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Archive for the 'Marriage Humor' Category

Ode To An Absent-Minded Husband

Monday, May 5th, 2008

Ode To An Absent-Minded Husband
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your umbrella can not have gone far.
Can’t believe how forgetful you are!
If we still had each cent
On umbrellas you’ve spent,
We’d have cash to put gas in our car.

Note: My otherwise wonderful husband has lost so many umbrellas over the years, our umbrella fund could actually gas up at least a dozen cars … even at today’s prices.

Thanks to Simply Snickers for the “umbrella” prompt, Weekend Wordsmith for the “torrential rain” prompt, and Sunday Scribblings for its “family” prompt.

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Ring Of Truth (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 5th, 2008

Ring of Truth
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“This engagement ring — that’s what I’d like,”
Said the gal to her boyfriend named Mike.
But looking unsteady,
Said Mike, “I’m not ready,
So can’t I just buy you a bike?”

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Romance — A Foreign Concept? (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Romance — A Foreign Concept?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Instead of your long-winded rants,”
Says the gal, “I’d prefer some romance.”
Then her husband replies
With a glint in his eyes:
“Tell me, where do you think you are — France?”

(Inspired by the “Romance” prompt over at Totally Optional Prompts. And speaking of prompts, there’s still time to give my “bad jobs” prompt a try.)

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Miss Dating? Not Me! (Limerick)

Friday, January 11th, 2008

Miss Dating? Not me!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Before I was married I dated
Hardly ever, cause dating I hated.
Then I met hubby Mark,
Which created a spark.
Elated, we dated and mated.

(For more date-related poems, visit Sunday Scribblings)

NOTE: If you like to write limericks or haiku, give my new poetry prompt a try.  My latest topic is right on the money.

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Love At First Sight (Limerick and Haiku Prompt 3)

Friday, December 21st, 2007

Today’s limerick and haiku theme is love at first sight or, if you prefer, simply love. Here’s my love at first sight limerick: 

Amoré Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane

‘Twas amoré (yes, love) at first sight
When I met my dear husband that night.
We’ve been wed thirty years—
So much laughter, some tears.
Mark, my husband, remains Mr. Right. 

And here’s my haiku on the same theme:

I laughed at the thought
Of love at first sight, but our
Love had the last laugh.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about love at first sight or some other love-related topic. When you’ve posted your poem, please return here and add a direct link to your love verse, using Mr. Linky.

(If you need some tips on limerick or haiku writing, I link to some helpful sites here.)

 

Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
 

1. paisley
2. UL
3. SweetTalking..Haiku
4. SweetTalking..Limerick
5. lissa
6. aparna
7. Spin a Song of Sixpence

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The Turn Not Taken (Haiku)

Thursday, December 6th, 2007

Eyeing a road sign
That says, “Turn Right,” he turns left.
It turns out, he’s right.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The “he” in this haiku is my husband, Mark.  He’ll freely admit to being a bit perverse.  He’ll also (legitimately) brag about his great sense of direction.

I eyed this prompt and used this road sign to write this haiku.

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Chick Flick Flack

Sunday, October 7th, 2007

Chick Flick Flack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a film’s called a chick flick, it’s meant
To appeal to most women. How bent!
I’m a gal through and through,
But those flicks make me boo,
While my husband applauds. What a gent!

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and my feminist humor here.)

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Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature

Tuesday, September 18th, 2007

Taking Our Marriage’s Temperature
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband and I can agree
On most everything—“a” straight through “z”.
But as husband and wife
We suffer much strife
Over temp settings—heat and AC.

(We argue over our TV’s remote control too, but it refuses to rhyme.)

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The Five-Second What???

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

I guess I must have led a very sheltered existence.  Why do I say that? Because I’d never heard the phrase “five-second rule” until my husband Mark used it as an excuse to eat some treat he’d just dropped on the floor.  (And yes, we’re still married.)

I naively assumed that Mark was the only person crazy enough to think germs politely wait five seconds before they attach themselves to goodies. But apparently lots of people (mostly men, I’m assuming) believe that if you drop food on the floor and pick it up really, really fast, it’s safe to eat. 

In fact, the belief’s so widespread that some scientists (who apparently didn’t have anything better to do with their time) actually studied the issue. And yes, they concluded that the rule isn’t valid. (Did you really need me — or the scientists — to tell you that?)

This leads to my latest limerick, in which I use the word date instead of husband to protect the guilty … and because husband has too many damned syllables:  

The Five-Second What???
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My date dropped dessert on the dirt.
“Please don’t eat it,” I managed to blurt,
As he started to chew
On his now blackened goo,
Saying “5-second rule — it won’t hurt.”

