Archive for November, 2006

Ode To Prosperity

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

Ode To Prosperity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The affluent prosper quite well,
As their savings continue to swell.
It is great to be rich.
Destitution’s a bitch.
You might say that it’s taxing as hell.

(My money and tax humor is collected here.)

UPDATE: October 31 is World Savings Day.

Give Me An “A!” (Limerick)

Saturday, November 25th, 2006

Give Me An “A!”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When symphony instruments tune,
They’re not matching the flute or bassoon;
It’s the first oboe’s “A”
That the strings must obey.
If they don’t, be prepared for High Noon.

On a more serious … uh … note, here’s some info that might make this limerick a bit more meaningful to some of you: Symphony orchestras tune to the first oboist, who generally gives his fellow musicians an A-440. Many string players prefer a slightly sharper pitch, an A-442 or A-444, believing that it gives their sound a more desirable brightness. This can lead to lots of bickering.

You can find more of my music related humor here.

Linky Love

Saturday, November 25th, 2006

Some links, for your reading pleasure:
* New ‘Trial Balloons’ Crash At Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
* Carnival of the Liberals

Ode To Autumn Limerick

Tuesday, November 21st, 2006

Ode To Autumn
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The most colorful season of all
Is autumn, which many call fall.
It’s the time when leaves die
In a feast for the eye,
And fat turkeys await their last call.

Ballsy Limerick

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006

Ballsy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Although males come equipped with two balls,
There are men who ain’t ballsy at all.
Folks with guts are quite rare,
And they don’t need a pair.
In fact, some gals are brimming with gall.

How To Become An Insomniac

Monday, November 13th, 2006

Becoming an insomniac isn’t as easy as it might appear. But with the help of these guidelines, dark circles and a cranky disposition will soon be yours.

1. Be born into a family of worriers. (Certain ethnic groups have the advantage here, but won’t be identified for obvious reasons.)

2. During your infancy, become accustomed to dozing in serene silence, a state you will never encounter as an adult.

3. Have parents so desperate for peace and quiet, that they routinely send you to bed hours before you feel even a hint of fatigue. This will allow you to develop helpful habits like gazing at the ceiling, counting sheep, and plotting revenge.

4. Cultivate your neuroses. A dedicated would-be insomniac will work on this throughout the day. But if time is limited, performing any of these activities right before bedtime should do the trick: … (How To Become An Insomniac is continued here.)

Linky Love

Monday, November 13th, 2006

For your reading pleasure:
Healthy and Fit Family Carnival
Carnival of Family Life

Office Party Follies

Monday, November 6th, 2006

There are few “fun” activities quite so vexing as the Office Christmas Party; that obligatory gathering of bosses and subordinates, cronies and rivals, back-stabbers and back-stabbees. Plus a horde of husbands and wives who spend the entire night planning their escape.

Every year you fantasize about sending an RSVP marked “Thanks, but no thanks.” Then you return to reality and break the news to your spouse. “It’ll be different this time,” you lie. “It’ll be fun.”

“I’ll go to yours, if you’ll go to mine,” your mate responds. “And you have to promise to behave.”

This brings us to the art of gaffe avoidance. After all, who isn’t but one faux pas from the unemployment line? Dodging the pitfalls of office party protocol can be a daunting challenge. But with the help of this agreement, you’ll survive yet another function with your job intact.

AGREEMENT entered into on ____________, by Husband and Wife (collectively referred to as “Couple”).

WHEREAS, Couple’s employers suffer from the delusion that Office Christmas Parties are good for morale;

WHEREAS, Couple, being sane individuals, would prefer to stay home; and

WHEREAS, although Couple can’t prove a connection, everyone who skipped last year’s bash is now unemployed; … ” (Office Party Follies is continued here.)

Carnival of Linky Love

Monday, November 6th, 2006

For your reading pleasure:
Blawg Review 82
Carnival of the Decline of Democracy
The Ringing of the Bards
Carnival of Healing