Archive for the ‘Crime’ Category
Monday, June 22nd, 2015
I’m NOT Amused, Ted Cruz (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We can always depend on Ted Cruz
To be tacky in voicing his views;
He tells gun control jokes
After massacres, folks,
Crudely preying on death to “amuse.”
Sen. Ted Cruz apparently finds mass murder amusing. Here’s just one of his campaign jokes uttered just two days after the Charleston church massacre:
“You know the great thing about the state of Iowa is, I’m pretty sure you all define gun control the same way we do in Texas — hitting what you aim at.”
Tags: Campaign Satire, Charleston Church Massacre, Crime & Punishment, Dylann Roof, Election Humor, Gun Control, Hate Crimes, South Carolina, Ted Cruz
Posted in Campaign Humor, Crime, Election Satire, Firearms & Guns Humor, GOP Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, South Carolina Humor, Ted Cruz | Comments Off
Friday, June 19th, 2015
Conservatives Race To Alter Race-Crime Reality
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When a racist whose head’s out of whack
Kills nine churchgoers just cuz they’re black,
Wingnuts lay it on thick
With a claim that’s just sick:
“Christian freedom is under attack.”
Right-wing culprits in this outrageous distortion of the Charleston church massacre include Rick Santorum, Jeb Bush, Lindsey Graham, and sundry Fox News hosts.
Tags: Charleston Church Massacre, Christianity, Dylann Roof, Fox News, Hate Crimes, Lindsey Graham, Religion Humor, Rick Santorum
Posted in Crime, Fox News Humor, GOP Humor, Lindsey Graham, Media Satire, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rick Santorum, South Carolina Humor | Comments Off
Wednesday, October 1st, 2014
Have you ever wondered how police departments ended up looking like military units? An excellent Mother Jones article explains the method behind the madness, which I’ve tried to summarize in this limerick:
Surplus Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s why cops appear ready for war,
Stocked with Pentagon loaners galore:
Lend your surplus to cops,
And your storage cost drops.
Then make give-backs an arduous chore.
Tags: Combat Gear, Federal Budget, Military, Military Gear, Military Surplus, Pentagon Humor, Police Humor
Posted in Crime, Military Humor, Political Limericks | Comments Off
Tuesday, August 19th, 2014
Can you imagine Republicans ever questioning the legitimacy of a criminal case against a Democrat? Alas, that would take intellectual honesty. So don’t hold your breath.
On the other hand, many Democrats are openly questioning whether Rick Perry’s sleazy behavior rose to the level of a criminal act. As for me…
What’s a crime can be sometimes unclear.
Yes the law is confusing, I fear.
I’m a lawyer, but still
I’ve no skill, nor the will
To predict if this case will cohere.
Tags: Crime & Punishment, Criminal Humor, Indictment Humor, Law Satire, Legal Humor, Rick Perry
Posted in Crime, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Political Limericks, Rick Perry | Comments Off
Sunday, July 14th, 2013
Limerick Ode To Zimmerman’s Florida
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’d rather shoot people than skeet,
And enjoy killing folks on the street,
But you don’t want to pay
Any price, come what may,
Then Florida’s (f)laws can’t be beat.
*****
Florida-style “Stand Your Ground” laws encourage the aggressive use of firearms based on vague (often bias-inspired) suspicions. And jury verdicts, like George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the Trayvon Martin murder case, only serve to further encourage and rubber stamp murderous behavior.
Tags: Crime & Punishment, Firearms, Florida, George Zimmerman, Gun Control, Gun Humor, Gun Laws, Law Satire, Legal Verse, Racism, Second Amendment, Stand Your Ground Law, Trayvon Martin, Trial Humor, Vigilante, Weapon Humor
Posted in Crime, Firearms & Guns Humor, GOP Humor, Legal Limericks, Legislation Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Republicans Humor | 6 Comments »
Tuesday, June 12th, 2012
Mitt Romney has a bad habit of pretending he didn’t say something that he actually said. And claiming not to hold positions that he really holds.
For instance, after getting flack for his stated opinion that we have too many cops, firemen, and teachers, and that cutting such jobs is a good thing, he’s pretending this never happened. According to Mitt, to claim he said what he said and holds views that he really holds is “a very strange accusation.”
Don’t believe Mitt for even a minute. For while the federal government doesn’t directly hire (or fire) cops, firemen, and teachers, Romney’s stated policies would starve the state and municipal budgets, causing cops, firefighters, and teachers to lose their jobs.
Limerick Ode To Mitt “How Dare You Accuse Me Of Saying What I Said” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Vote Mitt, if you think our supply
Of teachers and cops is too high,
And firemen too.
We’ll be losing a slew
Of them all — that’s what Romney-votes buy.
