Limerick Ode To The Repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hooray! “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” has ended.
Civil liberties lovers say, “Splendid!”
But it’s mourned by some jerks
Who think killed-at-war “perks”
Should only to “straights” be extended.
Republicans (and Joe Lieberman) have been staging yet another temper tantrum. What’s their grievance du jour? Speaker Nancy Pelosi said CIA leaders misled Congress about interrogation techniques.
My Homage To Feigned Outrage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The CIA’s under attack
By the Speaker who gave it a smack.
She accused it of lying.
The GOP’s crying:
She’s mean and must take it all back.
While Congress is caught up in the Wall Street bail-out proposal, the presidential candidates are preparing for Friday’s foreign policy debate. What will McCain focus on … after boning up on Spain’s location? Working his surge-centric attack on Obama’s judgment into every answer, no matter what the question:
McCain’s Memory Purge
By Madeleine Begun kane
Please beware of McCain’s mem’ry purge.
He was wrong on Iraq, so this scourge
Proves his judgment was poor.
He cheer-led the war
Which did not get its start with the surge.[tags]Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Debates, Foreign Policy Humor, McCain Limerick, Iraq War, Judgment Humor, Surge Poem[/tags]
In a parallel universe, Monday night’s New York Film Academy screening of John Cusack’s War, Inc. was great, as was the Rachel Maddow-moderated Q & A that followed the screening. Back on earth, however, the screening didn’t go quite so well. In fact … it barely went at all.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. A few days ago, when my anti-war limericks won me a War, Inc. screening ticket, I thought, “How cool!” And it probably would have been cool, had the attendees gotten to see (and hear) more than a few minutes of the film.
I knew there was trouble almost as soon as the movie started. Both the picture and the sound seemed to come from a copy so worn out, it should have been tossed a good decade before the movie was even conceived.
And that was the good part.
Several minutes into the showing we lost all the sound, during what looked to be a very key scene. And no amount of shouting from the audience could arouse the projectionist from his apparent stupor.
As the movie kept soundlessly going, several of us left the screening room to look for the projectionist or someone else to yell at. Did I mention that nobody seemed to be in charge?
Finally someone located the projectionist, who unapologetically claimed that he’d only left the room for two minutes.
Liar, liar! Projector on fire!
The obnoxious fellow (presumably a film student) finally got the thing going again, but refused to rewind. No matter, though, because almost immediately he lost the sound again, and again, and again.
At this point, an audience riot seemed inevitable. Okay, maybe not a riot — we’re liberals, after all. Still, we’re talking two or three hundred seriously miffed people.
Since I wasn’t exactly missing anything, I stepped out of the room for a moment to make a phone call. And on my return I heard someone yell that the screening was over and everyone had to leave.
Another attendee told me that during my brief absence the projectionist had claimed that an irate audience member had assaulted him. Let’s just say that Mr. “I Was Only Gone Two Minutes” isn’t exactly a credible witness.
And so we all straggled out, angry, frustrated, and disappointed. And based on what little I saw of War, Inc. probably sadder about missing Rachel Maddow than about missing the actual movie.
Which reminds me, I wonder if anyone told Rachel and screen writers Mark Leyner and Jeremy Pikser to not bother showing up for the Q & A.
Like I said, nobody seemed to be in charge. [tags]War, Inc., New York Film Screening, Rachel Maddow, John Cusack, Angry Liberal Mob, Mark Leyner, Jeremy Pikser, Joan Cusack, Marisa Tomei, Hilary Duff, Dan Aykroyd, Ben Kingsley[/tags]
I can’t decide what’s more absurd – Bush’s delusional boast that giving up golf is some sort of Iraq War sacrifice … or the fact that he lied about it.
In any event, George “Golf-Deprived” Bush deserves another limerick don’t you think?
Dear Supreme Sacrificer
By Madeleine Begun Kane
So you gave up your golf — I don’t care.
It is hardly the cure for despair.
You’ve inflicted much pain
For no positive gain,
And your reign is an unanswered prayer.[tags]Iraq War Sacrifice, Dubya Limerick, Bush & Golf[/tags]
The left blogosphere has been packed with stories about John “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain’s serial gaffes, in which he confused Islam’s Sunni and Shiite sects while trying to prove Iran supports al-Qaeda in Iraq. His gaffes were so bad, even über-loyalist Joe Lieberman was forced to correct him.
So, can we expect major media columnists and talking heads to question McCain’s foreign policy prowess? A small handful of fair-minded, insightful columnists like the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman can be counted on at moments like this. But in the main, I wouldn’t hold your breath.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Ode To “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John McCain’s expertise ain’t legit:
Sunni? Shiite? He doesn’t know shit.
So the man should be toast.
But the press let’s him coast
Cuz he’s great in a barbecue pit.
(For more humor on this topic, check out Joe Lieberman Has To Remind McCain He’s Not In Vietnam, by Don Davis.)[tags]Senator John McCain, Foreign Policy Expertise, Sunni, Shiite, Islam, McCain Barbecue, McCain Gaffes, al-Qaeda, Iran, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Media Humor[/tags]
Condi Rice’s testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department’s work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush’s many administration failures for the problems in Iraq:
Rice stated that the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and the liberation of Iraq were worth the money and sacrifice of life. She blamed the current chaos in Iraq on the previous regime, stating the stabilizing Iraq “has been harder than we thought because we didn’t realize how broken the country was under Saddam Hussein.”
Regarding problems with contractor oversight, Rice also shirked blame, repeatedly using a fifty-dollar word that few people even know:
In response to charges that private security firms were not held accountable for their aggressive behavior, Rice dodged responsibility by repeatedly referring to a “lacuna” or a gap in the law that prevented the contractors from being prosecuted.
Condi has inspired me to write some more-serious-than-usual verse:
Pondering Condi
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rice shrugs off blame
For wartime’s toll.
Poor oversight?
Rice claims a hole—
A legal “lacuna”
Impedes control
Of contractor actions
On Iraq patrol.
Must fill that lacuna—
She touts that goal.
But who will fill
The lacuna in her soul?
On a lighter note, you might enjoy the Condi song parody I wrote way back when.[tags]Condi Rice, Rice Testimony, State Department Failures, Condoleezza Rice[/tags]
For some reason, blithe Dana Perino’s blasé response to a question about Bush’s $2 trillion Iraq war reminded me of two things:
1. Bush’s false claims to have inherited a recession from Bill Clinton; and
2. Bush’s vow to “solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.”
And that brings me to my latest haiku:
The White House isn’t
Concerned about the war’s cost.
Isn’t that special?
I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros. What pros? Well, Rudy does love opera.
And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse. (Not that I want to find out, of course.)
Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?[tags]Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors[/tags]
In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President
The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.
I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear. [tags]Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope[/tags]
I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume’s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker “about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.” What’s the matter — wasn’t Hannity available?
Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Gen. Petraeus and Crocker on Fox
(Not exactly the school of hard knocks)
Where they weave and they spin
And avow “We must win,”
While Brit Hume bows and kisses their socks.
And now a quick haiku about the purported Iraq violence reduction:
Reducing violence
In Iraq is quite easy:
Redefine violence.
(You can find more of my Petraeus humor here and my previous Brit Hume humor here.)
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* ‘Old Navy” Stores Looted, After Hiring Rumsfeld as CEO
* About.com’s Political Humor on Bush’s Gaffes
* Hit it: morrrrrre…than the greatest polls the worrrrrld has known…
* Digby’s Overplaying Their Hand
* Exclusive! — The Patraeus testimony In advance! (Dick Polman)
* Larry Johnson on Dave Petraeus and Iraq Kabuki
* The Very Polite Matt Bai On Giuliani
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* Sunday Funnies
* Carnival of Principled Government
Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies? Apparently not. Sure, they eventually quit. But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit.
Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”
And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.
I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick:
Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.
=========
And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy [tags]Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies[/tags]
Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?
Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress? A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time?
Hahahahaha!
Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:
Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.
And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.
So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report? Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:
(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)[tags]General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll[/tags]
Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?
Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.
Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.
Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette. Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:
The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.
With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”
Oh…
Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy.
(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)[tags]Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees[/tags]
From: Lugar_and_Warner@Senate.gov
To: Stephen_Hadley@Whitehouse.gov
Subject: Our “Pretty Please Pretend To Plan to End The Iraq War Eventually” Proposal
Thanks bunches for making the rounds yesterday with all that Bush veto talk. Karl was right! It was just what we needed to make antsy constituents think our amendment actually does something. [tags]Stephen Hadley, Senator Richard Lugar, Senator John Warner, Karl Rove[/tags]
Teenage Bush: Just one more toke.
Businessman Bush: Just one more beer.
President Bush: Just one more surge. [tags]George Bush Addiction, Dry Drunk, President Bush Satire[/tags]
Dan Froomkin isn’t surprised that “confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message.” Froomkin pithily sums it all up:
Enter the new White House talking point: You want out? We want out, too!
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Bush’s party has grown rather sick
Of the war in Iraq spawned by Dick,
Cause Election ’08
Looms and threatens their fate,
And Rove platitudes won’t end it quick.
(You can find more of my antiwar humor here.) [tags]Bush War, Iraq War, Antiwar Sentiment, Revolting Republicans, Election 08, Defecting GOP Lawmakers[/tags]
As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy. And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.
But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit. For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:
The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief. [tags]Rudy Giuliani, Security President, ISG, Iraq Study Group, Newsday, New York City, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, Free Speech, Security Candidate, Greedy Windbag, Lucrative Speeches[/tags]
September,
September,
Bush promised September.
But Tony now says, no way.
=========
And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of the Decline Of Democracy
* Carnival of Principled Government [tags]Iraq War, September Status Report, Tony Snow, President Bush, Surge, Iraq Improvement, General David Petraeus, Surge Assessment [/tags]
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song
Saturday, May 16th, 2009Republicans are truly gifted at changing the subject, and the media falls for it every time. Take CIA torture, for instance. Is the media focusing on who in the Bush administration broke the law and ordered torture? Of course not! Instead, the topic’s morphed into whether Nancy Pelosi is lying when she says the CIA misled Congress about torture.
Following Republican logic is never an easy task. But from what I can gather, here’s the Republican position: Bush’s CIA did nothing wrong, & Pelosi could have and should have stopped them.
In honor of the Republicans tortured position on torture, I’ve written them a theme song to the tune of Stephen Foster’s Camptown Races:
The “We Did Nothing Wrong, & Nancy Should Have Stopped Us” Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The CIA did nothing wrong.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
Pelosi knew and went along.
Oh, de doo-da day.
Torture is always right.
Torture can make our day.
And Nancy’s nothing but a lying nag.
She could have got in the way.
Interrogation must be tough.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
Pelosi knew we got too rough.
Oh, de doo-da day.
Never did break no laws.
Torture? Who, us? No way!
Pelosi’s nothing but a lying hag.
Nancy would lead you astray.
The CIA protects us all.
Doo-da, Doo-da.
It’s time Pelosi took the fall.
Oh, de doo-da day.
Torture was never done.
Torture is lots of fun.
And Nancy’s nothing but a lying nag.
Nancy Pelosi should pay.
Tags: Bush, CIA, Congress Humor, Interrogation, Media, Music, Nancy Pelosi, Republicans Humor, Song Parody, Stephen Foster, Torture, Waterboarding
Posted in CIA Satire, Congress Humor, GOP Humor, House Satire, Iraq War Humor, Media Satire, Pelosi Verse, Political Commentary, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Song Parodies | 4 Comments »