Archive for the ‘White House’ Category

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, July 30th, 2015

What Can They Be Thinking? (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gilmore’s entered the race. What a snore!
(Does the GOP really need MORE?)
Sixteen guys and one gal–
Most with no rationale
For believing they’ll get to the fore.

Just what keeps them all willing to stump,
As their poll numbers tumble and slump?
While they stand at the brink,
I suppose most pols think:
“I must surely be better than Trump!”

Dear Media: Stop Already with the “Jeb’s The Sane Republican” Meme!

Wednesday, July 29th, 2015

Jeb’s the cure for the GOP mess
Cuz he’s civil — so sayeth the press.
Yet as gov, Jeb was rotten!
Is Schiavo forgotten?
Jeb’s transgressions caused tragic distress.

Too Bad The Donald Can’t Be Docked For Doxing (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Not that I’m a fan of Sen. Lindsey Graham, but Trump’s giving Graham’s private cell phone number out to the public is disgusting! I wish someone would do the same with Trump’s number, giving him a taste of his own caddish medicine.

And please don’t tell me two wrongs don’t make a right. Donald Trump deserves that and much more … including this limerick:

Lindsey Graham must buy a new cell;
He’s been doxed into mean-caller hell
By the Donald, who thinks
All opponents are finks,
Deserving a Trump “diss and tell.”

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Help! I Can’t Stop Writing Trump Limericks!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The race has been thrown out of kilter
By Trump, who is lacking a filter.
I have three more lines left,
But I’m sadly bereft
Because “builder,” alas, ain’t spelled “builter.”

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

Republican Just Deserts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republican pols are distraught
Cuz their base supports “Trumpian Thought.”
But their years of supporting
Ill will and distorting
The truth gave them just what they wrought.

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 15th, 2015

“Lame” Critiques (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So minimum wage laws are “lame?”
Sounds inane, but it’s Scott Walker’s claim.
What is “lame” is that Scott
Uses words without thought–
Schoolyard slams without substance. For shame!

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Tuesday, June 30th, 2015

Open Limerick To Chris Christie
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Christie, you claim that you’re running.
If you are, then your chutzpah is stunning,
Cuz you surely know well
That you’ve no chance in hell.
Cunning prank perhaps? ’Fess up: You’re funning!

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 17th, 2015

Trumped Up Candidate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Says Trump, “I shall build a great wall.
I’m the greatest wall-builder of all!
I’ll make Mexico pay
To construct it — Olé!”
There’s no tale that’s too tall for Trump’s gall.

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil

Tuesday, June 16th, 2015

Don’t Fall For Trump’s Trompe-L’œil
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Trump, you’ve announced that you’ll run.
But I know it’s a stunt, and you’ll shun
That financial report.
When it’s due, you’ll abort…
After relishing limelight-filled fun.

NOTE: A presidential candidate can, in theory, “run” for four months without filing his personal financial disclosure with the FEC … and then abandon the campaign. And I’m betting Trump will do exactly that.

Why? Cuz Trump can BS all he wants to on his two-page unsworn-to summary of assets. But the actual legal filing has to be accurate. And I’m guessing that an accurate filing wouldn’t be nearly as impressive as Trump’s “asset summary.”

The Washington Post explains the personal financial reporting requirements for a presidential candidate:

…under a 1978 federal ethics law, presidential candidates must file a personal financial disclosure with the FEC within 30 days after announcing their candidacies. (They can request two 45-day extensions.) The filing must detail their financial interests and income, as well as those of their spouses and dependent children.

No More Grasping At Straws (Limerick)

Friday, June 12th, 2015

The Iowa GOP Board
Found its straw poll was being ignored
And disdained — even mocked.
So I sure wasn’t shocked
By its vote to at last cut the cord.

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Saturday, June 6th, 2015

An Open Limerick To Donald Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Donald, I’m begging you: Run!
Join the “clown car” and add to the fun.
A debate with your mouth
Is sure to go south.
Is there anyone nuttier? None!

Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con

Thursday, June 4th, 2015

Jeb Bush’s “Non-Campaign” Con
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Why are so many newscasts ignoring
Bush’s lie when he claims he’s exploring
A possible race?
It’s clearly the case
That on FEC regs Jeb is warring.

