Archive for the ‘Addiction Humor’ Category

Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: COP at the end of any one line

Sunday, January 8th, 2017

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using COP at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to the blues, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best blues-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 22, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 21, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

“I’m compelled to write lim’ricks. Can’t stop!
“I keep popping out rhymes till I drop.
“When I drive they continue
“To spew from each sinew…”
“What a screwball excuse!” said the cop.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

What I Do When Facebook Is Down (Limerick)

Monday, September 28th, 2015

During Facebook’s outage today, I was reduced to posting this limerick on Twitter:

#Facebookdown so I’ve come here 2 Tweet
& nobody takes a backseat
2 my posting addiction,
A dreadful affliction.
My FB surrender’s complete.

(“2” instead of “to,” “FB” instead of “Facebook,” and “&” instead of “and” all done in order to comply with Twitter’s 140-character limit.)

Just One More… (Limerick)

Thursday, May 14th, 2015

I’m attempting to check my temptation
To engage in non-stop rhyme creation.
“Buckle down,” my muse cries.
“Make them chuckle! Revise!”
Quick demise to my lim’rick vacation.

Happy Limerick Day (and Edward Lear’s Birthday) (May 12)

Tuesday, May 12th, 2015

My lim’rick obsession’s severe;
I write rhymes night and day ev’ry year.
My addiction is brutal.
Resistance is futile…
And I warrant the fault lies with Lear.

Happy birthday, Edward Lear, and Happy Limerick Day!

Kick Butts Day Limerick

Wednesday, March 18th, 2015

Today, March 18, is Kick Butts Day.

Kick Butts Day Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Today is the day to kick butts.
No ifs, ands, or buts — smoking’s nuts!
For the cig rut’s a yoke
That can kill you — no joke!
So though quitting’s a drag, show some guts.

I’m Not Hooked On This Patent (Limerick)

Thursday, November 7th, 2013

Here’s an invention we could have done nicely without: On November 7, 1876, the cigarette manufacturing machine was patented by Albert H. Hook.

I’m Not Hooked On This Patent (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A patent that now seems obscene
For the cigarette making machine
Has a birthday today.
Albert Hook paved the way,
Hooking people on cigs to make green.

Those Smashing French Language Police (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 6th, 2013

The French are at it again:

Those Smashing French Language Police (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Le Binge Drinking’s” been outlawed in France.
They’re maintaining a very strict stance–
Not against all that drinking.
No! What were you thinking?
It’s their “dump English verbiage” dance.

A new phrase that has Frenchified grace
Must henceforth be used to replace
Such Anglicized words,
Discarded like turds:
“Beuverie express” — drink at fast pace.

Stop Smoking, Already! (Limerick)

Thursday, May 30th, 2013

Here’s a limerick to celebrate World No Tobacco Day. (May 31st)

Stop Smoking, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please stop smoking already. Don’t dicker.
Tobacco will end your life quicker.
Have a heart, as I air
This advice, cuz I care:
Be kind to your lungs and your ticker.

Limerick Ode To Espresso & Cappuccino

Friday, November 23rd, 2012

I was alarmed to learn that I missed National Cappuccino Day on November 8th. Then again, every day is Cappuccino Day in my house. (If I didn’t have my own machine, I could never afford my cappuccino habit.)

But all is not lost: Today, November 23rd, is National Espresso Day.

Close enough.

Limerick Ode To Espresso & Cappuccino
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Espresso alone doesn’t please me.
You must add something more to appease me:
Steamed milk, lots of foam,
And you’re just about home.
Just make sure it’s not bitter. Don’t tease me!

Prone Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, December 4th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A guy who was frequently prone…

or

A gal who was frequently prone…

Here’s mine:

Prone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A guy who was frequently prone
To gamble with cash from a loan,
Dealt with lenders who whack
When you don’t pay them back.
Now he’s prone in cement, grave unknown.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

I Blame Edward Lear!

Thursday, May 12th, 2011

I Blame Edward Lear! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman who loves to write verse
Has bits of it stuffed in her purse.
She frets about rhyme
Nearly all of the time.
She’s addicted, for better or worse.

Happy Birthday, Edward Lear! And Happy Limerick Day, May 12th!

You can find more National Limerick Day celebration limericks here and here.

Some Fun With Facebook’s Outage

Wednesday, September 22nd, 2010

The movie about Facebook, The Social Network, has been getting a ton of publicity this week. So I wonder if Facebook’s outages today were caused by the extra publicity, or just an unfortunate coincidence.

