Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

Read His Lips: Trump Isn’t A Racist (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 24th, 2016

The Donald is mad — seeing red
Over claims that he’s gotten in bed
With supremacist wacks.
Seems his message to blacks
Is “forget each damn thing that he’s said.”

An End To The “Pivot” Spin? (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 16th, 2016

Donald’s message: “I don’t want to pivot.”
Such a statement is certain to rivet
The Republican leaders–
Those desperate pleaders–
Will they somehow survive and out-live it?

Trump Wrote Another Limerick!

Sunday, August 14th, 2016

The media’s biased, ill-bred,
And in bed with that crook who’s ahead.
If I lose, it’s the press
Who’s at fault for my mess.
How dare they report what I’ve said!

For Trump, Election Rigging is De Rigueur

Saturday, August 13th, 2016

Trump Headline of the Day: “I’ll Only Lose With ‘Cheating,’ Asks Supporters To Watch Polling Places.”

As I explain in my 2-verse limerick, Trump’s urging supporters to intimidate Democratic voters:

In a nutshell, here’s Donald’s j’accuse:
“Only cheating can cause me to lose.
“Stop those people (sub-par) –
“You all know who they are –
“From stealing what’s mine.” What a ruse!

Don’t be fooled by the Trumpian spin.
Calls for action like that are a sin;
He’s encouraging fans
To make bullying plans,
Cuz it’s CHEATING Trump NEEDS for a WIN.

Yet Another Trump Limerick

Friday, August 12th, 2016

Trump’s speeches are vile and bombastic,
With fantastical falsehoods so drastic,
That he crosses the line,
Which for Trump is just fine.
His defense? “I was being sarcastic.”

The Donald Trump Threat (Limerick)

Thursday, August 11th, 2016

The Donald’s behavior is reckless.
It proves without doubt that he’s feckless.
His White House flirtation’s
A threat to all nations,
And I’d wager that Trump is full-deck-less.

Trump’s Killer of a Message (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 9th, 2016

Donald Trump in the Oval Office? Imprisonment for threatening a fellow presidential candidate seems more appropriate to me.

Trump’s gun-loving supporters knew exactly what Trump meant, when he said this:

If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do folks. Although the Second Amendment people, maybe there is, I don’t know.

Did you hear the vile message Trump sent?
To the gun owners, here’s what he meant:
If Trump’s beaten by Hill,
Then their gun rights are nil–
Something only her death can prevent.

Delusional Donald (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 9th, 2016

Will Delusional Donald debate?
Well of course, so folks see that he’s “great.”
Though he plays hard to get
With “conditions,” I’ll bet
He can’t wait; he’s so sure of his fate.

Trump’s Already Making Excuses For Losing The Election (Limerick)

Monday, August 1st, 2016

There’s no end to the lies and abuses
That “The Donald” so often produces.
Here’s his latest deflection:
He fears the election
Is “rigged.” Trump — “Tycoon of Excuses!”

Donald’s Already Lying About Debates (Limerick)

Saturday, July 30th, 2016

I suspect that The Donald is scared
That his knowledge-lack’s sure to be bared
In a Clinton debate.
Hence his tale out the gate:
“Clinton rigged the debate dates,” he blared.

Imaginary Dialogue

Friday, July 29th, 2016

Imaginary (but frighteningly plausible) dialogue:

Mom: “How was school today?”

Son: “Some kids said really mean things about me! And you know what I wanted to do? I wanted to hit ’em — especially one real little guy.”

Mom: “I didn’t raise you to run around hitting people.”

Son: “But they were mean to me! Especially the little one!”

Mom: “And don’t make fun of short people!”

Son: “I wanted to hit this one guy so hard, his head would spin, and he wouldn’t know what the hell happened.”

Mom: “Last warning! If you don’t stop reading Donald Trump’s Twitter feed, I’m taking away your iPhone!”

Putin and Me, a Limerick by Donald Trump

Thursday, July 28th, 2016

Are you confused by the Trump/Putin relationship? The Donald has helpfully written us this limerick:

Meet Putin? I did not … or did.
No one hacked, just to help with my bid.
But what a great plan!
Hey Putin, my man,
Hack those emails that Hillary hid.

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders

Monday, July 25th, 2016

Dear Bernie, I hope you’ll succeed
In persuading supporters to heed
All your “real world” advice.
If you fail, our steep price
Is a probable Trumped-up stampede.

Limerick Ode To Melania’s Convention Speech

Tuesday, July 19th, 2016

Melania’s speech was revealing;
In her push to make Donald appealing,
She stole lines from Michelle
About values. Oh well,
This confirms that both Trumps value stealing.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Saturday, July 16th, 2016

Dear Chris, though you put up a fight,
Pence swiped that Veep slot. What a slight!
I am betting you’re mad.
If you weren’t a cad
I’d feel pity, instead of delight.

Bernie’s Endorsement (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 12th, 2016

Bernie’s Clinton endorsement has come.
Sanders’ fans? Some are mad, some just glum.
Will they heed his late cue,
Or continue to boo?
I sure hope they don’t do something dumb.

Dear Donald: Soliciting Campaign Donations From Foreign Government Officials Is Illegal (Limerick)

Friday, July 1st, 2016

It’s illegal and terribly brash
To ask foreign officials for cash
For your U.S. prez run.
That’s what Donald has done.
Will he pay any price? Balderdash!

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Tuesday, June 28th, 2016

Dear Donald, you once would extol
Your rankings in poll after poll.
You’d brag and you’d gloat
And you’d proudly emote
About numbers you loved, heart and soul.

But now that you’re deep in the hole,
With low poll numbers taking their toll,
You scream and you swear
That they’re fake and unfair–
Once a poll-touter, now a poll troll.

Trump Versifies About His Veep Pick (Limerick)

Saturday, June 25th, 2016

I’m flooded with emails and calls
From fellows who think they’ve the balls
To run as my veep.
But my standards are steep;
Are they skilled with cement for my walls?

Trump’s Limerick Ode To Fake Diamond Cuff links

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2016

I was amused to learn that Trump has been duping friends with fake diamond cuff link gifts for years.

Fake cuff links — my favorite gift–
Very key to maintaining my thrift.
“They’re fine diamonds,” I say
When I give them away.
No one’s miffed; friends don’t know they’ve been stiffed.