Archive for February, 2012

Hick Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, February 26th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who looked like a hick…*

or

A woman who looked like a hick…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Hick Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who looked like a hick
Met a woman who poured it on thick.
But you can’t tell a book
By its cover. It took
Him no time to see right through her schtick.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (50)

Sunday, February 26th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A woman who earned a degree
In English said, “Oh lucky me!
The honor! The glamour!
The job-offer clamor!
What’s that? No, the pickles are free.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Basler, Kathy El-Assal, and Steve Bumgarner. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Madeleine Sara Maddocks:

A fellow who had a degree
Could get you one too, for a fee.
“With a Bachelor of Art
You could make out you’re smart
But it’s more for the full MSc.”

Robert Basler:

A fellow who had a degree
Failed at playing his new DVD.
He said, “What a fool!
“All that time spent at school,
“And I cannot turn on my TV?”

Kathy El-Assal:

A woman who had a degree
En français, took a trip to Paris.
She was very polite
So she took great delight
In saying “je t’aime” and “merci.”

Steve Bumgarner:

A fellow who had a degree,
Took the lowly job sweeping debris.
No stress, but a hitch:
Minimum wage is a bitch.
At this rate he’d not make bourgeoisie.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

My Elemental Muse (Limerick)

Saturday, February 25th, 2012

One Single Impression and Amputated Moon prompt us to use elemental in a poem:

My Elemental Muse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My muse is a force elemental.
It can come on quite strong, or be gentle.
When it’s gone, my mood’s black:
Will it ever come back?
Must I go about finding a rental?

Last-String Limerick

Thursday, February 23rd, 2012

In its latest Thursday Think Tank, Poets United prompts our muses with the word “strings.” It struck a chord with me, inspiring this limerick tale of an unstrung cellist:

Last-String Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“That conductor has strung me along,”
Said a cellist. “He’s doing me wrong.
He promised first chair,
But instead I’m nowhere:
Stuck in back, the last stand, near the gong.”

(Related Limericks: Musical Chairs; Musical Faux Pas; and Musical Discord.)

Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day

Tuesday, February 21st, 2012

February 22, 2012 is National Margarita Day! (Perversely enough, it’s also World Thinking Day.)

But I’d rather write a limerick about margaritas:

Limerick Ode To National Margarita Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Margarita Day’s here, so Olé!
Send agave tequila my way.
Don’t need worms or a mix
For a spirited fix.
Add some lime, triple sec. Make my day!

Limerick Degree (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, February 19th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who had a degree…*

or

A woman who had a degree…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Degree
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who had a degree
In law, yes, the dreaded JD,
Found the market dried up,
So he sang for his sup
On a ship after going to sea.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (49)

Sunday, February 19th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow who ran a campaign
Called, “MAKE ENGLISH SPELLING MORE SAIGN”
Had been told by his betters
“Avoid silent letters!”;
Good advice – alas, given in vaign.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Colleen Murphy, Johanna Richmond, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Robert Schechter:

A fellow who ran a campaign
Could scarcely conceal his disdain
For folks unlike him
Whose prospects were dim
Since he’d downsized their asses at Bain.

Colleen Murphy:

A woman who ran a campaign
Got stuck in a downpour of rain.
Her speech it was flawless
Except she was braless.
Her attempts to retract were in vain.

Johanna Richmond:

G-O-P-ers who’ve waged a campaign
Against women: You’d better abstain
From believing your dicks
Make us powerless chicks
Or bleed votes from the jugular vein.

Rj Clarken:

A fellow who ran a campaign
On a platform of eminent domain
Was surprised when his lands
Went for government plans.
“I didn’t mean me,” he’d complain.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Homing Limerick

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

Poets United prompts us to write a poem about home:

Homing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I may travel and wander and roam.
For adventure, the streets I may comb.
But wherever I go,
Here’s the one thing I know:
There is nothing and no place like home.

Valentine’s Day Limerick and Haiku Too

Tuesday, February 14th, 2012

Yet Another Valentine’s Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

St. Valentine’s Day can be risky
Cuz the men folk do tend to get frisky.
And watch out for the pious:
They sure like to try us
Before and yes after their whiskey.

*****
St. Valentine’s Day
may be over in theory–
never in spirit.

Campaigning For Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, February 12th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman who ran a campaign…*

or

A fellow who ran a campaign…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Campaigning For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who ran a campaign
To sell drugs that were good for the brain
Was stunned and quite pissed
At the side effect list.
She flushed pills and her job down the drain.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (48)

Sunday, February 12th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to SCOTT CROWDER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow was way off his game,
When the ‘Notice of Child Support’ came.
They had fun there’s no doubt,
On that couch that pulled out.
He wishes that he’d done the same.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A fellow was way off his game
Of finding wild beasts he could tame,
But gained recognition
(Though NOT by volition)
When eaten by lions. That’s fame!

