Posts Tagged ‘Religion Humor’

On The Other (Very Tiny) Hand (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 17th, 2017

At the risk of appearing too dense,
I must ask if it makes any sense
To impeach Donald Trump,
If success means we’d jump
To a Theocrat President Pence.

Conservatives Race To Alter Race-Crime Reality (Limerick)

Friday, June 19th, 2015

Conservatives Race To Alter Race-Crime Reality
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a racist whose head’s out of whack
Kills nine churchgoers just cuz they’re black,
Wingnuts lay it on thick
With a claim that’s just sick:
“Christian freedom is under attack.”

Right-wing culprits in this outrageous distortion of the Charleston church massacre include Rick Santorum, Jeb Bush, Lindsey Graham, and sundry Fox News hosts.

Santorum’s Stupidity of Biblical Proportions (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 18th, 2015

For a lawyer, Rick Santorum seems clueless about the U.S. Constitution.

Rick Santorum proclaims, “Yes we can,”
Force his bible on schools — that’s his plan.
Rick forgets the Supremes
8 to 1 banned such schemes…
Else the gov could impose the Koran.

Limerick Ode To Phyllis Schlafly

Wednesday, April 16th, 2014

Limerick Ode To Phyllis Schlafly
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Schlafly’s latest is nuts — no surprise!
But the GOP finds her so wise:
It seems gals will be left
Without husbands — bereft…
If we’re paid just as much as the guys.

This isn’t a joke: Phyllis Schlafly really wrote this in the Christian Post:

Suppose the pay gap between men and women were magically eliminated. If that happened, simple arithmetic suggests that half of women would be unable to find what they regard as a suitable mate.

Limerick Ode To Pat Robertson, Marriage Counselor

Thursday, May 16th, 2013

Pat Robertson can always be counted on to say weird things and give bad advice. Yesterday’s “700 Club” TV broadcast was no exception.

In response to a spurned wife’s question, Robertson essentially said that a man strays because he’s a man. And that instead of focusing on spousal cheating, a wife should make the house so enticing that her husband doesn’t want to stray.

Pat counsels spurned wives to appreciate the positive:

“Does he provide a home for you to live in,” Robertson said. ‘Does he provide food for you to eat? Does he provide clothes for you to wear? Is he nice to the children… Is he handsome?”

Limerick Ode To Pat Robertson, Marriage Counselor
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear gals, if your husband has strayed,
There’s no need to feel mad and betrayed:
Be grateful instead
That he pays for your bed.
That’s Pat Robertson’s notion of aid.

Tithing-Schmithing

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Let me confess up front that tithing big bucks to your church or synagogue doesn’t impress me … and not just because I’m an agnostic. In my opinion, generosity to one’s religious peer group often tends to be self-aggrandizing: “Hey, look at me — I’m a big church-macher!”

Now give the same amount of money to a food or health charity or a symphony or art museum, for instance — one that you’re not directly affiliated with — that, to me, is generous.

And this isn’t my only problem with Ann Romney’s defense of hubby Mitt’s tax return secrecy. Here’s what she said to Robin Roberts in an ABC Good Morning America interview:

He’s a very generous person. We give 10 percent of our income to our church every year. Do you think that is the kind of person who is trying to hide things, or do things?…

We’ve given all you people need to know…

In other words, if “you people” could see Mitt’s secret tax returns, “you people” would know there’s no need for “you people” to see them.

Tithing-Schmithing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just what is Mitt trying to hide?
In secrecy, Romney takes pride.
How ironic and blithe:
We should trust him; his tithe
Means he’s good — so decreeth his bride.

*****

Four years ago, Mitt Romney gave John McCain a slew of tax returns, hoping to become McCain’s running mate. McCain didn’t pick him, but now says Romney’s tax returns weren’t a problem; Sarah Palin was simply a “better candidate.”

Obama’s thank you note’s in the mail.

Yet Another Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick)

Friday, February 24th, 2012

Continuing in the spirit of turnabout (for LDS’s dead Jews conversion practice) is fair play:

Yet Another Modest Mormon Proposal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I wonder what Mormons would do
If their dead were converted to Jew.
Would they think it okay
Since their dead could say, “Nay!”?
Or perhaps get a lawyer and sue.

(Related Post: A Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick))

A Modest Mormon Proposal (Limerick)

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

I don’t know who’s behind this site, but it’s hilarious: All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay. All you have to do is “enter the name of your favorite dead Mormon in the form below and click Convert! Presto, they’re gay for eternity.”

I’m please to report that “Holocaust victims are not eligible for conversion.”

Here’s a limerick in honor of this wonderful site:

A Modest Mormon Proposal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tell Mormons they ought not to prey
On the dead by converting them. Nay!
And just to be clear,
Simply click over here
And convert a dead Mormon to “gay.”

