Archive for the ‘Fashion Humor’ Category

Out Of Whack Fashion (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 25th, 2017

Headline of the Day: “For $425, Nordstrom will sell you a pair of dirty jeans.”

Pricey fashion (to me) doesn’t track,
And much of it makes my jaws slack,
Such as pre-muddied jeans;
Yes, people with means
Can buy ’em at Nordstrom, alack!

Happy Birthday, Bikini (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 5th, 2016

Today’s the bikini’s 70th birthday. So happy World Bikini Day!

I’ve never dared don a bikini;
They’re too skimpily small — teeny-weenie.
Call me shy if you must,
But I simply don’t lust
After beachwear that’s dwarfed by a beanie.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Press or Impress or Express or Oppress at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, May 28th, 2016

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Press or Impress or Express or Oppress at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANGER, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best anger-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 12, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 11, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

When job-seekers “dress to impress”
At the office, that’s helpful I guess.
But must social attire
Entail and require
Spending ev’ry last cent you possess?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To Lost Sock Memorial Day

Monday, May 9th, 2016

AWOL socks are a grim laundry given;
Former pairs inexplicably riven,
Dresser drawers oddly littered
With orphans, embittered
And wond’rin’ where old mates are livin’.

May 9 is National Lost Sock Memorial Day.

Limerick Ode To Mismatched Shoes

Tuesday, May 3rd, 2016

If you’re wearing a shoe that is black
And another that’s brown, is that wack?
Not today; On May third
It’s endorsed – not absurd –
Your defense, should you get any flack.

Happy Wear Two Different Colored Shoes Day. (May 3)

Limerick Ode To “Clashing Clothes Day”

Friday, January 29th, 2016

Damn! I somehow missed “Clashing Clothes Day” yesterday. (It’s celebrated annually on the 4th Thursday of January.)

But it’s never too late for a limerick:

A fellow who’d constantly clash
And wear clothes that appeared to be trash,
Attended a party
Quite retro and arty.
His clothing “designs” were a smash.

Yet Another Donald Trump Limerick

Wednesday, July 1st, 2015

Yet Another Donald Trump Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Donald’s a pain in the rump.
Just seeing his name makes me jump
And turn grumpy and peeved,
So I’m rather relieved:
Macy’s dumping the “fashion” line “Trump.”

(More Donald Trump humor here.)

Not Panting To Wear Jeans (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 20th, 2015

I find jeans to be patently uncomfortable. But I’m dutifully celebrating the birthday of its patent — granted to Levi Strauss and Jacob Davis on May 20th, 1873:

Call them denims or jeans — I don’t care–
That’s one garment I simply won’t wear.
I don’t buy the appeal
Of its look or its feel,
And I’d rather go naked. Don’t stare!

Posterior Advances (Limerick)

Monday, November 24th, 2014

Posterior Advances (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Most hospital gowns can cause tears
Cuz our butt spheres so rarely get cheers.
But the med field’s revealed
Asses CAN be concealed;
New frontiers in design shield our rears.

Smarting from “Smart Shoes” (Limerick)

Monday, August 4th, 2014

Do we really need “smart shoes” that will vibrate us in the right direction using Google Maps? Ducere Technologies thinks so.

Smarting from “Smart Shoes” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear shoemakers, please have a heart.
I do NOT want my shoes to be smart.
I just want them to feel
(both my sole and my heel)
Like they’re not out for blood from the start.

Happy “Nude Day!” (July 14)

Monday, July 14th, 2014

Limerick Ode To “Nude Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal likes to publicly doff
All her clothing, then pose to show off.
“It’s a strip search time-saver
I did you a favor,”
When jailed, she’ll transparently scoff.

“No Bra Day” Ode

Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

“No Bra Day” Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Today is “No Bra Day.” Oh my!
But just ONE braless day? Won’t comply
With the custom of binding
Our breasts. I’m not minding
Those rules. I declare, “Let them fly!”

UPDATE: In addition to being celebrated on July 9th, No Bra Day is also celebrated on October 13.

(For more bra humor, here’s my Wonderbra Song Parody.)

