Archive for the ‘Politics Satire’ Category

Putin and Me, a Limerick by Donald Trump

Thursday, July 28th, 2016

Are you confused by the Trump/Putin relationship? The Donald has helpfully written us this limerick:

Meet Putin? I did not … or did.
No one hacked, just to help with my bid.
But what a great plan!
Hey Putin, my man,
Hack those emails that Hillary hid.

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders

Monday, July 25th, 2016

Dear Bernie, I hope you’ll succeed
In persuading supporters to heed
All your “real world” advice.
If you fail, our steep price
Is a probable Trumped-up stampede.

Limerick Ode To Melania’s Convention Speech

Tuesday, July 19th, 2016

Melania’s speech was revealing;
In her push to make Donald appealing,
She stole lines from Michelle
About values. Oh well,
This confirms that both Trumps value stealing.

Open Limerick To Chris Christie

Saturday, July 16th, 2016

Dear Chris, though you put up a fight,
Pence swiped that Veep slot. What a slight!
I am betting you’re mad.
If you weren’t a cad
I’d feel pity, instead of delight.

Bernie’s Endorsement (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 12th, 2016

Bernie’s Clinton endorsement has come.
Sanders’ fans? Some are mad, some just glum.
Will they heed his late cue,
Or continue to boo?
I sure hope they don’t do something dumb.

Dear Donald: Soliciting Campaign Donations From Foreign Government Officials Is Illegal (Limerick)

Friday, July 1st, 2016

It’s illegal and terribly brash
To ask foreign officials for cash
For your U.S. prez run.
That’s what Donald has done.
Will he pay any price? Balderdash!

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Tuesday, June 28th, 2016

Dear Donald, you once would extol
Your rankings in poll after poll.
You’d brag and you’d gloat
And you’d proudly emote
About numbers you loved, heart and soul.

But now that you’re deep in the hole,
With low poll numbers taking their toll,
You scream and you swear
That they’re fake and unfair–
Once a poll-touter, now a poll troll.

Trump Versifies About His Veep Pick (Limerick)

Saturday, June 25th, 2016

I’m flooded with emails and calls
From fellows who think they’ve the balls
To run as my veep.
But my standards are steep;
Are they skilled with cement for my walls?

Trump’s Limerick Ode To Fake Diamond Cuff links

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2016

I was amused to learn that Trump has been duping friends with fake diamond cuff link gifts for years.

Fake cuff links — my favorite gift–
Very key to maintaining my thrift.
“They’re fine diamonds,” I say
When I give them away.
No one’s miffed; friends don’t know they’ve been stiffed.

Open Limerick From Trump To His Campaign Team

Wednesday, June 22nd, 2016

My Hillary speech went off great!
And I’m betting that liar’s irate.
I’ll shellack her and whack her,
Attack her and thwack her.
Getting rich in the Oval’s my fate.

Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders from Whoever Runs the Democratic Convention

Sunday, June 19th, 2016

Dear Bernie, feel free to contest
The convention with zeal and with zest.
But in case that you think
We’re naive and will shrink
In your wake, you’ll speak midnight, at best.

Explaining Bernie (Limerick)

Friday, June 17th, 2016

Explain Bernie? I’ll give it a whirl:
He apparently thinks he’s a pearl,
And that Hill and her lot
Are beneath him — worth squat –
Plus he CAN’T bear to lose to a girl.

A Serious Question (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 15th, 2016

It seems possible that Bernie won’t endorse Hillary. Or that he’ll delay his endorsement for so long, that it loses much of its effectiveness. And that makes me wonder how valuable a timely Sanders endorsement really is. And how damaging his non-endorsement might be.

From what I can gather, Bernie supporters fall into three broad categories:

1: Those who’ve said all along that they will vote for whoever gets the Democratic nomination.

2: Those who’ve come to realize that (however they may feel about Hillary) Trump is a dangerous threat to our nation and must be stopped.

3: Bernie Or Busters who are so anti-Hillary, that they turned against Elizabeth Warren, the second she endorsed her.

So, would a reasonably prompt Bernie endorsement have any value beyond the symbolic? That very question inspired this limerick:

An endorsement from Bernie’d be great,
Though I’d ask if it truly has weight;
Donald must be shellacked!
You don’t see this? You’re whacked!
And your Bern love could soon turn to hate.

Limerick Ode To Donald “The Diviner”

Wednesday, June 15th, 2016

“Our nation is finished. Doom’s near.”
That’s the message from Trump that we hear.
In a way, Donald’s right,
Cuz that’s surely our plight
If we let him our “ship of state” steer.

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Monday, June 13th, 2016

Dear Trump, are you trying to lose
By pretending you’re missing some screws?
Was your run just a bluff
Which has gone far enough?
If that’s true, then withdraw. Drop the ruse!

Limerick Ode For Donald “The Grifter” Trump

Wednesday, June 1st, 2016

The Donald’s a real estate grifter
And a policy viewpoint shape shifter.
If you fall for his spiel
And think HE’s the real deal,
You’ve been guzzling from beer stein or snifter.

Donald Trump Boosts Pet Wallaby Sales? (Limerick)

Monday, May 30th, 2016

According to this strange interview, Republican Kelly Maher, a political analyst, is so depressed by Donald Trump that she bought a pet wallaby for emotional support.

About Trump, Kelly’s very upset.
She’s so jumpy, she got a new pet
To help with her sadness
And wall off the madness.
Will a Wallaby help her not fret?

Open Limerick To Orrin Hatch

Thursday, May 26th, 2016

I laughed out loud when I heard about Sen. Orrin Hatch’s Deseret News op-ed, reporting the results of a meeting with Chief Judge Merrick Garland that had yet to take place:

“Like many of my Senate colleagues, I recently met with Chief Judge Merrick Garland, President Obama’s nominee to the Supreme Court. … Our meeting, however, does not change my conviction that the Senate should consider a Supreme Court nominee after this presidential election cycle,” Hatch wrote in an op-ed published on the website of the Deseret News early Thursday morning and later removed. It remains available in a Google database.

Dear Orrin, it isn’t a race
To report on a meeting you’ll face.
And it’s best not to claim
It did NOT change your game
When that meeting has yet to take place.

Donald “4 Pinocchio” Trump Strikes Again (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 25th, 2016

Trump’s “Four Pinocchios” keep mounting up, as The Donald amplifies his conspiracy-theory-fed attacks on Hillary Clinton.

The latest is for suggesting foul play in the (to quote Trump) “fishy” 1993 suicide of Vince Foster.

The Donald will use any source
(Even chain mail from fringe groups, of course)
In attacking a rival.
His key to survival?
Coarse indiff’rence to truth, sans remorse.

Open Limerick To Trump Supporters

Monday, May 23rd, 2016

The very least one can expect from presidential candidates, is that they NOT root against our nation’s economy. Yet Trump apparently did exactly that:

Two years before the housing market collapsed in 2008 and millions of Americans lost their homes, Donald Trump said he was hoping for a crash.

“I sort of hope that happens because then people like me would go in and buy,” Trump said in a 2006 audiobook from Trump University, answering a question about “gloomy predictions that the real estate market is heading for a spectacular crash.”

Dear supporters of Trump, don’t be rash
And back someone who hoped for a crash
In the house market so
He could make lots of dough,
Brashly rooting against us for cash.