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline:

Appearing on MSNBC with Andrea Mitchell today, Foster Friess, the main donor to the Super PAC backing Rick Santorum’s presidential bid, dismissed the controversy surrounding President Obama’s new birth control rule by suggesting that women should just keep their legs shut…

FRIESS: “On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”

More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum and Friess — quite the pair
In their “stop contraceptive care” guerre:
Don’t want kids with your squeeze?
Put a pill ‘tween your knees,
Like Bay’r asp’rin, sez Rick’s billionaire.

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 15th, 2012

What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar.

Rick Santorum, a man who’s dangerously close to snatching the Republican presidential nomination away from Mitt Romney, apparently wants to preside over an antediluvian America: Here’s Santorum explaining why he wants to fight “the dangers of contraception:”

It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.

And Rick is far from the only bedroom-obsessed Republican. GOP over-reach regarding contraception is approaching epic proportions:

Last week, Freshman Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) filed legislation to allow any employer, religiously affiliated or not, to refuse to cover any essential or preventive health service, not just contraceptives, based on the “religious belief or moral conviction” of the employer. Word from DC is that Blunt and allies will attempt to add the provision as an amendment to other legislation now moving through the Senate….

The fact that American voters are overwhelmingly pro-birth control is apparently irrelevant to Republican politicians.

Perhaps a limerick might help Republican pols get the message:

Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republican pols, please abstain
From ent’ring my bedroom domain.
And also stay out
Of my bathroom. Don’t pout!
If you’re truly “small gov,” you’ll refrain.

Limerick Ode To “Normal” Newt Gingrich

Wednesday, January 25th, 2012

According to Newt Gingrich, his serial wife-cheating makes him “normal,” better able to relate to the problems of average people, and more electable. You’ve got to give that fellow Brownie-points for creativity. Who else could turn multiple affairs into a plus?

In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network this afternoon, Newt Gingrich picked up Rick Perry’s torch in the so-called “war on religion,” promising that he would fight back against judges who are “trying to drive God out of life.” The thrice-married Speaker then defended his personal marital history, claiming his multiple affairs “make me more normal than somebody who wanders around seeming perfect” because he can understand “the human condition and challenges of life for normal people.”

Limerick Ode To “Normal” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My affairs make me “normal,” says Newt.
As defenses go, Newt’s is a beaut:
Seems perfection is bad,
And unless you’re a cad,
Your empathy skills are minute.

Newt’s Pledge (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 13th, 2011

Confessed serial adulterer Newt Gingrich has taken the Family Leader no-adultery pledge, which includes this statement: “I also pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.”

Apparently, the following limerick was stricken from an earlier draft:

Newt’s Pledge (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No adult’ry for me, pledges Newt.
I’ve given my cheating the boot.
I’ve confessed and repented.
My soul’s reinvented.
And I can’t get it up, so it’s moot.

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell

Wednesday, October 20th, 2010

By now you’ve surely heard about Delaware Republican Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell’s astonishing screw-up in her debate against opponent Chris Coons. I’m speaking, of course, of her First Amendment gaffe. In her now infamous exchange (in a law school, yet) Tea-Partier O’Donnell “appeared to be aggressively ignorant of the fact that the First Amendment requires the separation of church and state.”

That brings me to my latest Limerick:

Yet Another Limerick Ode To Christine O’Donnell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Debating our Fed Constitution
Can be tough when your grasp’s Lilliputian:
Hence O’Donnell’s conflation
Of church and our nation.
Her savvy could use evolution.

(Here’s my previous limerick about Christine O’Donnell.)

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher

Sunday, January 3rd, 2010

Up until now, I’ve avoided writing about Tiger Woods’ serial philandering. But Brit Hume’s outrageous comments leave me no choice. According to Hume, if Tiger Woods wants forgiveness, he must convert from Buddhism to Christianity:

Tiger Woods should turn his back on Buddhism and become a Christian to be forgiven for cheating on his wife, Hume told Fox News’ Chris Wallace Sunday.

“The extent to which he can recover seems to me depends on his faith,” said Hume. “He is said to be a Buddhist. I don’t think that faith offers the kind of redemption and forgiveness offered by the Christian faith. My message to Tiger is, Tiger turn to the Christian faith and you can make a total recovery and be a great example to the world.”

You can watch the charming video over at Crooks and Liars.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Telling Tiger To Convert Just Ain’t Kosher
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Tiger Woods’ rep has really been hurt.
Hume’s solution? The guy should convert:
Be a Buddhist no more —
Enter Christian faith’s door.
Get redemption for chasing each skirt.

Related Posts: Fuming About Hume; and Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation