Archive for January, 2014

Odes To Roger Ebert, Ed Koch, Van Cliburn, & “Dear Abby” Columnist Pauline Phillips

Thursday, January 30th, 2014

This week’s Style Invitational features the witty winning entries in its contest for poems that commemorate people who died in 2013. Here are my non-winning ditties about Roger Ebert, New York City Mayor Ed Koch, concert pianist Van Cliburn, and “Dear Abby” columnist Pauline Phillips:

Roger Ebert:

For films that were plums,
Way up went his thumbs.
When downward they’d roam,
You’d know to stay home.

*****

Mayor Edward Koch:

This mayor rescued NYC
From near-financial ruin;
Ed Koch his name, his fav’rite game
Was asking “How’m I doin’?”

*****

Pauline Friedman Phillips a/k/a Abigail Van Buren:

“Dear Abby” was her column
Telling readers what to do.
Give your friends that very counsel?
That’s an act you’ll surely rue.

*****

Van Cliburn:

In a world-wide Moscow contest
Van Cliburn sure impressed.
But this USA pianist
Had the piano judges stressed.

They felt that he deserved to win
And so with trepidation
They asked Nikita, “Can we please
Give Cliburn top ovation?”

Mr. Khrushchev gave an answer
That surprised them. It was wise:
“If Van Cliburn played the very best,
Then give that man first prize.”

So a classical musician
Helped achieve a cold war thaw:
An American in Russia
Playing piano past a draw.

Well-Read Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who was very well-read…*

or

A man was, alas, in the red…*

or

A woman who always wore red…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Well-Read Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was very well-read
Felt stymied in getting ahead.
When she’d mention a book
To co-workers, their look
Always said, “Ain’t that fella still dead?”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (149)

Sunday, January 26th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A bibbed patron sat eating deep-fried;
Battered chicken was piled high and wide.
I said, “Gawd, are you big,
You Falstaffian pig!”
(My remark was, of course, an aside.)

Congratulations to Scott Crowder and Craig Dykstra, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Scott Crowder:

A man who liked food that was fried,
In time became so thick and wide,
That according to lore,
When he went to the shore,
He would have an effect on the tide.

Craig Dykstra:

This new gal gets my head kinda fried.
Every time I want sex, I’m denied!
You would think it would suck
That she don’t like to … you know …
But she’ll happily swallow my pride.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Yt cai, Jesse Levy, and Jon Gearhart. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

In my youth I’d eat anything fried;
It’s disgusting, the stuff that I tried.
Cookies, Twinkies, and dough
Mixed with cola … God no…
Those are mem’ries I’ve tried to elide.

Yt cai:

A seamstress’s nerves were all fried
From dealing with one kinky bride.
She finished the dress
Under utmost duress
As the patron was fit to be tied.

Jesse Levy:

A fellow was totally fried.
He jumped off a building’s top side.
But he was still tripping
Through gravity’s gripping.
His last words were: “Look, Ma. I flied!”

Jon Gearhart (whose limerick is an acrostic):

A woman shunned food that was fried
Precisely because she has tried
Reducing the rise
In her increasing size.
Look left and her name I’ve supplied.

Tim James:

Those White Castle burgers are fried
‘Til the grease is all soaked through inside.
Those “sliders” incense me.
Good taste, though, prevents me
From saying just where ’tis they slide.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To National Handwriting Day

Thursday, January 23rd, 2014

Happy National Handwriting Day! (January 23)

Limerick Ode To National Handwriting Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Happy Handwriting Day to you all.
Seems the point’s to get paper and scrawl.
Though my wrist won’t approve,
I shall get in the groove–
Taking pen up, I’ll go have a ball.

Reality TV Humor (New York Magazine Contest)

Tuesday, January 21st, 2014

New York Magazine recently started a new weekly contest. This week’s challenge is to invent titles of a “premodern reality-television series.” You can enter either on Twitter or in the contest page’s comment section.

Here are my entries (on Twitter) so far:

The Real Cavewives of Windsor

The Dinosaur Hunter

Reinventing The Wheel

Dancing With The Bard

Keeping Up With The Bardashians

The Sorcery Apprentice

Vendor Venting (Limerick)

Monday, January 20th, 2014

Vendor Venting (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A package arrives, which I lift.
Since I’ve NOT placed an order, I’m miffed.
It’s a greedy misdeed
To anticipate need.
Dear Amazon: Thanks for the gift.

Note from Mad Kane: This hasn’t actually happened to me, but it’s only a matter of time. Why? Because Amazon has just patented “anticipatory shipping.”

