predator fame
Could ever account
For the polls, as they mount
Against Trump and his Alt-Rightist game.

Pre-Debate Queries (Limerick)

Monday, October 17th, 2016

Will Donald show up to debate
And act crazy, confused, or irate?
Will he spread taller tales,
As he coke-sniffs and wails?
It’s all moot; Trump has sealed his own fate.

When Exactly Was Trump Shackled? (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 12th, 2016

Does anyone remember Donald Trump being shackled? Me neither.

And yet here’s Trump on Twitter: “It is so nice that the shackles have been taken off me and I can now fight for America the way I want to.”

It’s time for a two-verse limerick. (5 Lines just aren’t enough.)

Now that Trump’s been “unshackled,” beware:
Donald’s free to be mean as a bear.
Trump the “gentleman’s” done.
Trump the tough guy’s begun;
That’s his threat in an effort to scare.

But this taunt leaves me rather amused,
Because Donald has constantly oozed
Spiteful bile on the stump.
Trump has ALWAYS been Trump,
Spewing lies that are venom-infused.

Trump Gropes For A Distraction (Limerick)

Sunday, October 9th, 2016

The debaters are poised for the kill.
(I’m referring to Donald and Hill.)
Here’s the answer we need:
Will The Donald succeed
In changing the villain to Bill?

Pence Offended, But Apparently Not THAT Offended (Limerick)

Saturday, October 8th, 2016

Donald Trump has expressed his “remorse,”
Says Mike Pence, who is “grateful,” of course.
He hopes Trump will impart
What he has “in his heart.”
It seems Pence doesn’t want a ‘divorce.’

Limerick Ode To A Sorry Apology

Saturday, October 8th, 2016

Trump’s “pussy” apology’s terse!
(The Donald is “sorry” averse.)
“You should give me your votes,”
He shamelessly notes.
“Elect ME, cuz her husband’s done worse.”

Never Judge A Bloke By His Mild-Mannered Cover! (Limerick)

Thursday, October 6th, 2016

Mike Pence is even worse on women’s health issues than I thought: As a Congressman, it was Pence who introduced the first bill to block Planned Parenthood funding. He even fathered the Republican habit of blocking essential bills and threatening government shutdowns over defunding Planned Parenthood. So it’s time for a limerick:

Trump’s a sexist, we rail and we fret,
But here’s something we’d best not forget:
Pence invented the scheme
V. Planned Parenthood. Scream
To the rafters: “Mike Pence is a threat!”

Trump’s True Talent (Limerick)

Thursday, October 6th, 2016

Donald brags he’s a “genius” type laddie,
But at bus’ness, he’s naught but a baddie.
With his losses and grift,
What was Donald’s true gift?
Getting bailouts galore from his daddy.

Here’s some excellent investigative reporting from Newsweek’s Kurt Eichenwald: DONALD TRUMP’S TAX RECORDS: A TALE OF BUSINESS FAILURES.

Open Limerick To Mike Pence

Wednesday, October 5th, 2016

Dear Mike Pence, I am duly impressed.
You bested Tim Kaine, I’ll attest.
You’re so cool under fire,
Too bad you’re a liar!
And since when is mendacity blessed?

Limerick Ode To Donald “The Genius” Trump

Sunday, October 2nd, 2016

The Donald’s a genius? Who knew
That huge losses are great to accrue?
Though I’d be morose
From a deficit close
To one billion, for Trump it’s a coup.

Looking At The Lookist (Limerick)

Thursday, September 29th, 2016

Donald swallowed Hill’s fat-shaming bait,
Which made him enraged and irate.
So he keeps lashing back
And confirms with each whack
That at lookism, Donald is great.

Going Mental (Limerick)

Sunday, September 25th, 2016

I keep pacing, and ev’rything’s grating.
I barely can handle the waiting.
I’m shaky and dazed.
My mental state’s crazed.
How fortunate I’M not debating!

Open Limerick To The Press (3-Verse)

Thursday, September 22nd, 2016

Will the media (including debate moderators) finally do its job during the upcoming presidential debates? My 3-verse open limerick to the press begs the media to do exactly that:

Dear press, that low bar you employ
Judging Trump must be raised. Don’t be coy.
If he hides some bad traits
In these crucial debates,
Don’t applaud Donald’s “pivot” with joy!

If he fails to behave like a clown
And he brings his high lying rate down,
Doesn’t act like a mad man,
Or Trump-bus’ness ad man,
Don’t hand him a pageantry crown.

Stop pretending that Trump’s not an ass.
Stop giving The Donald a pass.
It’s time to admit
That he’s clearly unfit
To be prez. Do your job! Show some brass!

When It Comes To Charitable Giving, Trump’s Favorite Cause Is Himself (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Trump’s Foundation is largely a slush fund;
An illegal, though not very lush fund.
Although donors had meant
All their cash to be spent
Doing good, it’s a “Keep Donald Flush Fund.”

Don’t believe me? Need some background information? You owe it to yourself to start reading the Washington Post’s David Fahrenthold.

Transparency Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, September 15th, 2016

Trump’s demands of opponents are vast;
Full disclosure, or else he’s aghast:
Proof of birth, health, and files
From their schools and huge piles
Of their emails, each speech. Do it fast!

But want data from Donald? You chump!
Don’t expect any document dump
Of his taxes and health
Or his “billions” in wealth;
Full disclosure’s for folks Not-Named-Trump.

Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Friday, September 9th, 2016

Donald’s concept of leadership’s thuggery
And his chief expertise is skulduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery.

Paul LePage Is One For The Books (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 30th, 2016

Whenever you read about Maine Governor Paul LePage’s crazy behavior, never forget this headline from early August: “Donald Trump just gave Maine Gov. Paul LePage an open job offer.”

Paul LePage, who presides over Maine,
Seems unstable at best, or insane,
Which is probably why
Trump’s a fan of the guy.
They’re a match even hell can’t contain.

Read His Lips: Trump Isn’t A Racist (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 24th, 2016

The Donald is mad — seeing red
Over claims that he’s gotten in bed
With supremacist wacks.
Seems his message to blacks
Is “forget each damn thing that he’s said.”