Archive for the ‘Politics Satire’ Category

Those Military Bereavement Calls (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 18th, 2017

Making service-death phone calls is tough
And, alas, Donald lacks the right stuff.
So although I believed
He should call the bereaved,
Never mind. They have suffered enough!

What Trump’s Done To Our Nation’s Reputation (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 17th, 2017

Headline: “Thanks to Trump, America’s word is now worthless”

The word of our nation’s now worthless
Thanks to Donald, whose decency’s birthless.
Despite sweeping appeals,
Trump’s destroyed all our deals.
(So sorry for verse that is mirthless.)

Thanks to the Washington Post’s Paul Waldman for inspiring this limerick!

Limerick Ode To Trump Suck-Ups

Tuesday, October 17th, 2017

Trump enablers and suck-ups, I trust
You’re aware that your scheme has gone bust.
Trump took YOU for a ride
And has cast you aside.
Donald’s self-lust trumps all. You’re just dust.

Envy, Thy Name Is Donald Trump (Limerick)

Sunday, October 15th, 2017

In a mind that’s severely unsound,
The dangers of envy abound;
That’s why Trump knocks and blocks
Great achievements — Barack’s,
Thereby driving us into the ground.

Limerick Ode To Our Braggart-In-Chief

Wednesday, October 11th, 2017

How sad that Trump’s sooooo insecure,
Such a braggart and bully and boor.
Some were hoping he’d grow
In the Oval, but no…
Though there’s MORE of the “man” to endure.

*****

Headline: “A pair of crises tests Trump’s presidential empathy”

Testing Trump’s empathy is like testing a jellyfish’s spine.

*****

Headline “Democrats Seek to Make Ryan a Villain”

Isn’t Ryan ALREADY a VILLAIN?

*****

Like Trump and his supporters, I too miss the good old days — days when somebody else (even Dubya) was occupying the Oval.

*****

“Trump: ‘Disgusting’ press able to write whatever it wants”

Me: Disgusting president able to say whatever he wants.

*****

How I long for the good old days when our policy of containment dealt with foreign enemies; NOT the threat who’s occupying the Oval!

*****

“Jimmy Carter offers to hold peace talks with Kim Jong Un”

How about holding peace talks with Trump/Corker or Trump/Tillerson?

*****

Since Trump’s so obsessed with size (Little Marco, Liddle Bob) from now on I’m calling him Tubby Trump.

*****

“Pence Walks Out of Game Over Anthem Protest”

Headline SHOULD Read: “Pence Wastes Taxpayers’ Dollars Staging Sham Walk-Out”

*****

Offended by birth control and gays? No problem!

Trump/Sessions Doctrine: Religious freedom means freedom to discriminate.

*****

Breaking News: “State Dept: Tillerson did not call Trump ‘moron'”

That’s factually true; he actually called him “fucking moron.”

*****

Headline: “Most Partisans Have Few Friends In Other Party”
Could it be all that stress from dealing with RELATIVES in other party?

*****

Trump’s Small-Minded Name-Calling (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 10th, 2017

“Trump Mocks Bob Corker’s Height, Escalating Feud with a Key Republican”

Childish name-calling’s Donald’s delight,
Like his small-minded mock’ry of height.
He’s a YUUUUUGE stature snob,
Which explains “Liddle Bob.”
Trump thinks nicknaming Corker shows might!

Trump/Pence Flag Abuse (Limerick)

Monday, October 9th, 2017

Donald Trump was again on the hunt
For distraction — a tax-funded stunt,
So he told his Veep-peon
To locate a knee on
The ground and to flag the affront.

Taking umbrage at “sins” and “misdeeds”
Is Mike’s hobby; that’s how the guy feeds.
Off he flies to a game
With his pre-ordained claim:
Those Flag-bashing blacks are bad seeds!

Open Limerick To Donald Trump

Thursday, October 5th, 2017

Dear Donald, the news isn’t fiction.
So enough with your “made up” depiction!
It’s your tweets that are fake;
You’re a bum, liar, snake!
How I ache for your fel’ny conviction.

Trump v. The Press (Limerick)

Thursday, October 5th, 2017

Donald Trump’s always fighting a war on
The media, trying to score on
The press via Twitter.
The fellow’s a bitter
And nasty old man and a MORON!

Donald and Rex (Parody Dialogue)

Wednesday, October 4th, 2017

Parody Dialogue (I’m almost positive it never took place.)

TRUMP: You’re to hold an immediate press conference and announce that you NEVER called me a “moron.”

TILLERSON: “Never’s” a strong word.

TRUMP: And that of all 50 U.S. presidents, I’m the smartest.

TILLERSON: We’ve been through this before, sir: 50 states. 45 presidents. That’s why we call you “45.”

TRUMP: I know that!

TILLERSON: Anything else sir? Perhaps I should say you have a 180 IQ.

TRUMP: Good idea, but make it 200.

