Archive for the ‘Outdoors Humor’ Category

Happy Birthday, Bikini (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 5th, 2016

Today’s the bikini’s 70th birthday. So happy World Bikini Day!

I’ve never dared don a bikini;
They’re too skimpily small — teeny-weenie.
Call me shy if you must,
But I simply don’t lust
After beachwear that’s dwarfed by a beanie.

Not That I’m Complaining, But… (Limerick)

Thursday, December 24th, 2015

I’m not writing a climate-change screed,
But I’d wager most folks would concede
This is crazy as heck:
Icy drinks on our deck,
Late December, New York. Coat? No need!

A Limerick To Help You Celebrate “Eat Outside Day” (August 31)

Sunday, August 30th, 2015

Brace yourself! Tomorrow, August 31, is Eat Outside Day.

Although eating outside can be fun,
My enjoyment is quickly undone
By insects that join
To dine on one’s loin.
Just one bite, and I’ll bug out and run.

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROE or THOREAU or ROW (which MUST use ROE Pronunciation) at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

Saturday, August 1st, 2015

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROE or THOREAU or ROW (which MUST use ROE pronunciation) at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

My husband went out for a row–
Not a fight but a boat ride, although
I suppose while he works
Those oars, jet ski jerks
Could cause him to go toe to … tow.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)

Friday, May 1st, 2015

Happy World Naked Gardening Day (1st Saturday of May)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Naked Gardening Day is tomorrow.
As I write this, I shudder with sorrow.
So I strongly advise:
Stay indoors, avert eyes…
Or give gard’ners some clothes they can borrow.

The Intruder (4-Verse Limerick)

Monday, July 28th, 2014

The Intruder (4-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s dark and we’re out on our deck.
My sandals are off and then… Heck!
I yell words rather worse
And I scream and I curse
And turn into a blubbering wreck.

For my toes had encountered some ooze
When I slipped my feet into my shoes.
Seems a large, squishy slug
Had crawled (like a bug)
In my sandal. I now need some booze.

I jump and run off to the sink.
About gook, I am raising a stink.
Mark examines my sandal
And freaks at the vandal;
That mollusk still lurks there, the fink!

“It’s gross and gigantic,” he yells.
“And it’s slimy. Like snails without shells.”
Then he acts like a hero
And wins. Mollusk zero!
In my sandal, it no longer dwells.

*****

Are you familiar with slugs? They’re gross-looking, squishy critters (sort of snails without shells.) Super disgusting!

Now imagine you’re sitting on your porch in the dark, watching a video when, unbeknownst to you, a slug crawls into one of your sandals.

Now picture absent-mindedly sliding your foot into that sandal.

Yes, I screamed at the top of my lungs.

And yes, Mark thought I was insane, until I made him look inside my sandal.

But Mark did ultimately redeem himself by disposing of that large, snake-like critter.

Change is Good??? (Limerick)

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

Change is Good??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My allergy’s fine while inside.
I’ve no problem when outdoors I stride.
Then I go back indoors
And my nose says, “Up yours!”
I’m attacked, and there’s no place to hide.

Limerick Ode To Flowering Weeds

Saturday, May 31st, 2014

Limerick Ode To Flowering Weeds
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our neighbor insists we should weed
And refuses to even concede
That a weed can have beauty.
That gal is too snooty.
Methinks that her soul’s gone to seed.

Happy “Bike To Work Day”

Thursday, May 15th, 2014

May 16th is National Bike to Work Day. Of course, some rides work out better than others:

A Spousal Ride (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Spousal nagging pushed hubby to strike
Some balance by riding a bike.
But when ego and ass
Took a beating, alas,
He told biking and wife, “Take a hike!”

Out On A Limb Limerick

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014

Out On A Limb Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A show-off is out on a limb,
Having climbed a tall tree with great vim.
He is grim now and sore;
Ev’ry limb hurts full-bore.
Will he awe, thrill, or score? Hopes are dim.

