Archive for February, 2012

Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

Did you know that higher education is snobbish and elitist? And that it causes liberal indoctrination? That’s the message we’ve been getting lately from Republicans like Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. They each have a trio of college degrees … but hey, who’s counting? In fact, why even bother learning to count?

Yes, indeed, there’s a Republican war on college education:

First came Mitt Romney’s dismissive remarks about President Obama’s “faculty lounge” pals. Now Rick Santorum is calling Obama snobby for urging people to go to college – and defending that view in a series of TV appearances.

Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Don’t bother your miniscule head
With college — don’t need higher ed.”
That’s the Rick and Mitt screed,
Though they’re multi-degreed.
Informed-voters — yes, that’s what they dread.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Man Of The People” Romney

Monday, February 27th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Man Of The People” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Romney, your essence is “rich.”
Your attempts to “relate” are a stitch.
So nobody buys
Your fake empathy tries.
It seems playacting isn’t your niche.

Dear Mitt, A Limerick Love Note

Monday, February 27th, 2012

Dear Mitt, A Limerick Love Note
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mitt, I’m enjoying your height.
Not too tall. Not too short. You’re just right.
And I also adore
That your cars number “four.”
Please forgive me for being so trite.

Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I confess I became rather tearful
At Newt’s self-description as “cheerful.”
These were not tears of sadness,
But rather of gladness:
Cuz the “Newt Show” ain’t done. (I’d been fearful.)

Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)

Friday, February 24th, 2012

Imagine giving a speech in a stadium meant to hold 65,000 people. Now imagine only 1,200 people showing up.

If you want to see what that looks like, check out this photo of Mitt Romney’s speech in Detroit’s Ford Stadium.

Mitt Romney is holding an event at Ford Stadium which has failed to attract enough people to come even close to filling it up (in fact, you could fit Romney’s 1,200 person crowd in the 65,000-seat stadium 54 times over).

Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just twelve-hundred folks in a place
Meant for sixty-five-thousand. Bare space!
That’s Mitt in Detroit:
Romney’s team ain’t adroit,
And poor Mitt has a very small base.

Yet Another Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick)

Friday, February 24th, 2012

Continuing in the spirit of turnabout (for LDS’s dead Jews conversion practice) is fair play:

Yet Another Modest Mormon Proposal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I wonder what Mormons would do
If their dead were converted to Jew.
Would they think it okay
Since their dead could say, “Nay!”?
Or perhaps get a lawyer and sue.

(Related Post: A Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick))

A Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick)

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

I don’t know who’s behind this site, but it’s hilarious: All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay. All you have to do is “enter the name of your favorite dead Mormon in the form below and click Convert! Presto, they’re gay for eternity.”

I’m please to report that “Holocaust victims are not eligible for conversion.”

Here’s a limerick in honor of this wonderful site:

A Modest Mormon Proposal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tell Mormons they ought not to prey
On the dead by converting them. Nay!
And just to be clear,
Simply click over here
And convert a dead Mormon to “gay.”

A G(Rand) VEEP Scheme? (Limerick)

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

Talking heads are always spouting theories, so why can’t I? This one’s for those who think Ron Paul’s being suspiciously nice to Mitt Romney:

A G(Rand) VEEP Scheme? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Does Ron Paul have a plan rather grand
In helping Mitt further his brand?
Maybe Mitt promised Paul:
“If you’ll kindly play ball,
Then I’ll hand the V.P. slot to Rand.”

Frank Luntz’s Killer Of A Joke (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2012

If any Republican operative should know not to joke about killing President Obama, it’s pollster/wordsmith Frank Luntz. And yet that’s precisely what he did:

If you think the race for the Republican presidential nomination has been ugly, you’re right. However, a recent joke by Republican pollster and Fox News analyst Frank Luntz indicates that the general election promises to be even uglier. Warming up a crowd at a Rick Santorum campaign event Monday night, Luntz cracked, “I have a ‘Run, Barack, Run’ bumper sticker, but I put it on the front of my car.

Here’s Rachel Maddow’s story on this, including the video of Luntz’s running-President-Obama-over joke.

Frank Luntz’s Killer Of A Joke (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican messaging czar
Is an expert at framing — a star.
Yet he loves to tee-hee
That Obama must flee,
Or be struck by a GOP car.

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

When I see a title like this, I pretty much have to write a limerick: Santorum Good for Chastity-Belt Sales? Manufacturer Says, “We’ve Had a Boost”

The Chastity Chase (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s good news for Republican men:
You can guard against gals with a yen
For sex you deem evil
With something primeval:
Yes chastity belts — Curb your hen!

Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

Many GOP leaders are understandably upset by the remaining quartet of presidential aspirants. Their solution? A brokered convention featuring the brother of “He Who Can Not Be Mentioned.” Yes, Jeb Bush, as Republican Savior.

Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some Republicans weave quite the web
Of fantasy — Florida’s Jeb:
They’d replace their prez roster
With Bush, who will foster
A fix for the GOP ebb.

Limerick Ode To Feminism

Monday, February 20th, 2012

Over the years, I’ve met many post-feminist women — gals who think the struggle is over, and who see no further need for feminism. I wonder what they think of the Republicans’ rampant, re-energized War On Women.

Limerick Ode To Feminism
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’ve met women far younger than I
Who’ve never quite understood why
We need feminist gals.
It seems they and their pals
See no ceiling of glass — just the sky.

They think gender-based battles are done,
And the feminist fight has been won.
Yet in merely a flash,
Rights can turn into ash:
Once again, we are under the gun.

(Related Posts: Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans, More Contraceptive Madness, Feminist Humor Category)

Just In Time For Presidents Day — Would-Be Presidential Clerihews

Saturday, February 18th, 2012

In case all those ads haven’t clued you in, Presidents Day is nearly here. To celebrate, I’ve written a pair of clerihews for would-be presidents Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. What’s a clerihew? A whimsically biographical four-line poem, more fully described here.