Colleen Murphy:

A fellow was way off his game,
Speed eating his once-claim-to-fame.
While wolfing down pie
Some seagulls flew by;
What they dropped and his bite were the same.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A woman was way off her game.
Her sex life was getting too tame.
She perfumed certain parts
And tattooed on some hearts,
But still with all this, no one came!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)

Saturday, February 11th, 2012

Abe Lincoln historians and art historians alike have been stunned by this newly discovered art hoax:

For 32 years, a portrait of a serene Mary Todd Lincoln hung in the governor’s mansion in Springfield, Ill., signed by Francis Bicknell Carpenter, a celebrated painter who lived at the White House for six months in 1864.

The story behind the picture was compelling: Mrs. Lincoln had Mr. Carpenter secretly paint her portrait as a surprise for the president, but he was assassinated before she had a chance to present it to him.

Now it turns out that both the portrait and the touching tale accompanying it are false.

There’s a lot more to this story, so I recommend that you read the entire New York Times article. But before you leave me, here’s a limerick:

Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Art historians suffered a shock:
Mrs. Lincoln’s famed portrait’s a crock.
A rip-off took place–
The pic hasn’t a trace
Of Abe’s Mary — it’s scam-ridden schlock.

Inventive Limerick

Saturday, February 11th, 2012

Happy National Inventors’ Day! Why is National Inventors’ Day celebrated on February 11th? Back in 1983, President Ronald Reagan proclaimed February 11th National Inventors’ Day to honor the anniversary of inventor Thomas Alva Edison’s birth.

Here’s a silly invention-related limerick that has absolutely to do with Edison:

Inventive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A device that was meant to clean crud
Made a mess and was rather a dud.
But in spite of this glitch,
The inventor got rich,
Which explains why his name became mud.

House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

Fox’s medical drama House is finally coming to an end. So it’s confession time: I hate House.

In fact, I loathe all medical dramas, doctor comedies, and any other show about sick people. Why? Because the mere mention of symptoms makes me start feeling them. So if I want to avoid real life doctors, I have to stay far away from the fake ones.

House To Close Its Doors (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though it’s not my intention to grouse,
I detest doctor dramas, like House:
TV ailments and ills
Make me itch, give me chills.
WebMD, here I come — Where’s my mouse?

Haiku Quartet

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

An “Acrostic Fly Haiku,” as suggested by Acrostics Only:

Free-floating on air,
Light as a feather, it soars,
Yielding to a swat.

*****
A “Relief Haiku,” as suggested by Sensational Haiku Wednesday:

Writing on deadline—
no ideas, none, nada.
Then, at last, relief.

*****
Forking over rent—
More than many can handle
if they like food too.

*****
Crafting a poem
takes work, skill, art, cleverness.
Damn … I left out wit.

*****

Off One’s Game Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, February 5th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was way off his game…*

or

A woman was way off her game…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Off One’s Game (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was way off his game
And was looking for someone to blame.
He concluded that God
Had given the nod
To his nemesis — talk about lame!

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (47)

Sunday, February 5th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:

Congratulations to JIM DELANEY who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

The chairman was trying to lead
An attack upon corporate greed,
But his own compensation
Would fund a small nation —
Not quite the credentials you need.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Neal Pattison, Bruce Niedt, Edmund Conti, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Neal Pattison:

A fellow was trying to lead
A life filled with daring and deed.
To his friends, who all hooted,
He said, “I’m well suited,”
As he buttoned his Seville Row tweed.

Bruce Niedt:

A salesman was trying to lead
His date to a sexual deed.
But when he unzipped
She took one look and quipped,
“Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed!”

Edmund Conti:

A fellow was trying to lead
His wife to the mens’ room (Great need!)
Said his wife, “Not a chance!
We’re going to dance.”
So they danced on and on while he peed.

David Lefkovits:

A fellow who wanted to lead
The nation in turning from greed,
Found most in agreement,
When thinking that he meant
The other guy’s greedy misdeed.

Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:

A fellow was trying to lead
His small pup (newly bought, pedigreed).
The son of a bitch
Would rather just ITCH
Than be led to the vet and deFLEAed.

Phyllis adds this Limerick Note:

In my rhyming I have this strange vanity
That my jokes not depend on profanity.
That small dog with the itch
Was the offspring of bitch.
To rely on swear-words is insanity!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Super Bowl 2012 Limerick

Saturday, February 4th, 2012

While hubby Mark and I are New Yorkers, Mark went to college in Boston — Northeastern University. So, with the New York Giants and the New England Patriots in the Super Bowl, you’d think he might be conflicted. My limerick explains why he isn’t:

Super Bowl 2012 Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband is ready to gaze
At the Super Bowl game in a haze.
With junk food and beer,
For New England he’ll cheer.
We’re New Yorkers. The Giants are strays.

Out Of Sync Limerick

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

Out Of Sync Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A writer was trying to sync
Her laptop, which seemed on the blink.
So much data was lost,
That she cursed at the cost:
“I should never have stopped using ink.”

(Author’s Note: I’m happy to report that this limerick isn’t based on personal experience.)

(Linked at Funny Bunny Fridays)