MAD KANE’S HUMOR BLOG

If you’re ever in Scottsdale, Arizona and feel the need to buy jeans, prepare yourself for a scary rear view:

Worried that new pair of high-fashion jeans may just make your butt look fat? Now shoppers in one upscale Scottsdale store [The Hub] can check it out for themselves before someone else makes the observation - using the Butt Cam, a camera positioned just so that’s connected to a video screen on a dressing room wall.

And if that doesn’t sound bad enough:

The setup also allows Hub employees to display views of their more confident shoppers on flat-screen TVs behind the cash registers for all to see.

This brings me to my latest limerick:

No Butt Cams For Me — No Ifs, Ands, Or Buts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Butt Cam sure sounds rather crass,
But it gives you a view of your ass
While you’re trying on jeans.
And you know what that means?
It should tell almost all: “Take a pass!” 

So, would you ever willingly expose yourself to a butt camera? Take my Butt Cam poll and let me know:

(You can find more of my fashion and shopping humor here.)

Technorati Tags: Butt Camera, Butt Cam, Buying Jeans, Clothes Shopping, Fashion Satire, Shopping In Scottsdale Arizona, Dressing Room Cameras, Video Screens

Keeping Abreast Of Bras
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are gals who view bras as a gift,
For without ‘em their breasts are adrift.
But other gals spurn ‘em,
And some even burn ‘em,
Giving men (and some women) a lift.

(In case you missed my Wonderbra song parody it’s here.)

UPDATE: Don’t forget to enter my Mother’s Day limerick writing contest. The deadline is May 12, 2007 and there are money prizes for the best two limericks.

Technorati Tags: Breast Humor, Bra Humor, Brassieres, Feminism Satire, Undergarments Humor, Underwear Humor

Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:

1. Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
2. Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
3. Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?

Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid?  (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Mountain Climbing, Outdoor Humor, Husband Wife Relationship Humor, Marriage Satire,

“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”

My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.

She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Mother Humor, Parental Humor, Victoria’s Secret, Underwear Humor, Clothing Humor, Style Humor, Comfortable Clothing, Clothes Shopping, Department Stores

If you’ve ever wondered exactly how the Wonderbra works, this ad provides a handy demonstration. (via)

And that gives me all the excuse I need to post my Wonderbra Song Parody:

Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Wonderbra can make you huge.

Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Lifts, shores up, and stacks your boobs.

Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Deepens cleavage on demand.

Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Scoops and swells your mammary glands.

The day I first tried on that bra.
That was a miracle.
That was a miracle.

They gaped and gawked and cheered “Hurrah!”
That was a miracle too.

But for all breasts be they large or small.
The most miraculous bra of all. … 

(My Wonderbra Song Parody is continued here.)

Technorati Tags: Fashion Humor, Feminist Humor, Lingerie Humor, Wonderbra Humor, Bra Humor, Underwear Humor, Song Parodies, Battle of the Sexes, Social Satire