And now it’s time for another poll:

Should spousal use of the five-second rule be grounds for divorce?
  • Add an Answer
View Results

(You can find more of my marriage humor here and more of my food humor here.)

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Blog Carnival For Game Designers
* Business Communications Carnival
* Jim Donovan’s Hosting a Fun Poetry Competition

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May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Updated)

Sunday, July 15th, 2007

May I Please Have Your Paw In Marriage? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Is your schnauzer in love with your collie?
Jolly England can help you, by golly:
Canine weddings—dog marriage
I’d never disparage.
But prenups? Now that would be folly.

Fine Feathers, a farm in the Staffordshire Moorlands, is offering pet “weddings” for people who want their dog, cat, or farm animal to marry its mate. I found this gem of an oddball story in the weird news feeds, which are regularly updated on my offbeat news page.

(You can find more of my dog and animal related poems and humor here and my marriage humour here.)

NOTE ABOUT THE UPDATE:  I decided I didn’t like the last line of my limerick and have replaced it with a new one.  (The old one was “But please don’t let ferns marry holly.”)

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Married To Money

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

Married To Money
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’s a cheapskate, so stingy with cash,
That he threw an embarrassing bash:
When his daughter was wed
He paid eight bucks a head,
So no band, booze, or blooms — only hash.

I have lots more money humor here.  And don’t forget to enter my money-themed limerick contest with money prizes. Okay, not a lot of money, but still…

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Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed (Humor Column)

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. And we surely would have done just that, had the prior owner of our weekend home not made it a package deal. If we wanted his irresistible house, we’d have to spring for his 120 horse power boat — perfect for anyone whose idea of relaxation is charging across a rocky three mile lake at the speed of screams.

OUR FIRST TIME OUT: My husband — a man who can build a wood stove fire in a flash, who whips up gourmet feasts in fifteen languages — couldn’t figure out how to unhook the boat’s cover. Refusing my help, he struggled for an hour. Victorious at last he hurled the cover off, in the process spilling gallons of water all over the boat.

By then I was ready to bail out. But Mark handed me a pail, and we spent the next 45 minutes heaving water overboard. Once all the water was safely under the boat, it was time to begin boating. I optimistically climbed onto our 16 footer, while my husband worked the knots from ashore. A former boy scout, he did this rather well. So well, that the boat (free at last) started to drift without him. ….   (Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed continues here.)

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Chance Meeting (Wedding Anniversary Limerick)

Monday, June 4th, 2007

My wonderful husband Mark and I are celebrating our 29th wedding anniversary today.  Happy anniversary Mark!  This limerick is my gift to you.  (How’s that for getting off cheap?)

Chance Meeting (Wedding Anniversary Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Our encounter took place on a train—
A chance meeting, though far from mundane:
A lucky converging,
With love soon emerging—
Once strangers, now wedded-bliss twain.

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Bugged By Mosquitos

Thursday, May 31st, 2007

Bugged By Mosquitos (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mosquitos are driving me mad.
Seems a zillion are biting me—bad!
Sprays and lotions don’t work;
They keep chomping and lurk,
While ignoring my husband—the cad!

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No Sweat Divorce

Monday, May 21st, 2007

No Sweat Divorce (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“My husband and I are estranged,”
Said the wife, “’cause he acts so deranged.
His behavior’s aberrant
And vexingly errant.
I wish he could just be exchanged.”  

(Can you imagine if divorce were as easy as shopping? And no, this isn’t autobiographical … although I do enjoying poking fun at my wonderful husband from time to time.)

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Sleepless In Geekdom

Friday, April 20th, 2007

Sleepless In Geekdom
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband’s a super-smart geek
Who’s on overnight call once a week.
And those questions they pose
After wrecking our doze
Sound, to me, much like Latin or Greek.

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Ode To Unselfishness

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

Ode to Unselfishness
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My husband is great—good as gold.
And there’s no one more giving, all told.
He’s benevolent, caring,
Unselfish, and sharing.
Don’t believe me? He gave me this cold. 

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A Rueful Rhyme

Monday, March 19th, 2007

A Rueful Rhyme
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your inventions are brilliant, it’s true.
Yes, you’re smart; it’s your rudeness I rue.
I regret that I met you,
My failure to vet you,
And, mostly, my saying, “I do.” 

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Taxing Times

Friday, March 16th, 2007

Taxing Times
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:

Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.

By late March we’ve made impressive progress:

Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.

Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. … (Taxing Times is continued here.)

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Is It Spring Yet?

Friday, March 2nd, 2007

Is It Spring Yet?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We are having a foul-weather bout—
Lots of snow, sleet, and hail—not a drought.
Cabin fever has struck,
And my husband feels stuck,
Trapped indoors, starved for sun—must go out. 

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