Archive for the ‘Feminist Satire’ Category

Distaff Limerick

Sunday, March 29th, 2015

Distaff Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If “distaff’s” a word you forget,
You needn’t search books or the net.
It’s a not-so-nice mention
Of gals. Comprehension
Is easy. Think “dissed half.” All set?

“Entrepreneur Barbie!” Are They Toying With Us?

Friday, July 11th, 2014

“Entrepreneur Barbie!” Are They Toying With Us?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The new Barbie’s an “Entrepreneur.”
Mattel claims it’s intended to spur
Young girls to create
Their own bus’ness. But wait!
Why the form-fitting hot-pink couture?

I’m NOT making this up! “Entrepreneur Barbie,” from Mattel Canada, supposedly takes aim at the glass ceiling. Alas, it clearly misses:

It’s unclear by her garb what company she runs; instead of a power suit, she sports a form-fitting, hot pink sleeveless dress, and her briefcase looks more like a designer purse. The only hint that this doll means business are her tiny tablet and smartphone accessories.

Getting A Leg Up On Marketing (Limerick)

Wednesday, July 24th, 2013

Just when I thought nothing could surprise me, I learn that Japanese women are being paid to host advertisements on their thighs.

The girls can wear what they like, but WIT suggests that participants wear short skirts and high socks in order to draw attention to the ad. They can earn up to £65 per day.

Getting A Leg Up On Marketing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a boon to some Japanese guys
Who relish a feast for their eyes:
To publicize brands
A company hands
Cash to gals who wear ads on their thighs.

Limerick Ode To International Women’s Day

Tuesday, March 8th, 2011

Limerick Ode To International Women’s Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I nearly forgot — not sure how —
International Women’s Day — Wow!
It’s the 8th day of March —
Not a day to be arch
Or silly or zany, so Ciao!

Dearest Condescending Darling (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

This limerick was inspired by some patronizing, condescending comments made on a Facebook Friend’s wall:

Dearest Condescending Darling
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear sweetheart, the “darling” address
Condescends and is irksome unless
It’s said by a spouse
Or a lover, dear louse.
For most others, it means to aggress.

(Posted at I Saw Sunday.)

Fighting Mad

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

Since I already wrote a limerick review of the Fighter, I wasn’t planning to post on that topic again. Even Melissa Leo’s “Consider” her for an Oscar photo campaign wasn’t enough to get me writing. Though for the record, I think she looks great in those pics and I’m rooting for her.

Actually, now that I’m on the subject, here’s a message to Leo critics who fault her for showing herself in a more physically attractive light: You’re being sexist. Freedom of choice is a feminist ideal. So if Melissa Leo chooses to look glamorous and sexy for a change, that’s just fine with me. More power to her!

But back to what prompted this post. Carry On Tuesday’s saved by the bell prompt got me thinking about boxers, which reminded me of the Fighter and inspired this limerick:

Saved By The Bell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The boxer was saved by the bell
After being in boxing match hell.
He needed a break.
That’s all it would take:
That sound ere he once again fell.

(Also for I Saw Sunday.)

UPDATE: Congratulations Melissa Leo on your Oscar! I knew you could f…ing do it.

Dotty Men

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A guy in a polka dot tie…

Here’s mine. (It’s a three-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.):

Dotty Men
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A guy in a polka dot tie
Felt stylish, though heaven knows why.
His jacket was garish.
His pants were nightmarish.
And non-matching sneakers — oh my!

Yet he sat around mocking the gals
With some equally odd-looking pals.
“She’s too thin. She’s too fat.”
“She’s an ugly old bat.”
Can’t imagine their warped rationales.

Why do fellows behave in that way —
Scorning gals who look cuter than they?
Do they all need a shrink?
I sure hope they don’t think
It will lead to a roll in the hay.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox!

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying Jesse James’ (or Tiger Woods’) rehab ploy:

Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox! (Double Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A bike-loving fellow named James
Had affairs with some numerous dames.
Though wife Sandra’s a winner,
He’s trying to spin her:
Addiction’s the problem, he claims.

Now he’s paying a whole lot of loot
For therapy — Tiger Woods’ route.
But rehab won’t fix
Those wife-cheating pricks.
My advice — just give both guys the boot.

A Miss-Misunderstanding

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:

There once was a woman named Ann…

Here’s mine:

A Miss-Misunderstanding
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a woman named Ann,
Who people assumed was a man.
When she walked in the ladies,
They yelled out, “No matees!”
And that’s when the shit hit the fan.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Endearing Limerick (Poetry Prompt)

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:

“An elderly fellow named James…”

Here’s mine:

Endearing Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

An elderly fellow named James
Had trouble remembering names,
So he often used “dear,”
Which hurt his career.
His defense? “I just did it to dames.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

The Vibrator Play on Broadway (Review and Limerick)

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009

A period play about vibrators? It sounds like an unlikely theme for a Broadway play, but playwright Sarah Ruhl pulls it off in her In the Next Room or the vibrator play.

I highly recommend this funny and insightful comedy about hysteria, a “disease of the womb.” And so does New York Times theater critic Charles Isherwood. But Isherwood’s review is missing a limerick:

Vibrant Vibrator Play (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A “Vibrator Play” on Broadway?
Yes, it sounds just a little risqué.
But it’s witty — not crude.
(Though it ain’t for a prude.)
I just loved it, so book it today.

