Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Sometimes I can’t help being amused by the Blame-Hillary crowd. What are they blaming her for this time?  Obama’s Reverend Wright problem, of course. 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Next, They’ll Claim Obama Inherited Clinton’s Reverend
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whenever his poll numbers lurch,
Obama-fans start up a search.
Their aim’s to fix blame
On that Hillary dame.
Guess it’s her fault he joined Rev. Wright’s church.

Technorati Tags: Senator Obama, Senator Clinton Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Religion Limerick

Remember when the entire left blogosphere could be counted on to criticize politicians who said one thing and did the opposite? And when hypocrisy was routinely deconstructed and attacked by the left?

I’m talking about the pre-Obama-cult days, of course.  A time when the sort of behavior described here, here, here and here wouldn’t have been countenanced (let alone encouraged) by half the left blogosphere. Those were the days, my friend. (McCain Trademark Pending)

And that brings me to the first of my latest pair of limericks:

Dear Obama, please tell us all why
You keep doing the stuff you decry.
Cuz the “high road” you claim
Sure is littered with shame,
As you peddle your DC change lie.

My second new limerick was inspired by Obama’s slick habit of conflating the GWB and Bill Clinton presidencies by referring to decades in discussing this nation’s problems.  Instead of pinpointing the horrendous Bush years, Obama blithely tarnishes the Democratic brand with that plural decades reference.  

Why does he do this? Apparently it’s Obama who will do whatever it takes to win.  And that includes making sure Hillary doesn’t get credit by association for the relatively prosperous and peaceful Nineties.

That brings me to today’s second limerick:

Obama cites “decades” of ills,
Conflating the Bush years with Bill’s.
He’ll hurt the Dem brand
By playing that hand,
Leading voters to run for the hills.

Technorati Tags: Barack Obama Hypocrisy, Democratic Brand, Left Blogosphere, Presidential Election Humor, Campaign Satire

What did we learn from last night’s debate?  That (unlike Hillary Clinton) Barack Obama falls apart when he finally encounters a hostile press. 

As the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman observes, Obama was “shaken, rattled and rolled” at the ABC debate.  So, is this the kind of candidate you want opposing John “Media Pal” McCain in the general election? 

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Dear Barack Obama: Last Night Is What Happens When You Drink Your Own Kool-Aid
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The man with the tongue made of gold
Under pressure last night seemed to fold.
His supporters excuse him—
Claim press guys abuse him.
Words matter. Barack’s? Oversold!

Technorati Tags: ABC Pennsylvania Presidential Debate, Senator Obama, Election Humor, Campaign Satire, Senator Clinton, Hostile Press, Senator McCain

They were warned, but they refused to listen. And now they’re paying the price.

I’m referring, of course, to the Pro-Obama bloggers who delight in anti-Dem media bias, so long as it’s directed at Hillary Clinton.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the election: Now that the press is giving Obama a hard time over his condescending bitter-small-town-America faux pas, these press bias-enablers are suddenly horrified by media bias. Why? Because it’s their candidate whose ox is being Gored. 

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The press is unfair to Barack,”
Whines the Cult of Obama with shock.
Loaded questions, contortions
Of words, and distortions
Now wrong, cuz it’s their guy they mock.

Technorati Tags: Media Bias, Press Bias, Media Humor, Senator Obama, Senator Clinton, Presidential Election Campaign Satire

John McCain has been having a tough time raising campaign money lately.  So I thought I’d help out with a McCain campaign slogan haiku — gratis. Aren’t I generous?

Remember Bush’s
Humble foreign policy?
Vote McCain for more.

Technorati Tags: Senator McCain, Presidential Campaign Verse

Hey, cable honchos. Before lambasting Hillary for “failing to fact check,” you might consider dabbling in some fact checking yourselves.

I’m referring, of course, to the media’s dead hospital patient mock-fest and, more broadly, to the “Gore-ing” of Hillary Clinton.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Biased Journalists And Bloggers, Heal Thyselves
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In cov’rage quite sloppy at best,
The press attacked Hill’ry with zest,
Disputing her facts.
But ’twas they who were lax.
Cuz if Clinton says east they say west.

Technorati Tags: Biased Bloggers, Sloppy Journalists, Senator Clinton, Press Fact Checking, Presidential Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Health Humor, Media Limerick

An Ode To Lefty Bloggers Who Hate Hillary (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama supporters proclaim
That Clinton must quit, hurling blame,
Shrieking “Stop this damn fray!”
Dems love fighters, they say.
But not if the fighter’s a dame.

