Archive for the ‘Chores Humor’ Category

Marital Squabble (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 25th, 2023

“I’ll get rid of that wasp nest. I’m on it!”
Said a man who was writing a sonnet.
“But you’re being a pest!
My verse has me stressed,
And I’m sick of that bee in your bonnet.”

AWOL Holidays (Limerick)

Saturday, October 29th, 2022

I maintain an “Odd Holiday” list,
But I keep finding key dates I’ve missed:
“Checklists Day” isn’t there.
It was ONCE there, I swear!
Must enlist an “Alexa” assist.

(October 30th is Checklists Day.)

Limerick Ode To “Just Do It” Day.

Monday, January 24th, 2022

Today is the day to “Just Do It!”
If you don’t, you may possibly rue it.
What’s that thing you should do?
Perhaps one or a few
Things that scare you. You have some? I knew it!

National Just Do It Day falls on January 24.

Laundry Blues (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 28th, 2018

A woman was using the sink
To launder her shirt, stained with ink.
She’d soap and she’d wet it,
Then see that she’d spread it.
But at least she looks pretty in pink.

Happy Pink Shirt Day! (Pink Shirt Day is a Canadian anti-bullying holiday celebrated on the 4th Wednesday in February.)

Blizzard 2018 (Limerick)

Friday, January 5th, 2018

I’m bracing to walk out the door
And face up to my shoveling chore.
How I’d love to ignore it,
Stay warm and ‘offshore’ it.
But it’s war; time to even the score.

Update: Last June, when I was bleeding all over the street and staring in horror at my exposed ulna, I couldn’t have imagined ever managing to shovel snow again. But I just did it. Yay!

Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart

Wednesday, June 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To The Shopping Cart
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Sylvan Goldman designed something smart;
He invented the food shopping cart.
With its basket, it aids
In a task that pervades
All our lives — buying stuff at the mart.

On June 4, 1937, Humpty Dumpty supermarket chain owner Sylvan Goldman introduced his invention, the shopping cart, in Oklahoma City.

The invention did not catch on immediately. Men found them effeminate; women found them suggestive of a baby carriage. “I’ve pushed my last baby buggy,” offended women informed him. After hiring several male and female models to push his new invention around his store and demonstrate their utility, as well as greeters to explain their use, his folding-style shopping carts became extremely popular and Goldman became a multimillionaire by collecting a royalty on every folding design shopping cart in the United States.

Limerick Ode To Flowering Weeds

Saturday, May 31st, 2014

Limerick Ode To Flowering Weeds
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our neighbor insists we should weed
And refuses to even concede
That a weed can have beauty.
That gal is too snooty.
Methinks that her soul’s gone to seed.

UPDATE: March 28 is Weed Appreciation Day.

Foreign News Blues (Limerick)

Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Foreign News Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s so windy, I have to go out:
Foreign papers are scattered about.
Though I clean up our yard,
It’s soon once again scarred.
This paper route’s making me pout.

True story: This afternoon, I look out our living room window and see that our front lawn is strewn with newspapers. It’s a windy day, and a neighbor’s Korean (I think) newspaper has apparently made a run for it.

I immediately stop what I’m doing and go outdoors to contend with the litter. Why the big rush? Because New York City Sanitation workers just love to peruse neighborhoods during windstorms, so they can give out messy-lawn citations.

Ten minutes after I finish, I look out the window once again, only to find that it looks like I never dealt with the garbage. So I go out once again, this time picking up similar-looking papers from the neighbors on either side of me, as well.

No, I won’t take credit for being a Good Samaritan. This was purely defensive.

It was only a matter of time before my neighbors’ messes decided they like my lawn better.

Post-Valentine’s Day Ode

Saturday, February 15th, 2014

Post-Valentine’s Day Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Shoveling snow–
Not my favorite chore.
Mark did it for me.
That’s what marriage is for.

Another Snow Job (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 17th, 2013

Another Snow Job (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mark, thanks for shov’ling today.
If you hadn’t, that snow’d surely stay
Until I did the chore,
A job I abhor.
It’s more fun to make limerick hay.