Limerick Ode To “Women In Trousers Day”

Wednesday, May 28th, 2014

Limerick Ode To Women In Trousers Day (May 28)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear damsels in pants, take a bow
Cuz it’s “Women In Trousers Day” now.
Seems in Nineteen-Two-Three
On this day, the AG
Said you must allow gals to wear trow.

Limerick Ware (Limerick-off Monday)

Saturday, March 29th, 2014

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

While shopping for fantasy-wear…*

or

A woman appeared unaware…*

or

My break pads have suffered some wear…*

or

I would never buy ready-to-wear…*

or

My wife disappeared — don’t know where…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Ware
By Madeleine Begun Kane

How I wish I could choose what to wear
Without worries that people might stare.
‘Twould be lovely to skirt
The whole issue (no shirt,
Dress, or leggings) and simply go bare.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To The Tux

Thursday, October 10th, 2013

The history of the tuxedo (tux) has several versions, all of which involve New York’s Tuxedo Park Club. According to one version, on October 10, 1886:

Griswold Lorillard (of Lorillard tobacco fame) wore a tailless dress coat that was tailored in England. He wore it to the country club at Tuxedo Park, New York; therefore, the name: tuxedo. The rest is formal fashion history. The tux would later replace the tailcoat.

Limerick Ode To The Tux
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you go to a party deluxe
And are forced to squeeze into a tux,
Some say Lorillard’s the guy
You can thank when you buy
Or must rent one for too many bucks.

Limerick Pair (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, August 11th, 2013

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who needed a pair…*

or

A woman was eating a pear…*

or

A fellow was feeling despair…*

or

A fellow was trying to pare…*

or

A woman was buying a pair…*

or

A fellow who tried to repair…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Pair
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who needed a pair
Of sandals was walking on air:
She’d found comfy ones — cheap!
But then thought she might weep:
Someone snared the last pair by a hair.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick Ode To The Thong

Monday, August 5th, 2013

Are you planning to celebrate National Underwear Day on August 5th? Hint: It involves going out in public wearing just underwear.

Before you do anything rash, you should probably read this limerick:

Limerick Ode To The Thong
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you think you look good in a thong,
Double-check — throngs are certain you’re wrong.
Take a look from all sides.
Please use mirrors as guides.
You still think so? That bong must be strong!

This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 11th, 2013

Yikes! Scrotum Rejuvenation??? Yes, this Hollywood male grooming trend sounds fictitious, but apparently isn’t.

This Trend Sounds Fishy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A new wrinkle in grooming appalls,
And it’s pricey — not offered in malls.
It stems out of a joke
From that George Clooney bloke:
“Tackle-tightening” — ironing your balls.

Note to Judd Apatow: I’d better not see any Tackle-Tightening in the 50 Year Old Virgin.

Note to George Clooney: Tell the truth: Were you REALLY just joking, when you said you got your balls “unwrinkled”?

Fashion Success … or Washout? (Limerick)

Friday, January 18th, 2013

Have I got an invention for you: Moisturizing jeans!

Yes, according to at least one jeans manufacturer, denim dries out your skin. Unless, of course, you wear THEIR product: Wrangler’s “Denim Spa” jeans.

I swear that I’m not pulling your leg.

Fashion Success … or Washout? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dreadful news for the dungaree-set,
Of a threat that may just make you sweat:
Denim dries out your skin!
That’s where “Spa” jeans fit in:
Rehydration’s their claim — sounds all wet!

Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)

Friday, January 11th, 2013

Every time CES rolls around, we’re bombarded with another slew of silly inventions. And CES 2013 is no exception.

I’ve already versified about the Smarter Socks app for hard-to-sort socks. But today I found an even more ridiculous invention: The WineRack Bra:

Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends!

Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.

We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.

Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!

With simple blow into the tube it’s easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.

This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?

Yet Another Invention For Boobs (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s another demented invention:
A bra to enhance each dimension
Of your breasts using wine.
Sip your bra while you dine?
Both sexy and oh so thirst quenchin’.

(In case you missed it many years ago, here are my Wonderbra Song Parody lyrics, which you could sing to “Miracle of Miracles” from “Fiddler on the Roof”.)