Archive for the ‘Wordplay’ Category

Exit Interruptus

Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”

(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)

Happy “Abet and Aid Punsters Day!” (Limerick)

Monday, November 8th, 2021

Today, November 8, is “Abet and Aid Punsters Day.” So I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick, even though it should really be called “Aid and Abet Punsters Day.”

Though punsters are often accorded
Acclaim for their skill and awarded
Applause for their verse,
Sometimes even a purse,
Grinches bitch that their wordplay is sordid.

Timeless Limerick

Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021

Bought a grandfather clock — famous brand.
(It is lauded throughout our great land.)
But the time it displays
Has been faulty for days.
That’s the last time I buy secondhand.

Mother Goose Madness (Limerick)

Sunday, October 31st, 2021

I find “Mother Goose” puzzling. Don’t you?
Take that old gal who lives in a shoe
With her numerous tots.
Why a shoe, of all spots?
It’s a “shoe-inn,” you say? Where’s the loo?

Operatic Limerick

Monday, October 25th, 2021

Happy “World Opera Day!” (October 25)

“Sustaining high notes can be hard,”
Said an opera singer who starred
In Norma; she claims
That it’s not fun and games,
But a contest of wills, no holds barred.

Woe-Ridden Gambler (Limerick)

Sunday, October 24th, 2021

A gambler who lost lots of dough
On a horse race, was stunned by the blow:
“Woe is me! I’m a chump!
That damn horse took a dump
Mid-race; he was rarin’ to ‘go.'”

Heirs Apparent (Limerick)

Saturday, October 23rd, 2021

When their granddad discussed his affairs,
He declared they’d be heirs with large shares
Of investments extensive
And assets expensive.
It turns out he was putting on airs.

Messy Limerick

Wednesday, October 20th, 2021

A gal, an industrious knitter,
Showed a huge heap of knits to her sitter:
“It’s a mess, I confess.
If you sort it, dear Tess,
I shall give you the pick of the litter.”

(Worldwide Knit In Public Day is the 2nd Saturday of June.)

Secret Affairs (Limerick)

Monday, October 18th, 2021

Two women, good friends, worked backstage.
Each was “dating” a man half her age:
A man on the crew.
Which one? Neither knew.
It turns out, both were on the same Page.

Handy Limerick

Tuesday, October 12th, 2021

At the piano the man’s an old hand;
He is one of the best in the land.
But he still has regrets
And never forgets:
Having more than one hand would be grand.

Sketchy Artist (Limerick)

Wednesday, October 6th, 2021

A sketch artist’s drawings were raw
And flawed, rarely gazed at with awe.
Yet he won an award
For his “Gourd With A Sword.”
Fellow artists swore: “Luck of the Draw!”

Nailed It (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 5th, 2021

I called a new carpenter, Ned,
Cuz the first guy screwed up and then fled.
When I showed him the job
Ned said, “Fix it? No prob!”
Then he hit the nail right on the head.

Happy Golf Lovers Day! (October 4) (Limerick)

Monday, October 4th, 2021

Though I’m no fan of golf, I couldn’t resist writing a Golf Lovers Day limerick:

As a golfer swigged beer in a pub,
He bitched and he gobbled his grub:
“I’ve been flubbing my putts.
Being drubbed drives me nuts!”
The response to that putz? “Join the club!”

Dither And Yawn? (Limerick)

Thursday, September 30th, 2021

When someone mentioned the word “dither” in a word-related Facebook group I belong to, I couldn’t resist the challenge of using it in a limerick:

Indecision is dicey. Don’t dither,
Or you’ll wither while plucking that zither.
Don’t quiver and quaver!
Be brave! Never waver,
Or risk running hither and thither.

Fishing For An Alibi (Limerick)

Saturday, September 25th, 2021

“It’s easy to hoodwink that stinker,”
Said a man of his wife, a big drinker.
“When coition’s my mission,
She thinks I’m out fishin’…
And falls for it hook, line, and sinker.”

Humor Disharmony (Limerick)

Friday, September 10th, 2021

NOTE: While the last line of this limerick is true, it’s NOT a plea for sympathy. My real purpose in writing it was to play with the idiom “fall flat.”

My wisecrack failed right off the bat.
Not one “like!” Not one “LOL!” That was that!
’Twas a musical jest,
But I guess, not my best.
I feel low when my humor falls flat.

Know-It-All Limerick

Wednesday, September 8th, 2021

“I’ve proven you’re wrong! Now eat crow,”
Said a know-it-all fellow, named Joe,
Who could not help but howl
At the answer re fowl:
“I’m allergic to poultry, so NO!”

To-Two-Too Much (Limerick) by Madeleine Begun Kane

Monday, November 23rd, 2020

“Two” is larger than one; less than three.
“Too” replaces your “also” with glee.
“Too” means “overly” too.
It’s too much? I’m not through!
Go to “to” to be done … and you’re free.

Irked By Acronyms (Limerick)

Monday, May 13th, 2019

JOMO is Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day, which prompted this acronym rant:

I’m annoyed by the acronym FOMO,
As well as its opposite, JOMO.
“Missing out” is MO’s meaning.
FO’s “fear.” Are you gleaning
That JO connotes “joy?” Kindly, NOMO!

(NOMO means “no more.”)

My Fickle Memory (Limerick)

Thursday, September 14th, 2017

Dictionary.com’s Word of the Day is mickle. Hence this limerick:

My memory’s terribly fickle;
Can’t recall what words mean. That’s a pickle!
And a big one, at that,
When you wear a scribe’s hat.
what the hell is the meaning of mickle?