UPDATE: After posting this, I went searching for some bloggers who are rational on the subject of Clinton and Obama. Here’s what I found:

Take Your Boobs And Go Home Watch
Heh
Krugman Reads His Hillary
Obama Likes GOP Foreign Policy
Obama To Blame If The Dem Contest Goes To The Convention
Dear Democratic Elite: Back Off
It’s going past Denver
The World Is Watching

Technorati Tags: Lefty Blogs Humor, Presidential Election Humor, Campaign Satire, Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, Democrats Limerick, Gender Humor, White House Verse

Apparently, maverick is a synonym for felon.  Who knew?

Ode To John “Maverick” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A law breaker — that’s John McCain,
Treating FEC regs with disdain.
Having championed those rules,
He plays us for fools.
Yet we still hear the mav’rick refrain.

Technorati Tags: Senator John McCain Humor, McCain Maverick Satire, Election Humor, Campaign Satire, FEC Humor, White House Humor, Media Humor

Presidential Election Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane

While pundits bloviate,
Candidates exaggerate,
Flirt with fourth estate
And would-be running mate.

They travel multi-state,
Wooing pools of voter-bait.
Think the Oval’s their fate.
Hardly ever talk straight.

Their resumes inflate.
They claim opponents don’t rate.
Prez debates?  Not great.
November 5th —  can’t wait!

Technorati Tags: Campaign Satire, Presidential Election Humor, White House Poetry

The left blogosphere has been packed with stories about John “Foreign Policy Maven”  McCain’s serial gaffes, in which he confused Islam’s Sunni and Shiite sects while trying to prove Iran supports al-Qaeda in Iraq. His gaffes were so bad, even über-loyalist Joe Lieberman was forced to correct him.

So, can we expect major media columnists and talking heads to question McCain’s foreign policy prowess?  A small handful of fair-minded, insightful columnists like the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman can be counted on at moments like this.   But in the main, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

And that brings me to my latest limerick: 

Ode To “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain’s expertise ain’t legit:
Sunni? Shiite? He doesn’t know shit.
So the man should be toast.
But the press let’s him coast
Cuz he’s great in a barbecue pit.

(For more humor on this topic, check out Joe Lieberman Has To Remind McCain He’s Not In Vietnam, by Don Davis.)

Technorati Tags: Senator John McCain, Foreign Policy Expertise, Sunni, Shiite, Islam, McCain Barbecue, McCain Gaffes, al-Qaeda, Iran, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Media Humor

Smearing Hillary,
Ignoring Barack’s foibles.
Must edit blogroll.

(For more on HCDS (Hillary Clinton Derangement Syndrome) read Left Coaster;  Hillary Clinton’s Internet Director Challenges Bloggers To Cover Obama Campaign Tactics;  Sherry Chandler;  Pro-Hillary Writers On Strike At Daily Kos;  Avedon Carol;  Obama News Anchor;  Carpetbagger Report;  Pen-Elayne;  Chalice Chick; and  Gene Lyons)

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Campaign Satire, Hillary Haiku, Obama Haiku, Clinton Derangement Syndrome

Barack Obama claims to be battling Hillary Clinton under a new set of political rules. But as Big Tent illustrates, his personal attacks on Clinton sound suspiciously like politics as usual.  And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The new politics,
Courtesy of Obama:
Old rules with feint-job.

Technorati Tags: Senator Obama, Senator Clinton, Campaign Satire, Presidential Election Humor, Obama Haiku, Obama Hypocrisy, Political Rules, Personal Attacks

Predictably, the A-list lefty blog-calls for Hillary to get out of the presidential race have continued, notwithstanding last night’s Hillary Clinton wins. Any minute now, I half-expect to read that Hillary’s refusal to bow out is racist.

Of course, these hand-the-nomination-to-its-rightful-owner rants come from the same bloggers who insist that Obama isn’t sexist and that the media hasn’t been biased against Clinton. (Americablog is but one example and no, I will not link to it.)

Apparently, these bloggers can’t wait for the media to turn its biased dirty tricks on Obama.  Because that’s exactly what will happen if/when Clinton is out of the picture:

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

The press guys can’t wait to declare
That Clinton’s kaput on the air.
Then they’ll turn on Barack:
They’ll malign and they’ll mock
Him, the way they hit Hill’ry. Beware!

