Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

Looking At The Lookist (Limerick)

Thursday, September 29th, 2016

Donald swallowed Hill’s fat-shaming bait,
Which made him enraged and irate.
So he keeps lashing back
And confirms with each whack
That at lookism, Donald is great.

Going Mental (Limerick)

Sunday, September 25th, 2016

I keep pacing, and ev’rything’s grating.
I barely can handle the waiting.
I’m shaky and dazed.
My mental state’s crazed.
How fortunate I’M not debating!

Open Limerick To The Press (3-Verse)

Thursday, September 22nd, 2016

Will the media (including debate moderators) finally do its job during the upcoming presidential debates? My 3-verse open limerick to the press begs the media to do exactly that:

Dear press, that low bar you employ
Judging Trump must be raised. Don’t be coy.
If he hides some bad traits
In these crucial debates,
Don’t applaud Donald’s “pivot” with joy!

If he fails to behave like a clown
And he brings his high lying rate down,
Doesn’t act like a mad man,
Or Trump-bus’ness ad man,
Don’t hand him a pageantry crown.

Stop pretending that Trump’s not an ass.
Stop giving The Donald a pass.
It’s time to admit
That he’s clearly unfit
To be prez. Do your job! Show some brass!

When It Comes To Charitable Giving, Trump’s Favorite Cause Is Himself (Limerick)

Wednesday, September 21st, 2016

Trump’s Foundation is largely a slush fund;
An illegal, though not very lush fund.
Although donors had meant
All their cash to be spent
Doing good, it’s a “Keep Donald Flush Fund.”

Don’t believe me? Need some background information? You owe it to yourself to start reading the Washington Post’s David Fahrenthold.

Transparency Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, September 15th, 2016

Trump’s demands of opponents are vast;
Full disclosure, or else he’s aghast:
Proof of birth, health, and files
From their schools and huge piles
Of their emails, each speech. Do it fast!

But want data from Donald? You chump!
Don’t expect any document dump
Of his taxes and health
Or his “billions” in wealth;
Full disclosure’s for folks Not-Named-Trump.

Limerick Ode To Putin-Loving Trump

Friday, September 9th, 2016

Donald’s concept of leadership’s thuggery
And his chief expertise is skulduggery.
Run our nation? That guy?
Just the thought makes me cry!
Trump belongs in a well-padded snuggery.

Paul LePage Is One For The Books (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 30th, 2016

Whenever you read about Maine Governor Paul LePage’s crazy behavior, never forget this Boston.com headline from early August: “Donald Trump just gave Maine Gov. Paul LePage an open job offer.”

Paul LePage, who presides over Maine,
Seems unstable at best, or insane,
Which is probably why
Trump’s a fan of the guy.
They’re a match even hell can’t contain.

Read His Lips: Trump Isn’t A Racist (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 24th, 2016

The Donald is mad — seeing red
Over claims that he’s gotten in bed
With supremacist wacks.
Seems his message to blacks
Is “forget each damn thing that he’s said.”

An End To The “Pivot” Spin? (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 16th, 2016

Donald’s message: “I don’t want to pivot.”
Such a statement is certain to rivet
The Republican leaders–
Those desperate pleaders–
Will they somehow survive and out-live it?

Trump Wrote Another Limerick!

Sunday, August 14th, 2016

The media’s biased, ill-bred,
And in bed with that crook who’s ahead.
If I lose, it’s the press
Who’s at fault for my mess.
How dare they report what I’ve said!

For Trump, Election Rigging is De Rigueur

Saturday, August 13th, 2016

Trump Headline of the Day: “I’ll Only Lose With ‘Cheating,’ Asks Supporters To Watch Polling Places.”

As I explain in my 2-verse limerick, Trump’s urging supporters to intimidate Democratic voters:

In a nutshell, here’s Donald’s j’accuse:
“Only cheating can cause me to lose.
“Stop those people (sub-par) –
“You all know who they are –
“From stealing what’s mine.” What a ruse!

Don’t be fooled by the Trumpian spin.
Calls for action like that are a sin;
He’s encouraging fans
To make bullying plans,
Cuz it’s CHEATING Trump NEEDS for a WIN.

Yet Another Trump Limerick

Friday, August 12th, 2016

Trump’s speeches are vile and bombastic,
With fantastical falsehoods so drastic,
That he crosses the line,
Which for Trump is just fine.
His defense? “I was being sarcastic.”

The Donald Trump Threat (Limerick)

Thursday, August 11th, 2016

The Donald’s behavior is reckless.
It proves without doubt that he’s feckless.
His White House flirtation’s
A threat to all nations,
And I’d wager that Trump is full-deck-less.

Trump’s Killer of a Message (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 9th, 2016

Donald Trump in the Oval Office? Imprisonment for threatening a fellow presidential candidate seems more appropriate to me.

Trump’s gun-loving supporters knew exactly what Trump meant, when he said this:

If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is, I don’t know.

Did you hear the vile message Trump sent?
To the gun owners, here’s what he meant:
If Trump’s beaten by Hill,
Then their gun rights are nil–
Something only her death can prevent.

Delusional Donald (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 9th, 2016

Will Delusional Donald debate?
Well of course, so folks see that he’s “great.”
Though he plays hard to get
With “conditions,” I’ll bet
He can’t wait; he’s so sure of his fate.

Trump’s Already Making Excuses For Losing The Election (Limerick)

Monday, August 1st, 2016

There’s no end to the lies and abuses
That “The Donald” so often produces.
Here’s his latest deflection:
He fears the election
Is “rigged.” Trump — “Tycoon of Excuses!”

Donald’s Already Lying About Debates (Limerick)

Saturday, July 30th, 2016

I suspect that The Donald is scared
That his knowledge-lack’s sure to be bared
In a Clinton debate.
Hence his tale out the gate:
“Clinton rigged the debate dates,” he blared.

Imaginary Dialogue

Friday, July 29th, 2016

Imaginary (but frighteningly plausible) dialogue:

Mom: “How was school today?”

Son: “Some kids said really mean things about me! And you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to hit ’em — especially one real little guy.”

Mom: “I didn’t raise you to run around hitting people.”

Son: “But they were mean to me! Especially the little one!”

Mom: “And don’t make fun of short people!”

Son: “I wanted to hit this one guy so hard, his head would spin, and he wouldn’t know what the hell happened.”

Mom: “Last warning! If you don’t stop reading Donald Trump’s Twitter feed, I’m taking away your iPhone!”

Putin and Me, a Limerick by Donald Trump

Thursday, July 28th, 2016

Are you confused by the Trump/Putin relationship? The Donald has helpfully written us this limerick:

Meet Putin? I did not … or did.
No one hacked, just to help with my bid.
But what a great plan!
Hey Putin, my man,
Hack those emails that Hillary hid.

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders

Monday, July 25th, 2016

Dear Bernie, I hope you’ll succeed
In persuading supporters to heed
All your “real world” advice.
If you fail, our steep price
Is a probable Trumped-up stampede.