Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 8th, 2014

How NOT To Woo Women Voters (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We women are “whiners,” they bray.
We “lie” that there’s “no equal pay.”
That’s the GOP line,
And it suits me just fine:
On Election Day, gals get their say.

Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)

Monday, April 7th, 2014

Weep For The Wealthy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though the wealthy will publicly cheer
As campaign regs get knocked on their rear,
Some privately groan:
“No limits?” they moan.
“Buying pols is becoming too dear!”

Note from Mad Kane: Although I concocted that quote, it may be closer to the truth than you think. Here’s The Weekly Standard’s Bill Kristol, who argued on ABC’s This Week “that not every wealthy donor will embrace the outcome of the McCutcheon case, because they may now be obliged to give more:”

“All the donors I know hate this decision, of course,” he said. “This used to be a very good excuse to say to a candidate, ooh, I’m maxing out, I just can’t help your campaign.”

Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)

Thursday, April 3rd, 2014

Free Speech Gets Pricey (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Remember “one person, one vote?”
Now “one dollar, one vote’s” what they wrote;
Yes, the U.S. Supremes
Favor money — in reams,
As the rich grab free speech by the throat.

Thanks to the New Yorker’s John Cassidy, for inspiring this limerick with his acerbic comment about McCutcheon v. FEC:

But Wednesday’s decision, once again a five-to-four ruling, represented another significant step away from the antiquated principle of “one person, one vote” toward the more modern, and utilitarian, notion of “one dollar, one vote.”

Supreme Priorities (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

If you thought the Citizens United ruling undermined democracy, brace yourself: The Roberts court has made things even worse with yet another controversial 5-4 decision in McCutcheon v. FEC. Assaulting campaign finance reform once again, the Supreme Court struck down the aggregate limits on how much an individual can contribute to candidates, parties and political action committees.

As Ari Berman astutely observes:

The Court’s conservative majority believes that the First Amendment gives wealthy donors and powerful corporations the carte blanche right to buy an election but that the Fifteenth Amendment does not give Americans the right to vote free of racial discrimination.

Supreme Priorities
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Supremes freed the wealthy to buy
Politicians — an endless supply.
Seems “free speech” means “free spending,”
While “voting rights rending”
Isn’t something they care to decry.

Trumped Up Campaign (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 14th, 2014

Here we go again! It’s too early to pretend to run for U.S. President. So instead, Donald Trump is fake-running for Governor of New York State.

Trumped Up Campaign (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This brainchild (I trust) won’t get far:
New York Governor Trump — TV star.
He might run, Donald claims,
But we know his true aim’s
To get press for his show … or be czar.

Open Limerick To Anthony Weiner

Thursday, May 23rd, 2013

The audacity of politicians never ceases to astonish me. And Anthony Weiner’s run for New York City Mayor is only the latest example. I just don’t see how he can ever live down his Twitter scandal, and I say that as a New Yorker and former fan.

Open Limerick To Anthony Weiner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mr. Weiner, I once was a fan;
You’re an outspoken, liberal man.
But I’m sorry –you’re screwed
By the “ick” factor, dude,
So your mayor plans simply don’t scan.

An Endorsement Mark Sanford Hopes Nobody Will Notice (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 1st, 2013

Even though I have no use for porn, I do have a soft spot for Hustler publisher Larry Flynt.

Why?

1: Throughout the George W. Bush administration, he linked to my parody Dubya’s Dayly Diary from the home page of his personal site.

2: Larry Flynt is a lefty who pulls the occasional very amusing stunt.

Larry Flynt’s latest caper is an obviously satirical endorsement of former South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford in his race against Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch for U.S. Congress.

He couldn’t possibly have given Elizabeth Colbert Busch a lovelier gift.

Sanford, who gained national prominence in 2009 as governor of South Carolina when he abruptly abandoned his duties for a secret rendezvous with his mistress, is currently running against Democrat Elizabeth Colbert Busch for South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District seat. The election will take place on May 7.

In a statement released today, Flynt calls Sanford “the sex pioneer of our time.” In Flynt’s eyes “no one has done more to expose the sexual hypocrisy of traditional values in America today. Sanford’s open embrace of his mistress in the name of love, breaking his sacred marriage vows, was an act of bravery that has drawn my support.” Chastising the Republican Party for not backing Sanford following his run-off victory, Flynt declared: “I am willing to step in and stand erect for Mark Sanford.”

An Endorsement Mark Sanford Hopes Nobody Will Notice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man known for porn — Larry Flynt
Has endorsed Gov. Mark Sanford in print,
As a “sex pioneer,”
With a glint and a leer.
Endorsements like this you can’t mint.

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 9th, 2013

There’s a striking difference between the website homepages of the DCCC (Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee) and the NRCC (National Republican Congressional Committee): The most prominent words (by size and location) on the DCCC site are Democrats 2014. But the only reference to Republicans on the NRCC site is buried on the bottom in the “paid for by” disclaimer.

So, do House Republicans have something to hide?

Republican Campaign Oversight? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Seems the NRCC’s feeling shame:
How else to explain that the name
Of its party’s not bold,
But lost under the fold
Of a site meant to shore up its game.

Hairy Proposition (Limerick)

Thursday, April 4th, 2013

My bearded husband will be pleased to hear about this new BEARD PAC. It’s been launched to support bearded candidates of any party, with the ultimate goal of getting a beard back into the Oval Office:

“It’s been 125 years since our last bearded President, Benjamin Harrison, was elected,” BEARD PAC Communications Director Andy Shapero said. “We’re hoping that with our support, bearded individuals will shrug off over a century of political irrelevance and start running for office again.”