(DiversePoets asks for tree poetry.)

An Eclipsed Eclipse (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 15th, 2014

An Eclipsed Eclipse (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Last night, I kept searching the skies
For that promised “blood moon,” but my eyes
Were betrayed by the pall
Cast by clouds — a thick wall,
Which cut my dream view down to size.

The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

Thursday, February 27th, 2014

Here are my entries in the Washington Post Style Invitational’s good/bad/ugly contest:

Good: While walking through a wildlife preserve, you encounter a crane.
Bad: It’s moving toward you, getting too close for comfort.
Ugly: A man in a hard hat yells, “Whoops!”

Good: You get a great sounding job and are promised tons of bread.
Bad: The job turns out to be boring.
Ugly: You’re paid in actual bread.

Good: You and your spouse like to dance, so you sign up for swing.
Bad: You enter the club and hate the music.
Ugly: The dancing is horizontal.

Good: You’ve earned an MS in Zoology.
Bad: Despite your credentials, finding a job is tough.
Ugly: You’re finally working in a real zoo … a New York deli.

You can find the entertaining winners list (which doesn’t include me) here.

Another Snow Job (Limerick)

Tuesday, December 17th, 2013

Another Snow Job (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mark, thanks for shov’ling today.
If you hadn’t, that snow’d surely stay
Until I did the chore,
A job I abhor.
It’s more fun to make limerick hay.

Limerick Ode To A Stimulating Ride

Thursday, July 25th, 2013

Limerick Ode To A Stimulating Ride
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If a bike rider seems too elated–
First euphoric, than seemingly sated,
I suspect that her seat
May be vibrating heat,
And that she and her seat cover mated.

Note from Mad Kane: Yes, you can really add excitement to your bike trips with a “Happy Ride” Seat Cover. Apparently it does pretty much what you’d expect it to do.

Limerick Ode To National Running Day

Wednesday, June 5th, 2013

Happy National Running Day, celebrated yearly on the first Wednesday in June.

Limerick Ode To National Running Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My joints tend to creak when I walk.
My knees will lock up and then squawk.
I’ll keep shunning my running,
But watching is stunning!
So I hope you won’t mind if I gawk.

Beached Plans (Limerick)

Friday, May 24th, 2013

I sure hope your Memorial Day weekend weather’s better than ours, here in New York.

Beached Plans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though Memorial Day is upon us,
Winter clothing continues to don us.
So I plead and beseech:
Kindly stop talking “beach.”
New York media’s trying to con us.

Limerick Ode To Olympic Beach Volleyball

Monday, July 30th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Olympic Beach Volleyball
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Watch those barely clad women play ball
On the beach, keeping viewers in thrall,
Gals hoping to volley
Olympic wins. Golly!
I’m surprised they wear clothing at all.

Limerick Airs (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, June 24th, 2012

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A woman was putting on airs…*

or

A fellow was putting on airs…*

*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Airs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman was putting on airs
And attracting a whole lot of stares.
She puffed and she preened,
Till from warnings she gleaned
That behind her were lurking three bears.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Camp-Free Limerick

Wednesday, June 6th, 2012

Poetic Asides prompts us to write poems about camping. As you can see, I’m not exactly a roughing-it kind of gal:

Camp-Free Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m reluctant to rough it outside.
I need comforts a house can provide.
I’m too timid to camp,
But at home I’m a champ
Where mosquitoes can’t feast on my hide.

Update: August 20 is World Mosquito Day.

Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

The hot dog throwing incident almost made me feel sorry for Tiger Woods. Of course, if Tiger Woods sang Italian opera, it would have been fruit.

Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling
By Madeleine Begun kane

An inventive new golf misdemeanor
Is attack Tiger Woods with a wiener.
Yes, a hot dog was thrown
And a frank critique shown.
It could have been worse: Orangina?