Archive for June, 2012

Pressing Issue (Limerick)

Saturday, June 30th, 2012

Pressing Issue (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks with a notable skill:
They can press all my buttons at will.
You would think at my age
That I’d fin’lly be sage,
But I still haven’t learned how to chill.

(Prompted by button over at DVerse.)

Embedded In Sleeplessness (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 27th, 2012

Embedded In Sleeplessness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Insomnia blankets my night.
Slumber teases — declines to alight.
I toss and I turn
In my bed, as I yearn
For release from my sleep-deprived plight.

(Prompted by Theme Thursday’s “beds.”)

Limerick Airs (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, June 24th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was putting on airs…*

or

A fellow was putting on airs…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Airs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was putting on airs
And attracting a whole lot of stares.
She puffed and she preened,
Till from warnings she gleaned
That behind her were lurking three bears.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week 67

Sunday, June 24th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SisterAE who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A man who was never in doubt
Left his wife with a permanent pout.
Every secret he’d share,
And cute tips (like you care!)
On the things he knew nothing about.

Congratulations to Scott Crowder who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A man who is never in doubt,
Is a man we can all live without
Because he’ll refuse
To see other views,
And learn what real life is about.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Patrick McKeon, VerseBender, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, and Linda Fuller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Kathy El-Assal:

When young she was never in doubt
About getting a surgical pout.
Now with lips like a fish
This actress’s wish
Is not to resemble a trout.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A guy was once never in doubt
That he just wasn’t really that stout,
Till he could not dislodge
Himself from his Dodge.
Triple A had to come pry him out.

Patrick McKeon:

A man who was never in doubt
Would pound on his bible and shout:
“If the Lord walked today
He would punish the gay.”
Then his elderly mother came out.

Versebender:

A man who was never in doubt
As to what this old world is about
Said, “Listen, my son
To Rule Number One:
Only money provides you with clout.”

David McCormick:

A Lim’ricker, never in doubt
That this week, his verse would win out,
Reached the end of line 3
BUT THEN ACCIDENT’LY
HIT CAPS LOCK AND WAS TOLD NOT TO SHOUT.

Linda Fuller:

A man who was tortured by doubt
Joined a cult and became quite devout.
He gave them his money,
Ate raw eggs with honey
And worshipped a virginal trout.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

This Limerick’s For The Birds

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

I’ve been known to lash out against people who drive red cars:

Now I’m no scientist or statistician. I have no idea whether the color red inspires insanity in drivers, or if bad drivers are genetically attracted to it. All I know is that whenever I see a driver doing something spectacularly stupid, he’s doing it in a flaming red automobile.

But after reading this article about red cars and bird poop, I’m starting to feel a bit sorry for those drivers:

Research in five cities found 18 per cent of red cars were marked with deposits, followed by blue (14 per cent), black (11 per cent) and white (seven per cent).

For the cleanest ride, the best advice, appropriately, is to go green – just one per cent of that colour was smeared.

But even pity can’t stop me from writing this limerick:

This Limerick’s For The Birds
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a riveting fact about birds,
Which is likely to trigger foul words:
They like dropping their poo
Upon autos whose hue
Is red — their pet target for turds.

Limerick Ode To National Martini Day

Monday, June 18th, 2012

Tomorrow, June 19, is National Martini Day. I figured it was best to celebrate with a limerick … before starting on that martini:

Limerick Ode To National Martini Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The martini’s a drink for the tough,
Cuz that cocktail is strong, sometimes rough.
Most favor it gin-filled,
Which leaves me chagrin-filled.
Use tequila instead? Won’t rebuff!

Limerick Doubt (Limerick-Off Monday)

Saturday, June 16th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was never in doubt…*

or

A gal who was never in doubt…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Doubt
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A chef who was never in doubt,
When challenged would glower and shout.
To the slightest critique,
He’d respond with great pique.
But the fellow could sure dish it out.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (66)

Saturday, June 16th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jason Talbott who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A man who is very astute
Knows that sometimes it’s best to stay mute.
If your girl asks on chat,
“Do you think that I’m fat?”
Just pretend that you have to reboot.

Congratulations to Jane Shelton Hoffman who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A man who was very astute
Had dress stores that made lots of loot.
The women would flock
To buy a new frock,
For his clerks were well hung and quite cute.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Patrick McKeon, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Scott Crowder, Jamie Hutchinson, Johanna Richmond, and VerseBender. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Patrick McKeon:

A man who was very astute
At a concert for lute and for flute,
Knew the show would be bad
And the audience mad,
So he brought a large crate with bad fruit.

Veralynne Bosko Pepper:

A girl who was very astute
Was also alarmingly cute.
She’d use men for their money
By promising honey–
When promise time came she would scoot!

Scott Crowder:

A gal who was very astute
Received very little repute.
And because of her dress,
She is doomed to earn less
Than a swinging dick wearing a suit.

Jamie Hutchinson:

The trombonist was very astute,
Placed behind the young belle who played flute:
He worked his big slide
Without letting it ride
And “protected” the girl with a mute.

Johanna Richmond:

A gal who was hardly astute
But knew how to wink and look cute
Morphed from sweet Miss Wasilla
To Fox News Attila;
We all wish she’d stuck to the flute.

Versebender:

A man who was very astute
Found his checkbook just did not compute.
So he said to his wife,
“I can’t for my life
Figure what you have done with our loot.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Musical Exile (Limerick)

Saturday, June 16th, 2012

I usually avoid this topic, but dVerse prompted me to write this far-from-funny limerick:

Musical Exile
By Madeleine Begun Kane

How I long to be back in that chair,
Playing symphony music — longhair.
But my oboe career
Was pilfered, I fear—
Tearful exile by injuries’ snare.

