Mad Kane’s Political Madness

The left blogosphere has been packed with stories about John “Foreign Policy Maven”  McCain’s serial gaffes, in which he confused Islam’s Sunni and Shiite sects while trying to prove Iran supports al-Qaeda in Iraq. His gaffes were so bad, even über-loyalist Joe Lieberman was forced to correct him.

So, can we expect major media columnists and talking heads to question McCain’s foreign policy prowess?  A small handful of fair-minded, insightful columnists like the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman can be counted on at moments like this.   But in the main, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

And that brings me to my latest limerick: 

Ode To “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain’s expertise ain’t legit:
Sunni? Shiite? He doesn’t know shit.
So the man should be toast.
But the press let’s him coast
Cuz he’s great in a barbecue pit.

(For more humor on this topic, check out Joe Lieberman Has To Remind McCain He’s Not In Vietnam, by Don Davis.)

Technorati Tags: Senator John McCain, Foreign Policy Expertise, Sunni, Shiite, Islam, McCain Barbecue, McCain Gaffes, al-Qaeda, Iran, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Media Humor

Condi Rice’s testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department’s work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush’s many administration failures for the problems in Iraq:

Rice stated that the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and the liberation of Iraq were worth the money and sacrifice of life. She blamed the current chaos in Iraq on the previous regime, stating the stabilizing Iraq “has been harder than we thought because we didn’t realize how broken the country was under Saddam Hussein.” 

Regarding problems with contractor oversight, Rice also shirked blame, repeatedly using a fifty-dollar word that few people even know:

In response to charges that private security firms were not held accountable for their aggressive behavior, Rice dodged responsibility by repeatedly referring to a “lacuna” or a gap in the law that prevented the contractors from being prosecuted.

Condi has inspired me to write some more-serious-than-usual verse:

Pondering Condi
By Madeleine  Begun Kane

Rice shrugs off blame
For wartime’s toll.
Poor oversight?
Rice claims a hole—
A legal “lacuna”
Impedes control
Of contractor actions
On Iraq patrol.
Must fill that lacuna—
She touts that goal.
But who will fill
The lacuna in her soul?

On a lighter note, you might enjoy the Condi song parody I wrote way back when.

Technorati Tags: Condi Rice, Rice Testimony, State Department Failures, Condoleezza Rice

For some reason, blithe Dana Perino’s blasé response to a question about Bush’s $2 trillion Iraq war reminded me of two things:

1. Bush’s false claims to have inherited a recession from Bill Clinton; and

2. Bush’s vow to “solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.”

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The White House isn’t
Concerned about the war’s cost.
Isn’t that special?

I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros.  What pros?  Well, Rudy does love opera.

And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse.  (Not that I want to find out, of course.)

Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?

Technorati Tags: Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors

In his new book, Revolution of Hope: The Life, Faith, and Dreams of a Mexican President, former Mexican President Vicente Fox had this to say about George W. Bush:

The cockiest guy I have ever met in my life.

I’m guessing he’s seen Bush in his “Mission Accomplished” gear.

Technorati Tags: Mission Accomplished Humor, Vicente Fox, Mexico President, Political Memoirs, Cocky Bush, Revolution Of Hope

I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume’s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker “about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.” What’s the matter — wasn’t Hannity available?

Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gen. Petraeus and Crocker on Fox
(Not exactly the school of hard knocks)
Where they weave and they spin
And avow “We must win,”
While Brit Hume bows and kisses their socks.

And now a quick haiku about the purported Iraq violence reduction:

Reducing violence
In Iraq is quite easy:
Redefine violence.

(You can find more of my Petraeus humor here and my previous Brit Hume humor here.)

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* ‘Old Navy” Stores Looted, After Hiring Rumsfeld as CEO
* About.com’s Political Humor on Bush’s Gaffes
* Hit it: morrrrrre…than the greatest polls the worrrrrld has known…
* Digby’s Overplaying Their Hand
* Exclusive! — The Patraeus testimony In advance! (Dick Polman)
* Larry Johnson on Dave Petraeus and Iraq Kabuki
* The Very Polite Matt Bai On Giuliani
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* Sunday Funnies
* Carnival of Principled Government

Technorati Tags: General David Petraeus, Ambassador Ryan Crocker, Brit Hume Humor, Fox News Satire, Hannity, Iraq War, Iraq Surge, Iraq War Violence, Petraeus Congressional Testimony

Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies?  Apparently not.  Sure, they eventually quit.  But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit. 

Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”

And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.

I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick: 

Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy 

Technorati Tags: Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies

Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?

Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress?  A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time? 

Hahahahaha!

Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:

Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.

And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.

So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report?  Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:

(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)

Technorati Tags: General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll

Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?

Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.

Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.

Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette.  Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:

The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.

With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”

Oh…

Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy. 

(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)

Technorati Tags: Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees

From: Lugar_and_Warner@Senate.gov
To: Stephen_Hadley@Whitehouse.gov

Subject: Our “Pretty Please Pretend To Plan to End The Iraq War Eventually” Proposal

Thanks bunches for making the rounds yesterday with all that Bush veto talk. Karl was right!  It was just what we needed to make antsy constituents think our amendment actually does something.

Technorati Tags: Stephen Hadley, Senator Richard Lugar, Senator John Warner, Karl Rove

Teenage Bush: Just one more toke.

Businessman Bush: Just one more beer.

President Bush: Just one more surge.

Technorati Tags: George Bush Addiction, Dry Drunk, President Bush Satire

Dan Froomkin isn’t surprised that “confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message.”  Froomkin pithily sums it all up:

Enter the new White House talking point: You want out? We want out, too!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s party has grown rather sick
Of the war in Iraq spawned by Dick,
Cause Election ‘08
Looms and threatens their fate,
And Rove platitudes won’t end it quick.

(You can find more of my antiwar humor here.) 

Technorati Tags: Bush War, Iraq War, Antiwar Sentiment, Revolting Republicans, Election 08, Defecting GOP Lawmakers

As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy.  And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people  put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.

But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit.  For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:

The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief.

Technorati Tags: Rudy Giuliani, Security President, ISG, Iraq Study Group, Newsday, New York City, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, Free Speech, Security Candidate, Greedy Windbag, Lucrative Speeches

September,
September,
Bush promised September.
But Tony now says, no way.

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of the Decline Of Democracy
* Carnival of Principled Government 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, September Status Report,  Tony Snow, President Bush,  Surge,  Iraq Improvement, General David Petraeus, Surge Assessment 

That great seer, soothsayer, and visionary George Bush  predicted Thursday that August may be a bloody month in Iraq:

Bloody Hell, It’ll Be Bloody! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
 
“In August the war may get bloody,”
Says George Bush. What a really quick study!
As the death toll keeps soaring,
On truth, Bush keeps warring.
Is he evil, or simply quite nutty?

Technorati Tags: Iraq War Satire, George Bush Humor, Blood August, Bush predictions, Iraq Death Toll, Bush The Visionary

Everybody’s reporting that the Democrats have dropped withdrawal dates from the Iraq war funding bill.  If this is really true, Rachel Maddow says she’ll go insane, and so will I:

Democrats, Heal Thy Selves! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Dems disappoint once again,
Caving in to Dub’s warmong’ring yen.
Timeline’s gone from the bill.
Checks on Bush?  Nothing! Nil!
Bush says, “Heel!” and the Dems reply, “When?”

UPDATE: If you’re mad at Congress too, you can  Take the Iraq Vote Pledge here, and it will be sent to your representatives. It reads:

I pledge to vote against every Senator and Representative who approves funding to continue the disastrous Iraq War.

We have already given far too much of our blood and treasure - and killed far too many Iraqis - for a war based on lies. We are now occupying a hostile nation divided by civil war for the benefit of military contractors and Big Oil.

The only way to support our troops is to bring them home NOW, and no funds should be used for any other purpose. If Congress fails to bring our troops home, I will do everything I can - and urge everyone I know - to defeat pro-war Senators and Representatives, both in my party’s primary elections and in the November general election.

