Madeleine Begun Kane, Humor Columnist Latest Humor Columns
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Madeleine Begun Kane,
Humor Columnist,

Madeleine Begun Kane

Bob Newhart Names Madeleine Begun Kane Winner of Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor


Welcome to the sports and outdoor activity humor section of my site. I should probably start by saying that I'm a physical coward, I was terrible at all sports, and I used to hide in gym class. And that probably explains my humor columns and light verse about pocket bike riding, tubing, mountain climbing, boating, football, swimming, shotguns, etc.

  • Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No!
    "Attempting to watch World Cup soccer?
    Then you’re likely to go off your rocker: ..."

  • Ride A Pocket Bike? Who? Me?
    By Madeleine Begun Kane

    Is it safe to ride a pocket bike
    For adults, teens, or even tykes?
    Some say they're cool and fun to ride.
    But me? I'll stick to taking hikes.

  • Thin-Skinned Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice? "As I’ve mentioned before, figure skating is the only sport I enjoy watching on television. ..."

  • Swimming In Verse
    "There once was a swimmer named Dean.
    He was swift and his breast stroke was mean. ..."

  • Motor Boating Just Isn't Our Speed "My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. ..."

  • Super Bowl Sunday Blues (Limerick) "This probably sounds un-American, but I never watch football on television … or anywhere else, for that matter. Not even the Super Bowl. ..."

  • Ode To The Weatherman "A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun. ..."

  • Tubing Blues "Tubing - the masochistic act of hurtling down a fall-fraught river while clinging to an inner-tube. Somehow my husband Mark talked me, a devout wimp, into trying it..."

  • Vacation Verse
    "My husband is swimming outdoors.
    I expect he’ll be back when it pours, ..."

  • Not Tickled Pink About Girlish Pink Guns "I wish I were making this up but, alas, I’m not — pink guns for girls. ..."

  • Bugged
    "Mosquitos are on the attack.
    They have bitten my arms and my back. ..."

  • Pedestrian Plea
    "There once was a fellow named Mike,
    Who was bored while out riding his bike. ...”

  • Ode To The Easily Offended (Limerick) “President Obama was witty and entertaining on last night’s Leno appearance, and what’s the upshot? He’s forced to apologize for a self-deprecating, throwaway line comparing his bowling performance to the Special Olympics. ...”

  • Toying With Kites (Limerick)
    "The sight of a kite in the sky
    Is delightful and lovely, so why ..."

  • A Horse Of A Different Color (Limerick)
    "There are folks who succumb to a weakness
    For races like Belmont and Preakness. ..."

  • Ode to The Segway Scooter
    "The maker of scooters called Segway
    Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway..."

  • Sparring Over Spare Time "Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues..."

  • Yard Yarns (Limerick and Haiku)
    "I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
    And disposing of leaves makes me quake. ..."

  • Healthy, Or Half-Baked? (Limerick)
    "My spouse likes to lie in the sun,
    Absorbing those rays just for fun. ..."

  • Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits ("As a result of a neighbor’s lawsuit, a Swedish woman can no longer smoke in most of her garden. (And you thought the United States was a litigious country.) ..."

  • I'm Not Bowled Over By Bowling "The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.) ..."

  • Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
    “Mosquitos are driving me mad.
    Seems a zillion are biting me—bad! ..."

  • Ode To Ambling (Limerick)
    "Deserting my day-to-day scramble
    When the weather is nice, I will amble ..."

  • Taking A Vacation on the Contract Plan "Planning a vacation can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it and the other prefers luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line..."

  • Surmounting Marriage "Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:

    1. Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
    2. Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
    3. Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?

    Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I'd forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid? ...."

  • Fishing For Accomplishments

(For humor organized by subject matter, I hope you'll visit my humor sections about politics, the law, media, marriage and family, holidays, technology, feminism, money, cars, education, health, pets and animals, work, travel, my home town -- New York City, and my Notables Weblog.)

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