Posts Tagged ‘Gun Humor’

Our Unhealthy Nomination Process (Limerick)

Thursday, March 20th, 2014

Obama’s highly qualified Surgeon General nominee, Vivek Murthy, is in limbo. Why? Because Murthy supports an assault weapons ban and believes guns are a health care issue.

Our Unhealthy Nomination Process (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The move against Murthy ain’t stealth
Cuz gun fans are using their wealth.
Seems his Surgeon Gen. quest
Failed the NRA test:
He thinks guns can be bad for your health.

Limerick Ode To Zimmerman’s Florida

Sunday, July 14th, 2013

Limerick Ode To Zimmerman’s Florida
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you’d rather shoot people than skeet,
And enjoy killing folks on the street,
But you don’t want to pay
Any price, come what may,
Then Florida’s (f)laws can’t be beat.

*****

Florida-style “Stand Your Ground” laws encourage the aggressive use of firearms based on vague (often bias-inspired) suspicions. And jury verdicts, like George Zimmerman’s acquittal in the Trayvon Martin murder case, only serve to further encourage and rubber stamp murderous behavior.

Kansas Gun Law Backfires (Multi-Verse Limerick)

Monday, July 8th, 2013

The Kansas legislature, in its great wisdom, recently passed a law allowing gun owners to carry weapons in public buildings. And surprise, surprise, insurance companies think this is dangerous.

The EMC Insurance Cos. insures 85 percent to 90 percent of all Kansas school districts and has refused to renew coverage for schools that permit teachers and custodians to carry concealed firearms on their campuses under the new law, which took effect July 1. It’s not a political decision, but a financial one based on the riskier climate it estimates would be created, the insurer said.

Kansas Gun Law Backfires (Multi-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In municipal spots, like a school,
Concealed weapons in Kansas are cool.
But the pols that decreed this
May soon have to heed this:
They’ve entered a sky-high risk pool.

“You are too great a risk,” said the co
That insured Kansas schools. What a blow!
“We do NOT mean to screw you,
But just can’t renew you.
It’s financial — a matter of dough.”

Forrest Knox, who’s an NRA shill
And the fellow who sponsored the bill
That started this mess,
Says insurers should bless
Teachers toting their weapons at will.

“This will make us all safer,” he swears.
“What do carriers know about scares,
And dangers and risk
And hazards. Tsk-Tsk!
I know better than they!” he declares.

What’s next? It remains to be seen.
At the least, it will take far more green
To insure any school
Where an NRA tool
Hides a gun in her purse or his jean.

Limerick Ode To James Inhofe

Monday, April 29th, 2013

Who’s paying Oklahoma Senator James Inhofe to invent and spread lies about Obama stockpiling bullets to deprive 2nd Amendment huggers of ammunition? The gun industry? The bullet industry? Both? Surely he’s not doing it solely because he’s an idiotic conspiracy theorist. Or is he?

Limerick Ode To James Inhofe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Buy bullets before there’s none left—
All bought up by Barack — you bereft:
That’s conspiracy loon
Jim Inhofe’s new tune;
At making up lies, the guy’s deft.

Clueless In Colorado (Limerick)

Monday, April 1st, 2013

If you’re a Colorado spouse abuser, take heart: Republicans have vowed to protect your right to bear arms against Dem meanies, who mean to take it away.

Clueless In Colorado (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Good news for domestic abusers,
Bad news for their victim-accusers:
Colorado is where
The Republicans swear
To guard gun rights for battering bruisers.

The Right To Bear Arms … And Eat Cheap Pizza (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 20th, 2013

I won’t be visiting Jay Laze’s pizza place any time soon:

A Virginia Beach pizza shop owner is showing his support for firearm rights by giving gun owners a 15 percent discount.

The discount is given to anyone who brings a gun or concealed handgun permit to All Around Pizzas and Deli.

The Right To Bear Arms … And Eat Cheap Pizza (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

This news from Virginia’s alarming,
Although some may consider it charming:
Bring your gun to Jay’s shop.
Watch your pizza price drop.
I do NOT find this fellow disarming.

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns

Friday, September 28th, 2007

I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls.

Firearms shops in the US are stocking pink rifles and shotguns to encourage girls to get into shooting. …

They include a Remington 20-gauge shotgun with a pink and black stock emblazoned with the slogan: “Shoot like a girl if you can!” …

“Females want to shoot guns, but they want them to look pretty, too,” he said. “Guys could give a rat’s butt what their gun looks like.”

I think it’s time to take aim at those guns with a limerick:

Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Would you like your young daughter to shoot?
Simply buy her a shotgun that’s cute.
But be sure that it’s pink.
It’s so pretty, she’ll think.
Breeding killers—a stylish pursuit.

(You can find more of my feminist humor here, my family humor here, and my outdoor sports humor here.)