Yes, Amazon thinks it knows what we want, even before we know we want it.

Sorry Amazon, but my husband can’t read my mind … and neither can you.

Fried Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, January 19th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who liked food that was fried…*

or

A woman shunned food that was fried…*

or

A fellow appeared to be fried…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Fried Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A young foodie shunned meals that were fried
And would constantly mock and deride
People fond of cuisine
Neither wholesome nor lean,
Right up to the moment she died.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (148)

Sunday, January 19th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Bob Dvorak, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow was warned in advance
That she’d had every guy wearing pants.
“Sounds like my kind of quest,
This Community Chest.”
He got dressed, leaving nothing to Chance.

Congratulations to Fred Bortz, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

An author’s substantial advance
For a book on carnivorous plants
Alas led him to doom
When consumed by a bloom.
All they found was a shoe and his pants.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kevin Ahern, Steve Whitred, Craig Dykstra, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, Sallie McKenna, Jamie Hutchinson, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kevin Ahern:

In Eden the way to advance
Was surely not just happenstance.
For Adam, his brief
Was a tiny fig leaf.
The man of the house wore the plants.

Steve Whitred:

Her sensual, sultry advance
And her walk, which was more like a dance,
The soft light on her hair
All gave wings to my care
That a package was there in her pants.

Craig Dykstra:

Vegetarians learn in advance
All those “don’t eat the animals” rants.
But I don’t avoid meat
‘Cause I like things with feet –
No, it’s just that I LOVE killing plants!

Byron Miller:

I rebuffed a flirtatious advance
From a wraith at a séance in France.
I could see through her clearly:
She did not love me dearly–
We hadn’t a ghost of a chance.

Sallie McKenna:

A fellow was warned in advance
To be sober when placing his plants;
He ignored what they said,
Then when sodding his bed,
Face-planted, his balance askance.

Jamie Hutchinson:

A waltzer turned down the advance
Of a fellow in tight-fitting pants:
“The place is so packed,”
She observed with great tact,
“We don’t have enough ballroom to dance.”

Tim James:

A gal lost a tidy advance
From some monks at an abbey in France
To compose something choral.
She couldn’t. The moral:
Don’t compete when you know you’ve no chants.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Paying Lots Of Bread … For Toast (Limerick)

Friday, January 17th, 2014

I read about horrifying trends, so you don’t have to. How’d you like some three and four-dollars-per-slice “artisanal toast?”

Paying Lots Of Bread … For Toast (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Artisanal toast’s a new trend.
Does this four-dollar-slice fad portend
Even worse things to come?
Perhaps hipster-style gum?
Or lim’ricks, bespoke, pric’ly penned?

No Cross Words About My Latest Contest Loss

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

In a recent Washington Post Style Invitational contest, we were given some crossword puzzle answers and asked to provide our own amusing clues for some of the words. Many of the winning clues are hilarious, and you can read them all here.

But first, here are my losing entries:

ACID: Air conditioner’s name

ACTUAL: When you give it an “F,” little changes

BAGPIPES: Some music lovers would scotch this oboe’s cousin

CAPFUL: Conceited man’s hat

CIAO: An edible farewell

CLEFT: It fits the staff to a T

GUESTTOWEL: If you have to guess where it is, it’s time to go home

HENHOUSE: Its pecking order won’t change, even with a fox in charge

IRAN: I was late, so _____

IRAN: I was caught with nukes, so ______

LAVA: Virginia, in France

LUCKYROLL: Vincent Piazza in Boardwalk Empire

MILK: To take advantage on the farm

MOUE: The sneering sound of a disdainful French cow

OBOE: It begs for a rhyme

OBOE: This wooden wind is A-okay

OBOE: Playing this instrument’s a gamble, with odds of failure 440-1

PLACE: Where a noun you must bring;
neither person, nor thing.

POPSINGLES: Unmarried dads

PROSY: Averse verse

YEAH: Archaic doctor’s order

Hot & Spicy Couple

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

This limerick seems appropriate for International Hot & Spicy Food Day. (January 16)

Hot & Spicy Couple (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whenever we’re ordering food,
We’re likely to be in the mood
For dishes quite spicy.
We hate to hear, “Dicey!
Our chef is a trifle unglued.”

Note: Mark and I love hot and spicy food. And most chefs will accommodate us, once we convince them that we don’t mean merely “American spicy.” But sometimes we’re warned that the chef is a prima donna who takes “extra spicy” requests as a personal affront.

And while this is most likely to happen when the chef’s French, I still vividly recall this Manhattan Mexican restaurant incident: The waitress said, “Don’t ask for ‘extra spicy,’ or the chef will punish you.”

