Posts Tagged ‘July Holidays’

Two Limericks For Uncommon Musical Instrument Awareness Day

Wednesday, July 31st, 2019

Since July 31st is “Uncommon Musical Instrument Awareness Day,” here’s a pair of limericks about archaic instruments:

A foolish, though musical fellow
Played bassoon, oboe, sax — even cello.
But auditions were few.
Competition? A slew!
So he learned the passé bassanello.

*****

A harpist was playing her chrotta
At a sporting event — a regatta.
She performed rather well,
But the gig went to hell
When a harpy (non-fan) threw frittata.

Ambitious Limerick

Thursday, July 25th, 2019

Happy “National Culinarians Day!” (July 25) Here’s a limerick to celebrate:

A chef who was sly and ambitious
Ensured that each dish was delicious
By theft from the best.
But he fin’ly confessed…
To disclaim a review that was vicious.

World Snake Day Limerick (July 16)

Saturday, July 16th, 2016

Happy World Snake Day! (July 16)

A man was beginning to grasp
The danger of bites from an asp.
A thought bubble snaked
Through his brainwaves half-baked:
“Pet asp? I’m an ass!” — his last gasp!

Happy Birthday, Bikini (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 5th, 2016

Today’s the bikini’s 70th birthday. So happy World Bikini Day!

I’ve never dared don a bikini;
They’re too skimpily small — teeny-weenie.
Call me shy if you must,
But I simply don’t lust
After beachwear that’s dwarfed by a beanie.

Spilling The Beans About “Eat Beans Day” (Limerick)

Sunday, July 3rd, 2016

Happy “Eat Beans Day!”

A man was incensed because beans
Caused an ailment he’d had since his teens;
His digestion was marred
To the point he was barred
From small rooms, though allowed in latrines.

Limerick Ode To Canada Day

Friday, July 1st, 2016

It’s Canada Day, so congrats.
You Canucks surely think that we’re bats.
And I have to concede
That you’re right. If I need
To flee Trump, do you have any flats?

Limerick For National Mutt Day

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015

Happy National Mutt Day! (It’s celebrated twice a year, on December 2nd and July 31.)

Today we must cherish the mutt.
Mongrels matter, no if, and, or but.
Purebred dogs may be chic,
But each mixed breed’s unique.
It’s clear cut. Walk yours proudly and strut.

Limerick Ode To Bagpipe Appreciation Day (July 27)

Monday, July 27th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Bagpipe Appreciation Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A spy was perturbed by the drone
From some bagpipes, a mind-numbing tone.
Though he wanted to pound
The source of that sound,
He held back, lest his cover be blown.

Limerick Ode to National Scotch Day (July 27)

Monday, July 27th, 2015

Limerick Ode To National Scotch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I hate to complain or to carp.
About liquor it’s rare that I harp.
But I’d scotch any notion
Of drinking a potion
Whose wet-carpet smell is so sharp.

Lollipop Ode (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 21st, 2015

Yesterday, July 20, was National Lollipop Day. So here’s my belated limerick:

Lollipop Ode (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m not a big lollipop fan;
They suck, much like sugary bran,
Though a Tootsie Roll Pop
Can be tempting to swap
For veggies or glop from a can.

Limerick Ode To Pandemonium Day

Tuesday, July 14th, 2015

Limerick Ode To Pandemonium Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Pandemonium Day has arrived,
A fete that sounds rather contrived,
Because chaos surrounds us,
Abounds and confounds us.
So don’t count on it being high-fived.

Limerick Ode To “National Orgasm Day”

Thursday, July 31st, 2014

Limerick Ode To “National Orgasm Day” (July 31)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s “National Orgasm Day.”
Just one day? I’m dismayed and say “Nay!”
To limit “Big Os”
Surely cries out for “NOs.”
I propose: Make it daily! Okay?

Limerick Ode To National Dance Day and National Can-Can Day

Saturday, July 26th, 2014

Ordinarily, I’d celebrate National Dance Day today by dancing. But a mysterious foot injury’s forcing me to sublimate by writing a limerick:

Limerick Ode To National Dance Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s Dance Day, so dance if you can.
Do the can-can or whirl with a fan.
Give your muscles some work,
Though it’s best not to twerk
Without checking your medical plan.

Alternative Version For Can-Can Day (Oct. 21):

It’s Can-Can Day. Dance if you can.
Kick your legs. Whirl those skirts. Twirl a fan.
Give your muscles some work,
Though it’s best not to twerk
Without checking your medical plan.

Limerick Ode To “Tell An Old Joke Day”

Thursday, July 24th, 2014

Happy Tell An Old Joke Day!” (July 24)

Limerick Ode To “Tell An Old Joke Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Some men seem compelled to keep telling
Ancient jokes. There is simply no quelling
Their need to assail us,
Assault and regale us
With stale, endless tales uncompelling.

Happy “Nude Day!” (July 14)

Monday, July 14th, 2014

Limerick Ode To “Nude Day”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal likes to publicly doff
All her clothing, then pose to show off.
“It’s a strip search time-saver
I did you a favor,”
When jailed, she’ll transparently scoff.

Fried Limerick

Saturday, July 12th, 2014

Happy National French Fries Day (July 13.)

Fried Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am not a big fan of French fries.
I don’t find them a sight for sore eyes.
(A sore stomach, perchance.)
Belgium fries, though, entrance.
But neither is wise for one’s thighs.

“No Bra Day” Ode

Tuesday, July 8th, 2014

“No Bra Day” Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Today is “No Bra Day.” Oh my!
But just ONE braless day? Won’t comply
With the custom of binding
Our breasts. I’m not minding
Those rules. I declare, “Let them fly!”

UPDATE: In addition to being celebrated on July 9th, No Bra Day is also celebrated on October 13.

(For more bra humor, here’s my Wonderbra Song Parody.)

Charlotte’s Ruse

Monday, July 7th, 2014

Charlotte’s Ruse
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ms. Charlotte was trying to fix
Choc’late brownies by using a mix.
Then she buried the box
Under undies and sox,
And declared them homemade. (They were bricks.)

Happy World Chocolate Day! (July 7)

Ode To Workaholics

Saturday, July 5th, 2014

Today (July 5th) is National Workaholics Day.

Ode To Workaholics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Workaholics endure a disease,
Which will cause neither cough nor a sneeze.
But they’re gripped by a fever;
They’re missing the lever
That permits them occasional ease.

Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day

Friday, July 4th, 2014

Limerick Ode To A Stormy Independence Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The East Coast, alas, is awash
With Hurricane Arthurly slosh,
Bringing wind gusts and rain
And flooding — the bane
Of saluting the 4th with panache.