Archive for May, 2011

This Spam’s An Abortion

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

I never thought I’d say this, but spam can be enlightening.

I’m referring to a recent spam flurry promoting home abortion kits. And we have Republicans to thank for this disturbing trend. After all, newly empowered Republicans have been targeting abortion rights in a big way. And at the state level they’ve been very successful at severely limiting women’s reproductive rights.

Who knew that when Republicans claimed to be pro-small business, they were talking about abortion kit scam artists?

That brings me to my latest limerick:

This Spam’s An Abortion
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new (to me) flavor of scam
Came by email for gals in a jam.
Yes, a legal cascade
Against Roe versus Wade
Has inspired abortion kit spam.

Revisionist History On Auto Pilot

Wednesday, May 25th, 2011

Remember when Republicans opposed the automobile industry bailout, slamming Obama for his “government takeover?”

Now that Obama’s auto industry rescue plan is a raging success, Republicans have acknowledged their error and congratulated Obama on a job well done, right?

Hahahahaha!

So can we trust the media to make sure Republicans like Romney, Corker, Pawlenty, Kasich, and their ilk don’t scam people into thinking the bailout was their idea?

You’re kidding, right?

Revisionist History On Auto Pilot
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So what did Republicans say
To auto co bailouts? No way!
But the past they would edit
And try to take credit:
It worked, so that plan was “their” play.

Open Limerick To Newt Gingrich

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

Newt Gingrich is still out on his I didn’t say what I said tour. He even tried to get back in Rush Limbaugh’s good graces by claiming his Meet The Press Paul Ryan plan comments had nothing to do with Paul Ryan or his plan.

Open Limerick To Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, campaign’s over — fini!
I’ll admit it — I say this with glee.
You insulted Paul Ryan,
And nobody’s buyin’
Your stories — you’re no nominee.

(Lots more Newt Gingrich humor here.)

Don’t Be Shocked, But I Compliment Fox News … Sort Of

Wednesday, May 18th, 2011

It amazes me that anyone could call David Gregory’s Newt Gingrich interview a “gotcha” interview. Yet that’s exactly what Newt’s been doing in the wake of his campaign’s self-destruction.

However, if you read the Meet The Press transcript, it’s clear that nobody trapped Gingrich into condemning Paul Ryan’s Medicare plan as undesirable “right-wing social engineering.”

So here’s my theory: Newt and his fellow Republicans have been coddled and spoiled by Fox News. As a result, many of them have lost their edge and can no longer handle themselves when asked even-handed questions.

I never thought I’d be saying this but…

Thank You Fox News (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

While Fox has been tempting to mock
Cuz its cov’rage is mostly a crock,
Softball questions spoiled Newt,
Who can’t handle a brute
Like Dave Gregory — Fox News, you rock!

UPDATE: To add to my amusement, Newt Gingrich is trying to forbid people from quoting his Ryan Plan criticism in an ad. Here’s Newt: “any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood. Because I have said publicly those words were inaccurate.”

Lots of luck with that, Newt.

Newt Already Needs A Reboot

Tuesday, May 17th, 2011

Newt Gingrich’s presidential campaign is imploding with breathtaking speed. So he’s earned himself yet another limerick:

Newt Already Needs A Reboot
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Newt, you’ve imploded too fast.
And I fear that I’m rather aghast.
Cuz a drawn out campaign
Would sure entertain.
But you’ve screwed up too quickly to last.

(More Newt Gingrich limericks here)

Donald’s Trumped Up Campaign

Monday, May 16th, 2011

Surprise, surprise — Donald Trump has announced he isn’t running for president. Of course there’s no way Donald Trump was ever going to seek the presidency — the man’s a self-described germaphobe.

Donald’s Trumped Up Campaign
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Were you hoping for President Trump?
There’s a hurdle he simply can’t jump:
The hand-shaking mob –
On the stump, that’s his job.
And a hand is a germ-laden sump.

(More Donald Trump humor here.)

Happy Blame Someone Else Day (Tanka)

Friday, May 13th, 2011

Today, May 13th, is the first Friday the 13th of 2011, which makes it Blame Someone Else Day. I thought I’d celebrate it with a tanka (a haiku plus two more seven-syllable lines).

Blame Someone Else Day:
Annual celebration,
with one exception —
the Republican Party
commemorates it daily.

UPDATE: The next Blame Someone Else Day will happen in just eight months on Friday, January 13, 2012. So mark you calendars! If you don’t and you miss it, you’ll only have yourself to blame.

Hillary Clinton — Bombshell?

Monday, May 9th, 2011

By now you’ve surely heard that the Brooklyn-based Hasidic newspaper Der Tzitung “disappeared” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and another woman from the iconic White House Situation Room photo, taken while the Osama bin Laden attack was going down:

The original photo, taken as the raid was occurring, famously shows Clinton in the center of the room, with her hand over her mouth. But the newspaper Der Tzitung, described by the Jewish Week as “ultra-Orthodox,” has a policy of never printing photos of women in its pages because it thinks they could be sexually suggestive. Thus, Clinton and counterterrorism director Audrey Tomason, who was seen standing at the back of the room, were removed from the picture.

In a non-apology apology, Der Tzitung said in part:

In accord with our religious beliefs, we do not publish photos of women, which in no way relegates them to a lower status. Publishing a newspaper is a big responsibility, and our policies are guided by a Rabbinical Board. Because of laws of modesty, we are not allowed to publish pictures of women, and we regret if this gives an impression of disparaging to women, which is certainly never our intention. We apologize if this was seen as offensive.

Some people may find the following limerick to be offensive. And to them I say, too damn bad!

Hillary Clinton — Bombshell? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

What a shame that some men are so weak,
They can’t handle so much as a peek
Of a Hillary pic.
Seems they fear that their dick
Can’t withstand her alluring physique.

UPDATE: A very funny take on this same topic.

Who’s Our President, Again?

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2011

A good way to gauge a Republican pol’s classiness quotient is his or her response to Osama bin Laden’s killing:

Do they congratulate everyone who deserves credit, including President Obama?

Do they act as if Barack Obama was merely carrying out Bush’s bidding?

Do they pretend Obama doesn’t even exist?

Needless to say, Sarah Palin has failed the classiness test.

Who’s Our President, Again?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republican comments show class
And give credit where due without sass:
Mitt Romney and Dub
And Pawlenty don’t snub
Prez Obama. But Palin’s an ass.

Limerick Ode To Bin Laden’s Death

Monday, May 2nd, 2011

Limerick Ode To Bin Laden’s Death
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans had a great plan:
Make Barack seem an alien man.
So bin Laden’s demise
(A stunning surprise)
Turns their plot to a flash in the pan.