The new year is coming up fast,
As I think of the world’s recent past.
It feels like the brink,
So to hope I shall drink:
Next year’s GOT to be better than last.
*****
Resolution Disclaimer:
Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.
*****
Drunken Limerick:
Can I write silly verse after drinking?
Let’s see. Wait a second — I’m thinking.
Can’t come up with a verse
Or a rhyme. Even worse,
I suspect that this limerick’s stinking.
Said a gal to her spouse, with a frown:
“Tell me, why are you dressed like a clown?
Orange jacket? Green shirt?
Purple pants? My eyes hurt!
Just this once, can’t you wear solid brown?”
It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
Though my mem’ry’s, alas, on the wane,
Here’s a day that should stick to my brain:
It’s for Richard G. Drew.
He did NOT invent glue,
But our bond with his Scotch Tape shall reign.
Though for most of my life I had doubts
About choking down cooked Brussels sprouts,
I flout them no more;
Well prepared, they’re top drawer.
Now I tout ’em instead. No more pouts!
Damn! I somehow missed “Clashing Clothes Day” yesterday. (It’s celebrated annually on the 4th Thursday of January.)
But it’s never too late for a limerick:
A fellow who’d constantly clash
And wear clothes that appeared to be trash,
Attended a party
Quite retro and arty.
His clothing “designs” were a smash.
Since it’s “Spouses Day,” please get in gear.
You should lovingly cherish and cheer
Your dear husband or wife
And steer clear of spouse-strife.
Why we DON’T do this daily ain’t clear.
In a nightmare, she’s mauled by a bear,
As she fitfully sleeps on her chair.
But the truth makes her grouse;
She’d been hugged by her spouse.
“You scared me,” she says. “You need Nair!”
A man who should never eat cheese,
Ignores ev’ry cough and each wheeze
That comes in reaction
And once led to traction;
He can’t hack cheese-attraction disease.
If you’d like to stop exit or entry,
Barbed wire can act as your sentry.
This invention by Glidden
Blocks people unbidden–
Quite handy for rich, landed gentry.
A seamstress would frequently snap
At her patrons, increasing the gap
Between income and cost.
Seems her bus’ness was lost
Cuz of failure to button her yap!
My pref’rence is food that is hot;
Not in contrast to cold, but that’s got
Lots of tongue-burning spice.
This Thai entree with rice
Should attack me. Is THAT your best shot?
What’s my excuse for this ridiculous limerick? It’s National Hat Day. (January 15)
A woman who always wore hats
Would never be seen without spats.
Did they match? But of course!
And this clotheshorse’s course
Was to also adopt matching cats.
Today’s a big day for spaghetti,
Although no one is throwing confetti.
Not too thin, not too thick,
It is reas’nably quick
To prepare, though disdained by the petty.
It’s Trivia Day, says some screed,
A trivial fact, I’ll concede.
But I doubt that you’re stunned,
Cuz just when have I shunned
Any op for a frivolous read?
Few inventions inspire my awe,
But I’m rather impressed with the straw.
Sucking liquid through tubes
Is suggestive of lubes…
Although straw men still stick in my craw.
At the start of each year, it’s tradition
To draw up a vow-list, the mission
Being clean up one’s act
In some way. But in fact,
Our lapses soon lead to contrition.
The new year is coming up fast,
As I think of the world’s recent past.
It feels like the brink,
So to hope I shall drink:
Next year’s GOT to be better than last.
That annual moment is near,
When I notice I’ve failed to adhere
To the “vow list” I wrote;
Resolutions I’ll quote
In my NEW list. (They’re longer each year.)
