Archive for the ‘Technology Humor’ Category

Limerick Ode To Elon Musk (2-Verse)

Monday, November 7th, 2022

Dear Elon, I’m very impressed!
As blunders go, yours are the best!
I’d assumed you were smart,
But you’ve mastered the art
Of destroying your pricey, new nest.

Primo content providers are pissed.
Key staff has been rashly dismissed.
Twitter ad-buyers flee,
While ignoring your plea.
Your mistakes are too many to list!

A Dogged Quest (3-Verse Limerick)

Wednesday, September 28th, 2022

A woman who wanted a pet
Became angry, perturbed, and upset:
She’d been told dog adoption
Was OUT as an option…
Cuz she spent too much time on the net.

She replied, “If the net’s bad, then why
Is your website the place we must buy
These sweet canines you say
Need a home? Still say ‘Nay?’
Any court will your ruling decry.”

Upon hearing her not-so-veiled threat,
The naysayer started to sweat.
Since his site can’t afford
To be sued, he’s on board.
Her new spaniel — Tibetan — great get!

*****

(Happy “World Pet Day” — September 28.)

Undone! (Limerick)

Friday, August 26th, 2022

You’re worn out; you should put on the brakes.
At the laptop, you’re getting the shakes.
Text has vanished! It’s KEY!
There’s a fix: “Control-Z.”
(I just wish it cured NON-tech mistakes.)

Maddening Pings (Limerick)

Tuesday, May 24th, 2022

Weird pings have been driving us mad.
We can’t pinpoint the source. This is bad;
Could be any of eight
Nearby doodads. I hate
Laptops, IPads, cells, Echos! Egad!

Buggy Website Blues (4-Verse Limerick)

Thursday, May 19th, 2022

Dear Website, I’m caught in a snare
By your new “how’d we do?” questionnaire.
My goal is to pay
Your invoice, but NAY:
Seems I can’t, till I grievances air.

Your survey form’s blocking the page
Where the bill payer’s meant to engage.
Since it won’t let me do
What I’m here for, I’m blue,
And your webmaster’s not very sage.

You want my opinion? Here goes:
Your website’s horrendous — it blows!
Will you NOW let me pay
Your damn invoice today?
How does anyone pay what she owes!

Your rating is dreadful! Want more?
You should show all your web techs the door.
If you don’t fix your site
So your pay-page works right,
You will soon join the ranks of the poor.

A Miamian’s Vice (Limerick)

Sunday, May 8th, 2022

A fellow who hailed from Miami
Got paid to send messages spammy.
In his latest, the cad
Placed both virus and ad
For a fake Covid cure — double whammy.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 16, 2022)

Saturday, April 2nd, 2022

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NOSE or KNOWS or NOES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SECURITY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SECURITY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 17, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16, 2022, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my NOSE or KNOWS or NOES-rhyme limerick:

A fellow named Joe often goes
To ENT docs — nasal pros.
Those rhinologists charge
Pricey fees; bills so large
That poor Joe’s forced to pay through the nose.

And here’s my SECURITY-themed limerick:

Though the homebuilder does know the score,
His computer security’s poor.
So to no one’s surprise,
He’s been hacked. You’ll surmise:
Someone readily found the back door.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Facebook Gripes (Limerick)

Monday, March 7th, 2022

While on Facebook, folks often complain
About comments that drive them insane.
If you’re truly annoyed,
They’re a breeze to avoid:
“Unfollowing” blocks all that pain.

Verboten Visitors (Limerick)

Tuesday, March 1st, 2022

A creature who goes by “James Bot”
Spams my blog ev’ry day. Yes, a lot!
And I swear that’s the name
That he uses; can’t blame
You for doubts. But it’s true. Kid you not!

Putting “Thank-Yous” On Hold (Limerick)

Monday, February 7th, 2022

This Jonathon Owen tweet reawakened one of my old pet peeves and inspired my limerick: “Hold music that is interrupted every two seconds by a message thanking you for your patience and asking you to remain on the line is a form of psychological torture.”

