Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed (Humor Column)

My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. And we surely would have done just that, had the prior owner of our weekend home not made it a package deal. If we wanted his irresistible house, we’d have to spring for his 120 horse power boat — perfect for anyone whose idea of relaxation is charging across a rocky three mile lake at the speed of screams.

OUR FIRST TIME OUT: My husband — a man who can build a wood stove fire in a flash, who whips up gourmet feasts in fifteen languages — couldn’t figure out how to unhook the boat’s cover. Refusing my help, he struggled for an hour. Victorious at last he hurled the cover off, in the process spilling gallons of water all over the boat.

By then I was ready to bail out. But Mark handed me a pail, and we spent the next 45 minutes heaving water overboard. Once all the water was safely under the boat, it was time to begin boating. I optimistically climbed onto our 16 footer, while my husband worked the knots from ashore. A former boy scout, he did this rather well. So well, that the boat (free at last) started to drift without him. ….   (Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed continues here.)

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5 Responses to “Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed (Humor Column)”

  1. quixote says:

    You know what they say about boats: holes in the water to pour money into. You got off easy (so far).

  2. madkane says:

    Quixote, you get no argument from me. :)

  3. Michael Redei says:

    Not specifically written for this occasion, but it seemed to fit:

    On board of my boat on the Seine,
    A loud noise drove me nearly insane:
    Some idiot paddlin’;
    I cried: “Is that you, Madeleine?”
    The answer came back: “No, Madeleine!”

  4. madkane says:

    Thanks very much Michael! I enjoyed your limerick using my name … and definitely do better with boats propelled by paddles.

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