Happy “Clashing Clothes Day!” (4th Thursday of January)
Said a gal to her spouse, with a frown:
“Tell me, why are you dressed like a clown?
Orange jacket? Green shirt?
Purple pants? My eyes hurt!
Just this once, can’t you wear solid brown?”
#ClashingClothesDay #NationalClashingClothesDay
It’s time for a string of rhymed words
To acknowledge this day for the birds.
And to those who cry foul
With an anti-lim howl,
How dare you insult lim’rick nerds!
There are three separate bird days, that I know of: Bird Day, National Bird Day and Migratory Bird Day
Bird Day is today, May 4. National Bird Day falls on January 5. And Migratory Bird Day is celebrated on the second Saturday in May.
Though my mem’ry’s, alas, on the wane,
Here’s a day that should stick to my brain:
It’s for Richard G. Drew.
He did NOT invent glue,
But our bond with his Scotch Tape shall reign.
Happy Scotch Tape Day!
Happy “Eat Brussels Sprouts Day!”
Though for most of my life I had doubts
About choking down cooked Brussels sprouts,
I flout them no more;
Well prepared, they’re top drawer.
Now I tout ’em instead. No more pouts!
Damn! I somehow missed “Clashing Clothes Day” yesterday. (It’s celebrated annually on the 4th Thursday of January.)
But it’s never too late for a limerick:
A fellow who’d constantly clash
And wear clothes that appeared to be trash,
Attended a party
Quite retro and arty.
His clothing “designs” were a smash.
Since it’s “Spouses Day,” please get in gear.
You should lovingly cherish and cheer
Your dear husband or wife
And steer clear of spouse-strife.
Why we DON’T do this daily ain’t clear.
Just in time for National Hugging Day:
In a nightmare, she’s mauled by a bear,
As she fitfully sleeps on her chair.
But the truth makes her grouse;
She’d been hugged by her spouse.
“You scared me,” she says. “You need Nair!”
A man who should never eat cheese,
Ignores ev’ry cough and each wheeze
That comes in reaction
And once led to traction;
He can’t hack cheese-attraction disease.
Happy National Cheese Lovers Day, which is celebrated on January 20th.
Note: National Cheese Day falls on June 4th.
A limerick for Customer Service Day (January 17):
A seamstress would frequently snap
At her patrons, increasing the gap
Between income and cost.
Seems her bus’ness was lost
Cuz of failure to button her yap!
My “Dear Chef” limerick, just in time for International Hot and Spicy Food Day (Jan. 16):
Dear Chef:
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My pref’rence is food that is hot;
Not in contrast to cold, but that’s got
Lots of tongue-burning spice.
This Thai entree with rice
Should attack me. Is THAT your best shot?
What’s my excuse for this ridiculous limerick? It’s National Hat Day. (January 15)
A woman who always wore hats
Would never be seen without spats.
Did they match? But of course!
And this clotheshorse’s course
Was to also adopt matching cats.
Today’s a big day for spaghetti,
Although no one is throwing confetti.
Not too thin, not too thick,
It is reas’nably quick
To prepare, though disdained by the petty.
(National Spaghetti Day is January 4. This isn’t to be confused with National Pasta Day, which is Oct.17.)
It’s Trivia Day, says some screed,
A trivial fact, I’ll concede.
But I doubt that you’re stunned,
Cuz just when have I shunned
Any op for a frivolous read?
(National Trivia Day is January 4.)
Few inventions inspire my awe,
But I’m rather impressed with the straw.
Sucking liquid through tubes
Is suggestive of lubes…
Although straw men still stick in my craw.
(National Drinking Straw Day is celebrated on January 3, in honor of Marvin Stone’s January 3, 1888 patent.)
At the start of each year, it’s tradition
To draw up a vow-list, the mission
Being clean up one’s act
In some way. But in fact,
Our lapses soon lead to contrition.
The new year is coming up fast,
As I think of the world’s recent past.
It feels like the brink,
So to hope I shall drink:
Next year’s GOT to be better than last.
That annual moment is near,
When I notice I’ve failed to adhere
To the “vow list” I wrote;
Resolutions I’ll quote
In my NEW list. (They’re longer each year.)
Word Hoarder (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
With words, I am rather a hoarder.
My brain is a language importer.
Is it all for the birds?
How I long for my words
To arise in a risible order.
UPDATE: I just found out that January 9th was National Word Nerd Day.
Attention Pyro-Gourmaniacs! Are you all ready for Hot And Spicy Food Day? (January 16)
Limerick Ode To Pyro-Gourmaniacs
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Since my taste favors flavors that hurt,
“It’s not spicy enough,” I’ll assert,
As I dive for the water,
Which worsens the slaughter;
Can’t save taste buds for sav’ry dessert.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
