Posts Tagged ‘Republican Humor’

Limericks and Sundry Humor (September 2017)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

Dear Donald, I wish you’d vamoose
It ain’t safe in DC with you loose.
The whole nation, in fact,
Would at last be less racked,
If you’d simply become a recluse.

*****
The Donald is starting to backtrack
In response to fierce tweets from the whack-track
That their love for him’s gone
Cuz he’s “Amnesty Don.”
DACA deal with the Dems? Cue sad sack-track.

*****

The media’s only too glad
To opine that Trump’s pivoting. Sad!
Though he turns on a dime,
Those ain’t pivots; Each time
It’s a sign he’s insane. The guy’s MAD!

*****

CNN Headline of the Day: “Trump has nominated 42 people for US attorney. Only one is a woman”

No doubt Ivanka is VERY disappointed.

*****

Devastating Hurricane: “WRONG Time To Mention Climate Change!”

Mass Shooting: “WRONG Time To Mention Gun Control!”

Anyone detect a pattern here?
*****

Headline of the Day: “Upbeat Trump raves to Schumer, Pelosi about news coverage of their deal”

Donald loves to be praised in the press,
Which is rare, cuz his reign is a mess.
But the deal he just made
With the Democrats paid
Off in cov’rage that’s easing his stress.

Seems the same can’t be said for old Mitch
And Paul Ryan. (Betrayal’s a bitch!)
With high hopes for some wins,
They put up with Trump’s sins.
Their reward? They’ve been dumped in a ditch.

******
Press Query: What will you do about X?
Trump: We’ll see.
Child’s Query: Can I do X? Can I? Can I?
Parent: We’ll see.

*****
Trump has a long history of taking undeserved credit for donations. Will Hurricane Harvey be yet another example?

Do not rush to give Trump an ovation
For his one million dollar “donation”
To victims of Harvey;
Though pledges are marvy,
Please buck promise and payment conflation.

******
Trump proclaimed he’d treat Dreamers “with heart,”
But his vow was a lie from the start.
Dumping DACA, he’s dashed
All their dreams; hope’s been smashed
By a bigot who’s slashed us apart.

*****

This probably sounds cynical, given Trump’s obvious instability.

But despite Donald’s mental unfitness, I don’t believe the powers that be will ever use the 25th Amendment to remove him from the presidency.

Hence my limerick rant:

Has the Donald succumbed to a funk?
Is his psyche okay? Oh what bunk!
Why fret NOW? It’s too LATE!
Foolish votes sealed our fate.
That ship’s sailed and, alas, we are sunk.

*****
Is anyone else sick of stories claiming that Ivanka and Jared tried really, really hard to get Trump to do the right thing?

Poor Ivanka and Jared are sad,
Once again disappointed by dad
After trying sooooo hard.
If you buy this canard,
You’re as blind as daft Donald is mad.

*****

Two-Verse Limerick:

Have you read Donald’s tweet-rants today,
Aimed at partners of DPRK?
They clearly were meant
To scare China. Trump’s vent
Was a threat to stop trade. Foolish bray!

Even Donald would rather not crash
Our economy. That would be rash.
So his threat to stop trade
With China charade
Is naught but nonsensical trash.

*****

Trump to Pence: I saw photos of you in Houston, hugging Harvey victims and clearing debris.

Pence: Just doing my part, Mr. President.

Trump: Stop trying to make me look bad!

*****

Dearest Trump fans, condemning Obama
For Katrina, with Sturm, Drang, and drama,
Is a waste of Snopes’ time.
Dopey gripes are a crime.
Did he also cause Black Tuesday trauma?

*****

Dear Donald, I hope you’re aware
That you’re poor at pretending to care.
Though some suckers still buy
Ev’ry pretense and lie,
Being selfish is all that you share.

*****

Trump: “Harvey. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.”

Me: Donald. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.

*****

Trump on the Hurricane Harvey recovery: “We want to do it better than ever before. We want to be looked at in five years or 10 years from now as this is the way to do it.”

I, for one, am looking forward to all the congratulatory phone calls Trump will be inventing.

*****

Pro-brutality, favors rascality,
Can’t accept or contend with reality,
Badly raised, must be praised,
His mentality’s crazed;
Trump’s normality — national malady.

*****

FEMA Adviser: The Dallas Convention Center will house 5000 Harvey refugees.

TRUMP: Unacceptable! I’ve banned ALL refugees!

*****

Journalist: During the campaign, you claimed to have no dealings with Russia.

Trump: That’s right, and I didn’t!