Tags: Barack Obama, Budget Cuts, Budget Limerick, Campaign Satire, Cops, Election Humor, Firefighters, Firemen, Mitt Romney, Republicans Humor, Teachers, Votes
Posted in Barack Obama, Campaign Humor, Crime, Education Limerick, Election Satire, Fiscal Policy, GOP Humor, Government Services, Mitt Romney Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012
Chances are, you’ve heard about the latest Supreme Court travesty:
In a 5-4 decision, the court ruled against a New Jersey man erroneously arrested during a 2005 traffic stop for a fine he had already paid. Today’s ruling holds that even people arrested for minor offenses can be subjected to strip searches.
Supreme Indecency (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Thanks to Kennedy, Roberts, Scalia,
And their pals, cops can strip ya and see ya.
They don’t need any reason:
It’s strip searching season.
Our privacy’s gone! Mama mia!
Tags: ACLU, Arrests Limerick, Chief Justice John Roberts, Constitution Verse, Crime & Punishment, Criminal Justice, Invasion of Privacy, Justice Anthony Kennedy, Justice Antonin Scalia, Justice Clarence Thomas, Justice Samuel Alito Jr., Law Humor, Legal Verse, New Jersey, Privacy Humor, Strip Searches, Supreme Court Limerick, Traffic Stop, U.S. Supreme Court
Posted in Constitution Humor, Constitutional Crisis, Crime, Judiciary Satire, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Privacy Humor, Supreme Court | 4 Comments »
Monday, January 10th, 2011
In the wake of the Arizona shootings, there isn’t much news to celebrate in rhyme. But I finally came up with something: Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) was sentenced to three years in prison for “conspiring to launder corporate money into political donations during the 2002 elections.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Want Tom In Prison — No Delay!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a glimmer of good news today:
It’s prison for Thomas DeLay.
His sentence? Three years.
So let’s hear it: Three cheers!
Please no stay! Want DeLay put away.
Tags: Campaign Satire, Crime, Election Humor, Law Satire, Legal Verse, Money Laundering, Prisons, Tom DeLay
Posted in Campaign Humor, Congress Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, Election Satire, GOP Humor, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Texas Humor | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010
I don’t meant to minimize the importance of the Congressional ethics charges against Rep. Charlie Rangel. But I can’t help wondering why the media can’t spare just a bit of space to cover the FBI’s criminal investigation into Sen. John Ensign. Hey journalists — I thought you liked covering juicy scandals involving money and sex.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Why So “Liberal” With Charlie Rangel Coverage?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ve a question dear journos — a gem.
And kindly don’t haw and don’t hem.
Where’s your cov’rage of Ensign?
You sure love dispensin’
The dirt on Rep. Rangel — the Dem.
Tags: Charlie Rangel, Double Standards, Ethics, FBI, John Ensign, Media Bias, Media Humor, Nevada, New York
Posted in Congress Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, John Ensign, Media Satire, Nevada Humor, New York Politics, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire | Comments Off
Friday, March 12th, 2010
The Democrats have suffered some ethics-embarrassments, and Republicans have been playing holier-than-thou with an RNC Charlie Rangel and Eric Massa ad.
Of course, looking morally superior would be a lot easier if Republicans didn’t have such a culture of corruption.
I’m guessing the RNC figured Democrats were too cowardly to fight back. Fortunately, the RNC was wrong.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Holier-Than-Thou Wars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s trying to smack
The Dems on their ethics. How whack!
With their glass house display—
Ensign, Vitter, DeLay—
They throw stones — an ironic attack.
Tags: Aphorisms, Charlie Rangel, David Vitter, DNC Ads, Eric Massa, Ethics, Glass Houses, John Ensign, Political Corruption, Republican Hypocrisy, RNC Ads, Throw Stones, Tom DeLay
Posted in Campaign Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, John Ensign, Political Ads, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, RNC Humor | 2 Comments »
Friday, November 20th, 2009
According to Republicans, it’s way too dangerous for Obama’s Attorney General Eric Holder to try terrorists in federal courts. And that seems just a wee bit odd. Because the 2002 trial of Zacarias Moussaoui, an al Qaeda terrorist often referred to as the “20th 9/11 hijacker,” was conducted in federal court on U.S. soil. And it went rather well — even Rudy Giuliani loved it!
Yet Rudy and his Republican ilk now seem terrified at the very thought of trying alleged 9/11 terrorist Khalid Sheikh Mohammed
in a New York City federal courthouse.
So, did the terrorists win between 2002 and now? Have Republicans turned yellow? Or is this simply another case of GOP hypocrisy?
Fraidy-Cat Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A terrorist trial in fed court
Under Bush met with pride and support.
No GOP sneers —
Just Republican cheers.
