Archive for the ‘Restaurant Reviews & Humor’ Category

Gunning For Trouble? (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 28th, 2024

“At the moment we met, I was charmed.
But my mood swiftly moved to alarmed
When my date turned irate
Without cause, while she ate,
As she brandished hard proof she was armed.”

Dickering Over Dining (Limerick)

Saturday, December 16th, 2023

“Let’s not eat here,” said Brad. “It’s for nerds.
And I’ve heard that the food tastes like turds.”
But Brad’s meal-mate insisted
And raved: “Can’t resist it!”
Brad ended up eating his words.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CATCH or CATCHES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 9, 2023)

Saturday, November 11th, 2023

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CATCH or CATCHES at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MISTAKES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MISTAKE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
FAULTY, HUSTLE, MEAN, POT, STICK.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 10, 2023, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 9, 2023 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CATCH/CATCHES-Rhyme Limerick:

Said a woman who’d just married Irv,
“Many friends tried to stop me. What nerve!
Do I love the guy? Natch!
He’s a wonderful catch…
Though I’m keeping divorce in reserve.”

And here’s my MISTAKE-Themed Limerick:

A thickheaded fellow named Fred
Had dreamed of becoming a Fed.
But it wasn’t to be;
In an interview, he
Kept confusing “dead drop” with “drop dead.”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

“This table is sticky. Please clean it,”
Said a restaurant patron. “I mean it!”
“I’ll be glad to,” the server
Replied with great fervor.
“But I can’t find my rag. Have you seen it?

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

The Dissatisfied Patron (Limerick)

Sunday, October 22nd, 2023

“Chef, your food has a terrible taste!
Take it back! You prepared it in haste,”
Griped a large, nasty man.
The reply, said deadpan:
“Well at least it won’t go to your waist.”

The Negotiation (Limerick)

Thursday, September 21st, 2023

“Your masala’s delicious! Great flavor,”
Raved a customer, currying favor.
Then she added, “But please
Make it hotter. Don’t tease!”
Said the chef, “Fine, but first sign this waiver!”

Food Leanings (Limerick)

Sunday, June 11th, 2023

I like dining on Asian cuisine,
Cooked with chicken or beef that is lean,
While chewing the fat
In a this-and-that chat
At our house. (I’ve the stay-at-home gene.)

Hot For Hot Cuisine (Limerick)

Monday, February 6th, 2023

When I first had “hot” food, I went wild.
(The cuisine I’d grown up with was mild.)
From then on, I sought “spicy
And hot,” which is dicey.
Ask a “French chef” for zesty? He’s riled!

A Knotty Problem (Limerick)

Tuesday, October 18th, 2022

This limerick is a very compressed version of a necktie adventure with hubby Mark. And I can’t think of a better way to celebrate “International Necktie Day.”

“You MUST wear a necktie to enter,”
Mark was told. He’s a necktie dissenter,
But he re-tied his tie
Till our drinks were dropped by,
Then removed it — my waitress tormenter.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CRUDE or CREWED or ACCRUED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 11, 2021)

Saturday, November 27th, 2021

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CRUDE or CREWED or ACCRUED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CRIME, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CRIME-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 12, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 11, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my CRUDE/CREWED/ACCRUED-rhyme limerick:

A comic was starting to freak
Cuz his comedy future looked bleak.
He turned morbid and crude
And increasingly lewd,
And was panned cuz he joked a blue streak.

And here’s my CRIME-themed limerick:

Said the sous-chef, “Don’t make me relive
The attack that killed chef/owner Viv.
I’m exhausted and drained,
And my recall has waned…
Cuz my mem’ry is much like a sieve.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

The Shiftless Chef (Limerick)

Tuesday, November 9th, 2021

The restaurateur was irate
Cuz his chef was, as usual, late.
“You must clean up your act,
Or expect to be sacked.
It’s time you step up to the plate!”

An Idiom To Chew On (Limerick)

Saturday, August 28th, 2021

A French restaurant, once upper crust,
Got a rotten review and went bust:
“Their food can’t be chewed,”
Wrote the prominent dude.
Two weeks later, the place bit the dust.

Dear Chef (Limerick)

Thursday, August 19th, 2021

I’ve written my “Dear Chef” limerick to celebrate “National Hot And Spicy Food Day.” (August 19)

I like food that is spicy and hot.
Serve it bland? It’s returned on the spot.
Don’t assume you know best;
Second-guessing a guest
Means you’ve failed at your quest by a lot.

AWOL Paper (Limerick)

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2021

Does anyone else miss paper menus and train schedules? In New York City, at least, they’ve both disappeared — their elimination an apparent byproduct of the Covid pandemic.