Jeb’s been stretching the Super PAC rules
And playing the public for fools.
He coordinates madly,
Treats fed’ral law badly,
And laughs as the press acts like tools.

(You can read about Jeb’s “stretching the limits of election law” here and the lack of broadcast evening news coverage here.

Open Limerick To Louie Gohmert

Friday, March 27th, 2015

Alas, it seems Louie Gohmert was just kidding the other day when he mentioned possibly running for president. Damn!

Open Limerick To Louie Gohmert
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Louie Gohmert, I’m begging you, run.
Your voice in the race would be fun!
Next to you, Trump and Ted
Seem nigh “right in the head.”
Then again, where’d we be if you won?

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz

Monday, March 23rd, 2015

Open Limerick To Ted Cruz
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My muse and I thank you, Ted Cruz.
We’re enthused by your news. No more blues!
I’m infused with elation.
You’re bruising our nation,
But your run means we rhymers can’t lose.

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma (Updated)

Monday, March 2nd, 2015

Most Want President to Have a High School Diploma

A new Public Opinion Polling survey finds that 62% of voters think it’s important for the President to have a high school diploma, compared to only 31% who think it doesn’t matter.

Interesting: “There’s a large partisan divide on the issue: Democrats by an 81%-14% spread think it’s important, while Republicans are evenly divided on the matter at 45%-45%.”

When asked to respond to this poll, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker said, “Only elitists and ISIS supporters would buy into that requirement, whereas Senator Rand Paul said, “Have I mentioned that I’m a doctor?”

Former Texas Governor Rick Perry, a fellow presidential hopeful, disagreed with both men, saying “Don’t glasses make me look smart?”

*****

UPDATE: I was chagrined to learn that my column has fallen afoul of Poe’s Law. What the heck is Poe’s Law? The “literary adage which stipulates that without a clear indicator of an author’s intended sarcasm it becomes impossible to tell the difference between an expression of sincere extremism and a parody of extremism.”

So for anyone who read this and accepted the poll as real and/or any of the quotes as real, this is hundred percent parody. It was inspired by an actual poll related to whether people believe a U.S. President should have a college degree.

UPDATE 2:

Poe’s Law compressed into a haiku:

In extremist times
reality/parody
appear to have merged.

Mitt Bows Out (Limerick)

Saturday, January 31st, 2015

Mitt Bows Out (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney won’t run. What a blow!
He took stock and decided no-go.
Now I won’t get to mock
His new populist crock
As the dough flows to Dubya’s bro.

Better Late Than Never! (Limerick)

Friday, December 19th, 2014

Better Late Than Never! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Immigration and Cuba, oh my!
Net neutrality, China, oh why
Did Obama delay
His assertive display?
Welcome boldness! To meekness, goodbye!

Inconvenient Facts (Limerick)

Wednesday, November 19th, 2014

Inconvenient Facts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans love to get traction
By using executive action
As a pretext to jaw:
“Barack breaks the law!”–
Despite similar acts by their faction.

Immigration reform, for example:
Though Bush Senior and Reagan did ample
Such executive acts
It would seem, despite facts,
That on laws only Democrats trample.

Here’s a must-read, if you really want to understand the debate over deportations.

Purloined Limerick

Thursday, October 2nd, 2014

Please don’t rat me out. But while the Secret Service wasn’t looking, I swiped this limerick from President Obama’s desk:

Dear Republicans, thank you for caring.
I’m touched by the worries you’re airing.
Then again, you’ll concede
That my death might impede
Your aspersions on me, now unsparing.

Sleazy To The Core (Limerick)

Wednesday, August 27th, 2014

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, formerly a Common Core enthusiast, now claims that the U.S. Education Department’s initiative is an Obama “power-grab.” He’s even suing the federal government, in an appeal to wingnutty Tenthers.

Ka-ching!

Sleazy To The Core (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bobby Jindal has filed a fed suit
To get Common Core given the boot:
Obama, claims Bob,
Did a power-grab job:
A prez wannabe, raising some loot.