We ignored her and, alas, she was right.

UPDATE: June 10th is National Herbs And Spices Day.

Something Wry For National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day (January 14)

Tuesday, January 14th, 2014

Thanks to my friend Fred Bortz, who bugged inspired me to write a limerick celebrating National Hot Pastrami Sandwich Day:

Something Wry For Pastrami Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s Pastrami Day, so I’ve been told.
Hot on rye, spread with mustard it’s sold.
Though it’s seasoned and smoked,
I simply ain’t toked
By its flavor. It just leaves me cold.

Limerick Advance (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, January 12th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was warned in advance…*

or

A woman rebuffed an advance…*

or

A gal got a tiny advance…*

or

A fellow prepared to advance…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Advance
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pit boss who tried to advance
His career using guile and romance
Picked the wrong gal to date–
The veep’s secret mate.
Is that man still employed? Not a chance.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (147)

Sunday, January 12th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BYRON MILLER a/k/a Errol Nimbly, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Our captain appears to be out
Of the closet, without any doubt.
From high up in the rigging,
I spotted him frigging
The cabin boy coming about.

Congratulations to SUE DULLEY and SCOTT CROWDER, who are tied in winning this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award.

Sue Dulley:

Time was: “If you’d like to go out,
Pick the phone up and give me a shout.”
Then came email, and next
“Just snd me a txt” —
Soon telepathy’s coming, no doubt.

Scott Crowder:

A woman is throwing things out —
Leftovers forgotten about:
A strange purple treat,
Old mystery meat,
And something that’s started to sprout.

Congratulations to JOHANNA RICHMOND, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award for her clever multi-verse limerick about New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s press conference concerning the George Washington Bridge lane closure scandal:

“I’m too trusting — my secret is out —
And too genuine, lovable, stout…
But a bully? Vindictive?
My wounded heart fictive?
That’s not what Chris Christie’s about!

“I am sad and so very depressed;
Tell me, how could I EVER have guessed
That my dep chief of staff
Would have made such a gaffe.
I cut loose that dead weight — thought it best.

“As you know, folks, I don’t blow my cork.
To the fellow who differs: Hey dork,
If you think you felt pain
When I shut down your lane
You should see what I do with a fork!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Tim James, Byron Ives, Aparna Ray, Johanna Richmond, Daisy Mae Simon, Will T. Laughlin, and Sharon L. Smatusek Harris. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Ira Bloom:

In my youth I had cause to go out
With a gal with a merciless pout.
Those lips she would purse
In a manner so terse,
To this day, I can’t look at a trout.

Tim James:

A Congressman liked to make out
With the gals in his office, the lout,
‘Til one day when he met
The girls’ boyfriends. I’ll bet
That he’s learned a new meaning of “clout.”

Byron Ives:

This gal had it all figured it out–
Her sex life had long been a drought:
“I’ll visit a tavern,
“Find meat for my cavern,
“But probably settle for trout.”

Aparna Ray:

A woman was throwing things out:
Belongings, her boyfriend’s (a lout.)
“I’m declutt’ring”, said she,
“Getting rid of debris,
And that sure includes him, without doubt.”

Johanna Richmond, inspired by this news item:

A new natural Prozac’s come out,
One your men-friends are likely to tout.
And you won’t go bone dry
If you blow your supply;
It’s renewable — rarely a drought.

Daisy Mae Simon:

A woman would often go out
With a man with an extra large snout.
And though people would stare,
She just didn’t care
‘Cause in bed she would squeal from its clout.

Will T. Laughlin:

Well, I’m glad that my daughter goes out
With a man who is truly devout.
I looked in on them: He’s
Got her down on her knees…
“God! Oh, God!” I keep hearing him shout.

Sharon L. Smatusek Harris:

As a 60ish woman with clout,
It is not worth my while to go out.
Each “grandpa” expects
That a coffee buys sex
Even though there’s no “spring in his sprout.”

(While Sharon’s limerick uses “out” in line 2 instead of line 1, it made me laugh so much I just had to include it.)

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy Peculiar People Day (January 10)

Thursday, January 9th, 2014

Here’s my two-verse quatrain poem, in honor of Peculiar People Day. (January 10)

Ode To Peculiar People
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My peculiar predilection:
I like people who are odd.
I’ll applaud a little strangeness,
But find “normal” humans flawed.

That makes perfect sense: they tell me
I am rather “weird” myself.
I don’t mind critiques and putdowns—
Just don’t call me “off the shelf.”

