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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,
POCKET BIKE RIDING, SPORTS & OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES


Madeleine Begun Kane
 
....

Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor

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Welcome to the sports and outdoor activity humor section of my site. I should probably start by saying that I'm a physical coward, I was terrible at all sports, and I used to hide in gym class. And that probably explains my humor columns and light verse about pocket bike riding, tubing, mountain climbing, boating, football, swimming, shotguns, etc.

  • Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No!
    "Attempting to watch World Cup soccer?
    Then you’re likely to go off your rocker: ..."

  • Ride A Pocket Bike? Who? Me?
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Is it safe to ride a pocket bike
    For adults, teens, or even tykes?
    Some say they're cool and fun to ride.
    But me? I'll stick to taking hikes.

  • Thin-Skinned Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice? "As I’ve mentioned before, figure skating is the only sport I enjoy watching on television. ..."

  • Swimming In Verse
    "There once was a swimmer named Dean.
    He was swift and his breast stroke was mean. ..."

  • Motor Boating Just Isn't Our Speed "My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. ..."

  • Super Bowl Sunday Blues (Limerick) "This probably sounds un-American, but I never watch football on television … or anywhere else, for that matter. Not even the Super Bowl. ..."

  • Ode To The Weatherman "A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun. ..."

  • Tubing Blues "Tubing - the masochistic act of hurtling down a fall-fraught river while clinging to an inner-tube. Somehow my husband Mark talked me, a devout wimp, into trying it..."

  • Vacation Verse
    "My husband is swimming outdoors.
    I expect he’ll be back when it pours, ..."

  • Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns "I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls. ..."

  • Bugged
    "Mosquitos are on the attack.
    They have bitten my arms and my back. ..."

  • Pedestrian Plea
    "There once was a fellow named Mike,
    Who was bored while out riding his bike. ...”

  • Ode To The Easily Offended (Limerick) “President Obama was witty and entertaining on last night’s Leno appearance, and what’s the upshot? He’s forced to apologize for a self-deprecating, throwaway line comparing his bowling performance to the Special Olympics. ...”

  • Toying With Kites (Limerick)
    "The sight of a kite in the sky
    Is delightful and lovely, so why ..."

  • A Horse Of A Different Color (Limerick)
    "There are folks who succumb to a weakness
    For races like Belmont and Preakness. ..."

  • Ode to The Segway Scooter
    "The maker of scooters called Segway
    Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway..."

  • Sparring Over Spare Time "Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues..."

  • Yard Yarns (Limerick and Haiku)
    "I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
    And disposing of leaves makes me quake. ..."

  • Healthy, Or Half-Baked? (Limerick)
    "My spouse likes to lie in the sun,
    Absorbing those rays just for fun. ..."

  • Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits ("As a result of a neighbor’s lawsuit, a Swedish woman can no longer smoke in most of her garden. (And you thought the United States was a litigious country.) ..."

  • I'm Not Bowled Over By Bowling "The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.) ..."

  • Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
    “Mosquitos are driving me mad.
    Seems a zillion are biting me—bad! ..."

  • Ode To Ambling (Limerick)
    "Deserting my day-to-day scramble
    When the weather is nice, I will amble ..."

  • Taking A Vacation on the Contract Plan "Planning a vacation can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it and the other prefers luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line..."

  • Surmounting Marriage "Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:

    1. Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
    2. Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
    3. Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?

    Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I'd forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid? ...."

  • Fishing For Accomplishments

(For humor organized by subject matter, I hope you'll visit my humor sections about politics, the law, media, marriage and family, holidays, technology, feminism, money, cars, education, health, pets and animals, work, travel, my home town -- New York City, and my Notables Weblog.)

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