Archive for the ‘Campaign Humor’ Category

GOP Pols Only Have Themselves To Blame (Limerick)

Friday, November 17th, 2017

PoliticalWire Headline: “The Conservative War on the Media Backfires”

Republican pols have been training
Their voters, through lie-packed complaining,
To reject any news
That might challenge their views–
A great aid to Moore’s Senate campaigning.

Who Ya Gonna Believe? (Limerick)

Saturday, November 11th, 2017

Russia meddled, our experts maintain;
Our Democracy’s suffered a stain.
But Donald would rather
Buy Putin’s false blather;
Trump’s owned by Vlad’s hard driving reign.

A Limerick For New York’s Mayor

Monday, November 6th, 2017

Bill de Blasio’s reign has been poor,
And I’m desp’rate to show him the door.
But the others are worse,
So it seems (with a curse)
I’ll vote “Bill,” but won’t say “Je l’adore.”

Going Nuclear To Sell Books (Limerick)

Saturday, November 4th, 2017

I never liked Donna Brazile.
But she’s worse than I thought — just a shill
For her publisher, spurring
Divisiveness, blurring
The truth, hurting Dems, selling swill.

Trump’s Next Move (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 31st, 2017

Is Mueller about to be canned?
Does Trump have a “massacre” planned?
Will Congress preempt
Any heinous attempt,
Leaving Donald verklempt and unmanned?

The Fog of Trump Lore (Limerick)

Monday, October 30th, 2017

Mueller’s news has the public agog,
So the White House keeps drumming up fog.
Mass confusion’s its aim;
Soon the Donald will claim
That Clinton’s been beating her dog.

The Non-Case For Hillary’s Collusion (Limerick)

Saturday, October 28th, 2017

Hill colluded with Russia? Explain
How that makes any sense, cuz my brain
Can not fathom collusion
To cause a profusion
Of harm to her own prez campaign.

What Happened? I’ll Tell You What Happened! (Limerick)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

You don’t wish to read Hillary’s book?
That’s just fine, but don’t ask us to brook
All your bitching and moaning,
Begrudging and groaning;
It is YOU who gave US Trump the Crook!

Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:

*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.

*******

An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.

*********

Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.

*****

Life With Mark and Madeleine:

Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.

Madeleine: What’s the problem?

Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!

Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”

*****

“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”

What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.

*****

Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!

*****

I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!

*****

Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”

So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:

Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?

*****

Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?

Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!

Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.

Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?

*****

“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”

Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…

Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?

*****

Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”

(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)

*****

“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”

Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!

*****

Trump’s Phoenix Rally

Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.

*****

Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”

The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.

*****

Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!

*****

Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!

*****

Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:

Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.

What’s another Trump lie?

*****

Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”

*****

Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!

*****

Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!

*****

Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?

*****

The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.

*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku

“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.

*****

Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?

*****

Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?

*****

“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.

*****

The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.

*****

Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?

*****

If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.

*****

Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?

*****

A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!

*****

Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.

*****

Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.

*****

Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:

“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.

*****

Russian Election Interference — NOT A One-Time Thing (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 21st, 2017

Though people seem prone to adopt
The past tense re the Russians, I’ll opt
To claim present tense crime
Re elections, each time;
There’s no reason to think that they’ve stopped.

Voter’s Remorse? (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 6th, 2017

“Are you suff’ring from voter’s remorse?”
That query arises, perforce.
But I’ve yet to hear “yes”
In response, I confess.
Does it cause that much stress to change course?

Only Bad People Get Sick? (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

According to Rep. Mo Brooks (R-AL), sick people don’t deserve affordable healthcare.

If you’re healthy, this means that you’re good.
Only bad folks get sick. Understood?
That’s the gospel of Mo;
Rep. Mo Brooks — what a schmo!
“Christian love” from the GOP hood.

Be Careful What You Wish For (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

As Republicans surely are learning
(Having finally sated their yearning
For one-party rule)
Running government’s cool…
But much harder than blocking and churning.

The Price Of Defiance (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 3rd, 2017

The Donald keeps shattering norms;
Routine standards? He rarely conforms.
Though it got him the win,
His defiant thin skin
Breeds snafus, chaos, loss, and tweet storms.

Dear Media: Trump ISN’T A Populist, So Stop Calling Him One! (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 2nd, 2017

Does anyone else cringe when the media calls Trump a “populist?” I suggest these, instead: “purported populist,” “fake populist,” “alleged populist,” just-pretend populist,” or “faux populist.”

A “faux populist” con hurtled Trump
To the White House, the votes from each chump
Gained by promises made
That he’d come to their aid;
Bigly duped by a fraud on the stump.

The “Ridiculous Standard” Trump Once Loved (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 25th, 2017

CNBC Headline: “Trump calls first 100 days a ‘ridiculous standard’ — even though he set it as a standard.”

Remember when Donald embraced
The 1st HUNDRED Days standard? He based
His campaign on a list
Of such goals, mostly missed.
Having failed, he’d declare it erased.

Will Trump Instigate a Government Shut-Down On Purpose? (Limerick)

Monday, April 24th, 2017

As Disrupter-in-Chief, Trump’s an ace,
And he certainly seems right on pace
To delib’rately cause
A government pause;
A shut-down to placate his base.

For he promised his fans he’d make waves,
Shake things up and then topple the knaves
Who keep government going
And tax money flowing,
Enforcing each reg that enslaves.

But he finds himself deep in a pickle.
His accomplishments? Not worth a nickel
So he needs a big drama;
A gov-shut-down trauma —
Even gullible fans can be fickle.

The Trump Revolt (Limerick)

Monday, February 27th, 2017

Yet another headline that begs for a limerick:
“Donald Trump is creating a field day for the 1%.”

While running, Trump promised to lead
A revolt v. elitists. But heed
Donald’s affluent picks;
Mostly rich, gilt-edged pricks.
His flimflam’s revolting, indeed.

You Lost The Popular Vote, Donald. Get Over It! (2-Verse Limerick)

Tuesday, January 24th, 2017

“Trump Repeats Lie About Popular Vote in Meeting With Lawmakers.”

Now that Trump’s been sworn in, you would think
Mr. Orange would feel in the pink;
That he’d cease his false claims
And fake voter-fraud flames,
But it seems that the man needs a shrink.

Clinton’s popular vote win’s immense,
Which is making Trump terribly tense.
So he fabricates fraud,
Saying votes for the Broad
By illegals robbed Donald and Pence.

Limerick Ode To “Gracelessness In Victory”

Monday, January 16th, 2017

As Dana Milbank points out:

“With charity for none and with malice toward all but his supporters, [Trump] has in the past two months set a new standard for gracelessness in victory.”

It’s apparent that Trump is a sinner
And a lying, conniving tale spinner.
But the oddest of all
His misdeeds, large and small,
Is that Trump’s a ginormous sore winner.