Saw a lovely red bird near an inn.
And that beautiful sight brought a grin
To my face, till the bird
Let loose with a turd
On my tresses — a cardinal sin!
“Bird Day,” celebrated May 4, is one of several bird-related holidays. Other bird holidays include:
The croissant’s a beloved dessert:
“That crescent’s the best!” some assert.
But others say “no”
To “wasting” their dough
On “stuff that’s less healthy than dirt.”
“A curmudgeon? Who, me? I’ll concede
That I tend to find fault with great speed.
And I often get cranky;
You might need a hanky
To deal with your tears from my screed.”
It’s “Puzzle Day.” Which one’s your fav?
I’ll try the Times Crossword, when brave.
I’m better at Mini;
Don’t feel like a ninny.
But it’s Wordle I savor and crave!
Today is the day to “Just Do It!”
If you don’t, you may possibly rue it.
What’s that thing you should do?
Perhaps one or a few
Things that scare you. You have some? I knew it!
Today you may celebrate pie;
It’s “National Pie Day.” That’s why.
But pies never tempt me,
So kindly exempt me.
Choc’late layer cake? THAT I would buy.
It’s “National Handwriting Day.”
Can my scrawl be deciphered? No way!
Don’t attempt to decrypt
My handwritten script;
You’ll be stumped by my scribbly display.
“Save The Eagles Day” — that’s today’s brand.
It’s a national day in our land.
Lest there be some confusion
Or even delusion,
I don’t mean the team or the band.
“I’m sick of your cockatiel’s turds!
Plus it bit me again!” — angry words
From a roommate, unmuffled,
Whose feathers were ruffled.
“I’m moving. Your pet’s for the birds!”
Here’s some info that’s useless, but true.
It is “Trivia Day.” (“Braille Day” too.)
My attempts to retain
Random facts are in vain.
So what day is today? I’ve no clue!
The new year is coming up fast,
As I think of the world’s recent past.
It feels like the brink,
So to hope I shall drink:
Next year’s GOT to be better than last.
*****
Resolution Disclaimer:
Resolutions ain’t sticky, I fear,
Be it sugar, tobacco or beer.
If you’ve broken that pledge,
Please don’t be on edge.
No worries! There’s always NEXT year.
*****
Drunken Limerick:
Can I write silly verse after drinking?
Let’s see. Wait a second — I’m thinking.
Can’t come up with a verse
Or a rhyme. Even worse,
I suspect that this limerick’s stinking.
Said a gal to her spouse, with a frown:
“Tell me, why are you dressed like a clown?
Orange jacket? Green shirt?
Purple pants? My eyes hurt!
Just this once, can’t you wear solid brown?”
It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
Though my mem’ry’s, alas, on the wane,
Here’s a day that should stick to my brain:
It’s for Richard G. Drew.
He did NOT invent glue,
But our bond with his Scotch Tape shall reign.
Though for most of my life I had doubts
About choking down cooked Brussels sprouts,
I flout them no more;
Well prepared, they’re top drawer.
Now I tout ’em instead. No more pouts!
Damn! I somehow missed “Clashing Clothes Day” yesterday. (It’s celebrated annually on the 4th Thursday of January.)
But it’s never too late for a limerick:
A fellow who’d constantly clash
And wear clothes that appeared to be trash,
Attended a party
Quite retro and arty.
His clothing “designs” were a smash.
Since it’s “Spouses Day,” please get in gear.
You should lovingly cherish and cheer
Your dear husband or wife
And steer clear of spouse-strife.
Why we DON’T do this daily ain’t clear.
In a nightmare, she’s mauled by a bear,
As she fitfully sleeps on her chair.
But the truth makes her grouse;
She’d been hugged by her spouse.
“You scared me,” she says. “You need Nair!”
A man who should never eat cheese,
Ignores ev’ry cough and each wheeze
That comes in reaction
And once led to traction;
He can’t hack cheese-attraction disease.
If you’d like to stop exit or entry,
Barbed wire can act as your sentry.
This invention by Glidden
Blocks people unbidden–
Quite handy for rich, landed gentry.