(The details: In the Next Room or the vibrator play is a Lincoln Center Theater production, directed by Les Waters and playing at the Lyceum Theater. It stars Laura Benanti, Michael Cerveris, Maria Dizzia, Thomas Jay Ryan, Chandler Williams, Quincy Tyler Bernstine, and Wendy Rich Stetson.)

Larry King Not Marrying Carrie Prejean

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I can’t imagine that too many guests have stormed off a Larry King interview. But “author,” sex tape star, and former Miss California Carrie Prejean tried to … and failed.

Donald Trump must be so proud! (You can find my Carrie Prejean limerick and a link to the Larry King video here.)

Does Your Guilt Spring Eternal?

Sunday, March 29th, 2009

Guilt Springs Eternal
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don’t read women’s magazines. Every March and April they’re packed with “clean up and organize your life” articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action — Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We’ll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I’d rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow.

Why do magazines publish these pieces? Because every spring millions of women have the same Pavlovian response: Guilt. Guilt quickly followed by a spending spree on periodicals and cleaning supplies. They grab every magazine in sight and, in a fit of post-New Year’s resolution fervor, vow to Martha Stewartize their homes.

Do these articles help? Do they unlock the sacred secret of “eat off your basement floor” womanhood? Hahahahahahaha. Pardon me — I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were serious. (Guilt Springs Eternal continues here.)

Vive La (Brain) Différence!

Saturday, November 10th, 2007

I usually don’t use the New York Post as a source of scientific info.  But this report on brain differences between men and women is very interesting. (Hat tip to Kalilily.net)

Here’s an excerpt:

In her book, the Columbia professor explores the chemistry of male and female brains – and, using up-to-the-minute medical research, reinforces some cherished “Men Are From Mars” stereotypes:

* Women remember better – even things that happened a really long time ago.

* Men are better at map-reading. They also get turned on a lot easier.

* Women thrive on talking and spending time in groups; men like to do things on their own.

But all this isn’t quite as simple as it sounds. For example: A woman’s brain is, in fact, about 10 percent smaller than a man’s, even when factoring in physical size difference – but it also has a lot more going on, neuron-connection-wise.

In other words, writes Legato, “women get more brain bang for the buck.”

Thanks to Stone Age wiring, women also have a far greater capacity for understanding speech and body language, and have “elephantine” memories, especially when it comes to negative experiences.

***

Men are better than women at focusing on one task and completing it. Women’s brains excel at multi-tasking, which like many of their traits has origins in childbearing: “You’re not just going to sit and stare at your baby. You have to process a demand from your child and move on to different tasks.” In the brain, this means more connections across the corpus callosum, which divides the brain into two halves.

As you can see from that New York Post article’s dateline, it only took me a year to celebrate our differences with a poem:

Vive La (Brain) Différence!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We gals and guys are diff’rent—
You must know that old cliché.
Now some scientists have proven
That our wiring’s night and day.

The brains of men are larger,
Which shall surely make them proud.
Will it hurt gals in the workplace—
Only big-brained folks allowed?

But women’s brains have neurons
Whose connectors are first-rate.
We are multi-tasking mavens,
And our memory’s just great!

With diff’rences so striking
(Guys and gals, I mean to say)
Our commingling’s quite amazing.
I’m surprised we all ain’t gay.

(You can find my feminist humor here.)

=========

Chick Flick Flack

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

Chick Flick Flack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
To appeal to most women. How bent!
I’m a gal through and through,
But those flicks make me boo,
While my husband applauds. What a gent!

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and my feminist humor here.)

An Arresting Affair

Tuesday, June 19th, 2007

An Arresting Affair (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal in New York was arrested
For strolling outdoors while bare-breasted.
But courts say, “No fair!
You can not make gals wear
Shirts and blouses, cause men go bare-chested.”

Yesterday, CNN reported that Jill Coccaro has received a $29,000 settlement of her civil rights lawsuit against New York City. She’d been arrested for topless strolling and was detained for twelve hours, despite a 1992 New York State appeals court ruling that women have the same right as men to remove their shirts.

(You can find more of my legal verse and humor here, my feminist humor here, and my New York humor and limericks here.)

UPDATE: August 26th is Go Topless Day, sponsored by GoTopless.org.

Keeping Abreast Of Bras

Thursday, April 26th, 2007

Keeping Abreast Of Bras
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are gals who view bras as a gift,
For without ’em their breasts are adrift.
But other gals spurn ’em,
And some even burn ’em,
Giving men (and some women) a lift.

(In case you missed my Wonderbra song parody it’s here.)

UPDATE: Don’t forget to enter my Mother’s Day limerick writing contest. The deadline is May 12, 2007 and there are money prizes for the best two limericks.

Chafing At “Chick”

Friday, March 23rd, 2007

Chafing At “Chick”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a guy calls a woman a chick,
It strikes me as sexist and sick.
But my comments are tame;
Unless Richard’s his name,
I’m polite and I don’t call him dick.

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)

Tuesday, December 19th, 2006

Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.

1. When you arrive at the mall he:

a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.

2. In men’s clothing he:

a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.

3. In lingerie he:

a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra. … (“Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate?” is continued here.)

(You can visit my marriage humor collection here.)

Ballsy Limerick

Wednesday, November 15th, 2006

Ballsy Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Although males come equipped with two balls,
There are men who ain’t ballsy at all.
Folks with guts are quite rare,
And they don’t need a pair.
In fact, some gals are brimming with gall.