Technorati Tags: Presidential Politics, Lefty Bloggers, Press Bias, Media Sexism, Racist Accusations, Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, Media Humor

U.S. middle class
Nickel-and-dimed by George Bush.
Change way overdue.

(Inspired by this change prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still  time to participate in my limerick and haiku prompt. Its theme is walking.)

UPDATE: I just remembered another haiku I wrote about change several months ago:

“People want change,”
Claim presidential candidates.
I’d prefer twenties.

Technorati Tags: Middle Class Humor, Bush Presidency, Presidential Election, George Bush Haiku, Bush Economy

I used to think Ralph Nader keeps running for president because he’s an egomaniac and a blowhard.  But I’m starting to suspect that he suffers from Dubya-disease — he needs to feel relevant. 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Dear Ralph: Go Away!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ralph Nader has surfaced again
To proclaim he’s a prince among men
And our nation’s salvation.
Give up your fixation,
Ralph. Find a new hobby. Try zen.

For more Ralph Nader humor, check out Ralph Nader, ‘Unsafe At Any Age,’ by Don Davis and Nader Announces Plan To Wreck Election, But Prominent Crackpots Are Cool To Bid, by Andy Borowitz. And for a serious take on the topic, there’s Ralph Nader, Tragedy And Farce, by Dick Polman.

Technorati Tags: Ralph “Spoiler” Nader, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Poetry

I can’t decide what’s more annoying — when pundits are wrong, or when they insist on finding meaning in the meaningless, deep significance in utter nonsense. Digby provides a fine example of the latter:

Matthews, Olbermann, Norah O’Donnell and David Gregory are sitting around interpreting the Michigan Democratic vote and examining the exit polls to determine meaningful trends about the upcoming primaries.

Michigan means nothing, good or bad, for Democrats. … [CLINTON] WAS THE ONLY ONE OF THE TOP THREE ON THE FRIGGING BALLOT! …

… The primary doesn’t count. …

But they’re out there spewing crap anyway, trying to impact the race, making predictions, being fortune tellers as usual …

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Hey Pundits, Stifle Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The pundits opine and expound:
On sheer nonsense they chew and they pound,
Finding meaning in stuff
That means nothing. Enough!
Watch them frown as they wax so profound.

Technorati Tags: Pundit Humor, Election, Humor, Media Limerick,  Campaign Satire, Vacuous Punditry, Michigan Primary, Democratic Primary, Presidential Campaign Poem

The impression I’ve been getting lately is that every barb and criticism aimed at Obama is almost bound to be characterized as racist by Obama surrogates.

Isn’t there something wrong when a candidate (or commentator) has to fear the racism card each time he/she says something negative about a black candidate? Something that would be just fine to say about a white one?

And shouldn’t Obama be required to meet criticisms on the merits? Everyone else is … or certainly should be. Not only does this better serve the voters, but it also helps candidates prepare for the general election.

By cloaking himself in a coat of black Teflon, Obama belittles genuine racial grievances and stifles real debate. He even demeans himself.

And now, a limerick:

Is Black The New Teflon?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama’s campaign has an ace:
It’s a joker, that card they call race.  
Every Hill-team critique
Draws their racism-pique.
Can’t attack him: He’s black! That’s their case.

Technorati Tags: Obama Commentary, Race Card, Election Racism, Racist Accusations, Campaign Satire

“Hillary cried,”
The media lied.
Who’s crying now?

Technorati Tags: Hillary Clinton Verse, Hillary Poetry, Media Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor

Dear Editor: Enough With the Polls, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My int’rest in polling is waning:
Who’s winning, who’s losing, who’s gaining.
Tell me where these guys stand—
Who’s a liar? What’s canned?
Give me substance — not horse race-campaigning.

Update: Don Davis has a fun take on the same topic. And the witty and oh so modest Jon Swift has posted the best blog posts of 2007 as chosen by the bloggers themselves.

Technorati Tags: Presidential Campaigns, Election Humor, Polls Humor, Horse Race Politics, Media Humor

AP calls Mitt’s lies
A “candor gap,” bypassing
Candor lacuna. 

Technorati Tags: Mitt Romney Satire, Candor Gap, Media Dishonesty