Archive for the ‘Idiom Humor’ Category

The Concert Kerfuffle (Limerick)

Monday, September 19th, 2022

A British guitarist named Stan
Was playing a concert in Cannes,
When an audience member
Threw rocks and an ember…
And that’s when the Brit hit the fan.

Wedding Interruptus? (Limerick)

Thursday, June 9th, 2022

“My niece Mary’s a likeable lass
Who, alas, is engaged to an ass.
Though I’ve warned her, ‘Be wary,’
She’s anxious to marry.
What I need is a ‘Hail Mary pass.'”

An Apt Tag (Limerick)

Thursday, June 2nd, 2022

When I heard that a neighborhood bum
Had been nicknamed “Free Spirit” by some
Of his pals, I asked “Why
Give that tag to the guy?”
Their response? “He enjoys stealing rum.”

A Recipe For Trouble (Limerick)

Saturday, May 21st, 2022

An annoying acquaintance loves roe
And dishes all covered in dough.
He’ll eat beef by the herd
And most any old bird,
But he’ll always refuse to eat crow.

The Incompetent Felon (Limerick)

Wednesday, May 18th, 2022

A would-be attacker named Bill
Is disguised and in black, but lacks skill:
He trips on his way
To assaulting his prey.
Though inept he’s, at least, dressed to kill.

Driven Mad (Limerick)

Friday, May 6th, 2022

Some drivers don’t signal at all
And will speed right through stop signs. What gall!
Some honk for no reason,
Treat merge-tries like treason,
And, on purpose, drive ME up the wall.

A Dickish Limerick

Wednesday, April 27th, 2022

The aptly named newlywed, Dick,
Refers to his bride as a “chick”
And never extols her.
He boasts he “controls her”
By using “both carat and stick.”

Cloaked In Bravado (Limerick)

Sunday, April 24th, 2022

He showed off his coat with a swagger:
“It’s a one-of-a-kind,” said the bragger.
Then he brandished a knife:
“I’ll use THIS on the wife!”
His behavior? Sub-par cloak-and-dagger.

NOT On The Fence (Limerick)

Thursday, April 21st, 2022

“I don’t mind that my new husband hoards
His numerous fencing awards.
But his weapon collection
Incites my objection…
And that’s where we often cross swords.”

Cornered (Limerick)

Wednesday, April 20th, 2022

Harold hadn’t cut corners in ages,
Despite his reduction in wages.
When told he should do it,
His answer was “Screw it!
That makes it too hard to turn pages.”

Snack Food Grievance (Limerick)

Thursday, April 7th, 2022

A young gal grabbed her daughter to scold ’er:
“You should know better, now that you’re older.
Throwing snack food is rude,
Also wasteful and crude,”
Said the mom with a chip on her shoulder.

Long-Winded Limerick

Wednesday, April 6th, 2022

A marathon runner named Ace
Loved to brag about every damn race.
His long-winded tales
Would induce plaintive wails:
“Stop meandering. Cut to the chase!”

A Healthy Disagreement (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 5th, 2022

Her boyfriend insists that she’s “jerky”
For falling for health warnings “murky.”
He has coaxed and opined,
But he can’t change her mind:
She’s swearing off poultry “cold turkey.”

More Idiom Idiocy (Limerick)

Monday, April 4th, 2022

To cross ev’ry “T” ain’t just fine;
It’s required — not merely benign.
But by crossing a “U,”
You have set it askew…
And in fact you are crossing the line.

Retaining Your Sense Of Humor (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 23rd, 2022

A man did his best to disguise
His retinal issues with lies.
When at last he sought ocular
Aid, he was jocular:
“Doc, you’re a sight for sore eyes!”

(March 23 is World Optometry Day.)

More Idiom Madness (Limerick)

Monday, March 21st, 2022

This is what happens when I play with idioms:

“Your home sale is under suspension,”
Read the notice, provoking dissension.
“Human bones have been found
In your yard, underground,
And those bones are the bone of contention.”

Windy Walk (Limerick)

Tuesday, January 25th, 2022

Disclaimer: No animals were harmed in the making of this limerick:

The wind is impressive today.
While walking, it’s hard not to sway.
By its force I’m bowled over,
And so is poor Rover.
Truth be told, we are both blown away.

Blathering Limerick

Tuesday, January 18th, 2022

A talkative tailor named Chip
Dished the dirt at a spirited clip.
Some patrons with clout
Got the babbler bawled out;
He was ordered to “button his lip.”

Limerick Confusion

Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

“Oh my goodness, my gosh, and my heavens,”
Said a fellow who called himself Evans.
He repeated this twice,
As he juggled some dice,
Adding “Yikes! I’m at sixes and sevens.”

Exit Interruptus

Wednesday, December 15th, 2021

We were packed and all ready to jet
To a beachfront resort, when “Not yet,”
Said my wife. “I must go
Get my hair curled by Flo.”
Hours later: “Let’s leave. I’m all set.”

(For the record, I don’t have a wife. But I do have a procrastinating husband with no concept of time.)