Willard Mitt Romney
Has wealth that’s omni.
But he’s stiff as a yoke.
Kindly give that man a toke.

*****

Ricky Santorum
Loves his forum.
Being prez is his quest
In a knit sweater vest.

(My set of eight Eight 4-Liners For The Initial Republican Contenders is here.)

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline:

Appearing on MSNBC with Andrea Mitchell today, Foster Friess, the main donor to the Super PAC backing Rick Santorum’s presidential bid, dismissed the controversy surrounding President Obama’s new birth control rule by suggesting that women should just keep their legs shut…

FRIESS: “On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum and Friess — quite the pair
In their “stop contraceptive care” guerre:
Don’t want kids with your squeeze?
Put a pill ‘tween your knees,
Like Bay’r asp’rin, sez Rick’s billionaire.

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar.

Rick Santorum, a man who’s dangerously close to snatching the Republican presidential nomination away from Mitt Romney, apparently wants to preside over an antediluvian America: Here’s Santorum explaining why he wants to fight “the dangers of contraception:”

It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.

And Rick is far from the only bedroom-obsessed Republican. GOP over-reach regarding contraception is approaching epic proportions:

Last week, Freshman Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) filed legislation to allow any employer, religiously affiliated or not, to refuse to cover any essential or preventive health service, not just contraceptives, based on the “religious belief or moral conviction” of the employer. Word from DC is that Blunt and allies will attempt to add the provision as an amendment to other legislation now moving through the Senate….

The fact that American voters are overwhelmingly pro-birth control is apparently irrelevant to Republican politicians.

Perhaps a limerick might help Republican pols get the message:

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republican pols, please abstain
From ent’ring my bedroom domain.
And also stay out
Of my bathroom. Don’t pout!
If you’re truly “small gov,” you’ll refrain.

Limerick Ode To Rick “What Book?” Santorum

Monday, February 13th, 2012

Before I get to today’s Rick Santorum limerick, here’s a post from my other blog about the Mary Todd Lincoln portrait hoax.

Getting back to Santorum, Rick (not to be outdone by Ron Paul’s newsletter disclaimers) is feigning ignorance over his very own book:

Only days after having to explain a comment about women and emotions in combat, Rick Santorum seemed to struggle a bit on Sunday to explain a remark in his 2005 book “It Takes a Family” that blamed “radical feminists” for undermining families and for trying to persuade women that they could find fulfillment only in the workplace.

Asked on the ABC News program “This Week” about the book’s contentions, Mr. Santorum noted that his wife, Karen, had written that section — though only his name is on the cover and he does not list her in the acknowledgments as among those “who assisted me in the writing of this book.” …

In the interview on Sunday, Mr. Santorum pleaded unfamiliarity with the citation, saying, “I don’t know – that’s a new quote for me”…

Limerick Ode To Rick “What Book?” Santorum
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Rick, when you author a book
You have placed yourself square on the hook
For the contents inside.
You’re a coward to hide
From your screed. Either that, or a schnook.

Clint Eastwood Ad Flap Madness (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

Poor Karl Rove! His delicate sensibilities were offended by Clint Eastwood’s uplifting auto industry Super Bowl ad:

Over stirring French horns and stark photos of Detroit workers, the ad used the auto industry’s rebirth from bankruptcy as a symbol of American renewal and determination. But it contained some shocking language for those, like Mr. Rove, who are easily bruised:

“Detroit is showing us it can be done and what’s true about them is true about all of us. This country can’t be knocked out with one punch. We get right back up again and when we do the world’s going to hear the roar of our engines. Yeah.”

And Rove is just one among many Republicans expressing outrage over the ad narrated by Eastwood, a loyal Republican who says the ad has nothing to do with politics.

Clint Eastwood Ad Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It seems Eastwood committed a sin:
His truth-telling ad brought chagrin
To the GOP crowd –
Words of hope said out loud
Are a threat — they might help our Prez win.

Rick Gives Them Something To Talk About (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

Pity the poor political journalist (or political satirist), who must conjure up constant commentary about a race that’s effectively over.

So it’s no wonder that the media’s in a tizzy over the Rick Santorum Sweep … even though it yielded Rick zero delegates.

Rick Gives Them Something To Talk About (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The press was beginning to mope.
But Santorum’s three wins offer hope
That the race isn’t done,
Mitt may NOT be the one.
But does Rick stand a chance? Answer: Nope!

Karen Handel’s Dissonant Departure From Komen (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 7th, 2012

Karen Handel has resigned from the Susan G. Komen for the Cure breast-cancer charity. And Handel, a major architect of Komen’s stop-funding-Planned-Parenthood PR disaster, didn’t go sotto voce:

Karen Handel’s Dissonant Departure From Komen (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sweet music — Ms. Handel’s resigned,
While wailing that SHE’s been maligned:
Blaming HER’s prejudicial,
The ousted official
Complained, leaving bedlam behind.

The Limerick Romney Wanted To Send Trump

Monday, February 6th, 2012

This headline is funny, but not surprising: Donald Trump Takes Credit For Mitt Romney’s Big Win In Nevada:

“There was a lot riding on that particular race in Nevada and it was interesting, because the numbers were much, much greater than you thought,” Trump gloated. “And a lot of people are giving me credit for that. And I will accept that credit.”

Here’s the limerick that Romney staffers talked Mitt out of sending:

The Limerick Romney Wanted To Send Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Donald, big thanks for your backing,
But I fear that your modesty’s lacking.
My win in Nevada
Was ME. You did NADA!
I regret I did not send you packing.