But a Dem do the same? Must abort!
Tags: Al Qaeda, Criminal Justice, Eric Holder, Hypocrisy, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, Law Humor, Rudy Giuliani, Terrorist Trials, Zacarias Moussaoui
Posted in 9/11 Satire, Barack Obama, Crime, Gitmo Humor, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, Jeff Sessions, Justice Department, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani | 1 Comment »
Monday, October 19th, 2009
Last week I managed to avoid the Balloon Boy media frenzy. Reality show participants with an endangered child on an AWOL helium balloon? Yeah … right. Then again, I don’t spend my time watching kids being rescued from wells either.
In any event, I’m not surprised that Wife Swap participants (and reality TV series pitchers) Richard and Mayumi Heene may be arrested for “concocting a publicity stunt by pretending that their young son [Falcon] had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the skies above Fort Collins, Colo.”
The Heenes’ lawyer David Lane expects the Larimer County Sheriff’s Office to file charges this week, and Denver man Robert Thomas says Richard Heene gave him advance word of a media stunt.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Heinous Heenes?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Two publicity mongers named Heene
Are accused of a hoax quite obscene:
Claimed their wayward balloon
Held their child. Opportune
For a shot at “reality” green.
Update: I’ve heard the Heenes’ name pronounced three different ways, two of which screw up my rhyme scheme. Since I’m not sure which pronunciation is correct, I guess I’ll leave my limerick up as written.
Tags: Balloon Boy, Colorado, David Lane, FAA, Falcon Heene, Mayumi Heene, Media, Publicity, Reality TV, Richard Heene, Robert Thomas, Weather Balloons, Wife Swap
Posted in Celebrity Verse, Crime, Entertainment Humor, Hi Tech Humor, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Media Satire, Non-Political Humor, Non-Political Verse, Science Verse, Television (TV) Satire, Transportation Safety, Weather Satire | 3 Comments »
Friday, October 9th, 2009
Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. How? By voting against an Al Franken-proposed amendment to the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would withhold defense contracts from companies (like Dick Cheney’s KBR) “if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.”
Franken was inspired to sponsor this amendment by the ordeal of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang-raped by her co-workers while working for Halliburton/KBR in Baghdad. A clause in Jones’ KBR employment contract made employer-friendly private arbitration her only recourse, precluding Jones from seeking justice in court.
I hope all those pro-rape Republicans (listed below my limerick) are proud of themselves:
Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though Republicans yearn for support
From females, they’re bound to fall short:
Their position on rape
Is in criminal shape
Cuz they treat it like less than a tort.
Here’s the list of the thirty pro-rape Republican Senators:
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) John Barrasso (R-WY) Christopher Bond (R-MO) Sam Brownback (R-KS) Jim Bunning (R-KY) Richard Burr (R-NC) Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) Tom Coburn (R-OK) Thad Cochran (R-MS) Bob Corker (R-TN) John Cornyn (R-TX) Mike Crapo (R-ID) Jim DeMint (R-SC) John Ensign (R-NV) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Judd Gregg (R-NH) James Inhofe (R-OK) Johnny Isakson (R-GA) Mike Johanns (R-NE) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) John McCain (R-AZ) Mitch McConnell (R-KY) James Risch (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Richard Shelby (R-AL) John Thune (R-SD) David Vitter (R-LA) Roger Wicker (R-MS)
Tags: Al Franken, Appropriations Bill, Defense Contractors, Employee Lawsuits, Employment Contracts, Feminist, Halliburton, Jamie Leigh Jones, KBR, Rape Victims, Republican Senators, Sexual Assault
Posted in Al Franken, Crime, David Vitter, Dick Cheney Satire, Feminism Humor, Gender Politics, GOP Humor, Inhofe Humor, James DeMint, Jeff Sessions, John Ensign, John McCain, Judd Gregg, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 10 Comments »
Sunday, July 19th, 2009
After a tough day at work you climb into bed, reach for a paperback book, and find that your nightstand reading material is gone, replaced with a credit for the purchase price. After some digging you learn that paperback copies of the novel you’re in the middle of reading have been repossessed by your local bookshop.
Inconceivable, right? Credit or no credit, invading the privacy of your home and taking a book without your permission would surely constitute one or more crimes.
Now imagine the same scenario, but with an e-book instead of a paperback — an e-book you purchased for your Kindle. That’s exactly what Amazon did to 1984 and Animal Farm buyers.
Repossession via electronic invasion of privacy. If it isn’t a crime, it sure as hell ought to be.
Kindle Swindle? (3 Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Have you noticed your e-book list dwindle?
You’re probably using a Kindle.
A book that you bought
Has turned into naught —
Replaced with a refund. No swindle?