Of course I immediately went into Facebook withdrawal and wrote this pair of haiku:

I think Facebook’s down.
Where to go to confirm this?
On Twitter, of course.

and

Facebook back — Hurray!
Have I cheered prematurely?
So Twitter tells me.

Caffeinated Limerick

Friday, September 3rd, 2010

Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

There’s a fellow who loves his caffeine…

Here’s mine. (It’s a three-verse limerick, but a standard one-verse limerick is fine, of course.)

Caffeinated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a fellow who loves his caffeine.
He’s addicted, alas, to the bean.
Not to coffee or tea—
Cappuccino, you see,
Is his weakness, at prices obscene.

As his drinks climb past five bucks a pop,
He keeps trying and failing to stop.
He decided last week
It was high time to seek
A solution — went online to shop.

As he browsed. he found makers galore
At an Internet kitchenware store.
So he bought one — now brews
His own drinks — he can’t lose,
Although now he is credit card poor.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

(If you’d like to receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting Limerick-Off first line alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!)

Lush Limerick

Friday, June 25th, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow who drank to excess…

Here’s mine:

Lush Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow who drank to excess
Got to work in a state of undress:
Wore no shirt and no shoes,
Had a briefcase of booze
And, quite tipsy, said “Dress to impress.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox!

Friday, April 2nd, 2010

I don’t know about you, but I’m not buying Jesse James’ (or Tiger Woods’) rehab ploy:

Rehab For Serial Wife-Cheating? Bullox! (Double Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A bike-loving fellow named James
Had affairs with some numerous dames.
Though wife Sandra’s a winner,
He’s trying to spin her:
Addiction’s the problem, he claims.

Now he’s paying a whole lot of loot
For therapy — Tiger Woods’ route.
But rehab won’t fix
Those wife-cheating pricks.
My advice — just give both guys the boot.

Hooked On True Blood

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

From time to time, I review a television show, movie, or play via limerick. I wrote this verse after renting True Blood’s first season via Blockbuster and learning that we have to wait a couple of months before the second one becomes available.

Not only do I love this HBO show, I even adore its theme song: Bad Things, by Jace Everett.

Hooked On True Blood (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My latest addiction’s True Blood.
Not the drink, but the cable show, bud.
I watched the first season
And well beyond reason
Need more. Not released yet? Oh, crud!

Feed Needs

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

In simpler (pre-social networking) days, I suffered from just one web addiction — checking my email. And that was bad enough.

But now it’s Facebook and Twitter and blogging, oh my!

And for some people, it’s even worse. I guess I should be relieved that I don’t especially dig Digg, and that MySpace hasn’t invaded my brain space. And that (so far, at least) I’ve withstood the lure of most of the social networking and social media websites listed here in all their gory glory.

Because, as you can tell from this limerick, I don’t need any more web obsessions:

Feed Needs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m addicted to Facebook, it’s true,
And Twitter and weblogging too.
I’m desp’rately hooked.
All my hours are booked
On my quest to be fed something new.

Catty Limerick

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with one of these two alternative first lines:

There once was a kitty named Brad…

or

There once was a fellow named Brad…

Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard five-line limerick is fine, of course.)

Catty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a kitty named Brad
Whose attraction to catnip was rad.
He would sniff it and eat it
And quickly deplete it.
Was kitty addicted? A tad.

When his owner had failed to buy more,
The kitty sneaked into a store
And ate all the herb,
But got caught at the curb
Sound asleep and beginning to snore.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.

Related Posts: First (And Last) Visit and Ode To Genetically Altered Cats

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

I’m as big a web addict as the next woman. But do we really need Internet-enabled dashboards in our cars? Don’t drivers already have enough to distract them? Sorry, but this concept just isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Insane auto technology like this cries out for a limerick:

Just What Drivers Need — More Distractions!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Are you feeling too focused while driving?
Well, help from your dashboard’s arriving:
Watch the net in your car.
Yes, wherever you are
You can surf. Wish you luck with surviving.

Ode To Cappuccino

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

Ode To Cappuccino (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When my hot cappuccino’s denied me,
I am steamed. I must have it inside me.
So beware of my ire.
My need is quite dire.
Espresso/foamed milk, or else hide me!

UPDATE: I just found out that National Espresso Day is celebrated on November 23rd.