Welcome to the sports and outdoor activity humor section of my site. I should probably start by saying that I'm a physical coward, I was terrible at all sports, and I used to hide in gym class. And that probably explains my humor columns and light verse about pocket bike riding, tubing, mountain climbing, boating, football, swimming, shotguns, etc.
Swimming In Verse "There once was a swimmer named Dean.
He was swift and his breast stroke was mean. ..."
Motor Boating Just Isn't Our Speed "My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. ..."
Super Bowl Sunday Blues (Limerick) "This probably sounds un-American, but I never watch football on television … or anywhere else, for that matter. Not even the Super Bowl. ..."
Ode To The Weatherman "A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun. ..."
Tubing Blues "Tubing - the masochistic act of hurtling down a fall-fraught river while clinging to an inner-tube. Somehow my husband Mark talked me, a devout wimp, into trying it..."
Vacation Verse "My husband is swimming outdoors.
I expect he’ll be back when it pours, ..."
Bugged "Mosquitos are on the attack.
They have bitten my arms and my back. ..."
Pedestrian Plea "There once was a fellow named Mike,
Who was bored while out riding his bike. ...”
Ode To The Easily Offended (Limerick) “President Obama was witty and entertaining on last night’s Leno appearance, and what’s the upshot? He’s forced to apologize for a self-deprecating, throwaway line comparing his bowling performance to the Special Olympics. ...”
Toying With Kites (Limerick)
"The sight of a kite in the sky
Is delightful and lovely, so why ..."
Sparring Over Spare Time "Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple's interests just don't jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues..."
Yard Yarns (Limerick and Haiku)
"I admit that I’m bad with a rake,
And disposing of leaves makes me quake. ..."
Weeding Out Crazy Lawsuits ("As a result of a neighbor’s lawsuit, a Swedish woman can no longer smoke in most of her garden. (And you thought the United States was a litigious country.) ..."
I'm Not Bowled Over By Bowling "The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.) ..."
Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
“Mosquitos are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad! ..."
Ode To Ambling (Limerick)
"Deserting my day-to-day scramble
When the weather is nice, I will amble ..."
Taking A Vacation on the Contract Plan "Planning a vacation can often be a daunting challenge. Especially when one spouse likes to rough it and the other prefers luxuries like toilets, showers, and cable TV. So what's a couple to do? Well, they can take separate trips. Or they can negotiate and sign on the dotted line..."
Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring
couch potato chips?
Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?
Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months
later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I'd forgotten to ask
the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an
irresistible urge to do something stupid? ...."