TILLERSON: I was being sarc…

TRUMP: In fact, make it an even 225.

TRUMP: (Turning to General Kelly) You see? Now THAT’S how you negotiate!

The Party Of Crocodile Tears (Limerick)

Monday, October 2nd, 2017

Enough with your “thoughts” and your “prayers,”
Dear GOP pols — no one cares!
All that just-pretend keening
Lacks value and meaning
When the keeners sell NRA wares.

A Trumpian Perspective (Limerick)

Saturday, September 30th, 2017

Unsupportive opinions? Flake views!
Unflattering numbers? A ruse!
No matter the topic,
The Donald’s myopic;
If it isn’t pro-Trump, it’s “Fake News!”

Sundry Trump Limericks & More

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

*****

Politico Headline of the Day: “Trump takes on a new cause: ‘Make the United Nations great'”

I don’t think we can take any more greatness.

*****

This headline deserves a limerick: “Price cut — Health Secy quits after Trump complains of travel ‘optics’”

Price is OUT! Why is Donald so mad?
It’s NOT that Tom’s plane use was bad.
Yes those charters were pricey,
But THAT’S not what’s dicey;
Trump’s upset by the “optics.” Egad!

*****

Trump’s hired a notoriously poor succession of personal lawyers since RussiaGate began. My limerick explains why.

The best lawyers prefer to be paid
YUUUUGE fees, right on time, for their aid,
And they’re bound to be miffed
When they find themselves stiffed…
Which explains why Trump’s DON’T make the grade.

*****

A 2-verse limerick about Trump’s retweeting a vile animation, described here by the LA Times:

“In the first part of the animation Trump retweeted on Sunday, the president is seen in golf attire, teeing off. The second shows footage of Clinton tripping as she boards a plane, with the video altered to show her being struck in the back with a golf ball.”

What’s it take to make Donald feel tough,
Like a fellow who has the right stuff?
Being seen with a swing
That’s so strong, he can fling
A ball, knocking Hill to her duff.

Nothing else can explain his retweet
Of a golf gif that Donald finds neat–
Animation conveying
Misogyny saying:
Striking women at will can’t be beat!

A Quintet Of Limericks & Some Quips about Trump, the NFL, Kneeling, & Fake Patriotism

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

*****
Dear Donald: Ballplayers have a 1st amendment right to peacefully protest racism, just as you have a 1st amendment right to make an ass of yourself on Twitter.

*****

You must stand for the flag; don’t go kneeling!
Such a “diss” at a game sends Trump reeling.
How he’ll rant and he’ll rage!
I suspect at his age
Trump can’t bend without fainting or squealing.

*****

Neo-Nazis can protest at will,
Wielding arms as they menace and kill.
That’s just fine with Prez Trump.
But black athletes? He’d dump
’Em for kneeling; he treats ’em like swill.

*****

Trump Tweet: “The issue of kneeling has nothing to do with race. It is about respect for our Country, Flag and National Anthem. NFL must respect this!”

And now some edits for accuracy:

“The issue of kneeling has EVERYTHING to do with race. It is about respect for TRUMP! NFL must respect ME!”

*****

Being Jewish, I know little about kneeling … except that it hurts.

Why is church kneeling good, but field kneeling a “diss?”

*****

Trump’s been having one hell of a day;
Each athlete and flag-tweet foray
Ran aground with a thud,
Like turds in the mud.
Former allies are fleeing him. YAY!

*****

I’ve been waiting anxiously for evidence of Trump-voter remorse.

But I never expected it to come from Trump-donor team owners!

******

Despite Kelly’s strong will and precision,
The Donald needs MORE supervision;
He’s divisive and worse.
Hence my need to write verse
And provide him with well-earned derision.

*****

I can’t catch. I can’t run. I can’t throw.
I’ve no clue where those ball things should go.
But the Donald’s a tease,
And his sports-feud re knees
And flags makes me yearn to go pro.

*****

Puerto Ricans Are Citizens Too (Limerick)

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

Puerto Ricans are citizens too.
Yet their suff’ring’s ignored. What to do?
Send donations and grouse;
Inform Trump, Senate, House
Their help’s WAY overdue. Please come through!

*****

Trump on delivering aid to Puerto Rico: “This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean. It’s a big ocean, it’s a very big ocean.”

Wow! I had NO idea!

McMaster’s Role (Limerick)

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

“I’m here to serve; NOT to control,”
Says McMaster, describing his role
Re President Trump,
Who surely would dump
Any chump who owned up to that goal.

Remember Deficit Hawks? (Limericks)

Thursday, September 28th, 2017

Dear Republican Deficit Hawks:
We’re awaiting your screams and your squawks.
Never mind my verse preface; it’s
Clear only deficits
Grown under Dems are a pox.

What Happened? I’ll Tell You What Happened! (Limerick)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

You don’t wish to read Hillary’s book?
That’s just fine, but don’t ask us to brook
All your bitching and moaning,
Begrudging and groaning;
It is YOU who gave US Trump the Crook!