Dear “Firms Who Use Music-On-Hold,”
Moldy messages swiftly grow old.
I’m not “patiently waiting.”
Don’t thank me; it’s grating.
So stop breaking in! I’m not sold!

A Heart To Heart About Bots (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 28th, 2021

I enjoy playing Hearts against bots.
Do they win many times? Alas, lots!
But they don’t stop to snack,
And they never talk smack.
They don’t gloat or take shots or share thoughts.

(Happy Card Playing Day! It falls each year on December 28.)

A Knotty Issue (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 30th, 2021

“Though it’s fine that my boyfriend is naughty,
A bit bossy and bad-ass and dotty,
His obsession with bots
Has me tied up in knots.
So I can’t tie the knot with that hottie.”

Computer Confusion (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2021

A fellow, when told to reboot,
Was bewildered; this didn’t compute.
It was clear from his face,
As he bent to unlace,
That technology’s NOT his strong suit.

Happy “Treat Your Webmaster or Webmistress Day?” (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 6th, 2021

Happy “Treat Your Webmaster or Webmistress Day.” (July 6)

“Treat Your Webmaster/Webmistress Day!”
How exciting! Hip Hip and Hooray!
But wait! I’ve a plight
And can’t celebrate right:
Who’s my webmaster? I am! Oy Vey!

AWOL Paper (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Does anyone else miss paper menus and train schedules? In New York City, at least, they’ve both disappeared — their elimination an apparent byproduct of the Covid pandemic.

Paper train-schedule? Thing of the past.
Paper menu? It too didn’t last.
Their replacement? Your phone,
Where such data is shown.
Your cell phone ain’t “smart?” Best act fast!

A Grating Upgrade (Limerick)

Sunday, April 11th, 2021

Had a four-day-long mess at my site;
Server upgrade (gone bad) caused the blight.
The encoding set wrong
Made me long for a bong.
But it’s fin’ly been fixed, bit by byte.

Covid-19 Vaccine Adventures (2-Verse Limerick Plus Vaccine Scheduling Tips)

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2021

What follows is:

1: A two-verse limerick about my adventures (and difficulties) in booking Covid-19 vaccine appointments in New York City for hubby Mark and me. (And yes, we both easily qualify by age.)

2: A blow by blow description of how I finally managed to snag vaccine appointments in the doesn’t-deserve-to-be-called-a-system New York Covid-19 vaccine scheduling “system.”

(I hope that the information I provide below my 2-verse limerick proves helpful to those who are having similar vaccine-booking problems, both in and outside of New York.)

Fin’lly got my first shot. So did Mark,
After problems with booking them — stark!
New York’s issue-packed system
(too many to list ’em)
Is so bad, I have fantasies — dark.

So how did I schedule our shots
In a system so tied up in knots?
“Push notifications”
Resolved our frustrations;
We were saved by some fine Twitter bots.

If you’re having problems booking Covid-19 vaccine appointments, here’s how I did it in New York City. I hope it helps you too. (Even if you live in another state, some of my info just might be applicable to you.)

1. After trying all the obvious methods for booking vaccine appointments, and failing abysmally, I searched Google to find out if anybody had created a Covid-19 vaccine appointment locator bot in New York. I used search phrases such as covid-19 vaccine New York bot and Covid-19 vaccine New York tracker bot.

This led me to these two Twitter accounts: @turbovax and @nycshotslots. (If you are having trouble getting a vaccination appointment outside of New York, try a similar search for your own state. And if you’re lucky, a Good Samaritan in your city or state created a comparable public bot. For example, this bot was designed for New Jersey residents, and this one was set up for Massachusetts residents.)

2. I went to Twitter, searched for both accounts, and clicked on “follow.” (I was already active on Twitter. However, if you’re not already a Twitter member, you’ll have to join it before benefiting from these or other Twitter bot accounts.)