Journalist: Then how do you explain your Moscow Trump Tower “letter of intent?”

Trump: I INTENDED to have dealings. Bigly different!

*****

A Lackluster C-Lister Inauguration? (Limerick)

Thursday, December 15th, 2016

Poor Donald! The best entertainers
Were ardent pro-Clinton campaigners,
Who do NOT want to sing
At Trump’s wingding; They cling
To their stance as Inaug’ral abstainers.

I’m Weeping For Trump’s Sacrifices (Limerick)

Monday, December 12th, 2016

Trump’s interview on Chris Wallace’s Fox News Sunday is beyond belief, even for Trump. Hence this limerick:

Poor Donald! That fellow’s rejected
Deals worth billions, since Trump’s been elected.
Int’rest conflicts? No way!
He avoids them each day.
What a wall of deceit he’s erected!

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 30th, 2014

Impeachment “Scam” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John Boehner appears to be riled.
Dem impeachment talk’s driving him wild:
How dare Dems boost their brand
When impeachment ain’t planned
For that Oval defiler, reviled!

***

Yesterday, John Boehner called the impeachment notion a “scam” invented by Democrats to excite their base and raise money.

No doubt that will remain Boehner’s claim … right up to the moment the House starts the process to impeach.

Limerick Ode To Republican Whiners

Thursday, February 28th, 2013

Michael Kinsley is amused by the Republicans’ conflicting complaints about Democrats. So am I.

Limerick Ode To Republican Whiners
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Since Dems are so often maligned
As wimpy, I’m startled to find
A new GOP gripe:
Dems are meanies, they snipe.
Please Republicans, make up your mind.

Limerick Ode To Unbalanced Republicans

Monday, July 18th, 2011

Obama threatened to veto that cockamamie Republican “cut, cap, and balance” bill.

Limerick Ode To Unbalanced Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, please cut your crap.
Enough with your “balance,” “cut,” “cap!”
While you’re busily bashing
Obama, you’re crashing
Our credit and markets. What pap!

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters

Thursday, October 28th, 2010

As you know, I think Republican supporters are wrong about everything. But I have to assume they have a good faith belief that Republican pols want to make things better for the American people. And I’d like to think some of them would reevaluate their votes if they knew about the GOP’s real priority.

What am talking about? In an interview with National Journal, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell has admitted to a totally different goal:

“The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president,” McConnell said, adding, “Our single biggest political goal is to give [the Republican] nominee for president the maximum opportunity to be successful.”

There’s no ambiguity here: Republicans are taking a strong stand for partisan politics over good policy. And that leads me to my latest two-verse limerick:

An Open Limerick To Republican Supporters
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who are suff’ring frustration
And see GOP wins as salvation,
Those pols led by Mitch
Dragged us into this ditch
And will not do what’s good for our nation.

No, they won’t get us out of this hole,
Cuz McConnell has one single goal:
Make the Prez a one-termer,
He brags — does not murmur.
So please think when you go to the poll.

Republican Pols — Off or On the Rand-Wagon?

Sunday, May 23rd, 2010

In the wake of his humiliating interview on Rachel Maddow’s MSNBC show, Rand Paul has a serious Civil Rights Act problem. It’s so bad, that he’s already flip-flopping (or pretending to flip-flop) over his views and he was even scared into canceling his scheduled Meet the Press interview.

But Rand Paul isn’t the only guy with a problem — his fellow Republican pols have one too. What do I mean? Well, eventually they’ll have to choose sides: Either stick up for the Republican nominee with the insane views and maintain party loyalty, or disavow Rand Paul’s views and be seen by many as disloyal to the GOP. Good luck with that.

This brings me to my latest three-verse limerick:

Republican Pols — Off or On the Rand-Wagon?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Sen. nominee known as Rand
Is as odd as they come in this land.
He says cos are endowed
With this right: All’s allowed.
Paul would give them a fully free hand.

If they want to be racist, they may.
Block the Jews from their doors? That’s okay.
Cuz the gospel of Paul
Is no biz regs at all.
So feel free to go fire a gay.

The Republican leaders must choose
To decry (or endorse) these mad views.
There is no in-between.
There’s no hiding, I mean.
Back the Tea Party Guy, and they lose.

Translating Sarah

Sunday, July 5th, 2009

Why does Sarah Palin need to be Alaska’s governor, when she has Facebook?

Translating Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The media’s mean, so I quit:
(That’s the message that Palin has writ.)
And you don’t need a title
To do something vital.
I’m betting she runs against Mitt.