Poor Stuart was feeling perplexed,
And NOT just little bit vexed
By his wife’s “Honey do
Buy me honeydew, Stu!”
(He’ll be needing a translator next.)
Archive for the ‘Marriage Humor’ Category
Communication Glitch (Limerick)
Tuesday, July 21st, 2026Failure to Communicate? (Limerick)
Friday, July 3rd, 2026“Please slow down and repeat what you said,”
A gal begged her impatient spouse Ned.
“And do NOT blame my ears:
After two or three beers,
Your words rush, veer, & tumble ahead.”
Cluttered Limerick
Sunday, June 21st, 2026“Please do SOMETHING with all of your clutter,
And for REAL this time. Don’t simply putter!”
What a common refrain,
Addressed mostly in vain
To a spouse who’ll evade or rebut her!
The Gift (Limerick)
Tuesday, June 16th, 2026An old woman is terribly miffed;
It’s her birthday, so cue quite the rift:
Seems her spouse, ev’ry year,
Buys her negligee, sheer
(Which he knows she won’t wear) – as a “gift.”
Anniversary Limerick For My Great Husband Mark
Thursday, June 4th, 2026A limerick for my wonderful husband Mark Kane on our 48th Wedding Anniversary! Thanks for 48 great years, hon! (49, if you count the time from the moment we met.)
I felt like a misfit for years:
A feeling that drove me to tears.
But my life was re-set
On the day that I met
Mark G. Kane. To my husband, Three Cheers!
A Fishy Limerick
Sunday, August 31st, 2025I’m amazed that my husband can eat
Canned sardines. (Hubby swears they’re a treat!)
Just a miniscule dose
Of their smell, oh so gross,
Makes me nauseous; NOT puking’s a feat!
The Hoarder (Limerick)
Friday, July 25th, 2025Keeping order’s impossibly hard
When your husband, a hoarder, stands guard
To ensure “priceless” crap’s
Not thrown out while he naps.
So my odds of success? Not one shard!
The Arrangement (Limerick)
Sunday, July 13th, 2025When caught ‘cheating,’ a fellow exclaimed
To his wife, “Hon, I should not be blamed!
Cuz I clearly recall
The arrangement we all
Made last week with the woman you maimed.”
Kitchen Duties (Limerick)
Saturday, May 24th, 2025Hubby’s cooking is NOT to be missed.
My job’s cleanup; that’s how I assist.
Hone my skills at the stove?
‘Twould be pointless, by Jove,
For my cooking-chops just don’t exist.
The Engagement (Limerick)
Friday, April 25th, 2025When my boyfriend proposed, mom was pleased:
“No returns, no exchanges,” she teased.
She was thrilled with our match,
For she thought him a catch…
And her “old maid” concerns were appeased.
Clutter Conflict (Limerick)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2025An old fellow who’d putter all day
Would refuse to throw refuse away.
When his wife tried to deal
With his clutter, he’d squeal
As he rescued his rubbish array.
Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
Tuesday, March 18th, 2025My dear husband’s gone off to a pub.
I’ve stayed home cuz I hate all the grub
That they serve on this day.
Consume corned beef? No way!
Plus I’ve joined the new “Recluses Club.”
Loose Ends (Limerick)
Wednesday, January 22nd, 2025“Have you noticed that men can’t abide
Being told that a lace is untied?
A mere warning that’s gentle
Turns many males ‘mental.’
I am fit to be tied,” cried the bride.
Thanksgiving Reflections (Limerick)
Thursday, November 28th, 2024’24 has been tough! That’s no jive.
(Trump’s election sure gets no high-five!)
On a personal note,
Hubby Mark gets my vote…
And I’m thankful we’re both still alive.
Spurning Sardines (Limerick)
Sunday, November 24th, 2024After learning that today is National Sardines Day, I felt compelled to pen this limerick:
How I loathe the vile smell of sardines.
It’s far worse than the farts caused by beans.
When my spouse grabs a can
Of those critters… oh, man,
I must flee, lest I sully my jeans.
Tunnel Vision (Limerick)
Sunday, May 19th, 2024“I’m afraid of long tunnels! Can’t do it,”
Said a claustrophobe. “Stop, or you’ll rue it!”
“Close your eyes and don’t whine,”
Said his wife. “You’ll be fine!
You can open them now. You got through it!”
The Shrieker (Limerick)
Friday, May 17th, 2024A young woman who talks a blue streak,
Has a voice that’s a maddening shriek.
But although she is yappy,
Her hubby seems happy.
(It must help that the man’s an antique.)
My Skewed Views (Limerick)
Friday, May 10th, 2024When instructed to “Look over there”
At an elephant, artwork, or chair,
I will look the wrong way,
At some other display.
Will I see what I’m meant to see? Ne’er!
I don’t mean to look elsewhere, I swear.
Yet perversely, I can’t help but stare
To the left, when the right’s
Where I might see the sights
That my hubby’s attempting to share.
*****UPDATE: CURRENT LIMERICK-OFF DEADLINE EXTENDED INDEFINITELY***** (See Details Below in my May 29th Comment.) Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: New Date TBA)
Saturday, May 4th, 2024It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SLIP or SLIPPED at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to DECEIT, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best DECEIT-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
BOTTLE, DARK, GUITAR, RELEASE, SCOLD.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa, and use any other variant of the random words. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 2, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 1, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SLIP or SLIPPED-Rhyme Limerick:
The young oboist tried not to slip
While adjusting her reed; a small snip
Was essential — that’s all!
The reed cracked! Did she bawl?
No, she still kept a stiff upper lip.
And here’s my DECEIT-Themed Limerick:
You have taken advantage of me,
Yet again, said a gal to “pal” Leigh.
I’m feeling abused,
Betrayed and misused,
And I’m betting a court will agree.
You’ve frequently borrowed my spouse
To repair things that break in your house.
It appears that “repair”
Is code for “affair.”
How dare you have sex with that louse!
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
Do not bottle up feelings, we’re told,
But that sort of advice leaves me cold.
Were my feelings released
I’d turn into a beast;
An express-it-all, ornery scold.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
The Unbearable Air (Limerick)
Saturday, March 23rd, 2024An old woman kept humming an air;
A refrain that her spouse could not bear.
“Stop that racket!” he shrieked.
She refused, so he freaked.
Will she do it again? Alas, NE’ER!
