Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, July 30th, 2015

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.

Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”

Dear Media: Stop Already with the “Jeb’s The Sane Republican” Meme!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2015

Jeb’s the cure for the GOP mess
Cuz he’s civil — so sayeth the press.
Yet as gov, Jeb was rotten!
Is Schiavo forgotten?
Jeb’s transgressions caused tragic distress.

Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)

Monday, July 27th, 2015

The guys (and one gal) vying for the Republican presidential nomination are in a bind. With Donald Trump in the picture, it’s virtually impossible to get press coverage and boost poll numbers, even if you say something crazy. But I do have a “modest proposal” for them:

Debate Spot “Strategery” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many would-be debaters are freaking
Cuz that spot on the stage that they’re seeking
Is elusive at best;
They’ve been Trumped by a pest.
Here’s a tip for attention: Try streaking.

Too Bad The Donald Can’t Be Docked For Doxing (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Not that I’m a fan of Sen. Lindsey Graham, but Trump’s giving Graham’s private cell phone number out to the public is disgusting! I wish someone would do the same with Trump’s number, giving him a taste of his own caddish medicine.

And please don’t tell me two wrongs don’t make a right. Donald Trump deserves that and much more … including this limerick:

Lindsey Graham must buy a new cell;
He’s been doxed into mean-caller hell
By the Donald, who thinks
All opponents are finks,
Deserving a Trump “diss and tell.”

Limerick Ode To Donald J. Trump State Park

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

New York’s beautiful Taconic State Parkway is marred by signage litter; ostentatious signs directing people to the non-park known as Donald J. Trump State Park. (Rachel Maddow explains the history of this non-park with its misleading, annoying signs. She even takes us for a tour in this entertaining video.)

Alas, this just-pretend park sits right between our Bayside, Queens house and our tiny summer cottage in Putnam Valley. So those damn signs routinely haunt and taunt us, which brings me to this limerick:

There’s a fine New York road, the Taconic;
With its lush mountain views, it’s a tonic…
Or it was in the past.
But the signs it’s amassed
For the Donald J. Trump Park? Demonic!

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The race has been thrown out of kilter
By Trump, who is lacking a filter.
I have three more lines left,
But I’m sadly bereft
Because “builder,” alas, ain’t spelled “builter.”

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican pols are distraught
Cuz their base supports “Trumpian Thought.”
But their years of supporting
Ill will and distorting
The truth gave them just what they wrought.

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So minimum wage laws are “lame?”
Sounds inane, but it’s Scott Walker’s claim.
What is “lame” is that Scott
Uses words without thought–
Schoolyard slams without substance. For shame!

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, June 30th, 2015

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christie, you claim that you’re running.
If you are, then your chutzpah is stunning,
Cuz you surely know well
That you’ve no chance in hell.
Cunning prank perhaps? ’Fess up: You’re funning!

GOP Campaign Slogans

Wednesday, June 24th, 2015

jindal-christie

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)

Monday, June 22nd, 2015

I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We can always depend on Ted Cruz
To be tacky in voicing his views;
He tells gun control jokes
After massacres, folks,
Crudely preying on death to “amuse.”

Sen. Ted Cruz apparently finds mass murder amusing. Here’s just one of his campaign jokes uttered just two days after the Charleston church massacre:

“You know the great thing about the state of Iowa is, I’m pretty sure you all define gun control the same way we do in Texas — hitting what you aim at.”

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Says Trump, “I shall build a great wall.
I’m the greatest wall-builder of all!
I’ll make Mexico pay
To construct it — Olé!”
There’s no tale that’s too tall for Trump’s gall.

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil

Tuesday, June 16th, 2015

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Trump, you’ve announced that you’ll run.
But I know it’s a stunt, and you’ll shun
That financial report.
When it’s due, you’ll abort…
After relishing limelight-filled fun.

NOTE: A presidential candidate can, in theory, “run” for four months without filing his personal financial disclosure with the FEC … and then abandon the campaign. And I’m betting Trump will do exactly that.

Why? Cuz Trump can BS all he wants to on his two-page unsworn-to summary of assets. But the actual legal filing has to be accurate. And I’m guessing that an accurate filing wouldn’t be nearly as impressive as Trump’s “asset summary.”

The Washington Post explains the personal financial reporting requirements for a presidential candidate:

…under a 1978 federal ethics law, presidential candidates must file a personal financial disclosure with the FEC within 30 days after announcing their candidacies. (They can request two 45-day extensions.) The filing must detail their financial interests and income, as well as those of their spouses and dependent children.

No More Grasping At Straws (Limerick)

Friday, June 12th, 2015

The Iowa GOP Board
Found its straw poll was being ignored
And disdained — even mocked.
So I sure wasn’t shocked
By its vote to at last cut the cord.

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Saturday, June 6th, 2015

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the “clown car” and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!

Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con

Thursday, June 4th, 2015

Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Why are so many newscasts ignoring
Bush’s lie when he claims he’s exploring
A possible race?
It’s clearly the case
That on FEC regs Jeb is warring.

Jeb’s been stretching the Super PAC rules
And playing the public for fools.
He coordinates madly,
Treats fed’ral law badly,
And laughs as the press acts like tools.

(You can read about Jeb’s “stretching the limits of election law” here and the lack of broadcast evening news coverage here.

Election Season (Limerick)

Friday, April 24th, 2015

Election Season (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Watch cowardly pols run away
From positions they used to display.
And the liars’ technique
Is denial with pique.
Either way, they hold journos at bay.

Open Limerick To Louie Gohmert

Friday, March 27th, 2015

Alas, it seems Louie Gohmert was just kidding the other day when he mentioned possibly running for president. Damn!

Open Limerick To Louie Gohmert
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Louie Gohmert, I’m begging you, run.
Your voice in the race would be fun!
Next to you, Trump and Ted
Seem nigh “right in the head.”
Then again, where’d we be if you won?

Open Limerick To Lindsey Graham

Wednesday, March 25th, 2015

You’re just not gonna believe who’s to blame for GOP inaction on climate change.

According to Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC), it’s Al Gore’s fault.

Here’s Graham: “the problem is Al Gore’s turned this thing into religion. You know, climate change is not a religious problem for me, it’s an economic, it is an environmental problem.”

Open Limerick To Lindsey Graham
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Lindsey, you’re loony — full-bore;
Only nuts would lay blame on Al Gore
For the GOP’s ’tude
About climate change, dude.
Who’s at fault? It’s your Dem-hating corps.

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My muse and I thank you, Ted Cruz.
We’re enthused by your news. No more blues!
I’m infused with elation.
You’re bruising our nation,
But your run means we rhymers can’t lose.