Badly Behaved Limerick

Tuesday, January 7th, 2014

My apologies in advance:

Badly Behaved Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was rather astounded
At his granddaughter’s meanness unbounded.
She would tie up her dog
And then dangle a frog,
Hounding both. Time that teenager’s grounded!

Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)

Tuesday, January 7th, 2014

Cold and Bothered (Quatrain)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I live in a town where it’s pleasant to stroll.
We do most of our errands on foot.
But it’s frightfully cold. “Let’s stay home,” I cajole.
Forget milk! Let’s be smart and stay put.

Limerick Outing (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, January 5th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman would often go out…*

or

A fellow was going all out…*

or

A woman was throwing things out…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Outing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman would often go out
With a sad-sack who’d grimace and pout.
When her friends warned that “he’s
A wet blanket and sleaze,”
She said, “Date-wise I’m having a drought.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (146)

Sunday, January 5th, 2014

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A gardener frequently blows
Lots of money on hoes, hose, and hos.
What’s the kind he likes best?
Well, unlike all the rest,
It’s the one that you can’t buy at Lowe’s.

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins the Special Holiday-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

Though my relatives near come to blows,
And my nightmares are filled with red bows,
And my innocent telly
Now knows Megyn Kelly,
I’m sad after everyone goes!

Congratulations to J Cosmo Newbery, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

The brav’ry of someone who blows
On bagpipes, is hard to suppose.
As they pump and exhale
It lets out a high wail–
Like a cat in its final death throes.

Congratulations to Steve Whitred, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.

So, this Christmas turned out a bit weird:
Last week’s man in the news with a beard
Wasn’t “god’s only son”
Or “the red suited one,”
But ‘a feller that’s homo afeard.’

Seems he said a few words that were rude
About things some folks do in the nude.
Claimed he’s speaking for god.
That’s the part I found odd.
Not as odd though as what then ensued.

The network said “Good grief, O lord,
By this unchristian speech we’re abhorred.”
But they soon got the news
That this good ol’ boy’s views
With Confederate hearts struck a chord.

In a cowardly turn I believe
The old duck guy was given reprieve.
They said “we don’t hate gays
But it’s clear that what pays
Is to give all you hicks ‘by your leave.'”

Now I can’t say what all this portends.
But it’s time that this limerick ends.
So to Phil who sells bait,
Though your words incite hate
Happy New Year to you and my friends.

Congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners in the “Holiday Limerick Division” (in random order) Tim James, Fred Bortz, Chris Hansen, Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly, and Kirk Miller.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners in the “Limerick Blows Division” (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Will T. Laughlin, Bob Dvorak, and John Peter Larkin.

Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Honorable Mention Winners — “Holiday Limerick Division”

Tim James:

A fellow of whom I’ve heard tell
Doesn’t write Christmas cards very well:
“I wish you and your wife
Ots of ove and ong ife.”
But it fits, in this time of No el.

Fred Bortz:

It’s a Jewish December tradition
To serve meals at the Save-a-Soul Mission,
Then to nosh some Chinese,
Where pork’s kosher — Oh please,
That is NOT the rabbinic position!

Chris Hansen:

Some resolve on the first day of Jan.
To work out, or abstain, or eat bran.
The gyms are awash
With the poor and the posh.
By the tenth they’re all gone, to a man.

Byron Miller:

At the company party this Christmas,
Our boss was a rowdily Pissed Miss,
All smoochy and jolly,
Decked only in holly–-
An under-the-mistletoe-Kissed mess.

Kirk Miller:

At Christmas, what carries some clout
Is mistletoe hanging about.
When I hung some at work,
People said, “Tell me, Kirk,
With mistletoe how’d you make out?”

Honorable Mention Winners — “Limerick Blows Division”

Kathy El-Assal:

From the ship came a loud “There she blows!”
As the white whale from ocean depths rose.
The sea was soon strewn
With crew and harpoon
As Moby de-feeted more foes.

Will T. Laughlin:

We went to “The 400 Blows,”
Which we thought was that film of Truffaut’s.
We found we were wrong:
It starred Annabelle Chong
And four hundred fortunate schmoes.

Bob Dvorak:

A woman who frequently blows
On her horn says her preference it shows.
When asked by a wench
If her horn felt like French
She replied, “Blowing French — la même chose.”

John Peter Larkin:

A woman who’d suffered some blows
From guys whom she thought were her beaus,
Told them all to get lost
In tones filled with frost,
And said their new status was “Foes.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Resolution Disclaimer (Limerick)

Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

Resolution Disclaimer (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.