The Astute Dad (Limerick)

Friday, June 15th, 2012

The Astute Dad (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A dad who was very astute
Always yearned for good Father’s Day loot,
But for decades got ties
That were hard on the eyes.
He exchanged forty ties for a suit.

(Linked at Poetry Jam, which asks us to celebrate.)

One Father’s Day Limerick Too Many?

Thursday, June 14th, 2012

One Father’s Day Limerick Too Many?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A pregnant young woman named Kay
Was due to give birth the next day.
So it wasn’t sublime
When her spouse picked that time
To confess that he really was gay.

Limerick Ode To National Corn on the Cob Day

Monday, June 11th, 2012

Today, June 11, is National Corn on the Cob Day.

Limerick Ode To National Corn On The Cob Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s Corn on the Cob Day today–
A fine dish for a summer buffet.
I’m guessing its gloss
Comes from firms that sell floss.
Do they secretly root for decay?

Astute Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, June 10th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A man who was very astute…*

or

A gal who was very astute…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Astute Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A man who was very astute
Was stunned to be given the boot.
He dealt with that blow
By building a co
That sells shoes, so his job loss was moot.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (65)

Sunday, June 10th, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Daniel Ari who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A congressman shooting the breeze
With an intern said, “Look at this sleaze!
The press keeps on beating
My colleague for cheating —
Perhaps you should get off your knees.”

Congratulations to Bruce Niedt who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was shooting the breeze
With the man on the flying trapeze,
But her chat with her friend
Had a very sad end —
You can’t text while you hang from your knees.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Richard Schear, Jason Talbott, Linda Fuller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Colleen Murphy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Richard Schear:

A fellow was shooting the breeze
With talk of the birds and the bees.
His wife overheard,
But said not a word,
For she knew he had no expertise!

Jason Talbott:

A woman was shooting the breeze,
Speaking French with her man overseas,
Never once disagreeing,
The main reason being:
Her boyfriend speaks only Chinese.

Linda Fuller:

A fellow was shooting the breeze
With a winsome young thing named Louise,
Whose looks were deceiving.
The chap yelled while leaving,
“You win some, I lose some, you tease!”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A fellow was shooting the breeze,
But he missed and shot down sev’ral trees.
Friends asked, “Man, are you blind
Or just out of your mind?”
He yelled, “Y’all heard me tell it to freeze!”

Colleen Murphy:

A woman was shooting the breeze,
Discussing the habits of bees.
“Imagine the scene
Where I could be queen
And bring all the men to their knees!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

In Defense Of TV (Limerick)

Friday, June 8th, 2012

From time to time, somebody annoys me with bald assertions like this: “I don’t own a TV; they rot the brain.”

I usually ignore them, but NOT this time:

In Defense Of TV (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There is good stuff and bad on TV.
Some will rot out your brain, I agree.
(Fox News comes to mind.)
But there’s great stuff to find.
Just be choosy and spurn the debris.

Time’s “Flight” (Limerick)

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Miss Rumphius asks us to write about the passage of time:

Time’s “Flight” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It is said that “time flies,” but that’s wrong,
Cuz the flights I’ve been on take too long.
I think time really flees
In a flash. It’s a tease,
Speeding fast as a dreadful act’s gong.

Camp-Free Limerick

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Poetic Asides prompts us to write poems about camping. As you can see, I’m not exactly a roughing-it kind of gal:

Camp-Free Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m reluctant to rough it outside.
I need comforts a house can provide.
I’m too timid to camp,
But at home I’m a champ
Where mosquitoes can’t feast on my hide.

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Shooting The Breeze With Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, June 3rd, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was shooting the breeze…*

or

A fellow was shooting the breeze…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Shooting The Breeze
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was shooting the breeze
With a man who was down on his knees.
He’d planned to propose
But got bored, so he rose
And explained he’d been looking for keys.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (64)

Sunday, June 3rd, 2012

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A fellow came forth to be wed
By a judge before whom he had pled
So often that now,
When asked for his vow,
By habit “Not guilty!” he said.

Congratulations to John Peter Larkin who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman was planning to wed
And visions of bliss filled her head.
But it all came to naught
When her lover was caught
With the wife he’d neglected to shed.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Richard Schear, Linda Fuller, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A fellow was planning to wed
Till he found out they’d both been misled.
She said she was Doris.
Turned out she was Horace.
And he was an Alice, not Fred!

Richard Schear:

A fellow was planning to wed
A girl who was all in his head.
He thought, “No big deal
If she is unreal.
At least she won’t nag me in bed.”

Linda Fuller:

A woman was nervous to wed
A man with a nose cherry red.
Was it booze? Inflammation?
A freaky mutation?
Or should he be pulling a sled?

Elaine Spall:

A fellow was planning to wed
And pleased when his fiance said,
“I don’t think I can swap.
I just must be on top.”
Then he found out she bought a bunk bed.

Johanna Richmond:

Mister Romney will now try to wed
Mainstream views to extreme things he’s said,
But Ayn Randian mean
Is a bitch to scrub clean;
Ain’t no hosing that tea from his bed.

Robert Schechter:

A woman was planning to wed
A man who was thoroughly dead.
“The long and the short is
I love rigor mortis,”
She winked. “It’s so useful in bed.”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Poetic Fantasy (Limerick)

Saturday, June 2nd, 2012

Today’s prompt over at dVerse is “work.” Here’s what I came up with:

Poetic Fantasy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just imagine a job that would pay
Us to sit and write poems all day:
If that’s all that we did
For our buck or our quid,
Would we have something worthy to say?