A Round Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 8th, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow whose body was round…*

or

A woman was running around…*

or

A rumor was going around…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

A Round Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An expounder loved lounging around
By the pool, spewing thoughts unprofound.
“You’re a bore! Do a chore,”
Hounded spouse number four.
He thumbs-downed her. Unsound! He soon drowned.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy “Worship Of Tools Day” (Limerick)

Monday, March 11th, 2013

I’m celebrating National Worship Of Tools Day (March 11th) with this limerick:

Happy Worship Of Tools Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“If only I had the right tool!”
That’s my husband’s pet phrase, as a rule,
Fueled by trying a fix
With his personal mix
Of chewing gum, tape, and some drool.

Experimenting With Poetry Form (Framed Couplets)

Thursday, April 19th, 2012

Once in a while I like to experiment with a new (to me) poetry form. Today, its the framed couplet, explained in detail and illustrated over at dVerse by Gay Reiser Cannon. (The main rules are: 9 syllable lines, the first syllable of each line is accented, and both the first and last syllable of each couplet line rhyme.) Here are my two attempts:

The Quest
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Poetry and prose in fits and starts,
Knowing that my words can open hearts.
Writing’s daily challenge — must confront.
Light or heavy verse — I’m on the hunt.

Trying out new forms can lead the way,
Prying out the words I need to say,
Freeing up my brain and letting loose,
Keying into that which cuts my noose.

*****

The List
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Naming all the things that I must do.
Blaming times’s escape, when I do few.
Toting up the items left undone.
Noticing my list is missing fun.

*****

Pet Owners Independence Day Limerick (April 18)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Are you all ready for National Pet Owners Independence Day?

A gal who’d been cleaning was jarred
By some leaves just dragged in from her yard.
Displaying a broom,
She yelled, “Sweep up this room!”
To her dog. (Guess she’s working too hard.)

Inventive Limerick

Saturday, February 11th, 2012

Happy National Inventors’ Day! Why is National Inventors’ Day celebrated on February 11th? Back in 1983, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed February 11th National Inventors’ Day to honor the anniversary of inventor Thomas Alva Edison’s birth.

Here’s a silly invention-related limerick that has absolutely to do with Edison:

Inventive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A device that was meant to clean crud
Made a mess and was rather a dud.
But in spite of this glitch,
The inventor got rich,
Which explains why his name became mud.

Raw Confusion Limerick

Monday, August 8th, 2011

Raw Confusion Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I stare at my freezer, unglued:
I’m in “Indian leftovers” mood.
But it’s chaos in there.
Yes, from now on I swear
That I’ll label my freezer-bound food.

UPDATE: I just found out that November 29th is “Throw Out Your Leftovers Day.” And October 30th is Haunted Refrigerator Night.

Half-Baked Housewife

Wednesday, April 20th, 2011

Squeezing three specific words into a limerick can be a daunting challenge. But Three Word Wednesday wants poems using cleanse, knead, and melt. Its wish is my command:

Half-Baked Housewife
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m lousy at baking and kneading
And the same goes for cooking and feeding.
I melt when I cleanse
And it gives me the bends.
Am I awful at housework? Conceding.

Kitty Limerick

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

But before I get to this week’s Limerick-Off, I want to point you to my thank you Limerick Ode To My Limerick-Off Friends.

And now I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A cat-owner made a mistake…

Here’s mine. (It was inspired by a post-Christmas personal anecdote told by my pal Linda Ann Nickerson, who’s both a writer and an animal enthusiast.)

Kitty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A cat-owner made a mistake,
While packing up stuff half-awake.
She bundled her cat
In her closet. The rat!
Cat in closet can cause quite a quake.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!

Who Needs A Door, Anyway?

Tuesday, December 28th, 2010

Mark and I are looking forward to the next heavy rain storm, since we don’t dare hope for a multi-day thaw. And until one or the other happens here in New York City, we won’t be able to use our back door (which opens out) or get into our yard.

My two-verse limerick explains all:

Who Needs A Door, Anyway?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Can’t exit our house from the back,
Cuz the door’s blocked by snowdrifts, alack!
We would shovel it free
If we could, but you see
We’ve no route to that snow we can track.

For the trail to that door’s through the yard.
And clearing that path’s more than hard.
For the yard gate is blocked
From inside, as if locked
By still more snow. Our entry is barred.

Blizzard Limerick

Sunday, December 26th, 2010

Blizzard Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The snowfall is coming down quick
And, alas, it appears to be thick.
Though winter’s just started,
I’d gladly discard it
Cuz shoveling isn’t my shtick.