Hairy Proposition (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’re bearded and want to be prez,
There’s a PAC that might back you, that says
Facial hair is a must
And nude chins are a bust.
I suggest they Ben Harrison rez.*

* My apologies, but I found this Second Life reference irresistible, even though I wouldn’t even know what “rez” means without the help of the Urban Dictionary.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, February 19th, 2013

Here’s a Chris Christie quote that may come back to haunt him: “I’m not much different from Andrew Cuomo. I probably agree with him on 98% of the issues.”

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Chris, if the Oval’s your goal,
Then you’re digging yourself a deep hole:
You have said that your views
Are like Cuomo’s — bad news!
To your party each Dem is a troll.

Another Commission? “Ben” There, Done That (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 13th, 2013

I generally liked Obama’s SOTU speech. But his voting rights commission plan is unadulterated crapola. How do you give the illusion of dealing with a problem, while doing nothing at all? Appoint a commission.

Obama’s decision to create a voter suppression commission would be bad enough. But he added insult to injury by naming Mitt Romney campaign lawyer Ben Ginsberg to his two-person panel. The very same Ben Ginsberg who helped lead the 2000 recount effort for George W. Bush — an attorney who considers voter suppression a feature, not a bug.

Another Commission? “Ben” There, Done That (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Since voter suppression’s the mission
Of Republicans, voter attrition
Will keep getting worse.
A commission’s a curse.
We need action with great expedition.

Limerick Ode To Tagg Romney

Monday, February 4th, 2013

I’m enjoying the conflicting rumors about Tagg Romney perhaps running for John Kerry’s old Senate Seat.

Limerick Ode To Tagg Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A scion of Romney, named Tagg,
Voiced a punchy, but fantasy brag
About “taking a swing”
At our prez, so his fling
At the Senate may well hit a snag.

Eagle Scout Perry’s Bald Wingnut Pander (Limerick)

Sunday, February 3rd, 2013

Texas Governor Rick Perry, whose reputation hasn’t recovered from his presidential campaign debacle, is trying to bolster his right-wing cred with an attack on gays. Perry, an Eagle Scout, “said emphatically Saturday that the Boy Scouts of America should not soften its strict policy barring gay members, and dismissed the idea of bending the organization to the whims of ‘popular culture.’”

Eagle Scout Perry’s Bald Wingnut Pander (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new policy may be conferred
By the Boy Scouts. At least, that’s the word.
But Eagle Scout Rick
Thinks this change would be sick:
He’d keep flipping gay Boy Scouts the bird.

Limerick Bluster

Monday, November 19th, 2012

Congratulations to Dictionary.com for its excellent 2012 Word of the Year selection — Bluster. (Needless to say, its luster inspired a limerick.)

2012 saw the most expensive political campaigns and some of the most extreme weather events in human history, from floods in Australia to cyclones in China to Hurricane Sandy and many others. Man-made disasters spiraled as the European Central Bank continued to hem and haw over bailouts and austerity, and Greeks went to the polls after years of uncertainty. Even after many spilled words, the stability of the Euro fuels debate around the world. So what one word conveys these dominant trends of 2012? Bluster.

Limerick Bluster
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The wordies have managed to muster
An apt word for the year: It is “Bluster.”
Windy pols and big storms
Are Two-Thousand-Twelve norms—
Not to mention a big budget buster.

Open Limerick To Angry Republicans

Monday, November 12th, 2012

Open Limerick To Angry Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republicans rail round the clock:
“How on earth was Mitt beat by Barack?”
They have theories galore,
But they need just one more:
It’s the policies, stupid! Take stock!

Finger Pointing Blues (Limerick)

Thursday, November 8th, 2012

When a political party loses big time, the way the Republicans lost on Tuesday, there are two ways to go: 1) Careful introspection; or 2) Blame game. Guess which route the Republicans picked.

Finger Pointing Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican game is “cast blame.”
Faulting somebody else is their aim.
It’s Sandy! It’s Rove!
It’s Chris Christie, by Jove!
But they lost cuz the GOP’s lame.

Yay! (Celebratory Limerick)

Wednesday, November 7th, 2012

Congratulations to Barack Obama and Joe Biden on their reelection! And yes, it was a mandate.

Yay! (Celebratory Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a thrill in the air. Can you feel it?
Prez Obama has won — can’t repeal it!
The fight was a tough one—
A falsehood-filled rough one.
But despite tries to steal it, Dems seal it.

P.S. Nate Silver was right.

Limerick Ode To Paul “No-Compromise” Ryan

Monday, November 5th, 2012

When it comes to partisan obstructionism, Paul Ryan’s record can’t be beat. And yet he has the audacity to brag about crossing the aisle to get things done.

Limerick Ode To Paul “No-Compromise” Ryan
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“No-Compromise” Ryan is blessed
With a talent for lyin’ with zest.
He will brag he’s bipartisan—
Falsity-artisan!
At whoppers Team Romney is best.

Rock Romney’s Boat!

Monday, November 5th, 2012

Rock Romney’s Boat
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt lies, lies, lies for votes.
Truth defeats his scheme.
Verily, verily, verily, verily,
Romney we must cream!

Limerick Ode To Tommy Thompson

Saturday, November 3rd, 2012

Stay classy, Tommy Thompson:

Former Gov. Tommy Thompson, a Wisconsin Republican running for Senate, recently suggested that his wife was to blame for his decision to end his career in public service and join a lobbying firm because she “likes to shop.”

Limerick Ode To Tommy Thompson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In the cringe-worthy GOP crop
Thompson’s coarseness continues to pop.
He defends with a smirk
His lobbying work:
Needed money — “my wife likes to shop.”