Paper train-schedule? Thing of the past.
Paper menu? It too didn’t last.
Their replacement? Your phone,
Where such data is shown.
Your cell phone ain’t “smart?” Best act fast!

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: at the end of any one line CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR

Saturday, December 1st, 2018

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SPICE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best spice-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 16, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 15, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

This drink was a very “light pour.”
If you’d like to be paid, pour me more!
Here’s my other complaint
Which is likely to taint
Your review: piss-poor taste in décor.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

No Longer Tied To Ties (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015

Guys who despise ties (and who doesn’t?) will love New York City’s new gender discrimination rule banning restaurants from requiring ties for male diners only.

A male-only necktie demand
In Big Apple rest’rants is banned.
This new rule now protects
Our poor fellows’ sore necks.
How grand that such sexism’s panned!

Holiday Tip (Limerick)

Thursday, May 21st, 2015

Holiday Tip (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m presenting a holiday tip.
No it’s not what you think. Get a grip!
It is Waitstaff Day. See?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That those folks deserve more than this quip.

(National Waitstaff Day — May 21)

How NOT To Butter Up Your Waiter (Limerick)

Wednesday, February 25th, 2015

How NOT To Butter Up Your Waiter (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When given some butter — a dollop,
She said “More, and don’t loll! Hurry! Lollop!”
On the waiter’s return
With a butter-filled urn,
She threw the urn, earning a wallop.

Heated Limerick

Wednesday, May 21st, 2014

Heated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Chipotle says no packing heat
When you come to their rest’rants to eat.
This makes sense, cuz their food’s
Hot enough. Gals and dudes
Should save gunplay for home and the street.

Dishing Dirt (Limerick)

Monday, January 28th, 2013

I enjoy unearthing oddball news items and celebrating their weirdness in verse. For instance, energy bars made from crickets. But a restaurant whose recipe ingredient-list touts dirt? That’s a bit too much to digest.

So, I won’t be going to Tokyo’s French restaurant Ne Quittez Pas any time soon, even if their dirt is “special black soil from Kanuma, Tochigi Prefecture.”

Dishing Dirt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear restaurant, please don’t feel hurt
If I spurn you, including dessert.
I have very good grounds:
Word is making the rounds
That your food features soil — that’s the dirt.

Limerick Review Of Paula’s Stone Cottage Wine Bar

Sunday, June 19th, 2011

Hubby Mark and I had a great time last night sipping wine, munching cheese, and chatting up a storm at the lovely Paula’s Stone Cottage Wine Bar in Fishkill, New York.

Here’s my limerick review:

Limerick Ode To Paula’s Stone Cottage Wine Bar
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a wine bar in Fishkill — first rate:
Charming venue, a cheese plate that’s great.
We were loathe to adjourn
And plan to return
To Paula’s Stone Cottage — can’t wait.

And here’s a review hubby Mark Kane just wrote and posted on Yelp:

My wife and I can’t say enough good about this place.

As soon as we entered we were greeted by this warm, friendly fellow who insisted we meet Paula. And yes there really is a Paula, and she was even more enthusiastic and more welcoming than he was.

We were offered a personal tour of the establishment but declined and instead found ourselves a nice cozy spot at bar where the bartender proceeded to ply us with free shot glasses of wines as he tried to find the perfect wine for each of us, and after four or five he did!

This was not the exception but rather the norm. They really try to make you feel at home, and want you to be very, very happy with your wine selection so you’ll order more no doubt.

We inquired about food and were strongly encouraged to try either the “Cheese Plate” or “Cheese and Meats Plate”. We opted for the “Cheese Plate for Two” and were not at all disappointed.

It could feed three or four easily and was quite impressive. It came complete with a large selection of cheeses, a nice spicy humus, artichoke hearts, perfectly moist sun dried tomatoes, and an assortment of olives. Tried as we did we could not finish it all.

And the music! What an excellent mix of music which Paula has selected. There is something for everyone in that music mix.

The place is very cozy but small so I would be careful about going there with a large group of people unless you get there very early or on an off night. I am told the weekends can be quite busy.

There are three different areas which you can enjoy. A lovely romantic outdoor garden, a very active bar area where impromptu slow dancing has been known to occur, and an equally active lounge in the back.

The music, lighting, great wines, excellent warm service and general ambiance of this place clearly attracts a nice friendly intelligent crowd, people of all ages, rich and poor, married and single all enjoying each other’s company.

You may enter as a stranger but I promise, you will leave as family.