Limericks and Sundry Humor (September 2017)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

Dear Donald, I wish you’d vamoose
It ain’t safe in DC with you loose.
The whole nation, in fact,
Would at last be less racked,
If you’d simply become a recluse.

*****
The Donald is starting to backtrack
In response to fierce tweets from the whack-track
That their love for him’s gone
Cuz he’s “Amnesty Don.”
DACA deal with the Dems? Cue sad sack-track.

*****

The media’s only too glad
To opine that Trump’s pivoting. Sad!
Though he turns on a dime,
Those ain’t pivots; Each time
It’s a sign he’s insane. The guy’s MAD!

*****

CNN Headline of the Day: “Trump has nominated 42 people for US attorney. Only one is a woman”

No doubt Ivanka is VERY disappointed.

*****

Devastating Hurricane: “WRONG Time To Mention Climate Change!”

Mass Shooting: “WRONG Time To Mention Gun Control!”

Anyone detect a pattern here?
*****

Headline of the Day: “Upbeat Trump raves to Schumer, Pelosi about news coverage of their deal”

Donald loves to be praised in the press,
Which is rare, cuz his reign is a mess.
But the deal he just made
With the Democrats paid
Off in cov’rage that’s easing his stress.

Seems the same can’t be said for old Mitch
And Paul Ryan. (Betrayal’s a bitch!)
With high hopes for some wins,
They put up with Trump’s sins.
Their reward? They’ve been dumped in a ditch.

******
Press Query: What will you do about X?
Trump: We’ll see.
Child’s Query: Can I do X? Can I? Can I?
Parent: We’ll see.

*****
Trump has a long history of taking undeserved credit for donations. Will Hurricane Harvey be yet another example?

Do not rush to give Trump an ovation
For his one million dollar “donation”
To victims of Harvey;
Though pledges are marvy,
Please buck promise and payment conflation.

******
Trump proclaimed he’d treat Dreamers “with heart,”
But his vow was a lie from the start.
Dumping DACA, he’s dashed
All their dreams; hope’s been smashed
By a bigot who’s slashed us apart.

*****

This probably sounds cynical, given Trump’s obvious instability.

But despite Donald’s mental unfitness, I don’t believe the powers that be will ever use the 25th Amendment to remove him from the presidency.

Hence my limerick rant:

Has the Donald succumbed to a funk?
Is his psyche okay? Oh what bunk!
Why fret NOW? It’s too LATE!
Foolish votes sealed our fate.
That ship’s sailed and, alas, we are sunk.

*****
Is anyone else sick of stories claiming that Ivanka and Jared tried really, really hard to get Trump to do the right thing?

Poor Ivanka and Jared are sad,
Once again disappointed by dad
After trying sooooo hard.
If you buy this canard,
You’re as blind as daft Donald is mad.

*****

Two-Verse Limerick:

Have you read Donald’s tweet-rants today,
Aimed at partners of DPRK?
They clearly were meant
To scare China. Trump’s vent
Was a threat to stop trade. Foolish bray!

Even Donald would rather not crash
Our economy. That would be rash.
So his threat to stop trade
With China charade
Is naught but nonsensical trash.

*****

Trump to Pence: I saw photos of you in Houston, hugging Harvey victims and clearing debris.

Pence: Just doing my part, Mr. President.

Trump: Stop trying to make me look bad!

*****

Dearest Trump fans, condemning Obama
For Katrina, with Sturm, Drang, and drama,
Is a waste of Snopes’ time.
Dopey gripes are a crime.
Did he also cause Black Tuesday trauma?

*****

Dear Donald, I hope you’re aware
That you’re poor at pretending to care.
Though some suckers still buy
Ev’ry pretense and lie,
Being selfish is all that you share.

*****

Trump: “Harvey. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.”

Me: Donald. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.

*****

Trump on the Hurricane Harvey recovery: “We want to do it better than ever before. We want to be looked at in five years or 10 years from now as this is the way to do it.”

I, for one, am looking forward to all the congratulatory phone calls Trump will be inventing.

*****

Pro-brutality, favors rascality,
Can’t accept or contend with reality,
Badly raised, must be praised,
His mentality’s crazed;
Trump’s normality — national malady.

*****

FEMA Adviser: The Dallas Convention Center will house 5000 Harvey refugees.

TRUMP: Unacceptable! I’ve banned ALL refugees!

*****

Journalist: During the campaign, you claimed to have no dealings with Russia.

Trump: That’s right, and I didn’t!

Journalist: Then how do you explain your Moscow Trump Tower “letter of intent?”

Trump: I INTENDED to have dealings. Bigly different!

*****

Satirist’s Quandary

Sunday, August 27th, 2017

I may soon have to start placing tags
On my satire posts; flashing flags
That say, “Warning! Not True!
“It’s a spoof!” How I rue
The resemblance of real news to gags.