3. For the next couple of weeks, I checked those New York bot Twitter accounts three or four times an hour. And from time to time, I actually found some potential appointments. Unfortunately, however, each time I went to snag a pair of appointments, I was already too late. This happened even when I started checking every five or ten minutes.

4. Finally, in desperation, I researched how to get “push notifications” from individual Twitter accounts. (In general, I hate and avoid push notifications. But this situation called for emergency measures!)

Fortunately, setting up Twitter push notifications on my laptop turned out to be very simple: All I had to do was return to the home pages of each of those two accounts I was already following (@turbovax and @nycshotslots) and click on the icon immediately to the left of the word “following.” (The icon looks like a bell with a plus sign.) Clicking on it turns on push notifications for that specific Twitter feed, and you’ll know it’s properly set up because after clicking on it, it will turn as dark blue as your “following” indicator button.

5. From then on, as long as I was near my laptop (and the sound was on) I’d hear a sound indicating that one of those two accounts had just tweeted. Additionally a visible notice would flash, then disappear very quickly.

6. As soon as I saw or heard one of those “push notifications” I headed to Twitter to read the latest bot tweets and see if it was for appointment locations/dates that might work for us. And the second I saw one that might be good, I clicked on the site, filled out the forms, and was able to successfully book appointments for both Mark and myself.

Even then, acting so swiftly, I ended up with appointments for us on consecutive days, and not the theoretically more desirable same day. But that actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise, because parking was impossible at that location (Hillcrest High School, Jamaica Queens, NY.)

So Mark and I took turns on consecutive appointment days, remaining in the driver’s seat, illegally parked in front of someone’s driveway with the blinkers on, ready to move the car at a moment’s notice, for as long as it took for the non-car-baby-sitter to get his/her shot.

Mark and I are both very relieved to have gotten our first shots and to have dates scheduled for our second shots. And I hope you too either have gotten (or will soon get) your Covid vaccine shots.

I also hope that you found this info helpful or, at least, enjoyed my limerick.

*****
FYI, here’s a non-Twitter New York State-wide bot that I haven’t tried, because I discovered it after booking our appointments.

An IPad Convert?

Tuesday, February 19th, 2019

I hate learning to use new devices. And that explains my multi-year resistance to buying an iPad. (That, plus my carpal tunnel-wrists, which make any small keyboard an extra challenge.)

Anyway, Mark’s been an iPad devotee for many years. And a few weeks ago, I finally allowed him to talk me into buying one. (A great Amazon sale price, combined with the daunting prospect of countless hours away from my laptop during a then upcoming Dallas trip to see Mark’s ailing mother, was enough to convince me.)

It arrived, and I was an almost immediate convert.

But the one thing that did drive me crazy (besides learning to copy/paste on an iPad) was the different layouts you have to deal with when switching to the iPad app version of a given site.

The Twitter app, in particular, drove me nuts. How I cursed it out throughout our 12 days in Dallas.

Why did it have to be so damn different and confusing?

And how would I ever manage to alternate between tweeting on an iPad and doing it on my trusty laptop?

I’m feeling a bit guilty now. Why? Because when I finally got back to my laptop, I made a surprising discovery:

It turns out that Twitter’s done a major site overhaul across all devices, which just happened to coincide with our trip. And the new laptop version is virtually the same as the iPad app version.

So learning to use the spanking new Twitter on my laptop?

No problemo!

Limerick Ode To Internet Day (October 29)

Monday, October 29th, 2018

Is the Net good or bad at its core?
For it’s frequently hard to adore.
But on “Internet Day”
All in all, I must say
That it DOES make us hard to ignore.

Pining For Spines (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 16th, 2018

This has nothing to do with World Spine Day (Oct. 16,) but it DOES include the word “spine.” That should count for something, right?

When I try to read e-books, I pine
For the texture of paper and spine.
I can see their appeal,
But for me there’s no deal,
And I cherish my library/shrine.