Yet the seller invaded your house.
And did it by clicking a mouse.
Something’s there. Then it’s not.
(An Orwellian plot?)
You’re surely entitled to grouse.
The fact that your money’s returned.
Doesn’t mean that you haven’t been burned.
Your privacy rights
Are gone with those bytes.
This vendor deserves to be spurned.
Update: Some updated information from the New York Times:
An Amazon spokesman, Drew Herdener, said in an e-mail message that the books were added to the Kindle store by a company that did not have rights to them, using a self-service function. “When we were notified of this by the rights holder, we removed the illegal copies from our systems and from customers’ devices, and refunded customers,” he said.
Amazon effectively acknowledged that the deletions were a bad idea. “We are changing our systems so that in the future we will not remove books from customers’ devices in these circumstances,” Mr. Herdener said.
Update 2: If you would like to read this political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
If you would like to read my other general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.
And my limerick about firewalls, blogging and Kindles is here.
Tags: 1984, Amazon, Animal Farm, Bookstores, Crime, E-books, Electronic Theft, George Orwell, Home Invasion, Invasion of Privacy, Kindles, Law Satire, Paperbacks, Publishers, Repossession
Posted in Books, Crime, Hi Tech Humor, Kindle Politics, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, Media Satire, Non-Political Humor, Non-Political Verse, Privacy Humor, Technology Humor | 7 Comments »
Thursday, March 19th, 2009
I practiced law for over a dozen years and negotiated lots of contracts. And, unlike the Bush administration, I always kept my poker face. Why? Because if you want the best possible deal, you must make the other party think that he needs you more than you need him.
So, for example, when you tell banks that they’re too big to fail, you disincentivize them from cooperating, or even telling you the truth. That’s why I’m not surprised that 13 of the “top 23 private recipients of taxpayer-funded bailouts under the $700 billion program” enacted by the Bush administration “owed more than $220 million in unpaid federal taxes” and that they lied about it on their TARP contracts.
Why bother being honest? After all, it’s not as if Bush’s Treasury Department made them back up their statements with actual tax records. Of course not — they were too big to fail.
This brings me to my latest limerick:
Tough Negotiators, Those Bushies!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear bank, we can not let you fail.
You’re too big. Pay no mind if we wail
That you owe us back tax.
Do not worry. Relax!
Cuz that huge bailout check’s in the mail.
Tags: Bailout Humor, Banks, Bush, Contracts, Law Satire, Legal Humor, Lies, Negotiating, Paulson, TARP, Taxes, Taxpayers, Treasury
Posted in Banking Humor, Ben Bernanke, Business Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, Economy Humor, Fiscal Policy, George Bush Satire, Henry Paulson, Law Satire, Paulson Plan, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, TARP Humor, Tax & Budget Humor, Tim Geithner | 4 Comments »
Thursday, February 5th, 2009
Life in Washington, D.C. must be great! Otherwise, the D.C. Council would surely have better things to do than passing laws that require drivers to remove snow from their cars.
I’m not kidding. The D.C. Council has “unanimously approved emergency legislation that will require drivers to remove frozen snow and ice from their vehicles.”
But the good news is there’s no fine … yet … just a warning. A last minute amendment eliminated the fine “until a hearing can be held and council members can study laws in other jurisdictions.”
I love “Nanny State” laws, don’t you?
D.C. Snow Job
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I am guessing D.C. is crime free,
And that cops there are bored as can be.
How else to explain
A new law that’s insane:
Auto-snow is illegal debris.
Tags: Cars, Cops, Law Enforcement, Snow
Posted in Crime, Driving Humor, Legislation Humor, Nanny State, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Washington, Weather Satire | 6 Comments »
Holier-Than-Thou Wars
Friday, March 12th, 2010The Democrats have suffered some ethics-embarrassments, and Republicans have been playing holier-than-thou with an RNC Charlie Rangel and Eric Massa ad.
Of course, looking morally superior would be a lot easier if Republicans didn’t have such a culture of corruption.
I’m guessing the RNC figured Democrats were too cowardly to fight back. Fortunately, the RNC was wrong.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Holier-Than-Thou Wars
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s trying to smack
The Dems on their ethics. How whack!
With their glass house display—
Ensign, Vitter, DeLay—
They throw stones — an ironic attack.
Tags: Aphorisms, Charlie Rangel, David Vitter, DNC Ads, Eric Massa, Ethics, Glass Houses, John Ensign, Political Corruption, Republican Hypocrisy, RNC Ads, Throw Stones, Tom DeLay
Posted in Campaign Humor, Corruption Humor, Crime, GOP Humor, Hypocrisy Humor, John Ensign, Political Ads, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, RNC Humor | 2 Comments »