Technorati Tags: Iraq War Spending Bill, Iraq Timeline, Withdrawal Dates, Democrats, Warmongering, Rachel Maddow, President Bush

Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered  George Bush about Iraq and had  the “most unvarnished conversation they’ve ever had with the president.”  And Tim Russert’s breathless reports about this so-called  “defining pivotal moment” in the Iraq debate (and his media echo chamber) merely enable these eleven endangered Republicans to dupe their constituents into believing that they’re finally doing something about the war in Iraq. 

All eleven voted with the President on the Iraq war spending bill and the redeployment bill that came before Congress this week. So woopdidoo!  And a limerick too:

Ode To the Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Eleven Republicans bray:
“We told Dubya what’s what — had our say.
We critiqued Bush’s war
And we gave him what-for.”
Then they all vote the President’s way. 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, President Bush, Republicans Humor, Media Echo Chamber, Unvarnished Conversation, Defining Pivotal Moment, Gang Of Eleven, GOP, Tim Russert

George Dubya, our swaggering action-figure president, has dubbed himself “The Commander Guy.”  Okay, that’s absurd enough.  But here’s the part you may have missed:

I’m Dub, The Commander Guy.
Don’t care if a zillion die.
I’ll do what I please,
Cuz I own all the keys
To the White House.
And that’s no lie!

(Sorry — just one verse of this Popeye The Sailor Man spoof, cause I already did one full-length Bush/Popeye song parody early in Bush’s presidency.)

Technorati Tags: George Bush Humor, Popeye The Sailor Man, The Commander Guy, Action Figure President

President Codpiece celebrated “Mission Accomplished” day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill.  Why turn down money he’s just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. And that just ain’t gonna happen.

No way will George W. Bush clean up his own mess!  He’s never done it before, so why start now?  Bush has always used the here … catch approach to life, kicking the can down the road and sticking somebody else with problems he created.

Bush’s Iraq Strategy: Here … Catch!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kick the can down the road—that’s the plan:
Stick the war mess on some other man.
Wreak much havoc abroad
And at home. Oh my Gawd!
Then say, “Catch! Fix Iraq and Iran.”

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Hillary’s Missed Opportunity To Obtain A ‘Stranglehold’ On The Nomination
* Latest Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Feminists
* Caption Contest Day at the Mattress Police
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Carnival of the Storytellers
* Writerly Types Carnival
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of Conflict
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival on Observations of Life
* Best of Me Symphony
* This Is Not My Country
* Worldwide Opinions 

UPDATE: How could I forget to mention this? I’m running another limerick contest on my other blog. The theme is mothers and there are cash prizes for the two best limericks!

Technorati Tags: The Global War On Terror Supplemental, Iraq War, George W. Bush  Satire, Iraq Humor, Iran Humor, President Codpiece, Mission Accomplished, War Spending Bill

I’m betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers.  Why? Because on this morning’s Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that’s way beyond obnoxious:

NBC: Do you know the American people are suffering?

Laura Bush: Oh, I know that very much. And believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch this. And certainly the Commander in Chief, who has asked our military to go into harm’s way.

NBC: What do you think the American public needs to know about…

Laura Bush: Well, I hope they do know the burden of worry that’s on his shoulders, every single day for our troops.

(You can see Laura Bush in action here.) 

This calls for a song parody, don’t you think?  And so I bring you my Serenade for the First Sufferers, which you can sing to Carolina In The Morning, by Gus Kahn & Walter Donaldson:

Serenade for the First Sufferers (Song Parody — sing to Carolina In The Morning)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war. 
They’re really mourning.

Photos of the dead
On cable news fill them with dread.
They’re really mourning.

They’d prefer ignoring
Tales of death and gore.
Where are the happy stories 
They long to hear once more?

Waking up so early
To the news of hurly burly
In the morning

Makes the Bushes surly.
How they hate to think so early
In the morning!

Pity George and Laura.
No one knows all their pain.
Death’s lousy,
But it’s George under strain.

No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war. 
They’re really mourning!

Technorati Tags: Laura Bush Humor, Laura Bush, NBC, Anne Curry,  Today Show,  Iraq War, War Satire, George Bush, Political Song Parody, Death Suffering, Troops, Military, Mourning, Commander In Chief, Pain